The great anti-SJW parallel universe thread

I thought it might be a braw idea to create a thread where we sort of emulate the false reality inhabited by the regressive left.

You know, like when someone has an eating disorder and think they're fat, and you draw their outline on the mirror so that they can see actually reality as it actually is.

So....keeping it as clean as possible, I mean take it easy, yeah? We don't wanna go too far and validate the afore-mentioned false claims. Just to give y'all an idea of the theme and sort of content of this thread... I'm-ma take some bizarre, outlandish claim that was made pre-election and just sort of play like it's actually true.

I'll start...

Yeah, so, how do the ladies feel now that they'll have to contact Trump once a month to tell him they are menstruating? Personally, I reckon it's a great idea, because I'm a man, an white, and privileged!

Who..who's next?

a reply to: ThreeDots

Next? OMG TRIGGERED! I don't even shop at next! Why would you bring next into this, like their clothes line isn't good enough for you middle class people to wear whilst you beat POOR PEOPLE IN THE STREETS WITH HAMMERS THAT YOU USE TO DESTROY HOMELESS SHELTERS!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


How did I do?

I don't even WANT to know how I did, I know I did awesome I can feel it. I don't care anyway you're just going to lie and be mean to me just like my father was once when he wouldn't let me play my x-box all night and THEN MY MOTHER WOULDN'T LET ME EAT THE WHOLE FRIDGE 'COS SISTERS GOTTA EAT TOO AND ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.,....

I quite like this

a reply to: Joneselius

If it's in the true spirit of the thread then it's all good.

You know, I'm glad old Donald made it - seeing as we're both men, who are white and straight, naturally we're close friends.

I used to take my wife over to Trump towers where old Donald threw the best parties, but he kept groping my wife all the time. I mean I don't mind, we're mates and he's rich! But she had a problem with it, typical!

But I suppose, now that he's the President, she'll have changed her tune. No doubt she'll be honoured, not that I'd know having swapped her for a PS4 about a year ago.

I mean, I'm relegated to makng my own dinners now but I don't regret it.

My favorite sjw rant is when someone says how we white people are so oppressed, those liberals and there tv, so outraged right now.

As a gay, half Black Mexican, foreign owner of a wall building business in Texas, who employs a large number of GLBTA, illegal immigrants im pretty torn of late.

On one hand i have the cheapest wall building contracts because of my tax free low pay long hour illegals, but if i lose them all after i land the contract i'll either make nothing or less than nothing.


Im as divided as the USA political system on this.

a reply to: dukeofjive696969

Dude, I can not believe how oppressed I am.

I mean, yesterday I faced the prospect of having to wash my own dishes. Sure, I got to waste away half my day playing COD online so you'd think a 5 minute chore like washing some plates be a small price to pay. Screw it, I thought...and binned the dirty plates.

I'll buy another Wedgewood dinner service on my way home from work, where I occupy the position of office mysogynist. I just hired this awsome secretary who can make tea and everything, I love being so privileged.

For anyone wondering what the point of this parallel universe thread is, here's a somewhat accurate depiction of how an SJW will react when they accidentally stumble on this thread:



They'll think a Mandela effect has taken immediate effect. Their values are fickle, consider this shock therapy.

You know...my...

...sobs, my wife she, uh, left me for another chick.

Yeah, I cried, uncontrollably. Seriously, I've never cried so hard, I fed and clothed her and made sure she always put a meal on the table or there were CONSEQUENCES!

And after all of what I did for her she got a burd and wouldn't even lerrus watch.

I cried for meself!

I'm glad that White men(half of me) is legally and morally obliged to grab vaginas, and kill mexicans, or something like that I just know I can do whatever I want and not get in trouble!

Hooray!!

