Bi-Polar Wedding

a reply to: TinySickTears

Thanks.
Yes, I'm paying for the wedding...most of it is already arranged and paid for. Her father is not involved much in her or her brother's life.

originally posted by: Realtruth

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: Realtruth

I hope anyone with these issues gets treatment.

That being said, when I had major surgery done on my left leg, I didn't plan a ski trip that week.

Agreed, it appears the pressure of marriage, and the responsibility that comes with it, may have help triggered the episode, so it might be a wise idea to put it on hold.

If you love someone and intend to spend the rest of your life with them, what is another year or two.

They definitely love one another.
I believe this episode may have been triggered by the fact that she has been away from him for almost a week (while she's here making wedding prep.).
He gets jealous....wondering if she is seeing or talking to old boyfriends here.
Being together, she seems to help him keep from becoming frantic.

a reply to: schuyler

He comes from a wealthy family and I believe he is well educated.
The problem seems to be his medications...or lack thereof.
On the occasions I have met him...he struck me as educated, kind, a bit too idealistic, L.A. spiritual...but slightly scatter-brained.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: TinySickTears

Thanks.
Yes, I'm paying for the wedding...most of it is already arranged and paid for. Her father is not involved much in her or her brother's life.

I figured as much. She's lucky to have you.



And that is why you have to lock her in your basement until the wedding day comes and goes.

I dont understand the gender role discussion in this thread.

The man is diagnosed bipolar.

The man is off his meds and refuses yo take them.

The man has suffered a psychotic break.

The woman still thinks its a good idea to go forward with this legal and spiritual union.

They are both currently relying on the mans parents for support.

The man could not hold a job.

The woman is going to school and working as a waitress.

These are the facts as presented..who the hell in there right mind would think this marriage is a good idea? ...

If you say yes ..I have one more question, would you pay for it?

My sisters husband had no idea what he was getting into. My sister had moved away from our home town two states away. She had burned all the bridges with all her old friends by then. she met him and rewrote her history ..I could write pages on this.

That poor soul had no idea..

Tats stepdaughter at least knows the problem exists. She wont be blindsided when the charade falls completely.

No its worse..she seems to think she knows what she's getting into..and she can fix it.. she ...well..she has no clue..

Tat is concerned and he should be,this is a life pivoting moment in there family story.


Respectfully,
~meathead

It sounds like your step-daughter's fiancee hasn't found an effective treatment protocol to manage his bi-polar symptoms. Until he is stable getting married isn't a good idea for him - the stress of a major life change (marriage) will further exacerbate his condition. If your daughter really cared for him she would postpone the wedding until he is stable and healthy for a sustained period of time.

Also, if you let your daughter read about how this type of situation has wound up for other families it might help. Each of these men had met a woman who loved them enough to see past their mental health issues. These men found the love of their lives and got married. They had kids. Their lives were going well until something happend to trigger an "episode". Does your daughter want to have kids with a man who may someday snap and kill their children? How would she ever be able to sleep at night with a baby in the house never knowing if it was safe from her own spouse? Is she going to be just as vigilant years down the road when he is older and theyare grandparents. She would need to watch him to make sure that her husband wouldn't harm his own grandchildren. Does she really want to spend the rest of her life in a hyper vigilant state?

abcnews.go.com... Bipolar father kills his twin 5 year old girls

www.freep.com... Bipolar father kills his children ages 2 and 8

www.latimes.com... Bipolar man in Florida who,went off his medications killed daughter and grandkids















a reply to: IAMTAT

I'm told he went to the doctor today and was given four doses of Risperidone...which, I believe is an anti-psychotic.

Things have apparently calmed down at his end today...and she is, more than ever, looking forward to the wedding.

I'm slightly relieved, but am still against this marriage.
He is a good guy...but I know things will be very hard for her/them in the future.

I've expressed my concerns...but the wedding will go on as planned.

a reply to: Buvvy
These are my fears too.
She says the do not plan on having children because of his illness.
I absolutely agree.

I still would love to be a grampa one day...and, fortunately, have two sons from my first wife.

abcnews.go.com... Bipolar father kills his twin 5 year old girls
www.freep.com... Bipolar father kills his children ages 2 and 8
www.latimes.com... Bipolar man in Florida who,went off his medications killed daughter and grandkids

Honestly you are handling this with class.
I applaud your maturity and stoic reserve.

If I may ask..


What's your wife's opinion?

Respectfully,
~meathead

originally posted by: Mike Stivic
Honestly you are handling this with class.
I applaud your maturity and stoic reserve.

If I may ask..


What's your wife's opinion?

Respectfully,
~meathead

Same as my own. We were up late last night having cocktails and talking about our fears for her/them.
She went shopping with her daughter today and talked...and her mother seems to feel resigned to this wedding taking place, despite us both making our fears and reservations known to her.

a reply to: IAMTAT

I sure hope he gets a vasectomy.

originally posted by: IAMTAT

originally posted by: Mike Stivic
Honestly you are handling this with class.
I applaud your maturity and stoic reserve.

