I've lost my daughter.

a reply to: reldra

You are right mate. Not in the US.

The young lady has her rights at 16 old. Anything I do to impinge upon those rights is unjust.

Thanks kindly for your reply,

bally

a reply to: bally001

Dont you ever give up on her...ever...hard as it is and will be....never, never ever stop. You are her father. Try and try again, and after that try again.

And whatever the legal age is of consent where you are...get her committed even involuntarily. Call the law, get the house busted...even if it gets her busted too. Which is worse?

C'mon brother...your heart now is screaming...so dont quit on her. She is your blood, and sometimes loves is blind...hate you now, she will thank you later.

If you dont want to contact the police...I will for you....no matter the distance. Prayers with you. Send me some details and location..Ill turn the house in for you. Its worth it. Gather all facts about what and who and whats sold....do it for you, do it for her.

Best MS

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Your reply is right. I am in another country that recognizes that 16 old's can leave home. In fact younger than that in some legal cases.

my regards,

bally

a reply to: bally001

Again: I'm someone who has also caused her parents pain and heartbreak by succumbing to alcoholism (another substance, like meth or heroine or other drugs of choice). I was hoping that I could offer you hope, as an example of a child who, like your daughter, went dangerously off the rails, but managed, with help of my parents and others, managed to get well and return to a healthy life.

Don't give up on her; don't blame her; don't blame yourself; don't blame others; for now just focus on being healthy yourself so that you can be there for her, should she get brave enough to get help. Knowing you are there for her will make that step easier for her.

Just my 2 cents, as someone who has been on the other side of your torment. If you have any questions on the kinds of things she may be feeling and thinking, so that you might be even better poised to help, I will be happy to share my experiences. She needs you.

a reply to: bally001

Because the times we live in are different from the times when my kid was 16.
I did go looking for mine a few times but not on the scale of my previous post.
I would have done that if that had been the situation.But those days are long over.

I'm sorry Bally. We went through the same thing with my younger brother, aaaand... he's in his mid-20s now. What was once a little boy who dreamt of joining the ADF is now a lying, thieving, druggo, alcoholic derro that no one could help, and last I heard still can't help, and not for lack of trying.

But then, on the other side of the spectrum; one of my closer friends 16 odd years ago was abandoned by his family as he turned to the wrong crowd... now in his 30's, he's one of the more successful people I know, and he did it with his own willpower, turned his life around.

I've been there watching things unfold as a sibling... and there really is not much you can do except hold out hope. Just, always be there. And know that it is NOT your fault or the fault of your missus, you may feel that way but your daughter has simply chosen her current path and it has every possibility of changing, of forking out onto a better path as she grows just as my friend managed to step foot onto a better path.

Just, be there for her. Don't give up.

a reply to: mysterioustranger

You made me cry and laugh at the same time and for someone (myself) who is approaching 60 and has seen the worst in people for me that is a good write you have posted.

I can see where you are coming from sir.

Tragically I have to let things go legally but I will not give up. I love my daughter but have to be assured that the cancer of drugs will not lend itself towards my other six. I do not lay blame towards myself, my daughter's mother or her siblings. It was her choice. Regardless of whatever we do or say she will still rebel.

Very hard to get this through to her but she knows her rights and will stand up to us.

Thanks for you supportive reply,

bally

My heart goes out to you and your family. At 16, kids think they know everything and that they are immune to anything really bad happening to them. It is a shame that they recognize your child as an adult where you are from.

Please keep us posted on what's going on. In the meantime, try to gather up her siblings and friends and try to have them keep reaching out to her. Let your daughter know that you and your wife love her and want what is best for her, you are not her enemy. Please understand that you and your wife are not failures in any way. Your daughter made the wrong decision as many teens do. You have been there to raise and guide her and your other children turned out ok. This is a bad decision on her part, a huge mistake and hopefully she realizes it before too long. Much love to you and your family!

Sorry to hear it . Worst thing in world is for a parent to lose a child .

No you didnt fail , society failed .

Even though its difficult dont give up hope on her .

a reply to: kaelci

I am trying to reply to everyone.

