Have Any Of You Noticed This Trend Also?

a reply to: TrueBrit

Ah, so you are too old-fashioned for the girls? That's too bad.

I am sure there is an old-fashioned girl out there, but probably not too easy to find. Church maybe?

I don't want to give unwanted advice, but it seems to me that you are not happy in the love department.

I was always extremely picky. I had very high standards - I wanted intelligence - a deep thinker, and someone who was not the typical conservative in my home state of Texas. By the time I was in my 30's, I had pretty much given up on finding the perfect guy, so I was resigned to being single the rest of my life. I gave up dating (to me, dating doesn't equal sex, it's just going out to dinner/movie/concert/etc.) because I felt it was a waste of my time getting disappointed with every guy I dated.

I had a friend from work who pushed me into a blind date with this guy her husband worked with. After much resistance, I finally caved and went on a double date with her and her husband. This guy was not into small talk. He started going into all the big subjects - politics, religion, social issues - right off the bat. I was intrigued with his style and his ability to think deeply on many subjects. We also saw eye-to-eye on all these subjects. We laughed about both being native Texans and not fitting in with the typical conservative stereotype.

Long story short, I married the guy and we will be celebrating our 17th wedding anniversary later this month.

Well, I'm a female and you have my attention since the first time I've read your posts in here. Although not in a romantic way, but I can say that I like you very much. I think you're intelligent (too smart for your own good) funny and have a kind heart. I like reading your posts and I am so sorry to hear you feel lonely; you seem a person very comfortable in your own skin.

It seems to me that you are a classic case of a man who never asks anything from others and then does not understand why he is not receiving anything. I am sure I am not the only female who pay attention to your many qualities. I am sure that at least a small percent of the females interacting with you wonder about a relationship with you.

From my experience if people treat you in a specific way or have specific expectations from you is because somehow, in a conscious or unconscious way this is what you let them think about you. Maybe you never show that you could need some friendly support or advice too. Maybe you are too smart for your own good (I said that already, didn't I?)
Your friends must have a reason to think that you are the right person to come to in times of need, and only you could have give them that conviction.

What about next time when one of your friends (male or female) comes to you with a relationships problem you share some too; "yes honey, I understand how you feel because you see, I also have this problem, for four years I don't seem to find a proper partner to eat breakfast with". Change roles for ones and maybe instead of being the one who always listen to your friends problems you became one of them, one who also have relationship problems. Worst case scenario you can get drunk together over the unfairness of this world

You said you don't want dating advises only to know if this is happen to others too. It does, I've known a lot of men like that, the eternal "friend" and never the lover. And they stayed that way until they had the guts to step forward and let some woman know about what they really feel.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: kaylaluv

I already have some idea.

Every woman I have spoken to says I need to take it easy, be prepared to date even if there is no reason to expect to fall in love. I would rather never be touched again than to date (modern speak for have a whole heap of sex with) someone I was not already in love with. I am too intense, that the wyrd is always upon me, that my heart is too close to the surface, and that openness terrifies, rather than intrigues.

I am obsolete essentially. This century has no use for me, as far as the advice I have received would indicate.

Awh how cute. Honestly not condescending or anything.

Your "problem" might just be that they think you got no emotional problems on your own so they can hand you a bit of theirs? If they'd talk to x about it, no he just had this bad break up, y no she just got cheated on, TrueBrit bingo no baggage.
Maybe?

a reply to: TrueBrit
Then to answer your actual question. It's just another persons view point. And sometimes that can be valuable.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: Advantage

Advantage, I am sure you will understand me when I say, that one of the reasons I enjoy my time here on ATS is that locally, there are very few people whose intellect provides a decent foil for my own. It is why I spend so much time here, speaking my mind, because often when I do it at home, or with friends, it either goes over their heads, or renders further discussion impossible from their perspective. I literally have to consume a bottle of rum in order to operate on a par with these people, though I love them dearly.

Low hanging fruit is one thing, but the sort that gets elephants drunk because it has been on the ground for a few weeks, fermenting, is not of the sort that I should be investing in. Besides, the issue is that I do not WANT fun. I have no use for it. I do not get turned on by whimsy or mere physicality. Soul is what turns my crank, so to speak, the shape of the flame which lights the eyes, that is what makes me fall like a gull with broken wings.

For anything less than that, I would not wish to have someone in my personal space!

I never said I was not complicated.

Hah! Absolutely. I love this place for the diversity of sorts... and the diversity of types of thinking. Some folks here I do hold dear.. rare few. Im having a hard time understanding folks arent little words on a screen and dont exist. LOL! I socialize rarely anymore and enjoy my reclusive tendencies. We have a huge old house.. sometimes I dont even see anyone.. not even my spouse. I cant take people much anymore. I get off of ATS for weeks, months, years at a time.

Bah, every man needs fun. Maybe you dont want it, but needing it is different. I think anyway! Im the wrong one to speak to you.. Im whimsical and enjoy mere physicality! BUT then someone came along and I gladly bowed and put my neck in the collar. Against what I thought was my nature.. sometimes stepping outside of what you THINK you are and go crazy pays off.
My husband is very much like you. He may be a combat vet and huge, I guard that outdated and obsolete quality in him like a hell hound.If he lost that I probably would not be interested in him anymore. Maybe you just need a strange sort of woman who sees you and grabs you by the d**K and bites your lip.. then says hello. SHave your damned face.. if thats you in the pic.

