A Stanford psychologist on the art of avoiding assholes

a reply to: Allaroundyou And putting a knife that you sharpened to perfection and landing that things within a targets center is a feeling I can not describe.

originally posted by: KarmasBiatch

originally posted by: AccessDenied
a reply to: KarmasBiatch

I read the link you posted. A gem of information. I'll relate 100 % to your life. A few gems of my own experience though...
These types of people can spot a target a mile away. They will bait you for their own enjoyment. Obviously. Don't fall for the dangling carrot...figuratively and otherwise.
Secondly, after being hurt, it's easy to paint the world with just one brush. That just makes a victim of you all over again. There are good people in the world.

Thank you. I know there are more good people than not, I just feel i'm a target somehow, for those who want easy victims. I've always believed and trusted people deep down, but it's taken a toll. Perhaps i'm too forgiving, too nice, too generous? And people see that. I don't know. I'm venting, I'll get over it i'm sure.

See what you did there ? You DO know. Forgiving, generous, nice, all the qualities a person who loves to take advantage of others looks for. I bet your the type to cheer for the underdog and bring home the lost puppy too. That's not by any means an insult. You see the good in people, that you think others don't. Usually because it was never there to begin with.
You are on the right path imho, just don't close yourself off too much. Loneliness is a miserable entity of its own.

originally posted by: KarmasBiatch
When a Woman is alone and made to feel as insignificant as I was made to feel, it's heartbreaking, especially when the Man you trusted, uses, screws and then deletes you like you never existed. Thanks to the last prick, I will never trust Men again.

So basically, you're choosing to be a victim even in the absence of the person who tried to make you feel that way in the first place. Not only that, but you're passively-aggressively trying to push your victimhood off on other people by claiming you'll "never trust men again".

You can hide your weakness behind kickboxing and passive-aggressiveness all you want, but you're still mentally weak, and you're the reason assholes get away with the things they get away with. People who are confident and mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong aren't made to feel small and insignificant at the whims of someone else, and you know that.

originally posted by: Allaroundyou
a reply to: KarmasBiatch Try to let go of the feeling of punching dudes in the nads. Super uncool lol. On a real note give throwing knives a shot. Doing that gives a certain sensation that is similar to punching a bag. And is just freaking awesome!

Dont worry I'd never punch a real guy in his nads, I'm not an asshole lol. But a punching bag yes. I just wish I understood Men better, why do they prey on good Women? Can anyone tell me? If there was just one or two good guys here who could tell me that pm or here because I've lived for 40 some years and still I haven't gotten any closer to the truth. Should I just give up and die alone or continue on this impossible trek to find one good man just one on the entire earth that cares and loves me? Seems like a # pipe dream to be honest..

a reply to: AccessDenied

I know what you're saying, being introvert helps. But knowing you have 40 or more years on this rock doesnt help when you know you'll be alone until you die because people are assholes and the effort you've put out isn't returning, therefore not worth the run.

originally posted by: KarmasBiatch
a reply to: EternalShadow

I think at some point, we're all mad at ourselves for something. You Me Them. But everyone has a limit.

You didn't answer my question, you simply agreed with me.

To be a bit more clear, what hasn't been addressed here is YOUR part in this. There seems to be some denial, blaming, and deflection going on. However, instead of accusing men of being a certain way across the board, perhaps the pattern your experiencing might have to do with with a pattern you are creating for yourself.

Once you can identify that pattern you are able to make better choices.

Your probably attracted to assholes and jerks and when it all goes south, you blame the assholes and jerks when in all actuality, it's you.

Perhaps some past trauma or situation caused you to be susceptible to thinking you deserve to be mistreated.

Hard to say, but an inward look might alleviate your gnashing at the teeth over us guys.

We're not all assholes and YES...We can be trusted.

Seems your mad that you can't trust yourself.

a reply to: trollz

No i'm not but what I am trying to do is express my sadness in the hope that someone can lead me in the direction I need to go, and they have.

I don't think Bruce Lee hid his weakness by learning Karate do you? Was he just venting or was he doing what you just accused me of? Being a Victim? That's lame, and uncalled for. And I think you're Wrong on so many levels. Sorry, it's how I feel. When I am accused, I defend myself. You don't know me, I don't know you. Please don't personally label me.

originally posted by: EternalShadow

originally posted by: KarmasBiatch
a reply to: EternalShadow

I think at some point, we're all mad at ourselves for something. You Me Them. But everyone has a limit.

You didn't answer my question, you simply agreed with me.

