Getting over a breakup, any tips?

Good afternoon ATS.
Previous posts have detailed the things I am going through.
I now find myself sat in a Pub just drinking the days away.
It's ok to meet Friends but you can still feel lonely in public.
I've lost the two most important People I've ever been blessed to be with.
That might sound overdramatic but its true.
How do people cope with the overwhelming sense of loss and the hole that not being with them leaves in your life?
Every day is a struggle at the moment.
Ta in advance.

a reply to: Cymru

avoid alcohol for a while, it will help. Sorry for your loss.

a reply to: BlueJacket

I would but it helps.
Granted its temporary but thats all I can see at present.

Explore your interests, get back into an old hobby, do some solo travel!
I found the best way to be alone was to just embrace being alone.
Best of luck!

a reply to: Cymru

Breakups suck but one of the fastest ways to get through it is to meet & be around other people. So go hang out with friends, go to a club, go to a park, hang out with some colleagues from work, call up old high school friends, etc. (ETA: One reason this works is because when you're alone, you'll keep having time to think about the old flame. but being around others will force yourself to pay attention to their issues/strengths/weaknesses, which leaves less time to pine away over the old flame.) But be careful of hooking up with someone else too quickly or you'll subconsciously transfer some lingering emotions to that new person.

One other tinfoil tactic I used to do is basically brainwash myself to not care about the old flame. I'd keep telling myself crazy stuff like "they tried to burn down your house!", "they want to annihilate your religion!", "remember that time they cheated on you with their own uncle?", etc. None of it was true, but I'd find that after a few days of that, I no longer had the deep feelings for them. I knew that the stuff wasn't true but I think the shock of the ridiculous claims wore me out emotionally and made me apathetic to them romantically.

Of course, I never told them that that's how I got through the breakup so quickly lol. But that tactic, immersing myself in work, and meeting new women always made the breakups much easier for me. I'm still cool with some of my exes to this day.

a reply to: Cymru

I totally immersed myself in learning a new skill. I learned how to play keyboards and sax in 3 months. Then went on a blues festival tour backing up a friend.

When I broke up with a girl, I would go out and get totally drunk, choosing a booze to drink that night. I would get a real bad hangover the next day and not be able to drink that booze again, the smell of it would make me puke. That cured my problem, maybe I associated the booze with that person.

Well, all I can still drink is Seagrams and seven up. I had a lot of girlfriends I guess. I had to get married to someone I could spend my life with since I only had one booze left. I will get drunk on 7&7s a short time after my wife dies if she goes before me. I have one brand left.

I also do have hot totties for medicine, I can only drink VSOP in those, along with ginger brandy which I never got drunk on because it would make me sick in two drinks from the taste. The other types of brandies were dedicated to past relationships that are dead gone now. .

a reply to: olaru12

Funny that. I always wanted to learn to read music and play the keyboard.
Was sorting out a Client's recording studio PC last week and the first song He tried through Cubase was "You're my Best Friend."
That cut deep.

a reply to: rickymouse

I'm drinking single malt as She is Scottish.

a reply to: Cymru

Time. Try not to numb yourself during this. I mean that in two ways. Try not to emotionally disconnect yourself. Even challenge yourself when interacting with others. Also don't do any kind of drugs. These are the times people are most vulnerable to addiction. Push yourself to be positive. It's really easy letting the emotions take a tole and show in minor ways. Try to fight it and think positive. I don't mean that generically either. If you actively push yourself to think positively even though it's conscious; it'll help a lot (for most people).

This is all about you. You just need to overcome and tune your subconscious.

a reply to: Antipathy17

Thanks for that.
I lived through the 90s Rave Culture only drinking Newcastle Brown Ale.
Drugs have never been on my Radar.
Real Ale however...

a reply to: Cymru

Start by quitting drinking,you'll find you think clearer,won't forget what you said,thats why they call liquor and drugs depressants,meet a better bunch of people in public then a bar,walk into a small bar,you'll see people who live there,that would depress me

a reply to: Cymru

Different things work for different people, but time is the only real thing that works to fill that gaping hole that consumes the essence of your being, that crushing weight from which you find it hard to escape and which attacks you as soon as you open your eyes in the morning.

First thing to do is learn to hate and despise that person.

Some people prefer to occupy themselves by doing things with other people, meeting new people, some find a rebound and jump to the next one, some immerse themselves in a new activity or hobby.

Me, I wallow in it. I finger the wound over and over in classic blues style until it's numb, and then start all over again. I drink, sleep a lot, listen to music, and write TONS of music. I don't want to be around people, or do anything, I simply withdraw.

While that might be inadvisable to some, and might be counterproductive, it's what works for me.

Choose your poison wisely.

Stay busy, and dont let your mind take you to those dark places we humans like to go to when we are in pain. Find someone you can tlak about how you feel, loneliness can be very destructive.

a reply to: Cymru

Go out and do things.

You ever want to take a ride in a race car?

You ever want to go to Ibiza?

You ever want to climb a mountain?

Now is the time. Don't just sit in a bar. Go out and live life.

Eventually, while living that life, someone else will want to go live that life with you.

a reply to: Cymru

Get some strange.

originally posted by: Cymru
Good afternoon ATS.
Previous posts have detailed the things I am going through.
I now find myself sat in a Pub just drinking the days away.
It's ok to meet Friends but you can still feel lonely in public.
I've lost the two most important People I've ever been blessed to be with.
That might sound overdramatic but its true.
How do people cope with the overwhelming sense of loss and the hole that not being with them leaves in your life?
Every day is a struggle at the moment.
Ta in advance.

Keep going. It will get better. Try not to be bitter. Acknowledge the good AND the bad. Don’t expect miracles. Time will ease things.

originally posted by: Cymru
Good afternoon ATS.
Previous posts have detailed the things I am going through.
I now find myself sat in a Pub just drinking the days away.
It's ok to meet Friends but you can still feel lonely in public.
I've lost the two most important People I've ever been blessed to be with.
That might sound overdramatic but its true.
How do people cope with the overwhelming sense of loss and the hole that not being with them leaves in your life?
Every day is a struggle at the moment.
Ta in advance.

Grow a pair. F dat Beeyotch.... For real though, it hurts, but you just gotta look at it like you are gaining your freedom, not losing someone. Don't jump back into a relationship too quick either. Just go out, have some fun and meet new people. That is all you can do. There are plenty of fish in the sea....

a reply to: Edumakated

Beatch? Thanks for that.

a reply to: Cymru

I'm going through something similar myself.
i have been tempted by alcohol to numb the pain out recently, but I also remember why I quit drinking 4 years ago. And the person I once was.
I will never allow myself to go back to that state.

you may feel drinking helps because the other person may be thinking, oh wow he/she is spending a lot of time partying and having fun. But in actuality, all your doing is hurting yourself.
Booze and the mind state you are currently in do not mix, nor should they ever be mixed.
Take a break from the drink.
If you need to be out of the house, go spend that time with your family over a tea or coffee.
Break ups can be very hard to deal with. But there are services that allow you to talk to someone.
And I think that may be what you need. To actually speak with a sober person and to let out how you are feeling. It will help.

Hell, if you want to talk to someone, call me.
just realize that turning to the drink will only make matters worse.