Can I borrow $20 for gas so I can get to work this week?

a reply to: seeker1963

In my job I see dozens of allegedly broke people coming and going.

Not one of them would be caught dead in anything but fresh name-brand "gear".

Stuff that I don't even afford myself.

Gaming the system of course.

You just became another pawn.

originally posted by: reldra
a reply to: seeker1963

Don't feel like a sucker. A good pair sneakers is about $80 today. I spend $12 at Payless on a pair of pumps, but never sneakers, I spend a lot of time walking in them.

It's possible she should not have pointed out the sneakers to to you.

You're a good person for loaning her the money.

I agree with this. If you are getting on her case for spending $80 on a pair of shoes you are being too harsh. There are a lot of worse things she could have spent her money on than a pair of shoes.

originally posted by: darkbake

originally posted by: reldra
a reply to: seeker1963

Don't feel like a sucker. A good pair sneakers is about $80 today. I spend $12 at Payless on a pair of pumps, but never sneakers, I spend a lot of time walking in them.

It's possible she should not have pointed out the sneakers to to you.

You're a good person for loaning her the money.

I agree with this. If you are getting on her case for spending $80 on a pair of shoes you are being too harsh. There are a lot of worse things she could have spent her money on than a pair of shoes.

Quoted for agreement. Cheap shoes don't last. Simple as that.

originally posted by: Urantia1111
a reply to: seeker1963

In my job I see dozens of allegedly broke people coming and going.

Not one of them would be caught dead in anything but fresh name-brand "gear".

Stuff that I don't even afford myself.

Gaming the system of course.

You just became another pawn.

When I taught inner city school, I worked with lots of kids who didn't have enough to eat, but they wore the best and constantly bragged about how mama would drop them off at the mall for their birthday with $300 to get whatever they wanted.

And when we left on the last day, the halls would be littered with stuff they had left behind, including brand new looking winter coats.

a reply to: darkbake

It's not about spending $80 on a pair of shoes. It's about being so unaware of her finances that she dropped $80 on a pair of shoes and ran out of money to spend on gas.

In the grand scheme of things, which is more immediately important: $80 shoes or gas to get to work so you can continue to earn money?

In my own post, I acknowledged that she might have needed to get shoes. Her own may have been falling apart, but if you are aware of your finances, you should know that you 1.) will need gas and 2.) that $80 shoes will jeopardize your ability to get gas before you get paid again. So in that case, you buy cheaper shoes so you can continue to get gas and earn money.

In that case, the cheaper shoes are your option whether they are going to last as long or not. Jeopardizing your ability to continue to get to work because you are unwilling to compromise on your shoes at this time isn't worth your livelihood.

So you buy the cheaper shoes and buy your gas and when you get paid, you start laying back money to buy a better pair of shoes down the road. That way, you don't jeopardize your job, and maybe, just maybe, those cheaper shoes hold together well enough that when you do get the better shoes, you have two pairs: one that will serve as a "grubby" pair and one you can wear for nicer function.

PS: I recently bought a new pair of Nikes myself and they only cost me $50, so I even question her need to have $80 Nikes, especially as the pair I had before that were $50 Nikes and THEY last me about 4 or 5 years.

a reply to: ketsuko

Or let me illustrate this another way:

Right now, I know we have X amount in our account to get us through until payday next Thursday. There is a certain videogame I have been wanting to buy for about $60. Technically speaking, there is enough in our account now, for me to go and buy that game. However, I have to be aware that we need to buy groceries for our household this weekend, we will have to put gas in our cars with extra because we are going to visit for Easter this weekend, I have a prescription that needs refilling, and you never know what may come up in that space of time ... so it would be a bad idea for me to simply take that amount of money out of our account right now. We might be in sore need of it come Tuesday or Wednesday next week.

That is basically the equation she failed to take into account when she bought her shoes.

originally posted by: Subaeruginosa
a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

Responsibility is overrated.

I'd rather the nikes over being "responsible"... just because a persons poor doesn't mean their not entitled to treat themselves once in a while, imo.

Besides, those new pair of nikes were probably a huge confidence boost for her, so the $20 was probably a good investment into her mental well being.

Indeed, you rather waste your money on chinese junk instead of set up a stable financial future. Responsibility is too hard, maybe you should give up.

Do you take some forms of social assistance? You sound like you might have a bit of an entitlement issue.

a reply to: ketsuko

This makes sense, I like how you are looking at this in a constructive manner, including saving up to get the nicer pair of shoes in the future. Maybe it would have been a good idea to explain that kind of thinking to her, as she grew up in what sounds like an environment where learning that kind of thing was not necessarily available.

Believe it or not, what you describe is similar to how I practice my finances. I am very into budgeting, planning and the like.

a reply to: darkbake

Generally speaking, I don't have problems with people buying whatever they want so long as they are responsible about it. You can buy the latest iPhone on a minimum wage salary for all I care so long as you budget for it and hold down your other needs. Just don't get upset to me about how expensive it was or how you can't buy other fun stuff. Those are the choices we make in our lives.