I'm a serial monogamous too true brit. I've had few relationships and the ones I have are long lasting. True romantics are a dyin breed.

True, I was alone for about 19 years. Two intimate relationships in that time frame. One lasted 18 months the other about 6. I was a single father of two. A daughter & a son. I had plenty of 1st dates, but when they found out I was a single parent...POOF gone like the wind.

I decided something was wrong with me. It wasn't. I was a normal as 3 o'clock in the afternoon. But I learned that I was vanilla just plain ole vanilla and the women I was interested in all wanted a more vibrant, flirty flavor, like a nice rainbow sherbet. I stayed the course, I stayed vanilla. Then one day I meet my Cherry On Top...my Carol. I knew this was the woman I was gonna grow old and die with. We've been married, Dec 3rd will be 11 years 15 years together. My advice to you my Brit friend........stay the course, be who you are. Stop trying so hard & let it just come to you. I don't mean calling an escort service "come to you" LOL. Just wait my man, love & relationships happen when your not looking for them to happen.

I mean this in a most respecting way......most women frown on men who have BETTER HAIR THAN THEM...pun intended. Be patient my friend...it'll come.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Maybe you talk too much.

a reply to: Peeple

Could be.

I would love to know where anyone I know gets the impression that I have no baggage though lol!

I really appreciate people coming forward with their thoughts on this topic. I realise there are more interesting topics available for discussion, and I value your time.

Nothing in the world that I can find at the moment is more interesting than seeing inside people. Without using a scalpel. This is such a bizarre venue for it.. on a device typing. THAT is more than interesting!

Thanks for the opportunity!

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: Mandroid7

All of which is probably sound advice, but rather avoids answering my query.

What is the root of this strange paradox. What about me makes folk believe I have anything useful to impart, when all I really know is how to survive the grinding, crushing void that surrounds me.

People rarely approach others with their problems looking for much more than an ear and confirmation of personal biases. I would guess you're an attentive listener and usually are agreeable, at least in the moment of the conversation, with the side of the individual who has brought a problem forward to you.

It is also possible that you have some manner of empathy that others pick up on, or that you project some sort of energy they need at the moment.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Pretty simple really, your isolation makes you a "safe" sounding board for the woes of others. They can unload and ask for guidance safe in the knowledge that their confidences will remain inviolate. They obviously give no thought whatsoever to you obvious lack of credibility on the subject, but I'd guess the fact your are not involved with the opposite sex means you're....................BRILLIANT! At least in their eyes!

As for your isolation, maybe you should consider putting down the bottle!

originally posted by: TonyS
a reply to: TrueBrit


As for your isolation, maybe you should consider putting down the bottle!

And shave that fur on your face. Youre NOT Grizzly Adams, Yosemite Sam, or Neil Fallon. Im fighting my husband on this as we speak.. he likes to look like a werewolf and frighten people I guess..

a reply to: TrueBrit

Maybe it's precisely because you seem so immune to the pitfalls of dating/romance/relationships that people and this lady in particular seek you out? Maybe they see you as above it all? Smarter than that?

Anyways, I'm sorry you're lonely...you have us.

originally posted by: kosmicjack
a reply to: TrueBrit



Anyways, I'm sorry you're lonely...you have us.

Good lord.. dont send the man into therapy!

a reply to: TonyS

I spend very little time drinking, relative to the time I spend doing anything else and when I do, I tend to drink for flavour, not to get drunk, and savour it, rather than sinking it like an out of control submarine commander.

Do not get me wrong, I can party with the best of them, but I really LIKE the drinks and so I want them in my mouth more than in my belly!

As for confidences remaining inviolate... That makes a decent measure of sense. It's not as if I am going to share anything during pillow talk, which might end up in the wild all of a sudden.

a reply to: Advantage

That fur on my face is a part of me. I do not wax my chest, I do not cut my hair, I do not waste time in prettification because I consider these things unbecoming of a gentleman. The only time I remove hair from my face, is when summer strikes with too much ferocity to allow a full beard to remain, and even then, my chin fur and moustaches shall always remain.

Some things are worth sacrifice, but not worth sacrificing. Beards are one of those things.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: Advantage

That fur on my face is a part of me. I do not wax my chest, I do not cut my hair, I do not waste time in prettification because I consider these things unbecoming of a gentleman. The only time I remove hair from my face, is when summer strikes with too much ferocity to allow a full beard to remain, and even then, my chin fur and moustaches shall always remain.

Some things are worth sacrifice, but not worth sacrificing. Beards are one of those things.

Body hair, fine.
fur on face to obscure you is infuriating! No facial hair! Sorry, transferring my anger about the husbands demand to look like hes some mountain man all winter onto you. Ugh.. ok.. a Goatee? Porkchops or whatever that sideburn thing is? ANYTHING but making it impossible to read you easily. Besdies, a mouth full of hair is a downer.

a reply to: kosmicjack

Kosmicjack,

I doubt highly that any of my friends would see me as above it all in that regard. They know where I stand. Many of them know that I am seeking some stability in my business, so I can afford to take some time off to get a little therapy and get my head right about a great many things, including but in no way limited to, the particulars of my isolation.