Starting Completely Over (new friends, new family, new life)

I'm 38 years old,

and I don't don't want to bore my audience with my life story... but I'm just at a point now where I have to completely start over. I have to start over in my career, and I have to start over with my relationships. I haven't necessarily burned any bridges, I've just reached my boiling point with everything.

I know there is plenty blame that falls directly on my shoulders, but I just expected a little bit more compassion from the people who know me and know the problems I deal with, and especially more compassion from my own family. Unfortunately we've now reached a point in society where everything is viewed through the eyes of three factors:

1. Money
2. Employment
3. Your Past

if you have a stable income, a stable job, and a squeaky clean past... Who can f*ck with you?

The first two problems can be fixed, the third one can't... Unless you surround yourself with new faces.

I'm not going to live in constant judgement by the people who know me best, but is there any way for me to impress to these people again? After all, they've known me for most of my life... so really the only way to do so, is to basically disappear for awhile. Go start a new life without them. But more importantly, they just can't see the methods you use to improve yourself, only the improvement... they can't monitor your growth so to speak, or else the judgements will never cease.


Today's Inspiring Video:



"It's when everyone THINKS they know who you are: Then you're trapped."

Those are some wise words, very true. Don't get trapped. Keep the element of surprise alive.

You'll never get a Second Chance at a First impression,
but you can still have a pretty kick ass Second Impression.

But you have to disappear for awhile.

a reply to: DD2029

This pretty much sounds like an issue you have caused by your own actions.

That leaves you only two options.

Change your ways and stick with the people that know you and slowly show them you have changed.
This will be a slow process so be patient.

Or leave and start fresh but know that if you revert to old habits your new friends will turn their back on you quickly.

a reply to: DD2029


Enjoy making new relationships, it's fun and exciting, and you don't have to be your past. Everything is fresh, even if you sound a little bitter about it. The thing about alcoholism/addiction etc. is people generally can't just let things go, it takes so much time, and some never can; so it leaves you stuck, but that's just the reality of it and not so much the way of the world today. Personal issues have been rifting relationships/monarchies/empires since time immemorial.

Best of luck!

Who needs people? All you need is yourself, needing anything is an illusion in itself. Not basic needs but everything else is 'the big lie'. People leave you and make you suffer. The only one you can believe in is yourself, and if you can't then it's the highway till you drop.

Read about how other people have had to completely dump their toxic parents ,and their associates in the process . If you do decide to do this , take steps to ensure you won't be reported as a missing person first .
Search_ toxic parents

a reply to: AngelicIRage

How sad for you.
It truly is.

a reply to: DD2029

Family-wise I've been in a similar position. A family member did something to another (dying) family member which I found morally disgusting and I cut them out, several other family members wanted me to bury the hatchet - I had a very different view of where they wanted me to bury it.
I just couldn't move past it with those people hassling me to do what they wanted and I certainly couldn't keep contact with the family member that did the crappy thing.

Honestly, it was a dreadful period, but I had some good friends and my work life was good too, so that was a huge boon. Eventually I've had contact from family members involved and some apologies, it did get (a bit) better.

My advice is, that if you cannot move past "whatever", it is best if you cut the contact - it won't be productive. If it's something you've done/caused, take time out, try and improve yourself, get yourself to good place in your life. If it is something you're not at fault for do the same, but realise there's little you can do to improve their position, that's their job.

Good luck.

Thanks for the comments guys...

It just sucks when you feel under appreciated...

you get judged for "doing nothing" when you've been "doing everything"

When you're underappreciated and undervalued, why stick around?

it's like the only way to show them your worth is to disappear.

sucks, but that's the only solution I see for the types of people I deal with constantly.

a reply to: Bluntone22

Don't weep for me weep for yourselves. The blind leading the blind, accomplish nothing.

originally posted by: Bluntone22
a reply to: DD2029

Change your ways and stick with the people that know you and slowly show them you have changed.
This will be a slow process so be patient.

Or leave and start fresh but know that if you revert to old habits your new friends will turn their back on you quickly.

my patience has run out,

time for a fresh start.

people fear change, because it's uncomfortable.

but I'm about to make things very uncomfortable for myself.

Tired of being the nice guy, tired of the sacrifices, time to be an a-hole like everyone else.

it's ME Time.

originally posted by: AngelicIRage
a reply to: Bluntone22

Don't weep for me weep for yourselves. The blind leading the blind, accomplish nothing.

Misery loves company...

a reply to: DD2029

I haven't necessarily burned any bridges, I've just reached my boiling point with everything.

You mean 'everyone'.

I get that, If this isn't about your intolerance, then its probably more to do with their endless judgment of you . Holding the past against you could be an ongoing excuse for them to be them selfish selves.

I don't know more about your situation, but if its like my family,

I was the black sheep; ostracized, marginalized and disenfranchised long ago. I gave up trying to be accepted , and I got away from them. I had to, they were eating me up the way a family sits around a table, picking at a Thanksgiving turkey carcass.

If you are young then go ahead and have an adventure, jump off the edge...

a reply to: Bluntone22

Are you a miserable guy? Some people just like being alone versus being with a s'load of people non stop. whatever yanks your chain tho.

a reply to: DD2029

the only way to show them your worth is to disappear.

Most people have felt this way at one time or another. But it’s dangerous to think.

I have a sister in law who feels wronged by the world, and decided to remove herself from all family gatherings. I don’t think she got the reaction she wanted (everyone coddling her, trying to appease her). I think that made it even harder for her, because she really thought she could manipulate the situation to provide the outcome she desired.

If you have changed, are changing, want to change- those that love you will see it. They may doubt it at first- put your headphones on, stay somewhat distant (not out of spite), but keep trying to be a better you! They will see! And if they don’t, well, just allow the gulf between you and them to grow until you’re oceans apart.

a reply to: intrptr

they were eating me up the way a family sits around a table, picking at a Thanksgiving turkey carcass.

The 1600's weren't much different.

originally posted by: AngelicIRage
a reply to: intrptr

they were eating me up the way a family sits around a table, picking at a Thanksgiving turkey carcass.

The 1600's weren't much different.

As long as theres been family theres been black sheep and a golden child.

One can do no wrong the other can never belong. "Usually", its the first born 'failed experiment' that becomes the black sheep. Parents discard that and try again.

a reply to: intrptr

Not always, i'd say it's fifty fifty. In my world the oldest has been the golden child.

originally posted by: AngelicIRage
a reply to: intrptr

Not always, i'd say it's fifty fifty. In my world the oldest has been the golden child.

Either or, the division resulting in disfunction comes from parents not treating all children equally.

idk, a lot of my situation is an inheritance issue...

(greedy / controlling family members)

you would think when a man loses his parents,
the other family members wouldn't be so concerned with money,
but rather emotions.

I've never seen people get so infatuated with money.
It's more embarrassing than anything.

if these are the types of problems that come with money...
I'd almost rather be poor (almost).

So now... on top of dealing with the death of my parents...
I have to deal with surviving relatives holding my finances hostage.

They can keep it... I don't want any of it anymore.

it's so annoying to ask for my own money,
and to have them act like they are doing me a favor
when they give it to me.

I was constantly advised to get a lawyer in this situation
but I'm not the type to do something like that.
I shouldn't need a lawyer to deal with greedy relatives...
just f*cking keep the money. I'll get my own.

Double post