SkepticOverlord, please weigh in......

a reply to: research100

Conveniently ignoring the part of my comment where I said "and STAYING that way" is the choice.

Could've saved yourself a lot of typing if you'd read the whole comment.

a reply to: nullafides

I never would have guessed. I mean, you're so well spoken! Sorry, just wanted to make a point regarding ignorance.

I'm surprised by some of the 1st page responses, and surprised by what was said in the thread you're referring to. I can express an opinion about thinking obese people should buy 2 seats if they need more than one without expressing a bunch of hateful rhetoric to go with it. It's a shame everyone can't do the same.

a reply to: MystikMushroom

MM, you have never ever struck me as a mean person, ever. I can't imagine you saying hurtful things to someone, it's outside your M.O.

But I want to share something.... I had a close friend who could never get or keep a decent job. I got so fed up with it, (after years of this, mind you) one day I was like "well I went to school, sacrificed everything, busted my butt, work myself half to death, put a personal life on the backburner, because I wanted accomplishment. I wanted success. I wanted a decent income", and blah blah blah, all the' fabulous things' I had done.

And when I finally looked at him, a grown man. He had tears in his eyes. He said "but I'm not you. None of us are you. I can't do those things".

And it was a huge 'lightbulb' moment for me. We're different. The things I can do, not everybody can do. The things you can do, not everybody can do. They might wish they could, but they can't. They are wired differently.

Don't hold people to your own standards. Things are not always "an anybody can do it" task. Things some people find easy, others find difficult. We can encourage, and accept. That's it.

One other thing: I don't think overweight people want pity. One of my closest friends is overweight, and nobody beats themselves up more than she does. She's relentless.

eta: don't get the impression I'm think I'm so fabulous. I don't. Not in the least. My friends are my equals, and my attitude of "if I can do it, anybody can". And that's just not always true.

a reply to: ladyinwaiting

You'd be amazed at what most people can do when they put effort into it. It sounds to me like you were being a better friend when you got fed up. Enablers may make people more comfortable, but in the end... They really are not good friends.

a reply to: ladyinwaiting

That's true, but you can probably do things I can't -- and your friend probably had options if he looked hard enough for them. What works for me, you, someone else -- doesn't work for everyone. That is a very, very true part of life.

For some people simply changing what they eat is enough.

For others, going to the gym 6 times a week AND dieting is what's needed.

Others? They have to undergo drastic surgery to be thin.

There is no one-size-fits all rule book or set of guidelines for how to be happy and healthy in this life. We're all unique people with our own challenges, and it's in facing those challenges and conquering them true strength lies. It is in facing down challenges and overcoming them that makes life worth living.

It's all to easy to sit back and make excuses. It's easy to place blame, and want attention from others in the form of sympathy.

I have a problem with the people who complain yet do nothing about it. The people who moan and carry on, yet haven't exhausted all avenues.

Just because I did something my way doesn't mean I expect it to work for anyone else besides myself -- because what I did wasn't what worked for others. However, I do know that there are so many ways to attack obesity that eventually a winning combination can be found if one is willing to really look.

I wouldn't be surprised given the dramatic increase in obesity in America that if in 20 years we treat obesity how we treat alcoholism. It'll be a "disease" and there will be revolving door treatment centers setup to cash in on this. People will be excused from personal responsibility, as it's a disease they didn't ask to have.

I think that more than anything else is grinds my gears -- a general, overall lack of personal responsibility in this world. None of us are victims of fate. None of us are left with the lot we were given, we ALL have the capacity and ability to do something about our situation, even if its not much. We all can think more positively about ourselves and our world.

Did you know that only 30% of the words we use on a daily basis are positive? How in world are we supposed to live better, happier lives if 70% of the words we use are either negative of neutral?! That's insane! We're so negative, and expect other people to solve our problems these days. We have the power, we always have and yet we dismiss that and expect someone else to magically appear out of thin air and whisk us away into a better life.

That never happens. You don't meet your soul mate if you never get off the couch. You don't win the lottery if you never buy a ticket, and you'll never loose weight if you never look into how to go about doing it.

The topic is personal to you, so maybe we see it in different ways.
But I suppose when you have achieved success in certain areas, you want to share those methods with others.
Encourage, yes. Preach, no.

Overweight people are acutely and often painfully aware of their issue. There is an abundance of ways to get help.

You can lead a horse.......... But I suppose if you are unable to drink, it makes you feel worse to be continually led to a stream.

a reply to: ladyinwaiting

That's why I never give advice unless asked for it.

Have you ever been approached at the gym by some guy thinking he knows what he's doing, and tries to give you unsolicited advice?

