Softball with AugustusMasonicus

As every reputable conspiracy theorist knows ATS is infested with Masons; dirty, vile, manipulative Masons who look to control every aspect of honest conversation. Today’s segment will feature a blatant display of Masonic glad-handing and back slapping as I serve up even more mundane and lame questions than I normally do.

Our guest needs no introduction if you have even remotely perused the Geo-Engineering forum where he earns his Masonic-paycheck on a regular basis, easily derailing and debunking even the most hardcore Chemmies. You know him, you hate him, Networkdude.

Thanks for joining us today Brother, let’s torment the Profane.

AM: Do you like kitties?

ND: Absolutely! wrapped in bacon, they are "to die for"

AM: What is your favorite color?

ND: Blood red. You know why.

AM: Okay, let’s get Sirius, you were in the military, you’re a Freemason and you debunk chemtrails, why the hell should anyone take you seriously?

ND: I can only hope my anonymity continues, if not, I will be found tomorrow, after committing suicide with three shotgun blasts to the back.

In the military, I was in charge of supplies. You can't tell with my writing here, but I have a problem with my "L"s. they sound like "R"s. So I asked a few people what being in charge of "surprise" entailed and I ran with it. Nobody could find me for a few days, then the section commander walked into the closet where I hid and when he entered, I jumped up and yelled "Surprise!".

Now I told you that story to tell you this one.

I was demoted to chemtrail tank scrubber, and that literally left a bad taste in my mouth, so I like to keep folks not believing in chemtrails, so nobody ever asks to be put on that job. It's more of a public service.
But I am wildly full of #, so anyone who takes me seriously is wildly fooled.

AM: What do you typically spend your disinfo paycheck on?

My subscription to CNN "alter-news" you have to be invited to receive it, and it's wildly expensive, but with it, you get previews of the lies well before hand, so you can spin them much better and look inteligentt.

AM: Why did you become a Mason? Was it to learn how to lie better? Level with us...

ND: I actually wanted to become a masoose (massage therapist) but as you see, have a bit of a problem with spleling. Since I wasn't frightened when they walked me passed the bodies to the altar, they let me stay. (I had to clean all the blood for the first three months, hated that part)

AM: When you got your Master Mason Degree and it was confirmed that the Queen actually runs Masonry what impact did that have on you?

ND: I knew it all along. I mean, that's what all the really edgy conspiracy guys were saying, right? I will say, that the scales and the forked tongue was surprisingly sexy. I wasn't prepared for that. The blue hair really set it off nicely. We shared a moment.

AM: Did you pick ATS as your assignment or did Baphomet send you here?

ND: I suppose I could make up some witty retort to that, but you know exactly where you sent me B. Are you getting senile? And quit with the third person reference, it's confusing.

AM: Bavarian Illuminati, good guys or bad?

ND: Adam is a good guy. His heart was in the right place and he wasn't afraid to break a few eggs to make an omelet. In all seriousness, he was a bad ass. The Illuminati were like a biker gang that looks out for weak kids who need protection. I'm a fan.

AM: What do you like the taste of better, lodge goat or baby?

ND: Baby lodge goat.........yummmm....smothered in butter and onions.......wait, what were we talking about?

AM: Have you ever used the Masonic high sign in court to get out of a speeding ticket or triple homicide?

ND: In both cases it was a rejoicing success! The judge gave me back the "I see you’re a brother" sign by pulling out his pecker and waving it counter clockwise three times, and I was told to have a nice day, both times. How did you know about the ticket?


 







edit on 13-6-2017 by AugustusMasonicus because: I ♥ cheese pizza.



edit on Tue Jun 13 2017 by DontTreadOnMe because: edit per member request

AM: What is first class seating like on the Masonic Chemtrail plane?

ND: Plush. And I don't just mean bigger seating, I'm talking crushed velour, velvet Elvis picture on the seat in front of you, and the bloody marys are to die for. The staff is largely reptilian, but super nice. And they play "They Live" constantly on the big screen. "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of Bubblegum" Damn, that Roddy Pieper is an amazing actor. Dude has skills.

AM: You live in North Carolina, are you happy now that you can once take a whiz in the girl’s room?

ND: It's alright, but no nearly as fun as I thought it would be. I had a hell of a time finding a pretty sun dress to match my pumps, and since my figure isn't as sexy as it used to be, I just looked hideous. Almost afraid to stop pissing in the sink. (did you know they don't have pissers in the woman’s bathrooms?)

AM: (Interviewers note: Yes, yes I do know about that) How often do you fly your Confederate flag?

ND: Only on Fridays from 3:45 to 4:02. It's to signify the amount of time it took for my best bacon wrapped baby to deep fry. It was a meal worthy of celebration and recognition. (that was a call back)

AM: Okay, time to square up and toss you some softballs. Favorite television show?

ND: South Park.

AM: Film?

ND: Fifth Element.

