14 habits of exceptionally likable people

Richard Feloni and Mike Nudelman

Apr. 8, 2015, 11:00 AM
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HERE'S HOW TO BE EXCEPTIONALLY LIKABLE

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www.businessinsider.com...

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[1.] Develop a positive mental attitude and let it be seen and felt by others.
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[2.]Always speak in a carefully disciplined, friendly tone.
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[I think that one is very crucial and one most often ignored by most people]
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[3.]Pay close attention to someone speaking to you.
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[5.]Be patient.
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[8.]Know that not all your thoughts need to be expressed.
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I think this is a great list worth a lot of pondering--even prayerful pondering.

I think the one about having someone you trust point out your flaws is a very important one, too. It can save you years of grief IF you are serious about being the best person you can be; and, IF you want to truly be happier and more fulfilled.

Of course, even the best list is not useful if folks neglect to put the items into practice. I believe each of these items can bring a rich reward in the life of anyone who diligently endeavors to apply them.

I also like the video at the bottom of this page about:

SCIENTISTS FIGURED OUT HOW TO AVOID MAKING A BAD FIRST IMPRESSION.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Who cares if people like you? I sure as hell don't.

Look at the front runner for the GOP.. he does none of that, yet he is likable.

The article you posted is more of a "how to be an acceptable mid-level manager".

a reply to: C8H10N4O2

Yes, it can be applied to a mid-level management strategy, position.

However, it's practical in all relationships.

TRUE, it is unwise to live overly sensitive to what others think of us. The Book says that the "fear of man is a trap." And it is.

However, one could think that your comment meant that folks should not want people to like them. Or that behaving in a way that cultivates attractiveness is somehow mystifyingly bad. I would not agree with that.

There's no constructive point or merit in going through life as a brash, contrary, disagreeable, prickly jerk.

Why not learn to behave in a way that others find likeable, attractive. Usually such factors are correlated with personal emotional, psychological and interpersonal health--and even physical health. Why not cultivate a healthier way of being in the world?

AS A CASE IN POINT.

I know of a somewhat elderly lady in a pottery class. She and her dentist husband are retired. They are of a particular Christian denomination that is often considered a cult by many mainline denominations. She is the daughter of an MD.

She fiercely espouses the philosophy you asserted in the beginning of your post.

She also happens to chronically have an imperial attitude--that she can do jolly well what she wants and to blazes with the customs and rules of the pottery lab and to blazes with what others may feel about her arrogance and 'queen-bee' behaviors.

She has shredded whatever impact she might have wanted to have for her "Christian" values. Most of the other women in the lab cannot stand her. And a few come close to loathing the ground she walks on--because of her haughty superiority attitude; her IMPERIAL behaviors etc. And, when confronted by several in the group--she merely replies that she does NOT CARE AT ALL what others think of her. End of discussion.

Needless to say--she's NOT a sweetness and light addition to the class nor the culture of the pottery lab. Many folks deliberately choose to take whatever class time she is NOT in--even when it's an inconvenience for them to do so.

a reply to: C8H10N4O2

Well, I don't put others liking me as a priority either, but I've grown to naturally do all the things in the op. Not because I'm trying but because I met myself or God or something and I've never been the same since.

We are both on a website where the general consensus is the world Is going in bad directions in many ways that seem unstoppable.

The light I now have makes it all ok anyway.

And when I go to work in 11 hours everyone will be glad I'm back after 2 days off.

Heh it feels good to be good and then others feel good around you and their feeling of good makes you feel good all over.. A perfect catch 22. A fire that an return the same wood, spread and be stronger.
It has nothing to do with what I think about other people perceiving me its just genuine me.


Life is good haha.

Well, I certainly do not share the "who cares what others think or feel towards you" position.
It matters to me, and I tend to suspect that it does to everyone on some level. We are social animals.

I tend to get sort of bitter and resentful at these sorts of lists, because I feel they are misleading.
They tend to put these principles into a context as if they are universal human law.
Then you go in another culture and find out they can be completely off - they can mean the exact opposite in another culture.