I hate that guy. I don't want to be that guy, no one should be that guy.

But if I have a friend come to me and complain about not being skinny and I ask what they've tried....don't be surprised if I don't have any sympathy when they reveal they haven't tried anything.

If someone works hard to achieve something, you're damn right they're not going to have sympathy for someone who wants the same thing but isn't willing to put in the work.

I have EMPATHY -- which is much healthier thing to have vs. SYMPATHY.

Sympathy doesn't do anything but enable someone. Being empathetic, knowing and understanding how they feel -- that goes a lot farther. We throw around sympathy to much in this world ... we ought to be empathizing instead of sympathizing.

a reply to: nullafides

I agree totally with this OP that the derision of overweight people is despicable.

BUT you’re totally wrong about ATS.

It allows open racism, religious bigotry, particularly against black people, Islam, and Christianity.

Read the threads and you’ll see what I mean

What they don’t allow, and I agree with, is personal derision towards people on the forum

I'm just going to leave this here:



Refuse to be average.

originally posted by: MystikMushroom
a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

Well, the thing is...I can't choose to be white or straight.

I know... But the underlying assumption is that people who are fat can change, and therefore should change, so that they can be seen as more normal, and not be ridiculed as much and be more happy. If they don't want to be criticised, they can change. My point is that whether you get ridiculed for being black or gay (something you can't change) or for being fat or wearing glasses (something you CAN change), the pain and isolation a person feels for being ridiculed just for being who they are is the same... That's what I was saying when I said, "What difference does it make".

Reasons to have Fat friends:

1. They've been socially castrated most of their life. Being "fat" isn't something that just happens overnight, it's as systemic as being Black, Gay, or Jewish. They understand prejudice, and their quality is often compared to being "nice". This is because they understand their positions and are not ignorant to it. You say diet? They're normally already on a spiritual diet. You couldn't find better ears to fall, and shoulders to lean on.

2. They're big. This is intimidating to us "small people" and make great security. This is twofold because the point above "with great power, comes great responsibility". This isn't the same as the Muscle Jocks who punch first and ask questions while punching. If you're small, weapons is normally what you resort to. I myself have lots of knives, and my brother has lots of Guns. Fat people make a great balance between "force" and "required force".

3. They like to eat. Yes, I understand this is part of their critical downfall, but most culinary genius is from fat people. They've added to an enormous part of our culture. Unless you disagree food is part of culture. Food isn't judged by how comparable it is to Salad. It's compared by taste. This is why in every Chef show in existence the end judgement is a result of taste. It's not mathematically calculated by its calories to determine a winner. Unless you claim to only enjoy tasteless food, you have Fat people to thank. They took endless hits for the team to get it perfect.

4. They're smart and creative. "Fat and stupid" if anything is a phrase to point out how being Fat means you're smart. In otherwords, if you're fat and stupid, it's a shame. They don't have time for sports, and so they hit the books and arts more seriously. I'm not fat, this is a consistent observation I've made.

5. They're funny. It's no coincidence that Fat people make a large contribution to the comedy scene. They're able to make light of a difficult condition and see the better side of life everyday. Their ability to do this each day of their life causes them to have resilient attitudes about positivity. They help us see the lighter side of many sides of things and laugh, by stepping back and breaking it down, something they've endlessly practised.

6. They make great pillows. I've flown on Airplanes, and twice I was seated next to a fat person that "spilled" into my seat. They did not smell. Someone smelling has nothing to do with being fat. One was a women and admitedly smelled good, while the man had no real distinct smell. Have you ever tried to get comfortable on an airplane? It freaking sucks and those neck pillows are garbage. Fortunately I'm mostly human and have a heart and don't mind touching someone. Without a single word I leaned against them both and got some comfortable Zzz's compared to my normal method of making out with the window. They said nothing. Why? Because they're fat and not soulless people. If I ever leaned against someone else, they'd probably demand I get ejected from the plane, and have my house burned down.

This OP couldn't be any further from the truth and the reply kind of bothers me. He's totally right.

originally posted by: MystikMushroom
a reply to: research100

Medication can cause weight gain? There are diets, workouts, other medications and the gastric bypass operation that can offset that weight gain.

Having your doctor tweak your dosage or look into alternative medications is also an option.

Injured? Try swimming or some other low-impact type of exercise.

Genetic? Have gastric bypass.

The onus shouldn't be on ME to throw out a gazillion alternatives and suggestions for people to loose weight. That's not MY job. If you are fat and unhappy about it -- do some research and put in the HARD WORK it takes.

I don't buy this "there isn't a choice!" garbage. No one ever makes you do anything at the end of a gun. You always have a choice, and there are always alternatives if you look for them.

