Have Any Of You Noticed This Trend Also?

a reply to: TrueBrit

Call the "smart guy" he knows.

Think it's that basic.

You are like listening to a Knight Crusader talk. I find it cool.
Not many people wear their honor on their sleeves like you. It is refreshing.
People probably recognize you as the guy that does the right thing.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: seattlerat

So you too are familiar with the strange coincidence of having no relevant data to impart, but being asked for your opinion anyway?

How does this sort of thing affect you, when it happens?

To be frank, it is hurtful and confusing. It makes me feel as if the person I thought knew me well, really doesn't have a clue. Then, I begin to question whether or not I know that person as well as I had believed.

Darling man. Come to the U.S. for a couple of months, and take a finance or girlfriend back with you.
American women will be all over you. Promise.

I typically dont expose a lot about myself, but I will here for a reason. Having people come to you for relationship advise or to dump on you their angst about "love" is a burden I wouldnt want. I dont have it much now either.. when I give relationship advise its so bunt and comes from what I truly think, I think theyre horrified. LOL! I think a little different from others... so its strange for them I think. Now you, i know your kind. You just wait and your companion will come. Mine did.

I get a lot of male attention and always have. Even now, Im still shaped like a coke bottle, petite, dark, etc. But I never could find anyone I actually liked. Id date for sport or etc... but never really invested anything. I made many enemies and a few true friends in the process. Then out of the blue someone came along that tolerated and even was amused by my quirks, craziness, and interests. Im visual, so I liked what I saw.. but what hooked me was his physicality with me teamed up wth his brain. Any man who can have a convo about the existence of God evident in quantum physics theories after sex and smoking in bed naked... thats MINE. I admit Im arrogant, egotistical, vain, have a huge dark side to me, temperamental, dualistic, demanding, etc... only a certain type of person can handle all that even if they fall for the package they see initially.. my physical attributes. I invested in this man... something Im NOT prone to doing with other human beings! Your match will come out of the blue and knock you down.
As for the relationship advising... stop being nice. Tell them the truth. I have a truthfulness thats almost a fault. Stop manipulating them with nice things and tell them the blatant full bare naked truth. Thats what I did and do. People want what my husband and I have... tough crap. It takes being born under a bad sign I guess. LOL! They ask advise.. I vomit it out from the pit of my truthful place. Why put a nice spin on things people come to you for just because you can? Something is broken in the first place if they are coming to you.. dont waste their time OR yours. See how many whiners come back for more advise when youre not telling them things sugar coated becuase youre a caring human being.

a reply to: TrueBrit

You have to put yourself out there, TrueBrit. Is there really anyone else to blame?

a reply to: searcherfortruth

Hmmm... Perhaps.

Still, when I want a table built, I speak to a joiner. When I want advice about a car, I talk to my mechanic friend. By that logic, asking someone who is not in a relationship about relationships seems foolish!

originally posted by: angeldoll
Darling man. Come to the U.S. for a couple of months, and take a finance or girlfriend back with you.
American women will be all over you. Promise.

I was thinking the same thing. You may not even have to go as far as America (but you are sure welcome to visit me here in Seattle if you feel inclined). Try taking a trip to a few hundred KM away to another part of your country, or, better yet, take a longer trip to a neighboring country. There is something about getting away from your home town (at least for me) that makes it easier to meet people...

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: Mandroid7

All of which is probably sound advice, but rather avoids answering my query.

What is the root of this strange paradox. What about me makes folk believe I have anything useful to impart, when all I really know is how to survive the grinding, crushing void that surrounds me.

Being smart. Regardless of the topic if you come off as smart for any reason people will assume that you are smart at everything, and some of the time that may be the case.

paying a dummy will stop the circle and it may just help you land a partner too ha!ha

a reply to: seattlerat

See, this is something I am VERY familiar with.

Unfortunately, I usually have to remind myself that there is no malice in what they are doing, in order to be reasonable about it at all, that there can be no malice, because for all that my friends are wonderful people most of the time, sometimes they become ignorant of all else, so wrapped in their issues as they are. It is easy to forgive them, because they mean no harm, but not so easy to bare their burden on top of my own.

a reply to: LesMisanthrope

LesMisanthrope,

This is not about me. It's about people seeking my advice despite my evident lack of qualification or even laypersons level of knowledge of the subject matter concerned!

I would say it is because you are a good listener. Women mostly just want someone to vent to when they are upset. Men are hardwired to "fix" things, so they tend to view things from that prospective.

Why don't you have a heart-to-heart with one of these girl - friends and ask their opinion on why you are alone? Ask for their total honesty. I'd be curious to hear what they would say - wouldn't you?

