It's my right to Piss you Off. AND IF YOU ARE......

a reply to: intrepid

It is indeed your right to be offended. But I wouldn't say it is your fault for doing so. If your opponent knew your weaknesses, and exploited them, he might be at fault for that. But how he knew your weaknesses, how you felt when they were exploited, and how you reacted to that are all your fault.

a reply to: Snarl

There are no consequences... "anymore"

I've had the general realization that the only person I can control is me.

If I am offended by something, then I need to stop and examine why. Then I need to stop and examine if the offense is truly worth it. Some are and some are not. Is any random internet offense worth that level of emotion? And if it is, what is an appropriate response? Should I lash out or simply move on? Which one is likely to do more to preserve my own sanity in the end?

a reply to: intrepid

It's funny. Yesterday I had a huge "argument" with someone while playing something so simple as a coputer game.

They were flaming and I called it out on them. They were trolling their team and trying to trigger me (on the oppositeteam) through the in-game chat.

I wasn't offended one bit, the troll was getting progressively more angered by this. By the end of the game he said "I'm within a hairs width of beating you to death", and then left.

When I asked him why he was doing/saying all this, the answer was simple."Just because he could".

Edit:
I didn't know this person - it was random match making. Don't know their age, but when I quizzed them about this they felt like they had to make a point that they were "43 and married with two kids".

I took this with a pinch of salt, true or false, what a role model/contributer of society

a reply to: intrepid

You know, but on the flip side, people get "offended" WAY too often these days.

Take an interaction with my aunt on social media last week--she posted an internet meme of Elizabeth Warren talking about "social contracts" to "pay it forward" via taxation on businesses. My aunt posted it because she like the "pay it forward" part, but when I pointed out that this speech is all about forced paying it forward via increased federal taxation (the point of Warren's speech from which the quote was pulled), she got all pissy at me for 'ruining her good feeling' and causing her to get irritated.

All I did was add the appropriate context to the post, yet my absolving of her ignorance to the context of the quote hurt her feelings and made her upset--and then she still commented that she will interpret it whatever way she wants to. Then she deleted the post because of her "ruined feelings."

I mean, come on. We live in a culture (that permeates much of the globe, not just the U.S.) where people live in fantasy worlds contained within bubbles that contain safe zones so that words--even facts--can't hurt them. And when words do hurt them, they throw temper tantrums (not you, so don't infer that from this) because someone dared to stray from the yes-men circle of opinions with which they've surrounded themselves.

You can't always blame the person communicating for the other's reaction. Yes, there are those trolls out there that just say things to get a rise out of people, but many times, if not most, people's reactions to comments really are their "fault," because they have allowed themselves to be groomed to believe that any dissenting opinion or comment is a purposeful attack on their character or (perceived) intelligence.

a reply to: ketsuko

Are you a wise old Grandpa Walton type granddad?

If not, you'll likely make a great and wise one. Congrats on your insightful wisdom.

PTL.

EXCELLENT POINTS. THANKS.

It seems like an increasing percentage of society's ATTACHMENT DISORDERED individuals

live totally in Alice's rabbit hole.

. . . getting crazier and crazier by the minute . . .

originally posted by: SlapMonkey
a reply to: intrepid

You know, but on the flip side, people get "offended" WAY too often these days.

Take an interaction with my aunt on social media last week--she posted an internet meme of Elizabeth Warren talking about "social contracts" to "pay it forward" via taxation on businesses. My aunt posted it because she like the "pay it forward" part, but when I pointed out that this speech is all about forced paying it forward via increased federal taxation (the point of Warren's speech from which the quote was pulled), she got all pissy at me for 'ruining her good feeling' and causing her to get irritated.

All I did was add the appropriate context to the post, yet my absolving of her ignorance to the context of the quote hurt her feelings and made her upset--and then she still commented that she will interpret it whatever way she wants to. Then she deleted the post because of her "ruined feelings."