Theres a slave sale down the block, got to run BRB!

a reply to: ThreeDots

I certainly hope president elect donald trump lowers the price of rubbing alcohol so that the homeless can put the other half of what that bottle used to cost into investing into the great wall to keep all mexicans out both the snow kind to the north and the sunny kind in the opposite of north and whe donald trump keeps true to his word and this fixes the economg those homeless can get a huge tax free return on their investment so that they can buy a big house to drink rubbing alcohol in because they are still rich but enjoy the taste and want to remember their beginnings . I have to call president elect donald trump i promise it was only this once i used menstruation in my web posts

a reply to: ThreeDots

Appalling!!

You need a new or second secretary with bigger boobs, and maybe a mexican family to live under your porch to scurry out to do dishes like my family has. They are dirty and sick, but who cares, they only need pond water to survive, and its not your fault theres a drought!

a reply to: Butterfinger

No thats no good ive heard mexicans enjoy rubbing alcohol more than ths homeless i mean they rub it on their wounds for lords sake. Did it again i never paid much tention in english class i mean i speak english damnit why would i pay for my children to sit in class when they can be out hunting mexicans along the wall

a reply to: Butterfinger

I can't hire anyone who isn't white and male to work for me or I'm certain they'll steal from me. Steal the eyes out of my pirivileged head!

You know my wife still has a head, unfortunately. No, I uh, seriously...that woman, twelve years I let her scrub my gussets and what thanks do I get? I...sobs...

...you know, sniff! My wife, she uh, she took all of my furniture when she moved out, she took several bullets too but she's like that predinator thing. Table just bounced off her, I hit her with everything and she walked off, laughing.

Oh, how I cried for myself.

originally posted by: ThreeDots
a reply to: Butterfinger

No, I uh, seriously...that woman, twelve years I let her scrub my gussets and what thanks do I get? I...sobs...

I need a woman to scrub my gussets, what have I been missing? More over what has she been doing with all her free time if not this!

I deserve it! I'm white dammit!!!!

a reply to: ThreeDots

She didnt gdt yer guns though right i mean a man aint nothing with out his guns

a reply to: Butterfinger

My wife got at least a dozen sisters i probably knocked up half of em i can introduct you if you want

a reply to: Aeshma

As long as they arent fat!

originally posted by: Butterfinger

originally posted by: ThreeDots
a reply to: Butterfinger

No, I uh, seriously...that woman, twelve years I let her scrub my gussets and what thanks do I get? I...sobs...

I need a woman to scrub my gussets, what have I been missing? More over what has she been doing with all her free time if not this!

I deserve it! I'm white dammit!!!!

We all do, my un-scrubbed-gusset-bearing brother, we all need gussets scrubbed.

Old donald will most likely throw the Hilldog a bone and elect her as his chief gusset scrubber. I mean the lass has to be given some responsibility, keep her happy, y'know? Keep all the lasses happy so it will.

Might prevent a few un-necessary baseball-battings, who knows. Not that I'm impartial to a bit of mindless thuggery, I mean if my dinner weren't ready I'd be on hand to dish out some correctional therapy!

Every NIGHT she got to eat my food, and all the time I never knew that that wasn't all she was eating.

And now the lucky little woodlouse has the added bonus of having had her thatch cupped multiple times by the presidential hand.

Small, tiny presidential hands! And they are small, first time I shook old Don's hands I thought he'd handed me a finger, or worse.

Yep, no doubt she'll be elated now that Trump's got the top job, I don't think she ever washed it since that last time Donald copped a feel so she'll be quids in...I'd imagine the lads will be queueing up to cop a feel of the Presidential front bum.

a reply to: Butterfinger

Yeah were a bit big boned on account of only having a carls junior in town we aint got none of those fancy weight loss subways here

a reply to: Aeshma

She knew better than that, she nicked the foot spa, though.

I mean, that was a wedding gift for both of us. I got the dog, though, which me and Donald Trump ate.

originally posted by: Aeshma
a reply to: Butterfinger

My wife got at least a dozen sisters i probably knocked up half of em i can introduct you if you want

One at a time, or all together?