I hope there will be a happy ending. My daughter wanted to join the navy. RAN. I was so happy I helped her through the application process. (Ex RAN myself).

Somewhere she dissolved this application. "Dunno dad". Communication went downhill. Mood swings saw her swearing at her beautiful, kind, thoughtful mother (who never swears). Suddenly gone.

I won't give up on her. But understand I also have her brothers and sisters to consider.

Your post is thought provoking for me

bally

a reply to: mamabeth

You are a champion my friend.

Can only do what we can physically and mentally do.

best wishes

bally

a reply to: VengefulGhost

Kind wise words mate,

I will never let go.

bally

Very sad. You are in my thoughts.

I'm not sure what I'd do, maybe I'd camp out at this house with cups of soup, her pet, whatever, let her scream at me, and then i'd tell her I love her and home is with mum dad and the others. Tough times Bally.

a reply to: Night Star

Night Star! You shine in the sky. I have had her siblings try and contact her but they are ignored as her mother and I.

I know we are not the enemy but my hope is that I can communicate and succinctly caress her feelings to rejoin the mob here at her home...where she is always welcome.

bally.

a reply to: bally001
Oh wow! Drugs are bad, not good at all.

If she is 16 she is still a minor, I am quite sure you can overturn any law of the land or court and forcibly. Coke and meth and the other drugs you said are not funny things, and well if she chose to be in that environment then she is an idiot, people are idiots for taking such things lithely. Once addicted it is pretty much impossible to get people off them, in fact it may be to late now, and trying to keep her or ban her from doing things is silly. As its prevalent and will be prevalent everywhere she may go at this stage.

Really if she is really that long gone, then really the only thing that may work is lockdown school in the middle of nowhere for many years as visitedbythem mentioned. 16 is still young and in time her system can kick it, but even then you just never know.

In some respects the fact that mental institutions were closed down and we got these systems of drugging and moving troubled people about is kind of like playing ring around the rosie, while sining ashes ashes. Its only a matter of time as there in the environment and its everywhere. From other sites and topics I have seen, while not pretty such places may have helped keep families together, not pretty but it worked in some respects. In the respect that you got to completely remove her from that environment were any such options would be available.

The whole drugging them up into a stupor and moving them in and out of hospitals is not likely going to work as even if it does there still in that environment and can still get out and get some. Its just a circle jerk, and one the pharmaceutical companies are making a pretty penny off as well on the other side of the coin. The war on drugs if you have not noticed is really a joke.

Anyways! If what you say is true, then you got some serious decisions to make, the longer you wait the harder things are going to get. Meth alone is not a pretty drug to deal with, but 16 yrs old is still young, in the right circumstance and environment she can get over it all. Or at least enough to think clearly and sanely some many years down the road.

a reply to: zazzafrazz

I have has those thoughts zazz. Sorry but only 2 days ago I had half my nose and cheek removed due to skin cancer so presently I look and feel like crap. I have had some grafting done.

Any advice I can give would be to wear sunscreen on the 'driver's side' of your face.

But on topic I take your advice but couldn't take a punch to the face in my condition.

bally

I remember myself at 16. Wanting to see the world with out others opinions.

I remember myself at 21. I remember my confidence.

Now as a mid thirties, my parents advice is just as important as when I was 10.

Don't blame yourself for your child. Be there when she needs you. Don't be to judgmental in the meanwhile. Just remind her that you are there for her.
I think she might find her way back.

a reply to: bally001

I will keep you and your daughter in our prayers and pray for her safe return.

a reply to: galadofwarthethird

I think the difference here is I have a very intelligent young lady as our daughter. True, stupid enough to do drugs but intelligent enough to know how to manipulate which of course will be her undoing in the long run unless she decides where her direction is.

We have done our best but I guess our standard of life is not exciting enough. In our defense I have seen and can be assured that these things occur no matter what form of family life exists. We cannot hold her against her will. She knows this.

I thank you for you genuine concern and advice
bally

a reply to: mamabeth

We could not ask for more. You are so kind.

Bally