I mean, come on. We live in a culture (that permeates much of the globe, not just the U.S.) where people live in fantasy worlds contained within bubbles that contain safe zones so that words--even facts--can't hurt them. And when words do hurt them, they throw temper tantrums (not you, so don't infer that from this) because someone dared to stray from the yes-men circle of opinions with which they've surrounded themselves.

You can't always blame the person communicating for the other's reaction. Yes, there are those trolls out there that just say things to get a rise out of people, but many times, if not most, people's reactions to comments really are their "fault," because they have allowed themselves to be groomed to believe that any dissenting opinion or comment is a purposeful attack on their character or (perceived) intelligence.

originally posted by: BO XIAN
a reply to: ketsuko

Are you a wise old Grandpa Walton type granddad?

If not, you'll likely make a great and wise one. Congrats on your insightful wisdom.

PTL.

Nope.

Just a middle-aged part-time housewife.

People who want to be offensive, controversial or negative will always find a way to be offensive, controversial or negative.

People who want to be offended, angry or reactive will always find a way to be offended, angry or reactive.

Just like the the people who want to be happy and nice will always find a way to be happy and nice.

Seriously, decide what you want to be and just try it.



Though, in general I feel that if a person can be offended by words alone, then they deserve to be offended.

a reply to: BO XIAN

You seem to be obsessed with "attachment disorder" I've seen you bring it up several times.

While I don't disagree it's an issue worth looking at, I don't think it's the be-all-end-all behind all the ills of society.

originally posted by: BO XIAN
a reply to: MystikMushroom

WELL PUT, INDEED.

Though I think that the 'knowing how to control' by pushing emotional buttons is not always all that conscious.

I think it's more reflexive rather than premeditated.

I think it is MORE a kind of striking out--vengence, retaliation, or 'merely' just spewing out of their chronic inner angst and gritch. See my post above.

It's much simpler than what you've outlined.

People feel a need to be in control of their environment and life. Pushing someone's buttons causes a reaction. Like a trained monkey or animal, we learn that pushing certain buttons illicits certain responses and fallout from people.

If we are cruel and mean to our partner, their self-esteem is lowered and we "break them" -- we have greater control over it. The more we do this, the more of an effect we see. It's self-reinforcing.

We may never admit to doing it, but we know deep down that is why we are mean and cruel to others. It makes us feel better.

And that may or may not tie into deep-rooted psychological issues from being beaten as a child, neglectful parents or whatever -- but it's so widespread today that I'm going to make a bold statement:

OUR CULTURE PERPETUATES A FEELING OF ISOLATION AND POWERLESSNESS TO EVERYONE WITHIN IT.

There.

You could come from the most well-adjusted home with the most loving parents and best possible upbringing, but our culture is a perversion. It fetishizes objects and places us all into a global rat-race, chasing endless forms of false happiness and understanding. It disconnects us while distracting us.

We are told we aren't important. Get a job. Be like X and dress like Y. Buy this car, own that home. Have a wife that looks like this. That is how you are going to be happy.

Well, happiness isn't some kind of destination you can buy a ticket to. You can't just acquire all the "things" and be happy. We end up realizing this, and inside we feel betrayed and powerless to the world we exist in. The sham is known to us and we feel helpless to doing anything about the crappy state of things.

So, we change and take control over what we can. Ourselves and those around us.

We abuse drugs. We loose ourselves in fantasy and video games. We manipulate people around us in order to gain a grip over our world. We gratify our ego and further the cycle of anti-communal behavior that is destroying us as a people.

Children play "make believe" and use their imagination to escape a reality they have no control over. Fantasy provides children an escape into an alternate universe where they DO have control. And what are we seeing today?

Adults acting more child-like by the minute every damn day.

It doesn't matter how or who raised you -- the culture will poison you.

a reply to: ketsuko

Wellllll, imho, you could impersonate one real well. Congrats on being a wise MAMA then!

originally posted by: MystikMushroom
a reply to: BO XIAN

You seem to be obsessed with "attachment disorder" I've seen you bring it up several times.

