How to kill a great night

originally posted by: AttitudeProblem
a reply to: AMNicks

"okay the bills $200 there is 4 couples and 2 kids, lets just split it 4 ways"

apparently they must be affiliated with the government...

No, no, no
Then the split would be..
60, 35, 5, 0

I would have just told them, straight up, "I thought YOU were paying for dinner...heck, that's the only reason I showed up!!"

Seriously though, what a jack-wagon, asking others to come for a celebratory dinner then expecting them to chip in as if it was some kind of a charity fundraiser or something. I would have had no compunction whatsoever doing exactly what you did, and telling them straight up why too! And, if grandpa copped an attitude about it I'da..I'da..I'da ripped off his Burger King crown, dumped fry sauce down his undershorts and gave the wrinkly old wind-bag an atomic wedgie right before suspending him by his shorts off the jungle gym!

Jammy Buggas!

a reply to: kaylaluv

My wife and I are the same way. If we invite, we pay.

I have certain family members that I don't invite anymore. They tend to order the most expensive stuff and more than they can eat once they know we are footing the bill.

When we are invited, we both tend to order on the cheaper side to help keep the bill lower.

One specific time, I took some of my family to a local seafood restaurant. I informed everyone before we ordered that the meal was on me.

My 10 year old niece proceeded to order a cheeseburger and onion rings, 50 pc "peel and eat" shrimp and a large cheese pizza! She didn't finish a single thing and didn't want to take any of it home.

I didn't hear her order but her parents did. They never said a word.

Total crapfest.

I had a similar experience with my family this year, but the split was 1/3 of a vacation.

My brothe's wife sets up their vacation in a huge expensive condo and invites my parents and me, my wife, and two kids.
First its supposed to be a 3 BR cabin on a lake, then by the time they really book it... she never booked the "cabin deal"
because i checked the resort and they did not have a 3BR cabin. But the actual booking was down town in a resort area.
Again, not my vacation, not my idea, not wanting a downtown resort area. But my parents insist yall come on itll be a fun family thing. please go.

Well my wife took a new job so she had no time off during the week, and we had ball games for the kids and such. So i was upfront saying you know its too much and we have to work and wont make it til the weekend we can just get a room for two nights nearby.

So They all go up during the week and my parents insist on taking the kids, they miss their softball games...
In the meantime we are assure the kids are having a great time...
So after a work week we get off at 5 on Friday and drive 3.5 hrs to this resort.
The ask us to bring some things food wise like cokes, eggs, bacon, cheese, milk, cereal, etc. We do.

Get there, assigned our room which is essentially where 3 kids had been sleeping.

Find out that Sister in law took their kids to the theme park and ours stayed with Nanny and Grandpa at the condo...
Then the schedule for the next day is already set we need zoo passes and tickets for a dinner cruise.

So I buy all those things for essentially our one day there saturday, as we have to leave by noon Sunday to be back for another event at home.

So Sunday before we leave Im hit up for 1/3 of what the sister in law had spent for booking and their package... ( which included their tickets to things... not ours)

Yeah, I want to subsidize your vaction... not mine, not my idea of a vaction, not my kids trip to the theme park, not my plans for dinner, not all the other stuff they did before during the week, nor the waterpark after we left. Oh and they wanted extra $20 for food. After we had brought all the suggested items they wanted along with us...

Needless to say, I told them politely no... I gave them enough for the 1 day and two nights we stayed and then a bit more.

Theres no more group outings with the family in the forseeable future...

a reply to: AMNicks

I'm sorry you went through that, and imo, it all boils down to the grandparents being somewhat selfish themselves. They know how much they ordered, and since it was for a birthday, they took advantage of the fact that they may be able to make their bill cheaper. Now I don't know them, so this is just assumptive, but they seem like the type that'll take advantage of any scenario if they possibly can. I say that based on people I've known who are very similar.

One girl I knew comes to mind. I knew her when I was a teenager, and have seen her a few times throughout the years afterwards. She has a habit of taking advantage of people's kindness. If you invite her to stay for a few days, she stays for a few weeks(or more, if allowed). Once, she came to visit my friend and I when we were 24. She didn't have much money, which we told her was fine. We'd make sure she would get fed, we're nice guys. Well, whenever we went out to eat, we told her we'd cover her portion of the bill. What does she do?? Oh, she decides to order all the expensive stuff off the menu. Expensive food, expensive drinks, and acts like there's nothing wrong with that.

Now, one could argue that it was our fault for not telling her to stick within a budget, which is fair. I would also argue back that she was just being rude. I've been in situations where my money was limited, so my friends offered to buy me meals so I could enjoy an outting with them. I would order something cheap, but filling, and would normally stick with water. My friends are nice enough to hook me up, I'm not going to take advantage of them.

Your SO's grandparents seem very similar to this girl we know. They knew they were ordering a lot, and yet still felt it was ok to split the bill. To me, that just seems rude. I'm glad your partner said something, and if those people are going to be upset because you don't have a lot of money, so be it. My wife's parents get mad at us all of the time because we can't just take week-long vacations anytime we want and travel to visit them. In fact, they're currently mad at us because her grandma is dying with cancer, but she lives three states away and we can't afford plane tickets to visit her currently. Rather than be understanding of our situation, they're mad at us.

