How to kill a great night

There are many ways to ruin a good evening out; bad food, awful service, lack of atmosphere are all valid reasons, but there is one. One component that can not only destroy an evening but possibly create lifelong grudges that may never resolve.. that thing is..

THE DREADED BILL SPLIT.

for context I am a 21 year old student, I work but am by no means financially sound. Me and my partner were invited to her cousins birthday meal (hes 6). "Great" i thought another event where I will folk out money I cant afford to spend on food I could cook for half the price at home!


Being conservative, both me and my partner shared a starter and bought two mains off the "2 4 $10" menu. The mathematician in my head had already concluded this night was only going to cost me $16 inc drink.. The finish line was in sight.

Then my partners grandparent landed a blow we all dread to hear.

"okay the bills $200 there is 4 couples and 2 kids, lets just split it 4 ways"

Erm... sorry there grandad, but im not paying $50 to subsidize your 6 beers, double starters and steak&lobster main!

I cant wrap my head around the audacity that someone can knowingly order some of the most expensive items from the menu, several drinks and expect to pay less by making others pay more! I now look at him through a different light!

Everyone seemed to agree with his proposal, which left me in a very awkward position.. my partners is a diamond seeing my concern she took the lead jokingly stating that we will just pay for ours, immediately it was met with a social disgust from the others present.

How dare we pay for what we ate!

The night turned very uncomfortable. We paid our share and left feeling very disheartened about the way the evening ended..

Do you guys have any similar experience or maybe your the person who pushes for the equal split! Let me know what goes through your head because i am completely baffled!

a reply to: AMNicks

sadly, I think the lesson is that if you're single or don't go out to social events as much, you'll save a lot of money. To me, it doesn't seem worth it to make things more awkward or ruffle the feathers of one of my partner's family members.. something I likely would never get to live down.

Sorry you had to deal with that crappy experience, I do feel for ya

a reply to: AMNicks

I would've just said Sorry we really cannot afford that.Then the ball's in their court whether They are going to make you feel bad for not having the same financial comfort as them?

a reply to: AMNicks

You need to be honest and up front when that occurs, 'Listen, money's very tight for us right now, I can only afford to pay for what we had and we purposefully ordered inexpensive items due to our finances. I'm sure you'll understand.'

a reply to: AMNicks

I think what the grandparents did was totally unfair and selfish.

You did the right thing by paying your share only.

a reply to: AMNicks
It's my opinion that the grandad should have paid the bill.
Inviting a financially struggling person out to dinner and NOT expecting to pick up the tab is bad form, also my opinion.
In the future perhaps avoid any awkwardness by explaining, to your server, that there will be separate checks right off the bat.
It's unfortunate but, hopefully no life long grudges will be held.
Life can be a long long time.

a reply to: FamCore

I mean dont get me wrong, i like my partners family.. to an extent

But I find it crazy how someone can look at a bill, see that they've contributed a significant majority of the price and still say hmm lets all pay equal percentage.

Imagine that in any other scenario, OH wait... IT DOES

a reply to: AMNicks

Don't invite Grandad out to dinner again.
A few months of eating cat food by himself ought to get him to wise up.

I'm so sorry you had to go through a situation like that. I've met families like that.... You guys are welcome to come to our next family event lol, mom and dad pay for EVERYONE. We eat free when they say it's party time, hell order a steak and some shots if you'd like- cos they know we sure as hell can't afford it lol!

If it were me, I'd probably just avoid another dining experience with them, they'll get the hint or they won't but it won't be your wallets problem.

Nice that you have such a sweet partner though that she tried to help you resolve the issue while avoiding confrontation.

Anyhow some people are just like that. Is what it is, but it sure can sour a night you're right about that!

-Alee

Wow. My husband and I once invited family out to dinner to celebrate our daughter's birthday. Since we handed out the invite, we paid the bill for the whole table. That is the polite thing to do, in my opinion.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

haha I know in hindsight there is alot of things i would have rather said!

