What would you do if your signifigant other spit in your face?

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric
Was the friend male or female? Is their a history of cheating or open marriage? I ask because I am tring to put the stimulus in perspective.

a reply to: Nickn3

The friend was female

Ive no idea about the construct of their marriage.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

stop looking for an explanation or possible justification.

Your sister's husband is grooming her for abuse. He is humiliating her in front of her friends so that her friends will stop coming around and she will be isolated.

If she accepts being spit on, he will proceed to the next step. a full on punch in the face. Then a beating.

She needs to leave. Right now. Don't worry about property or anything else. Grab the kids and run for your life.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

That's a crappy thing to do for sure, why you are asking random internet strangers for advice when you only have less than half the story is interesting to say the least.

Talk to her find out the real reason why and talk to him too and find out his reasoning, I'm not sure how he can justify spitting in her face but before you act you need to have the facts, otherwise you may irreparably damage your sisters marriage and screw the kids up too.

originally posted by: hopenotfeariswhatweneed
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

That's a crappy thing to do for sure, why you are asking random internet strangers for advice when you only have less than half the story is interesting to say the least.

Talk to her find out the real reason why and talk to him too and find out his reasoning, I'm not sure how he can justify spitting in her face but before you act you need to have the facts, otherwise you may irreparably damage your sisters marriage and screw the kids up too.

Slow down your roll...

I never asked for advice in my post. Your reading and comprehension skills are lacking.

It’s apparently a common trend in this thread.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Okeydokey, what were you asking for then by writing this thread?

originally posted by: hopenotfeariswhatweneed
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Okeydokey, what were you asking for then by writing this thread?

Well, if you go back and read the title of the post, that would be a start.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Yeah it looks like a question asking for advice.

a reply to: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

Mmmkay...

You have yourself a good night.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Sure thanks, you too.

My female cousins all have stories of how "bad" I was as a kid. I rode the bike in the house, I brought the hose inside, released bugs, "borrowed" nuts off their retired bikes.... pure evil.

None of them have a story of me ever raising a hand, or being mean, hurtful or anything like, hey he pushed her off a bike....nothing, not even a FU.

That being said, I couldn't imagine doing that, spitting, to a spouse or a woman. So, in my mind that behavior is psychotic, outside the range of what a normal healthy persons would do.

Once a guy did it to me, he got knocked out.

So, I wonder if your sister's husband would do it to a guy, or just reserved for women. It's frankly quite disturbing.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

If you can do it....go get your sister.....you will be saving her life.....remember the stakes....and prepare accordingly to fight fire with more fire....the hatred shown to your abused sister must be surpassed by your own drive to save her life.

The man who spit in her face is a time-bomb....had he been able to get away with it he would have hurt her even more....tis this simple....reasons aside she needs out ASAP......I will not reccomend methods to you....you know the sakes....do you love your sister more than he loves torturing degrading and abusing her?.....are drugs involved especially prescribed ones?If so prepare accordingly.

I have made family recoveries before similar to this and I used a very very heavy hand....heavier than the one posing a threat...I had no boundaries....only love for my family.....fortunately for me this has worked several times in my life and I have not had to do time....its god to have someone with you who can help you put the brakes on when you need to do so...seriously....someone who CAN stop you if they need to....use the buddy system.....I once had 9 cars of family men show up at one house for a friendly visit...everyone brought gifts and food and stayed for late ight coffees.....all 15 men.......we didnt have to repeat the visit and 5 months later the problem decided to go fester somewhere else......we were all "to crazy".....lol....crazy in love with our Family...yes.....lol....hopefully you have a big family or go to church or a gym where other good men who will support you go.

hey MagesticEsoteric you sound like a caring brother. Gotta agree with the majority, he is already abusive and will no doubt escalate to worse behavior if he hasn't already done so. I know it's a long drive, but maybe you could show up unannounced and take her and the kids back with you? It would be dangerous though. Any chance she will be alone and you can safely escort her out of there?
Good luck man, she needs you right now, even if she doesn't know it yet.

originally posted by: TiredofControlFreaks
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

stop looking for an explanation or possible justification.

Your sister's husband is grooming her for abuse. He is humiliating her in front of her friends so that her friends will stop coming around and she will be isolated.

