Starting Completely Over (new friends, new family, new life)

There's an old saying.

"No matter where you run, there you are."

Sometimes a change is good, however we always still have to deal with ourselves, and most of the time we create our own issues.

The world can suck sometimes, so keep your chin up.

"You don't need to carry all that weight."

originally posted by: DD2029
Thanks for the comments guys...

It just sucks when you feel under appreciated...

you get judged for "doing nothing" when you've been "doing everything"

When you're underappreciated and undervalued, why stick around?

it's like the only way to show them your worth is to disappear.

sucks, but that's the only solution I see for the types of people I deal with constantly.

I’m sorry you are having to experience this OP😕. What is most important is that YOU know your worth, despite any mistakes you may have made in the past. Humans are a strange breed and quick to judge but not so quick to forgive. What’s especially frustrating is that we all have something we are not proud of in our past.

I don’t have any great advice on how to get that respect back... but I would advise you not to be dependent on it for your own happiness. Start over , if that’s what you feel will help.

All the best to you in finding peace of mind and a more joyful life.

originally posted by: DD2029
I'm 38 years old,

38? You have many more to come... Hard to consider it is the first time.

But I am older, and this time, the life changing needs rendered me helpless. beyond helpless. to such a point now, that I know that these things will forever be. loss of love, loss of a loved one, change of city, change of country, we become once again who we are but forever different. We are who we are. No matter where we run to, there we will always be.

what seems like a dream, a life time ago, is just the short, and I mean short, distance between then and now.

one sleepless night after the other. there is no change, really. just an ever flow of what is, to what may be. and this is where I usually conclude with that finality... that we all will die, never really knowing, because there is nothing to finally know. just, a quiet shore, tonight. washing on the sands that were once mountains... and will forever be.

originally posted by: Sheye

I don’t have any great advice on how to get that respect back... but I would advise you not to be dependent on it for your own happiness. Start over , if that’s what you feel will help.

All the best to you in finding peace of mind and a more joyful life.

Yea, just have to 'go at it' alone sometimes... start over.

I'm not getting the peace of mind that I need, and it sucks that I now have to take 2 steps back in order to take 3 steps forward. You get in these life situations were you depend on others, and then they take advantage of that dependency.

even worse... they make you feel bad for any help they may have given you along the way, and neglect all the things you once did for them.

just hate it when money is involved... you can only do as much as your bank statement will allow.

and then there is the issue with CREDIT: (ill save this topic for a later date)

originally posted by: badw0lf

38? You have many more to come... Hard to consider it is the first time.

But I am older, and this time, the life changing needs rendered me helpless. beyond helpless. to such a point now, that I know that these things will forever be. loss of love, loss of a loved one, change of city, change of country, we become once again who we are but forever different. We are who we are. No matter where we run to, there we will always be.

what seems like a dream, a life time ago, is just the short, and I mean short, distance between then and now.

one sleepless night after the other. there is no change, really. just an ever flow of what is, to what may be. and this is where I usually conclude with that finality... that we all will die, never really knowing, because there is nothing to finally know. just, a quiet shore, tonight. washing on the sands that were once mountains... and will forever be.

There is change... but it must come from within.

sometimes you just have to man up... face your troubles head on...

I just hate being this overwhelmed with everything the way I am now...

I don't even know where to start... how to start... or even what to pursue...

I just know a change is needed... and I'm going to start with the people I've
been surrounding myself with, they bring me down to a point where I'd rather
just not associate with them.

I'll start a new "inner circe" and fix myself along the way.

a reply to: DD2029

Money/inheritance can bring out the worst in people I don’t understand it myself..... why any amount of money is worth sacrificing relationships.

a reply to: DD2029
I have done what you are doing. I took my family and left everybody else behind. Blocked their phone numbers, etc., and just started over far away. Went to school for a new career, all of it. So my advice to you is to choose where you move very carefully. Where you choose to live will have a huge impact on the new people that you meet. There are entire cities that should be avoided, and some that are great to live in. All I can say is that I am much happier now, and I hope that you will be too. Finding a new place to call home is difficult at best. Best of luck to you.

Hugs to you OP. I'm sorry you are going through this. I understand because I'm in a similar place.

Years of mistakes and misunderstandings. What has sucked for me is the amount of effort I put in despite the crappy things done to me. I never received the same treatment and felt truly worthy. So for the time being I have cut and limited other ties.

It begins with discovering your self worth. I don't know what your beliefs are but for me, I believe in God and Jesus Christ. He made you, and all things He makes are good. You already inherently have worth. I have worth. We all have worth and value. Don't matter who you are or what you've done.

Next you get honest with yourself, which you already have. Reflect on your ways, and start making changes for yourself. Make amends when possible. Forgive them.

It's okay to move on. I did that and chose to surround myself with new people and new experiences. I even reconnected with relationships that were more faithful to me as friends. They may have never agreed with me but they were respectful and didn't abandon me. Treasure these people.

In time the distance has helped me gain a healthier perspective. Of myself and the situation.