While I don't disagree it's an issue worth looking at, I don't think it's the be-all-end-all behind all the ills of society.

Yeah, it is a pet hobby horse.

However, I REALLY DO BELIEVE that it IS the foundational problem behind a LONG list of social ills.

One of my teaching colleagues and I were discussing RAD. I asked him what percentage of the general population he thought were afflicted by it. He gave the standard professional figure of 20%. I said I disagreed. I felt it was 80%. I'm now wondering if it's not 90-95%.

We discussed our definitions . . . I said that I considered an individual to have significant attachment disorder when it was evident that their family, marriage and work relationships were persistently conflicted as a result of such dynamics.

Then he agreed with my 80% figure.

I just know that in my classes with 3,000+ students over two continents . . . less than 3% of the students seemed MOSTLY free of RAD. Probably it was actually less than 1%.

In many classes, I couldn't point to a single student without any significant evidence of RAD.

I encourage you to check out the facts about it.

I mention it because it is not widely KNOWN ENOUGH. And it causes grief in families, work situations, schools etc.

95% of the prisoners in our prisons have serious levels of attachment disorder.

It's nice to say and pretend that RAD cannot be such a broad scale foundational problem. I'd love to believe that.

It's just not so.

And I'm happy to try my best to inform, educate, alert as many as possible to the serious problems related to RAD.

. . . at every opportunity . . .

a reply to: MystikMushroom

THANKS for your many excellent points.

GREATLY AGREE.

Certainly the culture intensifies isolation and feelings of isolation etc. etc. etc. to horrendous results.

HOWEVER, well parented individuals are the MOST resilient against all manner of ills--even social pressures to conform to insane models.

a reply to: intrepid

Cowardly sadist who enjoy pushing the buttons of other people while behind a computer screen. I'm pretty sure they lack real personal power out in reality.

n, IMHO , People with an actual purpose and a schedule to keep are rarely of the petty nature..

I actually agree with the premise in your OP even though I know you didn't want to promote it as way to conduct oneself. I would make a change to it and I know you already alluded to this in that I CANNOT 'piss' you off. Only you can make that choice.

Also, I don't TRY to piss people off...I am just an asshole in general who will say what he thinks. If in the course of that if you decide to become angry then, yes, it IS your fault.

Do I care if you become angry? No.

Do I care if you are offended? No.

Do I care if you don't like me? No.

One can take these positions when one is comfortable with themselves. It took me a long time to get where I am and frankly I am still growing to this day and even changing my positions. I don't know it all nor am I always right, but I know each time I am challenged I become better.

Maybe we should look at being challenged as an opportunity and not a chance for an emotional meltdown?

a reply to: Metallicus

Also, I don't TRY to piss people off...I am just an asshole in general who will say what he thinks. If in the course of that if you decide to become angry then, yes, it IS your fault.

You are spot on! Oh my, that list of "I dont give a fukks".. Are you a Scorpio!?

Seriously though, if people would gauge their own reactions the world would be a more peaceful place. You cannot force anyone into your POV, so arguing with the opposition is futile and a giant waste of good energy. If I may quote my signature line:

While common man looks to blame other people and blame fate
noble man looks for the fault within himself.
I Ching

American lifestyle for you.

"They call it freedom. I only see slavery"
"They call it free speech, I only see lies."
"They call it peace, I only see wars."
"They call it land of the free, I see no free lands."

a reply to: intrepid

That's a pretty vague and general rant but it seems specific. Someone pissed you off today?

How and why did this happen?

originally posted by: ketsuko
Another question to ask is:

If something someone does annoys or offends, why must people today err to the side of it being done intentionally with an eye toward annoying or offending no matter how inane a comment or seemingly inconsequential an action it is?

I think you hit on it exactly Ketsuko. I have come to believe it's also has it's causation in high density population areas. With large populations anonymity seems to make people think they can behave any way they want no matter how despicable because their likelihood of an actual confrontation is astronomically unlikely. It seems that is changing however as society becomes jaded to rage and killings.