Warning: Dark

a reply to: Kali74 You are handling this burden with remarkable grace and courage. Dance on with your dark light goddess. You are in my thoughts.

a reply to: Kali74

Im going try to remember, when conversing, debating, etc online, that we don't know what kinds of things the person other end might be dealing with.

a reply to: Kali74


I lost my Father In Law to an exotic form of Luekemia...They gave him 3 months...he fought like a bull for two years.


Visits to the isolation ward at the Mayo..Bone Marrow transplant and stem cells..9 rounds of Chemo, each time being told their was a good chance it would kill him..


He amazed us all in the final stretch of maybe 8 months...Smiles, laughter, a going away party..


He taught me a great deal...He explained to me how he literally had to live in the moment..Thinking about the future was fully off the table in his paradigm.


You are alive...now, today, this minute..take full stock of every moment...Find excuses to laugh or cry and fully devour every moment.

Manage pain and weakness any way that helps..push when you want to and don't think twice about pain meds when you need them. Fighting also means spiritual strength...Consider not spending all your energy battling disease, but embracing life to it's fullest.

We are all travelling in the same direction and the destination is a mystery...I think it is a Buddhist saying..We are born drunk and die still dreaming..


Eat up every minute...none of us know what comes next.

a reply to: Kali74

Signed in just to give you a star and flag. Your bravery and transparency should be celebrated. I've had friends and family in a similar situation. Thank YOU for reaching out in an anonymous way. Much love and support is always a message away.

You are way ahead of the game. You are aware of the challenges that you face, and you are accepting of those things that are outside of your control.

Now it is time to be accepting that you are human, and that comes with a huge range of emotions that do not always come with warning signs.

There are no magic words. No magic wands. At the end of each day, you have faced and beaten the challenges for that day. If you are blessed with another day, then you will have the gift of a new set of challenges.

I know it sucks, especially when just getting out of bed is your biggest accomplishment of the day, but I have learned to cherish this small feat because the alternative is no prize at all.

There are many here that care about you, and though we can't fix anything, we can provide you emotional and moral support. Sometimes just being able to say it out loud, or to share it with someone helps. Sometimes knowing that you are not alone helps. You are not alone.

a reply to: Kali74

"I can't share these thoughts with my family, so I'm using you, whoever is reading... sorry. Maybe this is the kind of sht people should know though, especially if they are facing similar or have a loved one facing similar. We can't always put a brave face on and be these serene portraits of silent suffering as hard as we might try. We may bite your head off at what seems so innocent... a dirty dish left in the sink as my poor son is all too aware of. When everything takes so much more effort than it used to, things like that can make you see red. Then there's times when you honestly feel just fine, happy and boom suddenly you're sobbing."~Kali

You have the nurse and the gentleman to talk to, as well as ATS. I know it's hard to be positive.
But at the moment you do have person to go through this with.
I Know obviously I can't say what you're are actually feeling . All I can do is offer is positive support.

I was just talking to a family member when I saw this thread.
He's was going through HOSPICE and the doctor told him "He was a dead man". It made him so angry he ended up in Remission and is now home. He is going to the beach this week.
Though he has to show NED(No evidence of Disease) for 3 to 5 yeas, he is 80 and preferably opt to live his life.

Kali...
To be honest, LOL. When a thread gets Heated and you show up. I get quiet and afraid.
When you get going, Hhoooo Weeeee! look out!
You are very Passionate and well read on subjects.

Be Brave. You are the boss of you're body. Beat Cancers Butt...


It's ok to get angry. It's ok to cry. You are not alone since you have support from a fellow patient. And once you are ready...... Tell your family. Willing to bet they probably suspect someting isn't right. They will except and help you.

I didn't tell my family when I had Colon Cancer. In fact I told Noone. But after losing 50 lbs, I couldn't hide it. But support stormed in and I found a bit of hope. I also refused to except I had cancer, I was 27 years old.

Fight!
I will think of you and send good vibes.🙏

a reply to: Kali74

As you said, what can be said?

It cant all be fight, all be faith, all be strength. Even the dark serves to take that all higher. You can float a cork of faith in an ocean of despair.

Even if just that, youre still better off than not.

You hold it down. Keep the faith.

a reply to: Kali74

Dear Kali74, even though we're at the opposite ends of the political spectrum, my heart goes out to you.
I hate to hear of anyone suffering, and you're really going thru a severe ordeal.

I hope you KNOW that reincarnation is real and that which you really are ( that which is beyond this very temporary physical vehicle and the temporary personality that goes with the body) is IMMORTAL. You are immortal.

It's okay to be afraid of death. Despite the fact that we have all died countless times, there's always a bit of fear.

Now to practical matters:

There's a classic book entitled "How I Conquered Cancer Naturally" by Eydie Mae Hunsberger (written decades ago).
She went to the Hippocrates Health Center in Boston with Stage 4 cancer and was completely cured.
The Hippocrates Health Center is now under a new name and a different state, but I believe it still exists.

Raw Wheat Grass Juice is central to the regimen.