Wishing you the best and I'm here if you need to chat

a reply to: intrptr

So true. My father died when I was 19 but we were never close-he worked all the time but somehow made time for a sister 8 years younger than myself. She was his favorite and we all knew it.
My brother, eldest, was a druggie so my younger by two years brother and I were just "there."

I was a mama's girl; though she did not see it that way. I was shy, studious, a helper and very sensitive. Perfect grades, perfect sister especially after my father died when I was 19 in a car accident. I became the parent and stayed home to finish college and my previous high school asked me to substitute teach during that time.

My mother immediately dated and remarried within a year to a total stranger to us. My grieving younger sister rebelled and she became my responsibility. He was a horrible man-awful to us. I left and moved 1000 miles away within two years.

I married had two children and divorced and returned to be closer to my mother, who was in a depressed, miserable state due to her husband. I had teenagers and a career; she was unreachable. My kids were hurting from my divorce so I devoted myself to their needs. She never saw them even though we were less than a mile away. I had no idea of the implosion of my family after being gone for 20 years. My blacksheep older bro had married divorced 5 times, been in jail-my other brother and sister were suffering their own disastrous marriages. I was in hell. The supposed support for the move was a sham.

I have more times than I can count to reached out to family and tried be there for them; it was met with hostility and jealousy. I cannot figure out where everything fell apart except it began when my father died and lots of bad feelings centered around my mother and sibling's bad lives.
Financially all was fine but relationships were too tangled for me. Everything had issues and I just did not fit in-my children and I were miserable-it has badly affected our own relationships to this day and I still don't get it. I know my mothers' and siblings marriages were bad-really bad-and I do suspect my mother is extremely narcissistic and pits us against each other.

I made the decision two years ago after a heart attack and no family visits, calls, cards, nothing to say goodbye. I actually called them all to say I loved and wished them the best, no negativity, and walked away. It has brought me much peace.

Life isn't perfect but I am moving a state away. My little family with adult children have our own issues but nothing compared to my previous family.

I'm a pollyanna and hope for new friends to become my new family, new experiences and more than anything, peace.

So, you see, I do believe in some new beginnings-live and learn and move on. Peace.

a reply to: Justso

What a strong good heart you have, you stayed true to your inner compass, even thru all that...

a reply to: intrptr

Life isn't for the weak of heart. We find strength in the most unusual circumstances. It's called survival and I refuse to let life break me down. You, too, hang in there-there is more joy in our futures.

a reply to: DD2029

Welcome to my world,you can run but you can't hide,you'll soon find that no matter what these people will pop up,just slowly drop each one,if you really feel that way

What happened?

And you'd be surprised how, with time, if a person really does change and do their best to make amends to those they hurt, people can eventually forgive, and maybe even give you another chance.

Talking about family, which it sounds like from your post that you are estranged from them. I think it's not a bad idea at all to get away from everyone, if you really are going to give change and transformation of yourself a go. Once you've grown, your family will be able to see it, if you demonstrate it consistently.

I say all this from personal experience. Good luck DD!

a reply to: DD2029

Good luck from the rolling stone that does not gather moss.

You can fix your past but it requires ultimate submission to your mistakes and total personal honesty.

Don't project.

You can fix your past but it requires ultimate submission to your mistakes and total personal honesty.

Don't project.

originally posted by: Justso
a reply to: intrptr

Life isn't for the weak of heart. We find strength in the most unusual circumstances. It's called survival and I refuse to let life break me down. You, too, hang in there-there is more joy in our futures.

I mean, that's the thing right there... is there more joy in our future? How much time do we really have before things in our country start making the changes for us? How much time does our physical body allow us to enjoy the things we can no longer enjoy in our old age? In other words: I'm not getting any younger, and the world isn't getting any better.

A lot of the people I associate with have it in their head that they are going to live forever... meaning, they'll make it to their old age... but many of us don't make it there. Life gets a lot shorter when you start approaching the 2nd half of it. Once your body starts losing it's youth, that feeling really starts to sink in. So in my mind, time is of the essence... it's more valuable than money. A MId-Life Crisis came early for me... and yet I'm only 38.

I think it may be just the energy from regular city life is way off... but maybe a better question I should be asking is if regular city life is getting better or worse?

I need a nice long break with Mother Nature, but not too long... maybe a nearby house with a lake would be ideal, get refocused, and then maybe find a new city to live in, or simply return to the one I'm living in now. I think that's the game plan I've drawn up for the next 5 years... but yea, the last 5 years have not been easy on me.

I guess what I'm saying is it's better to travel while you have the energy to do so. You're not going to want to travel as much in your old age (not me at least)... You settle down when you're 50 or 60... not 38. Got too many places to visit. Too many people to meet.

appreciate the comments ATS.

originally posted by: and14263
You can fix your past but it requires ultimate submission to your mistakes and total personal honesty.

Don't project.

not necessarily... you can't go back and undo certain mistakes or foolish acts...

those types of impressions you leave on people just take a little 'time' to heal from.

you can be as honest about it all you want... but honesty doesn't always fix everything.

The sad thing is sometimes it just comes down to money.

but good point.

a reply to: DD2029

yeah fair point. I guess I meant you can recompense in your own mind. But that's probably a short cut.