So yeah.... they are applicable and effective in some places, but remember to remain flexible and open minded, because they may come up as useless in some contexts!!!
(this is important because when they don't work, it might be important to question your own behavior, rather than just assuming the other is a jerk.)

a reply to: Reverbs

Thanks much for your kind and well put reply.

I HEARTILY AGREE.

And when it is genuine--the results and harvest from that sowing are also of the best quality.

It appears you are finding that out.

And--it's great that it applies in good times and bad. It's even more valuable in bad times.

I'm reminded of Rudyard Kipling's IF.

a reply to: Bluesma

You are right

Especially the first thing you said about social animals..

And then also one of the 14 points is having an open mind.

I think part of being positive has to include an open mind. If you come to something different you can fight it or learn. In a work environment for instance I will tell a manager a huge issue just so they know what's up, but then I say "I've got this."

open minds "get the job done" or "compromise." Any social relation can benefit from that.

a reply to: Bluesma

GREAT POINTS.

However, anyone going to the bother of traveling to another culture . . . or even within some in-country other sub-cultures--ONE WOULD HOPE

that

such a person would have the good sense to CHECK OUT FIRST what the cultural norms were for that group--particularly in terms of social graces and anything likely to be perceived as dramatic or emotional or unusual.

But on the whole, in my travels across the planet and 15 years of living overseas in SE Asia . . . people everywhere are MORE ALIKE than they are different. And their basic people needs are essentially the same.

True, some of the expressions of such needs may be different or have slightly or significantly different 'flavors' in their expressions . . . but the underlying needs are the same. And, when the heart is positive, earnest, kind--usually even major social goofs are not a lasting block to building closer relationships--even cross-culturally.

Of course, one doesn't shake hands with the left hand in Arab countries.

And one doesn't motion "come here" with the fingers up in a Chinese or Asian country.

But that level of goof should be learned before travel to such regions.

a reply to: C8H10N4O2
Being well liked can come with many advantages, whenever I'm in hospital I always do my best to be super nice to all the staff from cleaners to surgeons. It helps, because nurses answer your bell first, you may take priority when seeing your Drs and the tea making staff know exactly how you like your tea, so you get a good brew most of the time. In the uk where it's universal healthcare not private. Who you know becomes far more important than finances. So it pays to be nice in the long run

I think part of being positive has to include an open mind

a reply to: Reverbs

Unless it is so open "stuff" issues forth

a reply to: BO XIAN

Many people I worked with use to use me as a sounding board because they knew I kept quiet and that I would say exactly what I thought. In fact when I left on my card it said could always be relied upon to tell you straight quietly.

I think also though chemistry plays a part in likeable people. Some people have good chemistry which everyone is easy with, a few just don't.

Today though the work place is very different with promotions harder to get, with more on the line even to keep your job until the bosses can find some cheaper labour, regardless of efficiency and experience etc etc its only about profit in many places.

a reply to: Gothmog

No such thing. You can set your own limits. My open mind has only made me way more loving, intelligent.

You can put up walls to protect a fragile one of course, but I think it's better to be open and strong.


😜


How do you like to relate to the subject in the op?

Issue forth or spew out your own brand lol

originally posted by: woodwardjnr
a reply to: C8H10N4O2
Being well liked can come with many advantages, whenever I'm in hospital I always do my best to be super nice to all the staff from cleaners to surgeons. It helps, because nurses answer your bell first, you may take priority when seeing your Drs and the tea making staff know exactly how you like your tea, so you get a good brew most of the time. In the uk where it's universal healthcare not private. Who you know becomes far more important than finances. So it pays to be nice in the long run

But that's not being nice, that's being manipulative. You do so because it gets you things. Being someone with non judgemental compassion, does it not for what they get in return, but for what they give.

A bit like someone who smiles at a stranger, doesn't get a reciprocal smile, and wanders off muttering how rude the world is. If your smile was intended only to make you feel better, then you're not smiling, but fishing for feels.

