Spiritually violated twice in a row

This is a follow-up to the thread linked below.

Is doubt the greatest relationship destroyer?

I got back in touch with my last real-life girlfriend, and she told me that she's not sure if she wants to have a baby. Essentially the entire reason I broke up with her is because she told me she had to have her own baby. She admitted that she lied about that.

Here's how that break happened:

I met a woman online who I really clicked with. She told me that she wouldn't consider being in a relationship with me unless I broke with my girlfriend. Since I never want to have a child and the woman I met online didn't want another child, I thought breaking up with my girlfriend was the right choice. I broke up with her.

The woman I met online went on to tell me several days later that she was married.

If the first woman would have told me the truth sooner, I never would have left her. If the second woman would have told me the truth sooner, I never would have gotten together with her or left my last real-life girlfriend. My last real-life girlfriend and I were deeply in love, and I would have stayed with her for as long as possible if I knew the truth.

I may never try a serious relationship again.

a reply to: Profusion

Profusion,

I have to say, you might have been better off not looking elsewhere in the first damned place. You take your eye off the ball, and you get what you get.

Also, I would avoid getting into a relationship with anyone, until you are capable of committing to one with yourself.

a reply to: TrueBrit

I think if you review what you wrote in the thread linked to in the original post, you may understand how I felt after my last real-life girlfriend tried to break up with me the way she did. I was heartbroken and in great pain. Since I thought we were doomed long-term, I may have been looking for a way out subconsciously. I wasn't consciously looking for someone else, the thing with the second woman happened by accident.

a reply to: Profusion
In both of your post you refer to your girlfriend as your "real life girlfriend"

What is the alternative? Do you have non real life girlfriends? It just seems like something a preteen might say to add weight to the "girlfriend" title.

a reply to: Quantumgamer1776

I have to make a distinction between the relationship that only happened online and on the phone with the last one that was a real-life relationship.

a reply to: Profusion

Well my friend? Shoulda, coulda, woulda...we all have regrets. But things happen for a reason, you know?

If it was meant to be? Well...we wouldn't be here now talking about it...and they say you can't go home again.

But it is nice to visit...you just can't stay. Don't give up...there are wonderful women out there!

Well...except my ex-wife...she' a she-devil...( God bless her!).

a reply to: Profusion

You obviously let your Weiner do the thinking for you and
as it often does - led you down the run path.
Go do some push-ups and sit-ups and get them both
out of your system.

BRIDGES BURNT.
www.youtube.com...

Good luck and oh - with better physique comes more options in the dating pool.

a reply to: Profusion

My last real-life girlfriend and I were deeply in love,

Then why did you break up? Obviously you weren't seriously in love if you broke off for an online romance.

a reply to: Profusion

"I got back in touch with my last real-life girlfriend, and she told me that she's not sure if she wants to have a baby. Essentially the entire reason I broke up with her is because she told me she had to have her own baby. She admitted that she lied about that. "

And stuff happens. Maybe she lied, maybe she didn't. If your last girlfriend was under the age of 30, and not medically altered to never have a baby, then she has every right to change her mind a dozen times, to whether or not she wants her own child.

They way you worded the above, makes it sound like if she got pregnant, you'd have left her......still, never is never, "never"

a reply to: TheConstruKctionofLight

I got divorced because I refused to have a child. I was facing having to move to live with the first woman. There were other complications that were going to make our relationship very hard. I felt like our relationship was doomed, and I was going to have to get out before we moved in together. If I would have known she was lying about having to have a baby, I wouldn't have left her.

originally posted by: snowspirit
a reply to: Profusion

"I got back in touch with my last real-life girlfriend, and she told me that she's not sure if she wants to have a baby. Essentially the entire reason I broke up with her is because she told me she had to have her own baby. She admitted that she lied about that. "

And stuff happens. Maybe she lied, maybe she didn't. If your last girlfriend was under the age of 30, and not medically altered to never have a baby, then she has every right to change her mind a dozen times, to whether or not she wants her own child.

They way you worded the above, makes it sound like if she got pregnant, you'd have left her......still, never is never, "never"

She was abstaining from having sex until after marriage. Your supposition is wrong.

a reply to: Profusion

Good to know.
That's rare these days.

The right person will be out there, you'll discover her when you least expect it, and it should be relatively easy (without too much complication).

originally posted by: Profusion


I think if you review what you wrote in the thread linked to in the original post, you may understand how I felt after my last real-life girlfriend tried to break up with me the way she did. I was heartbroken and in great pain. Since I thought we were doomed long-term, I may have been looking for a way out subconsciously. I wasn't consciously looking for someone else, the thing with the second woman happened by accident.

^^^^^That^^^^^ Hardly bodes well .

Defination of doom = condemn to certain destruction ... a terrible fate...a fate

worse than death


You seem to be accident prone!!

Well best luck in the future. Take it slow, there's no need to rush in with anyone. I've learned from dating online to never take what anyone says at face value, until their actions can prove what they say. Now to that effect, I also told you there is no relationship without trust, so you should find a way to figure out what you want right now, and what you know you don't want, and then start observing until you find a woman who fits into that category. Then see if there is any chemistry!



But above all, no trust, no love.

-Alee

That sucks man, women are complex and they are very detailed. Like me, I am brought to this post because I too am having bad luck. Over 3 months of trying to get to know someone I want a relationship with, I did one thing wrong during that whole time, and because that is literally the only valid thing I did wrong it is used against me.

Freaking heart broken. But she sees that when I get that way I seclude myself and cry it out instead of bringing even a small amount of drama to her, then I am credited for that so hopefully we will be hugging and kissing in one week.

Given that you were flirting, & at least emotionally cheating on your "real life gf", I wouldn't try to claim the high road being emotionally violated here. Especially since you were so "in love".

May I ask why you do not wish to have children? Did you grow up in an abusive environment? Were you an only child that lived in isolation of your peers? Are you so absorbed in your career there is not room for anything else??

I find it really sad that you chose to divorce someone over this issue alone.

I may never try a serious relationship again.

good idea.

a reply to: Profusion

Many a horses ass has got it's head stuck in a fence nibbling at grass in an adjacent pasture... I guess it's bird in the hand instead of any in the bush as they toast each other in sisterhood with a nice glass of wine; and why not? Hetero-men have been playing games to bed and milk as many "cows" as possible, so being weak hearted leading to weak minded leading to being weak willed... has led you into this sorry state of affairs.

Number one if a woman is with you at all? You are her choice regardless of your desire for or against children making your head swim around. Head swimming around heart swaggering about in the comfort of that bird in hand and bush and feeling secure enough, lemme see those other "options" seeing another option now you've got nothing but hands and knees pleading to the first.

Have you learned your lesson?

Lessons do not come easy; and there is more of them contained in this situation than character count allows for posts.

I suggest not doing the whoa is me; or blaming anyone other than your head and heart being at odds with each other for your situation... and taking the time to sort your head and heart. You were in the GF's heart she knew how you felt and since she was with you that was on her mind obviously by not going surprise we're preggers! But it was still on your mind; and instead of communicating with your GF that should have been your heart and mind too? Easier to try and nibble some grass because head and heart out of sorts...

If the GF does for some reason take you back? You bloodly well better appreciate it; and understand that you do not deserve her in any way shape or form if she does; so respect her and treat her right and always above and before yourself if she does.

If not? No one to blame but oneself.

Perhaps you did not like your girlfriend if you were looking elsewhere?