A Stanford psychologist on the art of avoiding assholes

a reply to: FHomerK

ALL MEN SUCK!!!!

Don't be so HARD on yourself.

a reply to: KarmasBiatch
I read the word "asshole" in the OP more times in one sitting than I think I ever have before. lol

To be honest though I think learning how to avoid assholes is only half the battle. I believe you also need to learn how to recognize, associate and surround yourself with good, honest people. People who generally care about you and would stick up for you in a pinch. I think this is a far more difficult thing to do than spot or find assholes.

I imagine that as a woman the a'holes come find you, some probably can't go through the day without being harassed by at least one. The good people that are worthy of your time and attention, especially men in your case, are not as easy to find. You have to actively go out and find them, loyalty and respect from good people are not easily given but it is well worth the time spent.

When a Woman is alone and made to feel as insignificant as I was made to feel, it's heartbreaking, especially when the Man you trusted, uses, screws and then deletes you like you never existed. Thanks to the last prick, I will never trust Men again.

It pains me to read this. I have known many women that have experienced similar things in their life, perhaps I have know more that have had these terrible experiences then those that have not. I feel that if you leave it at that and "never trust men again" then you have lost, the asshole bested you.

“You have to know yourself, be honest about yourself, and rely on people around you to tell you when you’re being an asshole,” he told me. “And when they are kind enough to tell you, listen.”

This is something I continually strive for, "know thyself". We all make mistakes and constructive criticism can be painful and is not always welcome. The key here is to surround yourself with good people that care about you and will tell you when you are making a mistake.

I feel that you are doing exactly what I would do, or have done in the past. Pull back and focus on yourself. Do what it takes to become stronger physically, emotionally and psychologically. It sounds like you are doing great physically but what about emotionally and psychologically?

As a man who respects and loves his human counterpart, and humanity/creation as a whole, I'm happy to hear you are giving yourself the power and courage you need to conquer the life that some male scum have inflicted upon your mind, body, soul.

Power to you, and keep it up, only You can limit You. Other people outside of yourself are not as important as yourself.

Good for you

a reply to: Allaroundyou

Wet stones, sounds lovely. I'd rather smash my fists into a punching bag or as you mentioned, knife throwing. Either way, the release of hitting a fake man in the nads would release a whole lot of pent up energy and make me smile while doing it. Thank you for the generous advice.

a reply to: Elementalist

Thank you, It's Men like you that I truly respect.

a reply to: Devino

"This is something I continually strive for, "know thyself". We all make mistakes and constructive criticism can be painful and is not always welcome. The key here is to surround yourself with good people that care about you and will tell you when you are making a mistake. "

The key is to listen to those people when they tell you! I've seen it so many time, friends and family tell you over and over but people just don't either want to believe it or listen!
My best friend just got a divorce after being with an asshole for 25 years, yes 25 years!!!! Did he just change into one, of course not, he was an asshole all along, but she pushed it aside for so so many years. Hindsight is 20/20

a reply to: KarmasBiatch

I read the link you posted. A gem of information. I'll relate 100 % to your life. A few gems of my own experience though...
These types of people can spot a target a mile away. They will bait you for their own enjoyment. Obviously. Don't fall for the dangling carrot...figuratively and otherwise.
Secondly, after being hurt, it's easy to paint the world with just one brush. That just makes a victim of you all over again. There are good people in the world.

originally posted by: Devino
a reply to: KarmasBiatch
I read the word "asshole" in the OP more times in one sitting than I think I ever have before. lol

To be honest though I think learning how to avoid assholes is only half the battle. I believe you also need to learn how to recognize, associate and surround yourself with good, honest people. People who generally care about you and would stick up for you in a pinch. I think this is a far more difficult thing to do than spot or find assholes.

I imagine that as a woman the a'holes come find you, some probably can't go through the day without being harassed by at least one. The good people that are worthy of your time and attention, especially men in your case, are not as easy to find. You have to actively go out and find them, loyalty and respect from good people are not easily given but it is well worth the time spent.

When a Woman is alone and made to feel as insignificant as I was made to feel, it's heartbreaking, especially when the Man you trusted, uses, screws and then deletes you like you never existed. Thanks to the last prick, I will never trust Men again.

It pains me to read this. I have known many women that have experienced similar things in their life, perhaps I have know more that have had these terrible experiences then those that have not. I feel that if you leave it at that and "never trust men again" then you have lost, the asshole bested you.

“You have to know yourself, be honest about yourself, and rely on people around you to tell you when you’re being an asshole,” he told me. “And when they are kind enough to tell you, listen.”

This is something I continually strive for, "know thyself". We all make mistakes and constructive criticism can be painful and is not always welcome. The key here is to surround yourself with good people that care about you and will tell you when you are making a mistake.

