It took seven Months... but I finally fell off the wagon.

Meh.. so climb back on the wagon. Its a process.. we are only humans

The only reason I am not a heavy drinker is because it gets me in major trouble... I just love the taste and smell of some stuff. I just quit when I was younger and thank God I dont have an addictive personality cause I def have the genetics and loooooove whiskey and bourbon! Now Ill just have a champagne on new years and a chambord and champagne here and there. If I go any further.. a buzz or more.. I want to fight, drive, and destroy things. LOL!

originally posted by: Hazardous1408
a reply to: sputniksteve

Title wise, I was trying to make a tough subject jovial.

But it didn't seem inevitable until I actually did it.

I hope you get it figured out.

Thanks Steve.

I see. While I can appreciate bringing some levity in a serious situation, even in failure we need to treat it like a life and death situation, because for most of us it is. Myself I am almost 8 years clean from alcohol and 2.5 years from Heroin, so know I am not just an onlooker. I had plenty of failures before I found success too though, and 7 months is certainly nothing to scoff at. I never accomplished that much time until I accomplished far greater. Not trying to make you feel any worse or bring you down, just giving some perspective.

As many others have stated, we don't wallow or say "F it" we get right back on that wagon and ride it till the wheels fall off. I have full faith you can get it done dude. No matter what though, I hope you are safe and take care of yourself.

*edit* I usually refrain from talking about this aspect, because it is polarizing. In both instances I asked a God I didn't believe in for help. I didn't make any promises of being a devout Christian in return, or donating my lifes savings. I was just out of other options, and didn't know what else to do. I am not claiming this is some sure fire way, or that God lifted me up and life became easy. I still worked my ass off and did everything I was told to do. The thing I can assure you of though, it certainly can't hurt. You never know what can happen.

Don't ask why I waited so long to ask a second time. I never claim that sobriety made me smart.

Friend. Your tolerance is not what it was.
Slow down.


Please, there is no shame in a relapse. You still deserve to wake up tomorrow..

Sincerely,
~joe

Please send me a pm if you need to talk..

a reply to: Hazardous1408

Get back on. Its really as simple as that. Not easy, simple.

originally posted by: Hazardous1408
I wouldn't say I'm sad about it...
Or angry... nor happy either...

But I guess that's cos I'm half drunk on Vodka.

I guess, knowing myself, 7 months was a hell of a milestone to reach...

& they say all good things come to an end... thankfully my bottle of Vodka is still more than half full.
So the good doesn't come to an end for a while.

Been there,
Once a pickle always a pickle.
But you are not alone. You have support here, and willing to bet you have support out there too.
I have to read on to see why you went back. But i'm willing to bet you don't want to be there.

I'll leave my PM open if you need.

originally posted by: Hazardous1408
I wouldn't say I'm sad about it...
Or angry... nor happy either...

But I guess that's cos I'm half drunk on Vodka.

I guess, knowing myself, 7 months was a hell of a milestone to reach...

& they say all good things come to an end... thankfully my bottle of Vodka is still more than half full.
So the good doesn't come to an end for a while.

Ok....I want to know "why" you got here? I am in total empathy. I''m "you". Something triggered you. Do you know what it was? I know mine. I'm not saying "drinking" fixes anything (cause it doesn't). I'm just saying that something made you take that mad leap. Do you have any idea what it was?
In the meantime....please don't beat yourself up. It does no good. You have a friend in me. Pm me if you want...or not.
Just know I'm here for you.

a reply to: Hazardous1408

We are all human... You did pretty good... And sorry your back swimming in the sauce. But you've proven ya don't need it... Just never stop trying... You can't run away from things in a bottle. You only go round n round in circles in it hitting glass.

Sometimes ya gotta just climb out... Never stop tryin' ...Good luck and Bless ya!

Mysterioustranger

I'm going to drop this here.....

cope1
kōp/Submit
verb
(of a person) deal effectively with something difficult.
"his ability to cope with stress"
synonyms: manage, survive, subsist, look after oneself, fend for oneself, carry on, get by/through, bear up, hold one's own, keep one's end up, keep one's head above water; More
(of a machine or system) have the capacity to deal successfully with.
"the roads are barely adequate to cope with the present traffic"
______________________________________________________________________________________________

Me...
This has always been my issue. For the longest time, I never was given the ability to Cope with the constant bombardment of crap. So I would master the art of Escapism.
For the longest time I held in my frustration.
Bring me a bottle....
Don't want to deal with it...
HOW DO I VENT? Do i drink it away?....

I found that talking to a neutral party helps...
Wanting to wake up to watch the sunrise without a headache helps....
Sipping hot coffee early A.M. before the noise starts....

Wanting to be at peace with me....
Priceless.

Baby steps.😊

S#*t happens my friend. As mentioned in other comments, dont beat yourself up about it, but also dont use this as an excuse to go all River Phoenix on us.

I was addicted to heroin for 6 years. Ive been clean now for 7. Some of the myths perpetuated by recovery groups are that: You will never be able to use any mind altering substance responsibly, You need a group to support you, or the odds of staying clean are slim to none, and you must have a higher power (you know, so you have someone to thank for every good thing in your life, while every bad thing is a result of your own doing).

This is nothing against recovery groups, or those that use them. They do wonders for many, including myself. Ive grown beyond that point, and for the past 2-3 years have been putting together notes and info in the hopes of founding a new way of recovery aside from the 12 steps.
There IS more than one way to achieve success!

When the haze wears off, start to look within yourself. When you start breaking down your thinking you must remain selfless, and swallow that pride buddy!
When you understand enough of your mentality you will be able to anticipate your thoughts and thus have more control over them.

DO NOT shame yourself!!! EVER!!! This relapse was/is a learning experience. Use it well my friend.

a reply to: Hazardous1408

Just checking in on you... was wondering about your thought process 24 hours after?

I'd like to see this thread live on... maybe use it as a bridge for yourself and others to maybe connect new choices into our future actions. Even I myself add more suggestions that I probably should, but any advise should not be taken as anything more then maybe something to analyze before making choices. Journals of personal experiences are seemingly better medicines than advises... that's why I am hoping to see this thread live on.

First, I'd just like to thank everyone for their kind words once again.

Well it's been two days. Since I created the thread.

& I haven't picked up the bottle since then.
I moderated myself quite well...

Still more than half the (same) bottle left.
Maybe that's how I should have drank before...

Instead of finishing bottle after bottle drowning sorrows.


I don't feel too bad.

We'll see how it goes and if it lasts.

Sometimes I peruse erowid for acccounts of an alcohol high.
Not surprisingly, it's quite difficult to find accurate, unbiased and focused reports.

As The King of Gateway drugs, it seems that cross-contamination frequently guides
the ritual, almost as if that were the very goal....(+)

I was tempted to ask you for some descriptive narrative, but didn't want
to encourage you, because who knows how deep a binge can be?

It can hurt you.
I wish you the best of success.

a reply to: Hazardous1408

# 742

a reply to: Hazardous1408

Thumbs up and coping with trial and error in action as you grow the newfound frequencies of emotion!.. great to read that!

You're will power is way stronger than you have given yourself credit for in the past... you holding the leash of will power instead of vice versa feels pretty damn good and long overdue I imagine.

I hope the easing coping source stumbles your way one day... like the eye of a tornado, peaceful and still within the eyes of the wall, but vicious winds as sooner as the wall is explored. Nobody escapes having to dance with the wall... we can only learn to land better and softer so we can keep thriving.