Look at Black Seed Oil, cold-pressed Organic Coconut Oil, Liposomal Vitamin C.

On page 3 of this thread -- read the posts of Realtruth & FenderTwin.

Medical marijuana. What research have you done on alternative cancer cures?
Many experiments out there -- worth looking into.

I wish you the very best outcome. If I had the power to take away your pain I would.

I have no idea how most of you who are sick feel but today I called my father like I always do once a week to check on him and he told me my grandma (His mom) has terminal cancer and doesn't have long and I need to make a trip to Colorado to say goodbye. When I hung up I cried a bit because I have a lot of great memories with my grandma and grandpa like making peanut butter no bakes in the kitchen with her when I was little or helping her in her garden.

I am also angry because she is all about eating right, walking every day and taking care of herself. She went to the doctor with pains in her side almost 5 years ago and her doctor kept writing it off as muscle cramps or a small hernia because she has had multiple hip surgeries. Well she went to another doc a few months ago and he looked at it he was shocked and said he wouldn't do a hernia surgery because it was cancer. Well now its all over her body and the doctor said its terminal. Next month I am gonna take the 10 hour trip to the small town they live in to spend a few days with her and say goodbye before I return to my family and my life. I will miss her stories of growing up in the late thirties and farm life in the mid 20th century. My grandma and grandpa have been married for 60 years or so and we all are worried about him. We have a solid family and im sure you all do to. I wish you all the best and will pray for you all especially the OP. I dont post hardly ever I just lurk and read but this post caught my eye. God bless you all!

I talk a little now and then about this but I don't usually go in to detail.

I was diagnosed in 2013. At first my treatment plan was hurry up and wait. That didn't make much sense to me but that is what they recommended. At first I was told my particular kind of cancer was very slow moving and most people die of old age never even knowing they had it. Fine. So we just sit here and watch.. Not exactly my way of doing things. We watched for three months and it grew quite a bit. I was told it grows in spurts and we may have just had the right timing and that it might not change again for years. So, we watched some more. Three months later it had doubled in size. I found that out on Monday and was in surgery on Friday. No more watching and waiting. Now its urgent. I still don't get that...

That surgery absolutely destroyed my back, which was already bad. Now I had to recover from the cancer surgery to get the back surgery I can no longer delay. My back surgery would have to wait. I was having all kinds of problems. I peed blood for more than a month along with about a thousand blood clots. (I no longer fear passing a stone) I had an infection that went septic and was in-patient three times just for that. When all that was done I had the back surgery which also had its problems.

Through all of that there were times when I was convinced I was done for and there were times I just had a gut feeling I would be ok. One night I was in distress. I was convinced I was going to die. I lay there sobbing when I heard a voice. It said, "She only appears to those who truly need her." I opened my eyes and on the tv was a picture of the virgin Mary. The announcer was talking about how she often appears to help people in their darkest moments. That was one of the darkest moments I ever experienced. And in it there was light to be found.

a reply to: Bigburgh

Thanks for your words, they made me laugh cuz I'm so not scary lol.

a reply to: AuranVector

I'm in Boston and had never heard of that. Hopefully this current treatment will be the one to kill it for good but that is good info to have if that "there's nothing more we can do" moment comes. Thank you.

a reply to: tadaman

Thank you.

a reply to: 3n19m470

It's ridiculously hard with politics. I fail all the time.

a reply to: Indigo5

I'm sorry you lost your Dad.

Your approach is generally how I am, gotta live not cower... it just gets to be much sometimes and that's what this was. I was desperate to purge and I did. I feel much better, made room for hope to creep back in.

a reply to: Vroomfondel

I really appreciate you sharing your experience. I hope you have recovered. Cancer is such a tricky bitch with so little predictability.

I feel like once again my prayers do nothing and it's pretty depressing. I really did quit smoking all together though, and I'm being entirely serious when I say the inspiration to do it would have not happened without you. So don't get down on yourself or succumb to negativity technically your words on a forum changed somebodies life how many people can say they did that? Much love Kali74!!!

originally posted by: CrazyK22
I feel like once again my prayers do nothing and it's pretty depressing. I really did quit smoking all together though, and I'm being entirely serious when I say the inspiration to do it would have not happened without you. So don't get down on yourself or succumb to negativity technically your words on a forum changed somebodies life how many people can say they did that? Much love Kali74!!!

That's amazing! Congrats! Don't doubt your prayers, I should probably stop earning bad karma lol.

a reply to: [post=22284090]Kali74[/post
No bad karma coming your way there's a reason you made it through so much so long God tends to keep the best ones around a little longer.

Kali, I don't have any sage advice to offer you. I barely know you. But I've seen enough of you to know that I wish you weren't in the situation you are. I wish you were healthy, and I hope you find yourself healthy again, and that for a long long time.

Take care of yourself and know, for what it's worth, that I'm hoping all the best for you.

I'm not a hugger, but I'd hug you right now if I could. At least a quick one.

Sweet Peaceful dreams, Kali