I feel that you are doing exactly what I would do, or have done in the past. Pull back and focus on yourself. Do what it takes to become stronger physically, emotionally and psychologically. It sounds like you are doing great physically but what about emotionally and psychologically?

I feel your energy and I feel you're a good and an honest human being. I don't say that often. I'm trying believe me. It's harder said than done. Women are more emotional, and it's draining. I grew up literally feeling like Men had no emotional attachment, and I still to some extent feel that is true. Whether or not it is, I grew up believing it, and seeing it around me. I've always felt more insignificant to Men, maybe it's the world I grew up In. Physically I'm strong but emotionally.. It's been tough. Dying alone is how I view my end, which i'm fine with.

a reply to: KarmasBiatch

I'm curious to know what part of the situation are you responsible for. He treated you like snip. We all at some point get treated like snip. However, what did we do, or not do, to allow that to take place in our lives?

What could you, personally, have done to prevent this? Are you really mad at men or is it with yourself?

originally posted by: AccessDenied
a reply to: KarmasBiatch

I read the link you posted. A gem of information. I'll relate 100 % to your life. A few gems of my own experience though...
These types of people can spot a target a mile away. They will bait you for their own enjoyment. Obviously. Don't fall for the dangling carrot...figuratively and otherwise.
Secondly, after being hurt, it's easy to paint the world with just one brush. That just makes a victim of you all over again. There are good people in the world.

Thank you. I know there are more good people than not, I just feel i'm a target somehow, for those who want easy victims. I've always believed and trusted people deep down, but it's taken a toll. Perhaps i'm too forgiving, too nice, too generous? And people see that. I don't know. I'm venting, I'll get over it i'm sure.

a reply to: EternalShadow

I think at some point, we're all mad at ourselves for something. You Me Them. But everyone has a limit.

originally posted by: KarmasBiatch
a reply to: Elementalist

Thank you, It's Men like you that I truly respect.

It's women like yourself who will rebuild and become a better, stronger person.

My advice a human to another, you went through what you did, you endured horror.. you are now rebuilding and bettering yourself.

Lose the aggression and hate within your heart from the scars. That, is the hardest battle within yourself, you will have to face if you allow it to consume to much of your heart.

Do not be changed mentally and spiritually by hate or aggression. What happened, happened. You are a better and stronger person for it.

Cheers, wish you all the best.

I've found it's pretty easy to deal with assholes. Avoid the ones you can. Call out the ones you can't. They'll avoid you once their assholeness is in the open. Might even be good for them. Give them a chance to reevaluate themselves. Lastly, and this is a biggie, don't let them into your head. That's your space.

If it weren't for the dicks the ass holes would # all over us.

a reply to: Elementalist

Thank you. Sometimes I wish to hell Men could feel what Women go through, so they could understand the pain they endure from this kind of thing, and understand them better. That will never happen obviously. Men and Women are different for a reason, but the feelings and pain are not the same.

Thank you again or your kind reply.Believe me, I needed to hear that from a good Man.

Jordan, is that you?

12 years ago I was on the other end of your situation. Never physically abusive, (if I infered right) though fear of loss drove me crazy and I reverted to the hatred I had been raised around. Took me years to finally overcome impulsive beliefs driven by anger. She helped me to realize things were wrong with my lifestyle. I still havnt forgiven myself and now know I had no reason to be angry. .. I had told her it was ok to do the things that tore us apart.
I've contacted her twice in ten years, once still blinded, once when I felt she was in need a few years ago(not my first esp experience with her.) I deleted her from my life because It to hurt to talk to one of the most amazing women in the world, whether I was angry or remorseful. . Shortly after her, I deleted myself from social media. I realized It made grandiose what should be criticized and only reinforced my worse tendencies.(about to rejoin now that I started my new business but hopefully without the egomania)

Im sorry for what youve been through Karma, the only hope for some of us is if you can wake our dum arses up.

Lastly, and this is a biggie, don't let them into your head. That's your space.

a reply to: intrepid

I love what you said,

Lastly, and this is a biggie, don't let them into your head. That's your space.

Thank you Intrepid.

a reply to: RiverRatTx

I'm a Woman, and my name isn't Jordan but I think I understand what you're saying here. There's probably millions who feel like me, which is saddening because the world is falling apart and we're the product of that.

Thank you for your kind words River

originally posted by: Lysergic
If it weren't for the dicks the ass holes would # all over us.

And Respectively, if it weren't for the ass holes, the dicks would # us.

a reply to: KarmasBiatch Try to let go of the feeling of punching dudes in the nads. Super uncool lol. On a real note give throwing knives a shot. Doing that gives a certain sensation that is similar to punching a bag. And is just freaking awesome!