If she accepts being spit on, he will proceed to the next step. a full on punch in the face. Then a beating.

She needs to leave. Right now. Don't worry about property or anything else. Grab the kids and run for your life.

. This is spot on !!!! 100% correct .

What would I do? Best not to state online, but you can be sure there wouldn't be much more exposure to that kind of behavior. It's significant emotional abuse.

Abuse only gets worse over time. Today, spitting; tomorrow, a fist....or perhaps "just" hours-long tirades grinding her into the dirt so that she is left with zero self-confidence and joy in life. The point of all it is power and control.

As for children, it is setting a life-breaking example to them. To female children, it teaches that abuse should be tolerated. For male children, perhaps the same but also that it is okay to abuse females. Children should be one of the reasons for getting out, not one of the reasons for staying. She needs to get out ASAP. If she doesn't know how to make a safe plan and implement it, a women's shelter can help her.

As for it not always being easy, is it *ever* easy? By the time someone feels they can spit in your face with impunity, it is *never* easy. Too much damage has been done, and the abuser empowered. If there's ever a time to dig deep, this is it.

A friend of mine had this happen to her, in an eerily similar manner. He ratcheted it up a few days later by throwing items at their kids, intending to hurt them (or worse, I presume) She fled across the country with whatever she could cram in her car & the kids, plus money along the way from friends who could spare it for food, lodging & gas.

Go get your sister. If the husband needs some kind of excuse to keep him from going apes# on a dime, tell him you won't be able to make Christmas & have to settle for doing Christmas-y stuff now, you have a sudden commitment you can't back out of (work travel/other family/etc, make it reasonably plausible for the short term) Just get her & those kids out of there before something worse than spitting happens. That kind of behavior is nearly always a flashing neon warning sign to heed ASAP -- it only gets worse fast from there.

originally posted by: TinfoilTP

originally posted by: MagesticEsoteric

originally posted by: TinfoilTP

originally posted by: MagesticEsoteric
a reply to: TinfoilTP

You obviously have some issues.

Let's list yours,
No sense of humor

You have poor reading skills bc your joke didn’t even make sense.

If u would have read it correctly and tweaked the joke a bit perhaps it might have been funny but doubtful considering it involves my SISTER.

Wtf dude?

Gross much?

If your significant other is your sister, it is you with the problem, dude.

How TF do you misread an OP this badly? WTH, man?

Spitting on someone is actually a form of assault ...and depending where you are, can be arrested for an assault charge......your sister needs to leave NOW !! He didn't just suddenly spit on her, this has been escalating to this point and will continue to get worse. She will be beaten up next, broken ribs, hidden bruises, and lucky if she makes it out alive. ....And Are the kids being abused ? ...most likely .....but ,if not, then they are seeing it, hearing it, and are being screwed up by being there..... The whole situation is BAD , and for your sisters sake she needs to run away ,with the kids, file charges, file a restraining order, get a divorce , and still watch her back . These are the scenarios that the wife is killed in domestic abuse. .....it sounds to me like the husband could be on a steroid rage, or a drug addiction,....or just an abusive dick. Either way He needs to be stopped. ......so my advice to you as her brother, is :
-talk with someone in her town who knows about domestic abuse, and help programs.
- call her local court house and as for the family court clerk.
-Usually family court division has a free consult division .
-Domestic abuse can be tricky as your sister could be brainwashed into staying.
- If she leaves it's important it is her decision to leave ,and no one else's, or she could resent it and possibly go back .
- Please stay in contact with her as much as you can,she needs strength to leave.
-have her come for a visit....and never go back!!

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

I hate seeing people that put up with assholes like that. And yes i totally agree with you driving hundreds of miles and kicking that man's ass. There's no excuse for that kind of behaviour, ever. The guy has it coming to him, many times over.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric


Time to help her move and tell her don't look back. Oh and pay someone a visit when they least expect it. I'm of the mind that once she leaves he will do it to the next person so some pain in his life might do him some good.
I also believe that your sister telling you this is her way of asking for help without asking for help.

My first instinct would be to drive down and beat the # out of that man, wouldent fix anything really but nobody does this to family or friends.

I trully hope this all ends up with a real appologie and a change of attitude from your sisters husband/Boyfriend.

Good luck to you and your sister.