Would I like to buy a lot of things? You bet! But I pick and choose the ones I would really want with the full understanding that certain things are more important no matter how un-fun they are and I only have limited funds for the fun stuff, but when I do get to finally spend a bit on myself, it's that much more gratifying.

a reply to: seeker1963

Maybe you could look through a different lens and you bought her a good pair of shoes. You state that she asked for a loan of $20, so if she pays back is that not good character.

a reply to: Discotech

While your logic is sound, you have the timeline of events backward, as he didn't know about the $80 shoes until AFTER he played the sucker.

He's only part of the problem if he gives her $20 again next time.

It's not a problem to help out your neighbor if the assumption can be that they really need it.

originally posted by: Subaeruginosa
a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

Responsibility is overrated.

I'd rather the nikes over being "responsible"... just because a persons poor doesn't mean their not entitled to treat themselves once in a while, imo.

Besides, those new pair of nikes were probably a huge confidence boost for her, so the $20 was probably a good investment into her mental well being.

You know what always boosts my confidence? Knowing that I make good decisions and don't need to beg or borrow to support my family. As a person who loves both shoes AND personal responsibility, I can tell you confidently that a sense of self-respect is far more beneficial to my confidence than any pair of shoes ever was or will be.

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: ketsuko

Or let me illustrate this another way:

Right now, I know we have X amount in our account to get us through until payday next Thursday. There is a certain videogame I have been wanting to buy for about $60. Technically speaking, there is enough in our account now, for me to go and buy that game. However, I have to be aware that we need to buy groceries for our household this weekend, we will have to put gas in our cars with extra because we are going to visit for Easter this weekend, I have a prescription that needs refilling, and you never know what may come up in that space of time ... so it would be a bad idea for me to simply take that amount of money out of our account right now. We might be in sore need of it come Tuesday or Wednesday next week.

That is basically the equation she failed to take into account when she bought her shoes.

What a miserable existence.

So....Let me go out on a limb.

You haven't seen your $20.00 ?

It not the friggin amount. It's a pride issue.

I hope I'm wrong but my Offical guess is...

Andrew Jackson has left the building....For good.

If she asks for the money and you give it. Just be done with it. Don't make a big deal out of it and don't give any pep talks she wouldn't have asked for the money if it came with a dressing down and an accountancy lesson.

Nice to see everybody judging the poor girl though.moralising and wagging fingers

Yeah, that should have been a 'Rant'. D-bags like this ruin it for everyone. Now, the next time someone asks to borrow money for gas you're going to picture Nikes in your head.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Now now....the high horse gives a poor view of those around you.

I think what people are judging are their own past experiences. And projecting them onto this story.

originally posted by: woodwardjnr
If she asks for the money and you give it. Just be done with it. Don't make a big deal out of it and don't give any pep talks she wouldn't have asked for the money if it came with a dressing down and an accountancy lesson.

Nice to see everybody judging the poor girl though.moralising and wagging fingers

$20.00 is a very inexpensive price for a life lesson.

This is why I don't loan I prefer to just give it to someone.

I'm not judging the girl...

Its more a reflection of our current problems.

Seems looking good in them new skins...Matters more than your word.

The other day we had a guy who came up to us in a parking lot, dressed rather nicely, looking frantic and worried, and said that his wife's water just broke, and she was in another town, and this was unexpectedly early as the baby wasn't due yet, and he needed a couple of dollars for gas...he'd repay us if we gave him our address!!!...

Normally we give to whomever asks. Money, not our address. I hate it, but we usually give. It stems from the training of once being a Eucharistic Minister, where someone asked what we should do if someone comes up to us in the Communion line, and you know that that person is not Catholic. The response was to give to whomever asks, and the rest was between them and God. I really liked that answer and try to apply it to other things, such as this.

The thing is, that exact same man in that exact same shirt, came up to us with that exact same story three months ago in another parking lot. As my husband was reaching deep into his pocket for his wallet, I put my hand across his chest to stop him, saying to the man that we had heard this same story from him three months ago, in another parking lot.

His reply was, "That wasn't me! That was some other guy!"...said with disapproval, shock and disgust. And my dear, sweet, innocent husband took his lead and looked at me with that same look of, "What's WRONG with you!"...He had already pulled out $5, and then added another $5 to cover his embarrassment.

We were already strapped in and this guy was reaching into the car. He could have grabbed the entire wallet and ran, and in fact, I was already bracing for this to happen. "Fortunately" for us, the guy just took the money.

It was not a good ride home...sigh...as my husband continued to believe in this man's innocence. He finally saw a tad of a good argument from me when I pointed out that if this were true, he would have replied with actual surprise and confusion, while trying to comprehend our statement and those odds...and not with such a quick, "That was some other guy!"

I told him to remember what this guy looks like when we see him the third time!