I think I need to ad to my wall of text that people like you... the genuine nice ones... we need to keep and cherish. Your kind are so valuable and we need to protect that so you arent forced to change. Please dont take the advise to change.. your rarity is precious I think. I envy it.

a reply to: TrueBrit

I think the answer is you are safe. Any answer won't really matter enough to act on.

I do not do dating

I don't know what this means. A "date" can be meeting for coffee. You always say no way?

I was single for 5 years but when i decided to not be single any longer I committed to saying yes.

I said yes to anyone (no preconceived look or type) who asked me to go anywhere and do anything within reason. On the first "date" I made sure we talked enough so they knew some things about me as I am like you "different". I am not like most people in any way. So I would tell them what I will not condone and what will be no part of my life and what I need and insist on.

This removed most after the first "date' a date was sometimes a walk in the park. So the ones who still hang in there and wanted to meet again I basically grilled. I caught some faking what they wanted to match my needs as I was above average attractive and they wanted one thing. To be sure takes time and effort. Eventually I met several who were wonderful people and seemed a good match for me and I had to narrow it down and let some go...hard to do make a choice and see where it goes.

A relationship takes a ton of effort especially at first a few years of adjusting causes fights and rifts but people must not be quick to change they need to hang tight. I have been married now 20 some years and we fit like hand and glove, we share everything and are best friends.

Relationships are like a job, jobs won't jump out at you, you have to seek them and make an effort. People who are in a circle of the same people and never branch out will have to be rather lucky to ever find a good match. People who are surrounded by 'old friends" have a further problem in that those Friends have to be accepted by the new relation and vise versa also.

a reply to: Advantage

Advantage,

With regard to your comment about sugar coating, believe you me, I have had to turn around and let a person know how bloody stupid they are being on several occasions, because if I can see it, then the fact that they are blind to their witlessness requires the short, sharp slap. However, why they end up on my doorstep, figuratively speaking, is beyond me.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: Advantage

Advantage,

With regard to your comment about sugar coating, believe you me, I have had to turn around and let a person know how bloody stupid they are being on several occasions, because if I can see it, then the fact that they are blind to their witlessness requires the short, sharp slap. However, why they end up on my doorstep, figuratively speaking, is beyond me.

Because youre the "smart" one.. even if you evidently and publicly dont date and etc. People are weird.. thats my answer. Its beyond me as well!
Im a predator... weak ones are low hanging fruit and easy to pluck. You can see the weak ones when they come for advise.. you have a choice.. be bad or be good. Being bad is sometimes a hell of a lot of fun..

a reply to: TrueBrit

This is not about me. It's about people seeking my advice despite my evident lack of qualification or even laypersons level of knowledge of the subject matter concerned!

Apologies for that. Bloody empathy.

It is probably because you are a good friend and listener. The kids call it the "friend-zone" these days.

a reply to: kaylaluv

I already have some idea.

Every woman I have spoken to says I need to take it easy, be prepared to date even if there is no reason to expect to fall in love. I would rather never be touched again than to date (modern speak for have a whole heap of sex with) someone I was not already in love with. I am too intense, that the wyrd is always upon me, that my heart is too close to the surface, and that openness terrifies, rather than intrigues.

I am obsolete essentially. This century has no use for me, as far as the advice I have received would indicate.

Dude, don't you know how it works in today's age? Just grab an by the p#@!y!

Seriuoslu though. From reading your posts for quite some time I can tell you're intelligent and have an awesome sense of humor. That being said, you see through the b.s. of modern day "courtship" because it's a circle jerk of attention seeking and chest beating. Good luck to you, my good man. There's a lady out there looking for you.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Doesn't mean you are not capable of having an objective or subjective opinion or advice about what a relationship is or is not, I would venture to say you have had some relationships along the way and perhaps some wisdom permeated through!

a reply to: Advantage

Advantage, I am sure you will understand me when I say, that one of the reasons I enjoy my time here on ATS is that locally, there are very few people whose intellect provides a decent foil for my own. It is why I spend so much time here, speaking my mind, because often when I do it at home, or with friends, it either goes over their heads, or renders further discussion impossible from their perspective. I literally have to consume a bottle of rum in order to operate on a par with these people, though I love them dearly.

Low hanging fruit is one thing, but the sort that gets elephants drunk because it has been on the ground for a few weeks, fermenting, is not of the sort that I should be investing in. Besides, the issue is that I do not WANT fun. I have no use for it. I do not get turned on by whimsy or mere physicality. Soul is what turns my crank, so to speak, the shape of the flame which lights the eyes, that is what makes me fall like a gull with broken wings.

For anything less than that, I would not wish to have someone in my personal space!

I never said I was not complicated.