To be a bit more clear, what hasn't been addressed here is YOUR part in this. There seems to be some denial, blaming, and deflection going on. However, instead of accusing men of being a certain way across the board, perhaps the pattern your experiencing might have to do with with a pattern you are creating for yourself.

Once you can identify that pattern you are able to make better choices.

Your probably attracted to assholes and jerks and when it all goes south, you blame the assholes and jerks when in all actuality, it's you.

Perhaps some past trauma or situation caused you to be susceptible to thinking you deserve to be mistreated.

Hard to say, but an inward look might alleviate your gnashing at the teeth over us guys.

We're not all assholes and YES...We can be trusted.

Seems your mad that you can't trust yourself.

Your probably attracted to assholes and jerks and when it all goes south, you blame the assholes and jerks when in all actuality, it's you.

Unfortunately many Women are attracted to assholes and jerks, because that's what Society is pushing out on us. Not a lot of choices left these days you know.

It's easy to blame the Victim as you have, perhaps you're one of the Jerks or one of the Assholes I should be avoiding rather than taking Q's from, that's my initial feeling right now. I've dealt with Men like you, and they've implied the exact same thing you just did. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want advice. And Yours isn't helping.

Had to ask, last couple weeks have been odd. I swear I still feel her from time to time. Last time I felt this way, looked her up and she wasn't living the way she wanted. That was a few years ago, and the first time I connected to her I was 17 and It was the only spiritual/ religious dream ive ever had.

This is almost like AA
Hi, my name is Gabriel, and I was an emotionally abusive and parasitic male.

Edit: lurked for over a half decade, 1st thread ive been in

originally posted by: KarmasBiatch
a reply to: trollz

No i'm not but what I am trying to do is express my sadness in the hope that someone can lead me in the direction I need to go, and they have.

I don't think Bruce Lee hid his weakness by learning Karate do you? Was he just venting or was he doing what you just accused me of? Being a Victim? That's lame, and uncalled for. And I think you're Wrong on so many levels. Sorry, it's how I feel. When I am accused, I defend myself. You don't know me, I don't know you. Please don't personally label me.

How does kickboxing prevent you from being emotionally and mentally victimized by predatory people? It's great for physical fitness and putting yourself in a better position to defend yourself if physically attacked, but it doesn't fix the underlying psychology behind why you allowed yourself to be victimized in the first place. There is a reason that things such as eating disorders are far more common among women who have been sexually abused. Eating disorders are often about control, providing a feeling of control over one's body when they feel as if they have no control over it otherwise. These disorders however do not fix the underlying issue. You enjoy kickboxing, which is fine - but why did you get involved in it and why do you continue? It provides a feeling of control and confidence to you in response to previous abuse. Why do you feel a need to seek that control and confidence as opposed to just having it naturally? Why and how was it taken from you?

a reply to: RiverRatTx

I'm glad you're better now, Gabriel. You're living proof Men can be Undickified.

a reply to: trollz

I know what youre doing, but do you? You are telling me what I should be doing to make me feel better. If I knew you in rl i'd say you were a 'know it all' that got off on telling people what to do to make them feel better. You have to be right, all the time. But you can't see it, because you're too inside of yourself to notice it. I know people exactly like you. It's not an insult so please don't take it that way.

What makes me feel good shouldn't need your approval. Ever.

a reply to: KarmasBiatch


Ummm...a couple things...
Now I don't dispute your claims or observations because those are yours...
I only have one small yet significant observation and that deals with where you stated that you..."were made to feel insignificant"...

It's my observation that only you have the power to make you feel...your emotions are your own...you chose insignificance...

That was the you that lived in the past...it sounds like you made the decision to be stronger than that former self...I applaud you for that...

The only other thing is your screen name...Your no-ones biatch...your a valuable individual and your right not to trust anyone on face value...

Beyond that...I hope you can continue to grow and prosper...

Thank you for providing me the opportunity to comment...







Yousir

a reply to: KarmasBiatch

Yes mam I totally agree, I have also had the same experience, and man has it taken its toll on my ability to function and be normal around society. I want to tell you I am so sorry for your experiences and hope you are able to put them in your past and not affect your future. It was very hard for me, I was forced to have intimate relations several times with the asshole who invalidated me as a human, knowing they were in control they forced me to be their toy. I hate myself daily for it because I am honest with my new partner and I have to tell them I have been with someone else. I'm very ashamed I was so weak. But I am inspired by your spirit to stand up and carry on in your mission in life, so thank you so much. Anyways I'll stop rambling hope you are well. Also I am a male talking about a female abuser, and I am still all about the V hahaha I don't hate woman at all. Peace.

originally posted by: KarmasBiatch
a reply to: trollz

I know what youre doing, but do you? You are telling me what I should be doing to make me feel better. If I knew you in rl i'd say you were a 'know it all' that got off on telling people what to do to make them feel better. You have to be right, all the time. But you can't see it, because you're too inside of yourself to notice it. I know people exactly like you. It's not an insult so please don't take it that way.