Some people just don't seem to get it, or don't seem to care. Maybe it's a little of both??

a reply to: abago71

Imagine the type of person youve gotta be to conduct such behavior! Even with my own parents when we go out and my dad says hes paying so get what you want.. I still make a point of ordering something completely reasonable even if im craving a Sirloin

a reply to: abago71

Yep, we have been invited to dinners where someone else was paying, and we were very conservative with our orders. The politeness goes both ways.

originally posted by: AMNicks
a reply to: TrueBrit
Although ive had similar issues at house parties where the host has said "if everyone gives £20 il buy in loads of drink"

Erm nah il just bring my own for the evening thanks

I've never had this happen unless that was the plan from the start. Back when I was a cash strapped 21 year old, we would occasionally take up a collection to get a keg for a party.

I've also been to parties where someone doesn't like the selection of drinks and makes an announcement that he's headed to the liquor store and if anyone wants anything to let him know. Most of the time the people that want something give some cash for it. The person making the run usually ends up with his bottle being paid for by the others.

a reply to: AMNicks

I live in Essex, and I think you are dead right about the expense. That being said, the atmosphere is not always lacking. It depends where you go, what kind of bar it is, and what kinds of clientele it attracts. But nights in, in my opinion, are always preferable to nights out. I have to say though, I have NEVER been asked to a house party where the host declares their intention to have a whip round for booze. Normally, they just say BYOB, and if we run out, we will all sally forth to the local off license to peruse the selection there!

I always prefer to bring my own booze anyway. It means that I never end up drinking some crappy lager beer, but rather an ale, or if I am flush, a small bottle of rum.

a reply to: Necrobile

Id love to think it was willful ignorance but there seems to be a common underlining purpose to it! "Get more for less!"

Yes my partners a absolute gem! She knew i would have paid, im far to old school and proud to say anything.. I would have just made the decision to avoid future outings.

originally posted by: AMNicks
a reply to: Necrobile

Id love to think it was willful ignorance but there seems to be a common underlining purpose to it! "Get more for less!"

Yes my partners a absolute gem! She knew i would have paid, im far to old school and proud to say anything.. I would have just made the decision to avoid future outings.

Seems you think very similar to how I do. I would've just paid, but made sure not to go again, or at least make sure they split the bill so we have our own, separate bill. That's what we did with the girl I spoke of, we just made sure not to go out anymore, and after she left, we pretty much never invited her to stay again.

originally posted by: fritzM

I've never had this happen unless that was the plan from the start. Back when I was a cash strapped 21 year old, we would occasionally take up a collection to get a keg for a party.

I've also been to parties where someone doesn't like the selection of drinks and makes an announcement that he's headed to the liquor store and if anyone wants anything to let him know. Most of the time the people that want something give some cash for it. The person making the run usually ends up with his bottle being paid for by the others.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
I have NEVER been asked to a house party where the host declares their intention to have a whip round for booze. Normally, they just say BYOB, and if we run out, we will all sally forth to the local off license to peruse the selection there!

I always prefer to bring my own booze anyway. It means that I never end up drinking some crappy lager beer, but rather an ale, or if I am flush, a small bottle of rum.

Just me then

Honestly it seems common practice up north! many times I've had messages before a party saying everyones chipping in for drink and food that night.. I used to just agree and end up drinking one can of puddle water even after contributing way more!

a reply to: AMNicks

In your situation, i would have lied, and said that i left my wallet at home, and would drink some more beer.

This is exactly why I only eat at Golden Corral.

a reply to: kaylaluv

Yes we also do that,when we invite people along to a restaurant,we pay.And we tell them beforehand it's our treat,no worries.On my birthday this year it was myself,hubby,our youngest daughter and her boyfriend,our son,my longtime friend Haley,her daughter Evin who is my son's best friend,and Evin's boyfriend at the time.It was expensive but we budgeted beforehand.

As you get older, it becomes easier to tell people to get stuffed
In fact it becomes fun, start to look forward to being a social pariah when people think they deserve more
Kinda humbling when you can humble others

a reply to: AMNicks

Pay for the whole meal and tell them to f___ themselves.

You know what time it is with people like that. They don't care they manipulate you to buy them dinner, they don't care you're surprised, upset, , they scoff at you letting it happen. If they get away with it they laugh later what a pushover you are.

Invite them out to dinner next time, act like 'bygones are bygones', offer to pay pay for the whole thing (trust me they'll bite) . After eating, excuse yourself to go to the restroom-- and walk out.

originally posted by: AMNicks
And of course no grudges held, people expect different things to one another.. but for me, thats an crazy situation I would never suggest, promote or be apart of

I agree. When we go out as a group I always order what I want to eat and drink, price is not an issue, but I also pay for what I order by kicking in more based on my purchases. Including the tip which people often forget to factor when splitting the bill.

Only been in this place once- at a sushi bar, where my husband and I ate the cheapest things, consumed no alcohol (drank water actually). Everyone else drank copious amounts of wine, beer... whatever. They told the waitress to just put it on one bill. I snatched it up and figured it out, handed back to the server (being a former waitress, I thought it would be a douche move to tell her to go divide it, after being told not too.) Our bill was $20, out of a nearly $300 bill. NO WAY IN HELL was I going for that. Only 4 couples, so it would have been way more than what we ordered.. It was my husband's friends. They all probably thought I was a bitch, but I don't play that game. Plus, they were all probably too wasted to recall that I was the one that didn't go for it.

Kudos to your gf for noticing your uncomfortableness, and taking charge. My husband didn't do that so I got to be the bad guy.