Warning: Dark

a reply to: Kali74

Kali im stunned, im sorry and for whatever it's worth all our differences of opinion I support you in Divine love and mercy. 💜

originally posted by: Kali74
Thank you all, I really just needed a space I could be raw and real for a little bit. Four am on a conspiracy site seemed like a good choice.. haha.

I'm not giving up by any stretch, I just had to get that all out where my family can't see. Getting it out makes room for more will power, more strength and stamina. I woke up feeling a little lighter.

Thanks for the encouragement, prayers, kind thoughts and awesome goddess art. To those of you that shared your stories, I'm open to talking via PM because whether it's your own crisis or a crisis for someone you love, the burden is massive and you may find yourself in need of a sounding board too.

Kali my cousin who is around 29 now was diagnosed with a massive malignant tumor in his head 4 years ago. He discovered it, well his family did when he had a seizure in his sleep, and stopped breathing he was given mouth to mouth, until the ems got there.

The doctors weren't able to get all the tumor, because of the location, but he started CBD oil on his own, and within about 12 months the scans showed it was all gone.

He also cut out all sugars and processed foods, no alcohol which was a miracle all by itself, because he lead a very poor dietary life.

If you want to talk with him via email I'd be happy to give you his email addy.

Wish I had some wise or comforting words to say. Anything to help. But words fail us sometimes, and for me, this is one of those times.

Just endure, have hope, and know that we care---we care about YOU. Truly and sincerely.

a reply to: Realtruth

Thanks for posting. I have chronic pain and CBD has been a God send. I don't have any experience with using it for cancer but for an auto immune disease it has given me my life back. Yes it is Medical Marijuana, but it contains no THC. I can honestly say since I have started using medical marijuana I have never been high, as the strain I use has no THC. I works well enough for me that I will be even able to return to work very soon. I wish the Naysayers would just realize that there are many of us medical marijuana users out there who are not ol' burn outs looking for a legal excuse to get high. Many of us use strains that have no psychoactive effects and we use them because they work. God Bless!

I will only say this:

There is one stark truth in the movie Alive. Every single person who made it off that mountain never gave up. They never allowed for the possibility of dying. Those who died were the ones who had given up hope, lost their will to fight.

I truly hope you wrote this just because you needed to rant and not because your will is slipping.

The only way to survive something like this is to never allow for the possibility you will lose.

Reading this makes me feel sh#tty about letting my mental issues get to me when others suffer worse. Don't really know what to say to you, but damn are you strong. I would have honestly offed myself long ago if I was in a similar position.

originally posted by: DarkestConspiracyMoon
Reading this makes me feel sh#tty about letting my mental issues get to me when others suffer worse. Don't really know what to say to you, but damn are you strong. I would have honestly offed myself long ago if I was in a similar position.

But see Kali isn't one to take the easy way out.
She's a warrior not a wuss. She won't retreat or surrender.

I.... had no idea. I'm very sorry to hear all of this. I wish you the best and will pray for your miracle. I'm truly sorry you are experiencing this.

a reply to: Kali74

Pray to God and listen for his response in ways you might not imagine. I will pray for you too.

Kali,

Brave words and important words there, as someone who has cancer in the family and been treated for it once I can sort of understand, I also have the extra knowledge that all the family members with the names John Paul died and you will never guess my first two names. But oddly its not cancer (at the moment) that is eating my body, its Arthritis, a very strange form, its shut down my spine at C6 and C7 and has spread through out the rest of me. Like you I was strong and I loved walking, now I find myself unable to do anything much, typing and playing a video game are painful but I soldier on and this is my point.

I refuse to give up

I simply refuse to accept I'll be in a wheel chair one day, I refuse to accept my body like yours is fighting me. Now you might say "but the disease is still doing its thing" and you would most likely be pretty right but I've watched others who gave up and the disease ravished them like a plague in such a short time, it seems like if you give up the body follows suit. My mother died in 2002 from Dementia and lung related illness, I watched a strong small woman with so much fight be overwhelmed by the dementia and she by no choice gave up and she was dead 2 weeks later, it was so upsetting to see.

Putting things in place for an end is the best thing to do but please do not give up mentally, push it and keep pushing it, never let the body call the shots, keep that positivity going. My illness may not be as severe but the losses of bodily freedoms hurt almost as much as the pain therein my body but I'll be f**ked if I'm going to let it win.

Foolish, maybe but I've never given up in a fight and I'll be buggered if I'm about to now.

I genuinely wish you that miracle you want, we all do in here, you keep strong and you never know what quirks can happen but do not give up.

With the deepest kindness.

(John) Paul.

I am so so sorry this is happening to you.

Dammit, why f@%% do we not have a cure for this s#*& yet?????????????????????????

originally posted by: Luceononuro
I'm confused as to why you would try to fish for sympathy from the same people you have insulted time and time again. Perhaps a little self reflection is what you need to be doing. I'm indifferent to your "plight."

Not everything is about the political, sometimes it's about being human, and this thread didn't strike me as sympathy thread but more of a life event thread.. So pls take the time to be human, and not simply a political animal.

a reply to: Kali74

Does your darkness make you feel bad? If it does, don't, accept it. It is very normal.

It is at times like this when our mortality and fragility come in to sharp focus along with a plethora of conflicting emotional demands.

Life can be seen as a long, slow death. We all reach that final destination currently, but knowing that is one thing, accepting it another.

I hope you find the strength you need. I hope too for your miracle.

a reply to: Luceononuro



Because we don't turn our backs on one of us who is crying out for help you unfeeling son of a bitch.

Kali is one of us. I doubt you deserve the privilege.

a reply to: Luceononuro

Perhaps YOU are the one who needs to do a little self reflection.Quite more than a bit.As in,trying to remember where you left your effing humanity

a reply to: Kali74

For what it's worth, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. Don't go anywhere, You and i have much to discuss.

Posting this was exactly what I needed to do, I'm still feeling lighter and all the love and support hasn't hurt either. For as much fighting and eye rolling (personal bad habit lol) as we do around here, there is quite a sense of having each other's backs too.

originally posted by: Kali74
there is quite a sense of having each other's backs too.

We're like a a big bad geeky bikie gang - fights every night, also drunk and stuff...keyboards.

a reply to: Sublimecraft

I think of it like family holiday dinners... every day.