True Love or Settling? Have you done either? Are you being honest with yourself?

When I was in 2nd grade a new awesome girl moved to my hometown. I was in love! This love lasted up until about 11th grade when one day it faded. Not that I didn't like her anymore but, I hadn't experienced true love yet. Fast forward to a year after I graduate. I go back to my old stomping grounds to watch my old high school football team play and I look up in the stands and see this girl. I literally said to myself, that is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I got my buddy to go up in the stands with me and talk to her and some other people we knew sitting around her because we were just one year removed from high school. Long story short, her and I dated on and off for almost 4 years. One year while she finished her senior year at my old high school (because she move here as a senior) then on and off for 3 years while she was in college. Then she moved away about 1100 miles. I flew to see her once she came back every summer and we would both end up together saying how much we loved each other. Then I found out I had a baby on the way with the girl I was with for the other 90% of the time. Which I loved very much. Just not the "See you for the first time, get butterflies, have to talk to you, can't look away from you, first time thing"

Here's the rub though, my it girl was just as amazing inside. Volunteer work, kind, loving, never talk bad about someone, delivered meals on wheels to the elderly kind of person (all true). That was almost 18 years ago and she made me feel something that I never have felt since. The love in me was beyond belief. It was truly love at first site, mind altering, never forgetting kind of love. Only time ever in my life. However, she is married now with a small child and I find myself happy for her because I see her happy. Even though I'm not with her I find myself happy she is happy.

So, this is where my question comes to those of you out there that may share similar stories. Me personally, I don't ever think that type of love will ever hit me again. So do I try to be okay with something not of that magnitude in order to be with someone (even though there still may be love) just not that mind altering once in a lifetime perfect love. Or do I keep searching for it knowing I may end up alone???

Just remember..

Show me a beautiful woman

I'll show you a guy tired of being with her.

Marry your best friend.

When it all goes away and the years have gone by,

You damn sure better like that person you're with.

a reply to: djbj597922

I think love goes beyond what you're talking about. I think Love is something that develops over time as well as at the start. Usually the start is about infatuation and desire more than love. Love is much more dynamic and expansive.

I won't tell you what to do but if you think you should keep looking for "True Love" elsewhere when you can't figure it out now what makes you think you know what you're looking for???

Surely I hope you aren't thinking of going after the woman who's now happy and married are you???? Because that is a horrible idea.

Wow, you lay out a very hard question to answer. You can't give up on love because you can't be with her. And it sounds as if she is very happy and settled.

I can say that I am 110% happy. I am getting ready to celebrate my 12th wedding anniversary and I still get butterflies. Our friends tell us that we are "sickeningly sweet". I miss him if he leaves the room. We still write each other love letters and leave each other little surprises to find (roses, letters, what nots). He is my best friend and my husband.

Is it possible to feel this again for someone else? I can't answer that for you. I know that I can't imagine anyone else in my life (but that is not to say that there is not someone else out there for you!)

a reply to: mOjOmNo way would I ever go after her. I truly get good a feeling seeing her happy. I have told other married women I use to date who came to me for infidelity to realize what they had and to stop looking at the grass on the other side of the fence. My ex wife cheated on me and I would never be that man.

a reply to: djbj597922

I don't know why but I like turning to the man in black when it comes to such things.



Maybe I could have picked a better song?

I know a woman a lot like the one you discribed, sparks fly and intuition always tells me she is near before I see. A powerful feeling, it was love but it was always lust if you get my meaning, mutual lust.

All I can say is it's a hard thing to beat and don't use her as a measuring stick. Love can be found in the strangest of places and I personally now realise that content is better than wanting.

When I've been content and feeling genuine love... It multiplies, I can be loving for all. It's not always about the lust and sometimes the "right combination" can never be.

Giorgio Moroder-right combination... Good song. Apologies am a bit drunk.

a reply to: djbj597922

This is my opinion. You asked..



Man up. The mother of your child is praying as well, Man the F up!


You come across as a selfish spoiled brat at best. "oh poor me I got my 90% girl pregnant, but I think it's possible I might be probably in love with my 10% girl"

Listen to yourself...

Man up, buy some freaking condoms, and for the love of all that's holy take care of that child!

This isn't all about you at this point bud. At least be honest with the mother to be;
"hey hun, I know you been busy with that morning sickness, and all that, but hey, I got this ten percent side chick I think you two can be friends"

Grow up

Disgusted,
~meathead

To answer your question i have done neither but your post did make me think of a good line from lord of War. It goes something like "Marriage ends up being based on lies so why not just star out on a lie."

a reply to: RAY1990

a reply to: Mike StivicDid you read my post??? My ex wife cheated on me!!! Divorced me for the guy she had the affair with. That was 7 years ago. I have been looking for love ever since. Trying to find what I had lost when I was 19. I was completely faithful to my ex who cheated on me. You need to stop trolling or maybe read the posts a little better, or maybe stop assuming things. I tried to make it work for my boy even after I found out, but there was no dealing. She had new love. An apology is what a real person would do now. That's your cue!

a reply to: Mike Stivic

I'm sure he said that was all 18 years ago?

I don't think he talked of the here and now other than feelings.

I may be wrong...

a reply to: djbj597922

No where in that OP did U discuss a wife cheating on you or a divorce.

I apologize for not being a mind reader.

~meathead

a reply to: Martin75

I wanted to hate it. . .

But she is partially right, they don't make love like that anymore. Much.

She made a spectacular impact on his life, the song makes me think of his dreaded cave and their trips around the world especially Jerusalem. The woman settled him, stopped him making a beast of himself.

Cheers for that, it was actually really touching.



Huge fan of Johnny

a reply to: Mike StivicYiou are 100% right. I didn't mention that in my first post. Just didn't think anyone would attack me like you did. I guess I will have to start including more detail so that people don't jump to conclusions!

I apologize to the OP and this thread.

My reading comprehension has failed me this evening..


OP,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wondering what could have been. I to have found myself debating long past choices, I am sorry .


Respectfully,
~meathead

Im choosing to leave my previous posts up unedited to serve as monument to my stupidity.

a reply to: RAY1990Lust wasn't part of it I think. Sure I loved the way she looked but that was nothing compared to her kindness. The way she always wanted to help others. The way she made being kind seem cool. I guess it was the whole package deal. Beautiful girl with a even more beautiful heart and soul.

a reply to: Mike StivicThat's really big of you. Thanks from the bottom of my heart

originally posted by: Mike Stivic
I apologize to the OP and this thread.

My reading comprehension has failed me this evening..


OP,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wondering what could have been. I to have found myself debating long past choices, I am sorry .


Respectfully,
~meathead

Im choosing to leave my previous posts up unedited to serve as monument to my stupidity.

Done the same thing more than once.

I thought I must of read it wrong.

a reply to: djbj597922

In the mortal words of Stephen Stills, "If you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with."

originally posted by: whyamIhere
Just remember..

Show me a beautiful woman

I'll show you a guy tired of being with her.

Marry your best friend.

When it all goes away and the years have gone by,

You damn sure better like that person you're with.

I did marry my best friend, for us it's 40 years next month. It's not always been roses. But there is something about all that growing to gather that I can't put into words.