If I may ask..


What's your wife's opinion?

Respectfully,
~meathead

Same as my own. We were up late last night having cocktails and talking about our fears for her/them. She went shopping with her daughter today and talked...and her mother seems to feel resigned to this wedding taking place, despite us both making our fears and reservations known to her.

Well....there's nothing to be done if they won't listen. I really hope this does not come back to haunt you. You are really a good man so good luck to you and your wife. At this point you just gotta cross your fingers and hope it all works out. Thanks for sharing your story with us strangers out here.

a reply to: kaylaluv
I hope so too.
They have been abstaining from sex since they met.
He wanted to wait til they got married...She agreed.

a reply to: schuyler

Thanks, schuyler.

Since the wedding is going to be taking place here is a little more information to help you to understand what was happening during the most recent "episode".

Bi polar means the patient has episodes of depression (lethargy, excessive sleeping, no motivation, crying jags, suicidal thoughts) and also has episodes of manic activity (feelings of elation, euphoria, tons of energy, high sex drive, etc...).

During the most recent episode the fiancee had an episode of psychosis. That means that he was manic and his brain chemistry continued to elevate his mood past mania to psychosis (auditory hallucinations, visual hallucinations).

This type of episode actually happens to some bipolar patients who are initially diagnosed as being depressed (not bipolar). The Dr puts the patient on an antidepressant (without also putting them on a mood stabilizer) and the anitdepressant elevates them to mania and then they progress to psychotic behavior. If the fiance was only taking an anti-depressant without a mood stabilizer this could have triggered the psychosis.

This young gentleman will need to learn that his brain chemistry is sensistive to both stimulants and depressants. Odds are he was using pot to self medicate but it really isn't a safe option. Likewise alcohol, caffine, nicotine, excessive amounts of sugar, etc... are all bad ideas because they will make staying "balanced" much more challenging. Likewise any stressful situation can trigger an adrenaline release (part of the fight or flight reaction) and that can upset the brain chemistry triggering a manic episode.

There are a number of medications that can be used for treating bipolar disorder. Finding the ideal dosage and drug combination can be challenging in an outpatient treatment setting. Patients are non-compliant in taking their medications when the dosage isn't correct because they feel drugged, sedated, sleepy, and/or have difficulty concentrating or being enthusiastic about living life.

I hope that this information is helpful.

a reply to: IAMTAT

a reply to: Buvvy

Very helpful. Thank you.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
I'm told he went to the doctor today and was given four doses of Risperidone...which, I believe is an anti-psychotic.

Things have apparently calmed down at his end today...and she is, more than ever, looking forward to the wedding.

I'm slightly relieved, but am still against this marriage.
He is a good guy...but I know things will be very hard for her/them in the future.

I've expressed my concerns...but the wedding will go on as planned.

In that case, we don't have much time.

Spend the rest of the night making up a legit looking life insurance policy with her name on it and stick it on your refrigerator.

a reply to: IAMTAT

Man, my heart goes out to you. Jealousy and mental illness are a bad combination. Unlike when I was growing up, marriage isn't necessarily for life. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

a reply to: IAMTAT

I have been in a similar situation - Without going into too much detail: A couple months ago, I met someone that I fell very, very, very hard for: She could literally finish every sentence I was thinking of, and we could have passed for twins (I'm not going to say we were soulmates, but we were close to it).

She didn't tell me she was bipolar - I found out the hard way, just a week away from before I was going to invite her to live with me; I thought it was only depression...but it wasn't. Imagine waking up to a call that the love of your life wants to kill herself out of the blue, and then she blames you when she gets snarky with the people on the suicide hotline and the police show up to check on her.

Not only was I hurt, but what prevented me from even giving her a second chance was that not only was she only getting help because I told her to (as opposed to getting it on her own, fully realizing she was out of control), but the thought came into my head that basically said "Hey, this time she had a verbal meltdown, but next time, who's to say she won't pick up a knife and do it right in front of me?"

I know the wedding is still set to happen, but just be prepared: Without medication and/or therapy lessons...you will see a lot of tears. Supposedly, the medications have gotten better (I do remember some of them basically making people "suppressed" in terms of emotions).

I wish you the best of luck...I got burned, but there's still a chance that your step-daughter can safely make the relationship work. It is possible, but she'll need to have a strong mind and be prepared for an outburst (sadly, it seems that those that get the majority of the hurt in the outbursts are those the bipolar person loves the most).

-foss

a reply to: Buvvy

There are a number of medications that can be used for treating bipolar disorder. Finding the ideal dosage and drug combination can be challenging in an outpatient treatment setting.

According to my step daughter...he is taking an increasing dosage of Seroquel.