Everyone lives in their own special reality. It was made just for them, and no one else. We all exist in our own world, separate from everyone else. Our internal world, is the one we will face alone, when we take our last breath. It's intimate to us, and only us. So all that should matter is how you live in your own reality. Respecting others is one thing, but realising that as everyone lives as king or queen in their own little domain, their reality is not yours. It might have trees, toothbrushes, cars, windows etc.. but you cannot expect someone trapped in their own version of truth, to consider you existing within yours. I want, I will, I must.. we're selfish, and that's ok.

So when someone makes you feel anything less than the importance you feel within your own existence, that's just them in theirs. You have no control over that.

So it's one thing for a god loving devout crhstian woman to say "I dont care what you think of me" while worshipping an imaginary entity that demands you care about him or you will meet fire and brimstone for all eternity once you're worm food... but it's another to see that everyone around you is trapped in their own reality, the most important thing in their entire life, and it is no reflection on yours.

It's nice to be appreciated. But it's not nice to be used. Still, we only let ourselves be used when we are willing to give beyond what we do to make ourselves happy, and when we seek to make others happy, under the impression it is what makes us happy.

Don't worry, be happy. *sings*

a reply to: C8H10N4O2

Ever wonder why the world is full of arseholes? Case and point. The OP makes some good points and this world could be a hell of a lot better if more people did these things..

a reply to: woodwardjnr

AGREED.

HOWEVER, I think one has more of a blessing in their life when such things are done strictly out of a pure, selfless motive.

Though, one can do such things out of a pure, selfless motive--particularly when one has made that one's major way of BEING-IN-THE-WORLD and STILL BE THANKFUL for the positive fallout.

a reply to: BO XIAN

If you gear most of these behaviours towards your business life, I believe you will come off as likeable. However, emotions may be suppressed in favour of a more professional demeanour, which is expected, so it can be viewed as not being genuine by co-workers. Perhaps there is discontent at work, perhaps a feeling of isolation and/or an un-belonging. Perhaps some soul-searching may provide one with insight, so one does not have to be/act as something/someone that they are not.

However, in one's personal life, these are excellent behavioural steps one could adopt, keeping it up though, in the face of the reality of intimate, emotional relationships, may be another matter altogether.

As for online/forum behaviour, well that is a whole other animal, which warrants a good howl now and again.

I agree that staying positive and open-minded can be helpful to foster civility (perhaps positivity) for most situations and interactions, but it does not always when interacting with those that are not adopting the same path.

a reply to: BO XIAN I enjoy making friends with the hospital stAff, even if it's partly for my own advantage, but it makes the stay more enjoyable all round. I have been in states where being nice was extremely difficult, but that's only because I'm miserable to be there.

a reply to: InTheLight

Thanks for your insightful post.

My blood dad was a super charmer toward business associates, customers and friends.

And he was a cranky, fossilized old bustard toward family members.

I hated that kind of duplicity and particularly that family members always came out on the short end of his attachment disordered stick.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

INDEED. I knew you did it for selfless reasons when I read your first post.

My mother grew up 'poor white trash' in the South during the Great Depression.

She made absolutely certain that I never thought of myself as better than anyone else--particularly wait-staff, etc.

She kind of overdid it but her point always stuck with me.

And, I've always found that the proverb that "It's better to give than receive" is REALLY TRUE. It's more fun. It feels richer. It brings people together.

And, I enjoy the light that lights up in the eyes of staff--particularly lower ranking service people--when they get treated like worthwhile human beings.

And, over the years, eating a lot in the same places, some folks have become treasured family friends.

When one starts out in every contact treating folks like they might be or could be treasured family friends, the odds are greatly increased that they might just do that. And it makes their day a lot better, anyway.

And that leaves me feeling better about myself.

imho, there's no need to tras a WIN/WIN!

a reply to: BO XIAN

That is sad and I hope you have moved beyond his poison.

I also took a two-day course for the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and apply some of it daily in all instances of life, but ultimately I gotta be the me that works for me, which others tell me is good. And let go the negative influences of others and focus on what I can control.




I also think that the 'scarcity mindset' is prevalent within online forums. "If you win, then I lose".

en.wikipedia.org...