And of course no grudges held, people expect different things to one another.. but for me, thats an crazy situation I would never suggest, promote or be apart of

originally posted by: kaylaluv
Wow. My husband and I once invited family out to dinner to celebrate our daughter's birthday. Since we handed out the invite, we paid the bill for the whole table. That is the polite thing to do, in my opinion.

Completely agree, if your financially stable and organise/ invite people to a private dinner i would want to pay for there meal, its a treat and they're family and you instigated it.

I used to go to dinner one Saturday night a month with my wife's brother and his two kids.
He was always broke, not because of low income just bad financial responsibility.
Anyway, I would buy them dinner.
I learned to avoid steakhouses early on and stuck to Mexican joints. Much cheaper.
I would get a couple beers with my dinner, usually bud light....
He would order some fricken $6 imports!
Didn't take long for me to put a stop to that crap.

The point is that I'm not going to subsidize someone else's meals. Especially when im carrying the bill. The waitress can split the bill according to what you ordered.

a reply to: angeldoll

This is the first thing I thought of also.

a reply to: NerdGoddess

My family are exactly the same, we've had 10x more meals out with my parents and family and never once has my dad expected anyone hes invited to pay for there meal.

Thats how ive been brought up, rather you pay for your own or if someones nice enough to pay for you (for what ever reason) you thank them vastly!

Really took me off guard how this is a common occurrence in the world!

a reply to: AMNicks

This is why I TRY, where possible, to only engage in social functions which have a limited cost. I do not buy rounds at the bar, and I do not accept offers of drinks from others, unless I can afford to pay them back immediately at the time. I allot funds to an evening, spend them, and that is my lot.

My friends go to the pub every Friday night. They also hold a gathering at a friends place every Saturday. I do not turn up on Fridays. I turn up on Saturdays. On Saturdays, I can spend a third of the cost of the night at the pub, and have a pleasant evening with my chums, where I can hear them speak, sing as loudly to as many tunes as I wish, and engage with their company absent overmuch financial concern. The pub is a different matter entirely these days. Things have only become worse for me financially in the last little while, not better, which is roughly in line with the performance of my entire country, and so is not to be surprised at.

My friends though, understand that I am less than flush, they take no offence, offer support, mostly because they have all been through one or another hardship of a similar sort in their lives, and know me well enough to respect that I will only drink what I can afford, only consume what I can pay for, and nothing more, under most circumstances anyway.

I never go out for big meals, with people I am not close friends with, for this precise reason. My closest associates know my life well enough to understand, that inviting me to events I cannot afford to be a part of causes me sorrow, and furthermore, know that if I am to be involved, there is a cap on what I can spend, that I will be frugal not because I am tight, or because I have no respect for the endeavour in question, but because I must be to avoid greater sorrow in that regard than I already experience.

I manage my affairs rather well, for a pauper, and they respect that. The crucial thing then, is to manage carefully who you spend your time around, and how you spend it.

a reply to: AMNicks

"okay the bills $200 there is 4 couples and 2 kids, lets just split it 4 ways"

apparently they must be affiliated with the government...

a reply to: TrueBrit

I dont know where you reside, but in the UK pubs are just too overpriced and lack atmosphere! Being at university there is a overall understanding that nights in are better than nights out!

Although ive had similar issues at house parties where the host has said "if everyone gives £20 il buy in loads of drink"

Erm nah il just bring my own for the evening thanks

a reply to: AMNicks

Your partner handled it smoothly. I would have ended up just agreeing and being broke for the next month. It would have just made me never go out with them ever again.

The wife and I used to play a big part in running a dance recital. After the final show, the people that did all the planning and running of the show would go out to dinner. There would be at least 30 people there. There was 1 couple that would make sure they were the first ones at the restaurant to "make sure we get a table" Since they were the first ones there and the rest of us were cleaning up and doing all the post production stuff, that couple would have 45 minutes of appetizers and drinks before anyone else showed up. Of course they had to leave early and would leave cash to pay their share. Of course it was never even half of what they owed. It only took 2 times before this was seen as a pattern and someone eventually pointed out that what they were leaving didn't account for anywhere near the amount they owed for their bill. They chuckled and said their math must have been off. They paid their fair share that time and left a tip. That was the last time they ever attended one of these post production dinners.