AM: Favorite music besides the screaming and pleading of our sacrifices?

ND: Old Metallica (before they sold out and became pansies).

AM: Thing with words written in it?

ND: One Second After.

AM: Person on ATS you'd most like to sacrifice to Satan at your next degree?

ND: Sublime Craft. I feel as if his strain of knowledge would fit nicely into Hooty they owl’s consciousness and as an aside, it would be cool to see if the flames swirl in a counter clockwise motion since he's from the southern hemisphere.

AM: There is a vile rumor that seems to be constantly spread on ATS by a disreputable poster who claims that you 'have no beer', what does this mean?

ND: While I wish I could say it's not true, it has roots in reality. Decorum prevents me from mentioning the name of the person whom you speak of, but it's put a lot of strain on my lifestyle and family over the years. It all began......actually this has to do with my Bible Thumping state and it's non-ability to recognize that grown men do occasionally enjoy a beer together, and would love to have that opportunity in a masonic lodge, but even the majority of my lodge votes no each year and cites the old "that's what the shrine is for" adage. So in NC, if you go to a masonic lodge and you brought your favorite beer mug hoping to get it filled, the best you will be able to do is get a nice fresh glass of sweet tea. If you want beer, go to the shrine building. And NO! I'M NOT BITTER!!!!



Network Dude is an old geezer by most standards. He has been happily married to his best friend for 26 years, has 3 kids, 3 grand kids, very little sanity left, and runs a small computer business, and has recently become a licensed killer.

ATS has provided a source of knowledge as well as a vacation from reality at a moment’s notice. It is a place where friends meet, knowledge is shared, advice is given, and the really important stuff is discussed, like how Mandela used chemtrails to make the earth flat. (I'm new to that angle myself) I have made some great friends here and hope to make many more.

Thanks Augustus for the opportunity to do this and I look forward to all the free beer I was promised.

That concludes this month’s episode, I would tell you all that you learned something today but Masons always lie so this whole interview was pointless. I mean, are you surprised? His screenname’s initials are ‘ND’ which means ‘non-disclosure’. If you thought we were going to tell you sheeple-sandwiches anything you were wrong! The Dude and I had a Masonic conference call after the interview and we laughed and laughed. I really wasn’t sure what we were laughing about since we’re both stupid, but it was funny nonetheless.

Network, I would get you a parting gift but as an Illuminati shill Mason you pretty much have everything you want, limitless supplies of other, other white meat, handy alibis and that special stain remover Clorox makes just for us. Thanks for participating Brother, I’ll bring the smokes next time I visit. Until next time.

so there won't be any free beer?

originally posted by: network dude

so there won't be any free beer?

After all the snow on the roof jokes?

a reply to: network dude
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus
Excellent job guys! I always enjoy these so much!

Awesome! I didn't know ND was a Mason. You sneaky evil bastard

This is probably my favorite thread. I hope you keep it going for a while.

This was disturbing. It caused me to start drinking.

Actually the sunrise caused me to start drinking, and oxygen caused me to start drinking, and being carbon-based caused me to start drinking. . . . .

But this was almost #8 on my list.

a reply to: Martin75

Glad you liked it. That meme is true by the way.

originally posted by: FauxMulder

Awesome! I didn't know ND was a Mason. You sneaky evil bastard

There's a lot of us weasely bastards here.

This is probably my favorite thread. I hope you keep it going for a while.

I've got some more people lined up, but I am always looking for suggestions.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: FauxMulder

I've got some more people lined up.

Well, pick one...and proceed with the firing squad for the others.


Great interview.

a reply to: IAMTAT

Thanks man, glad you liked it. The Dude did all the work though, I just ask the stupid questions.

You Masons must get the best PMs.

originally posted by: Kali74
You Masons must get the best PMs.

Hehe, I don't get as much hate mail as I used to but every once in awhile I get some doozies.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: Kali74
You Masons must get the best PMs.

Hehe, I don't get as much hate mail as I used to but every once in awhile I get some doozies.

You should make a thread about that. You don't have to use the names.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: Kali74
You Masons must get the best PMs.

Hehe, I don't get as much hate mail as I used to but every once in awhile I get some doozies.

Yeah.
I'm really sorry.

originally posted by: FauxMulder
You should make a thread about that. You don't have to use the names.

I never kept any of it, the last person was threatening to come here from Europe and kill me because of one of my edit messages.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
Yeah.
I'm really sorry.

It's cool, man, it's still early, send me a love note.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: FauxMulder
You should make a thread about that. You don't have to use the names.

I never kept any of it, the last person was threatening to come here from Europe and kill me because of one of my edit messages.

Send me what you've got on them.

I know people.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
Send me what you've got on them.

I know people.

His screenname rhymes with PeePeeSowboy.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: Kali74
You Masons must get the best PMs.

Hehe, I don't get as much hate mail as I used to but every once in awhile I get some doozies.

Then clearly you aren't trying hard enough.