What makes me feel good shouldn't need your approval. Ever.

Yes, I do know what I'm doing. I'm directly responding to the content of your thread. You're absolutely right in that you don't need my approval. I literally DON'T WANT anybody in the world to feel like they need my or anyone else's approval. But if you create a thread on an internet forum where anyone is free and, per the site rules, welcome to participate in it, I have every right to speak my mind. You've allowed your life experiences to fill you with anger and resentment towards men, and you would be healthier and happier if you did not live with such anger and resentment. Tell me, is this incorrect?

originally posted by: KarmasBiatch
I know people exactly like you. It's not an insult so please don't take it that way.

I literally never feel insulted by anything. Here's something for you - when I was younger I used to self-mutilate in order to deal with the anger I had from living with my abusive father, and I will have the evidence of it for my entire life. Go ahead, feel free to tell me I was weak for doing that. You'd be right, and I have no problem admitting that. I had strong emotions and at the time did not know how to deal with them in a healthy manner. There is your evidence that what I say is true. Are you able to reveal your deepest secrets to strangers, or do you fear the idea of them knowing you've had weakness? Ask me whatever you'd like, I have no problem being honest, because I'm very psychologically healthy and confident in myself. All humans have weaknesses at some point. How we learn and grow from those weaknesses defines us. You however are still living under the spell of anger and resentment, which you've made clear.

a reply to: KarmasBiatch

Now it's society's fault.

Boy, you're bitter.

Good luck.

a reply to: KarmasBiatch

Also mam I have been training in mixed martial arts for almost 15 years and I'm a pretty big masculine dude. Martial arts saved my life in so many ways both psychically when I was almost killed several times and had to rely on my training not to win but to just not die, and also emotionally and spiritually, but somehow this woman saw my weakness to be guilted and my depression and post traumatic stuff and was able to break me down until I invalidated myself. That is also another thing I take full ownership of what happened, it was all my weaknesses. I truly hate what happened and know only I can make sure it never repeats.

a reply to: KarmasBiatch

Hi Karma,
I'm genuinely sorry that your experiences have been so bitter, and I am more than a little concerned about how lightly some people here are treating it.
Can I ask you an honest question without appearing to be insensitive or an asshole?
I'm honestly not trying to be, it's just that a thought crossed my mind whilst reading your thread.
Do you think/is there a possibility, that you are attracted to/predisposed to a certain type of guy/charmer/asshole?
I'm not attempting to disparage, it just seems you've been hit with the same hammer at least 3 times.
So without a doubt, it's them (manipulative, dominant passive aggressive types).
But is there a possibility it's also you as well?
Please don't shoot me.

And what happens if an un-awoken asshole attempts to live by the precepts a psychologist devised on the art of avoiding assholes?
Not everyone out there 'knows' they're assholes. Not everyone out there 'knows' they are victims.

a reply to: KarmasBiatch

In all seriousness, your post showed me one thing. That you, yourself, are the asshole here.

Whining, mass categorizing...... sad. Just plain sad. Just as sad as being acclaimed for "getting your power back".

Nobody *took* your power. You gave it up. There was a moment, early on, when you realized the person you were in a relationship was not treating you well. What did you do? You stayed in it, and allowed it to get worse. You allowed it to continue so that you'd have a relationship. Sad. Just plain sad.

Nobody can *take* your power. You voluntarily hand it over.

And then come to a freaking conspiracy site to whinge, cry, and seek out applause.


Sad. Just plain sad. You'll end up in yet *another* relationship like this, because you alone *choose* who to be with. And speaking honestly?


I think you like it. Just as much as you like the glad handing you are receiving here.

Anyways, I am done here. I am done with you. Look in the mirror, and ask yourself the hard questions you've so desperately avoided. Ask yourself why you allowed this things to happen to you time and time again.

Ask of yourself, how it is that you don't even love yourself enough to prevent yourself from experiencing things you shouldn't have to experience.

Choices. You made ALL of your own choices.

Sad.