If you don't want to be fat badly enough, you can and will find ways to remedy the situation.

That's what I did. I got tired of not taking personal responsibility for my own weight, and didn't like the fact my doctor said I'd be lucky to live past 50.

So now I'm down over 100lbs. My natural body metabolism would have me fat again in an instant, so I'm constantly on guard.

Trying to argue with me about obesity is like telling a black man he's being racist against his own race.

You have to understand that your experience is your own. Everybody is different. What works for you may not work for someone else. For you maybe some prescriptions are fine but for other people they may gain weight. Its not fair to judge other people by your experiences.

Swimming? Really? Do you have any idea how much stress that puts on an injured spine? I do. I have had back problems for the last fifteen years and one of the things I tried was water therapy and swimming. The water therapy was tolerable. The swimming was unbearable. I was lifted screaming out of the pool unable to control my legs. In other words, it may seem like simple logic to you based on YOUR experience, but to someone else you are talking gibberish.

Gastric bypass is not a simple solution. It is an extremely dangerous procedure and many people die as a result of it. It is the last gasp when there is no other alternative.

As I said before, it is never ok to treat people poorly, regardless of your so-called reason. But to justify it by saying they 'chose' to burden themselves with the condition that sparks the insensitive bully in some people is ridiculous. If it was really as simple as making a choice do you really think people would choose to be obese?

Obese people are not weak. We walk out the door every day knowing we will have to face rude, insensitive, unapologetic bullys. Obese people are not lazy. They often work harder than people of lesser mass to do the same things, and they do them anyway. Obese people are just people.

I used to be one of the people who thought if someone was that overweight they must have just stopped caring. Then I found out the hard way that for many people its not a choice or something they have control over. People will never appreciate that until it happens to them. I have revealed a good bit of my health issues here already. I am not going to go in to greater detail, but I will say this. It is not as simple as making a choice sometimes. Sometimes your choice, your desire, your goal is meaningless. Some circumstances dictate the outcome, not you or your desire. You may have some affect but ultimately the outcome is not yours to dictate. Some people live with that every day and still get out of bed and put a smile on their face and walk out the door knowing who they are going to have to deal with. Try living it for a while, then tell me how simple it is to just choose to change. You have lived it with your circumstances and yours were apparently ones you had control over. Good for you. Now, tell me how that affects my life or my condition...You know, the life and condition you know nothing about..other than that apparently it was my choice... that life...

a reply to: MystikMushroom

ooooh, that was an awesome clip!!!!

~Sprinkles chocolate , cigarettes, vodka,yoga videos and dumb bells in thread~

Don't sweat It, do what you want without the battle😈it's the battle in your head and heart that is more dangerous than anything else.

You have to come from a place of pain to understand.

You have to have inside of you empathy and compassion.

You have to have been the underdog

I saw people abused and finally learned and saw that pain

Sometimes though the one mocked by the crowd becomes a mocker himself.

They say Nietzsche went crazy one day when he saw a horse get sadistically whipped

and threw his self onto the horse to stop its beating and he sobbed and sobbed at the horses trauma and ever since he went crazy they say.

This hard blooded philosopher of the Übermensch…I say he went sane!

You have to grow out of childhood sadism

If you don’t then you have to understand it intellectually

It’s all bad. And most of us have done it.

I mock Chris Christie and that’s wrong

I use his frailty to get back at him because I don’t like his politics and that’s wrong.

originally posted by: MystikMushroom
I'm just going to leave this here:

Refuse to be average.

Unless you have thyroid problems. Then you're a loser.
a reply to: imjack

originally posted by: SkepticOverlord

Bottom line, people suck.

Haha! I have to repeat this, sorry. People have issues, and they blow off steam however they can get away with.

This is the second time today I've had to say, "All worlds are broken, that's why we keep pushing".

a reply to: superman2012

what someone decided to become?

No one decides to "become " obese. There are various reasons...social, medical, emotional that can become a leading factor in caausing obesity.

High and long term doses of steriods, such as Prednisone, can certainly cause the thinnes person put on massive weight.

Obese people ARE people and deserve respect. They pay taxes, give to the needy, and often eat less than you think.

Everyone here has a connection in some way to an obese person. Would it be fine to you if that person you care about was BULLIED? Shamed, humiliated, and left feeling like they are less than, bottom of the pecking order.

Fat people can diet, but ugly goes clear to the soul.

a reply to: PublicOpinion

You can instantky controll blowing smoke in peoples faces while obesity could have a legilimate, underlying medical issue that symptomizing weight gain.

Not a good comparative at all.