What does it mean to " just be you "

One common reply when it comes to advice : " just be yourself "

I don't know if I make sense but that never made sense to me

Never in my life do I think I was myself (what ever that means) maybe in last two months I can say I feel like I was close (not sure to what)

I don't associate myself with my name, or when I am looking at myself in the mirror or with people around me

I think I am always seeing in others and everything what i love (I find humans more interesting than animals, plants, material) meaning not that I idolise or want what other people have

I can't define me I don't know who I am and I am so desperately waiting for that moment to "finally" just be me..



When are you just you ?! am I crazy ?! Is there meant to be like a bulb switch point or you felt like you always have been completely yourself

I don't know what triggered this post ..

I always do say to people they are beautiful creatures and completely loveable but for myself I am allergic to those words So it's not that type of response I am looking for

Thank you for your time ATS

I think that most people are saying that you just need to behave in the way that you would normally behave in front of people you know and not to change your behaviour to suit what you think others may expect. It could be a bit of a compliment as being 'yourself' must be pretty cool because otherwise they would be telling you to act in a different way. Take it as a compliment.

a reply to: Kampf

When advice boils down to the phrase "be yourself", the issuer is referring to abandoning facade, letting ones guard down, and being you in your natural state, free of fear of judgement, fear of rejection, and being comfortable with who one is, regardless of the outcome.

That does rather insist that one first learns to know oneself. Once one has established oneself as having an identity, and being comfortable with who one is, one can abandon facade and just be themselves. For example, I often find myself dropping into a vernacular which suits my raggedy appearance, when in mixed and unknown company. However, a little while ago, I met a woman in a bar around whom I felt, upon first meeting, that I could be my actual self, and found myself uttering forth with great gusto as part of the conversation we were having, and being my natural, nerdy, potentially about to vomit out the contents of a thesaurus self. That is what I mean. Having ones guard and defences down, is what people mean when they advise you as you describe.

But as I have advised you, that necessitates that you find out who you are, so that you can be that person naturally, and without fear. They are all steps along a road, and we all take them at different speeds, so do not worry. Just figure it out, and make your move.

In a nutshell ...

Be relaxed in oneself.

Have the relaxed confidence to answer relevant questions - on the fly.

Be in control of yourself ...

originally posted by: grumpy64
I think that most people are saying that you just need to behave in the way that you would normally behave in front of people you know and not to change your behaviour to suit what you think others may expect. It could be a bit of a compliment as being 'yourself' must be pretty cool because otherwise they would be telling you to act in a different way. Take it as a compliment.

Sorry my phone went flat ..

"being myself response" to that would be: right now I feel I can tell you openly anything because (please don't trash me for this) I am picking up your "internet vibe" as opened and relaxed

If me and you were talking outside of "this-my" thread I would automatically adjust to your open and relaxed vibe and respond in me being open and relaxed with you

so I am not really being myself

Your reply is much appreciated i am just thinking out loud in this thread
Reading one by one sorry I am catching on upfront thank you

a reply to: Kampf

perhaps you are "just being you" and you always have been...

Even your testimony above shows that... does it not?

If you have to go out of of your way or apply effort to "being yourself," you're not being yourself. Be shameless, but have good manners.

a reply to: TrueBrit

When advice boils down to the phrase "be yourself", the issuer is referring to abandoning facade, letting ones guard down, and being you in your natural state, free of fear of judgement, fear of rejection, and being comfortable with who one is, regardless of the outcome.

I have to break that down thank you for reply
To that I would say
My natural state is always neutral ..
The fear, judgment, rejection comes because of other individual involved

Eg I know u would think I am being silly for not being myself .. Because I know that about you I know I can act myself
But I would automatically pick up when that's not the case and u need me to be somehow .. gawd this is silly this will sound so crazy I have no idea what I am writing

I break down the rest

However, a little while ago, I met a woman in a bar around whom I felt, upon first meeting, that I could be my actual self, and found myself uttering forth with great gusto as part of the conversation we were having, and being my natural, nerdy, potentially about to vomit out the contents of a thesaurus self. That is what I mean.

Ok so that is being you but not right now


you know but the difference is I feel I can tell quickly enough who is "completely themselves" and who not yet
(And I know I am not yet ) I just can't define the criteria

originally posted by: Timely
In a nutshell ...

Be relaxed in oneself.

Have the relaxed confidence to answer relevant questions - on the fly.

Be in control of yourself ...

I can say I fully am

Yet I am in a nutshell

originally posted by: Akragon
a reply to: Kampf

perhaps you are "just being you" and you always have been...

Even your testimony above shows that... does it not?

I always watch myself .. Like this thread

Something like "just incase an adult pops in"

originally posted by: skunkape23
If you have to go out of of your way or apply effort to "being yourself," you're not being yourself. Be shameless, but have good manners.

See like with you

You are such a goofy on the go guy .. No drama mamma

Like eg I know not to expect you to be here more then 3 sec or see you in this thread again

You pop in say ur advice I take it lets move on


I am just being a tard sorry

You can't be anyone else but yourself, any effort to do so will make you look pretentious, so just don't pretend

originally posted by: woodwardjnr
You can't be anyone else but yourself, any effort to do so will make you look pretentious, so just don't pretend

Lol I feel like I am being everything but myself

Ok

People pleaser ?!?

originally posted by: grumpy64
I think that most people are saying that you just need to behave in the way that you would normally behave in front of people you know and not to change your behaviour to suit what you think others may expect. It could be a bit of a compliment as being 'yourself' must be pretty cool because otherwise they would be telling you to act in a different way. Take it as a compliment.

Exactly - most people change their language, behavior and personality depending on what group they're talking to or around.
You wouldn't talk to the boss the same way you talk to the guys or the in-laws or the person interviewing you.
We're constantly tailoring and adapting ourselves in life.
So being yourself just means being you without any pretense, any attitude or behavioral changes and just relaxed and comfortable.

a reply to: stargatetravels

Exactly - most people change their language, behavior and personality depending on what group they're talking to or around. You wouldn't talk to the boss the same way you talk to the guys or the in-laws or the person interviewing you. We're constantly tailoring and adapting ourselves in life.

Gives me social anxiety most of the time

I am loving the read thank you

a reply to: Kampf what is wrong with yourself? Why would anyone object to it?

I've always just equated that with the concept of being "authentic" - which can be described as having a certain spontaneity, lack of inhibition and restraint, which results in honesty, sincerity, and openess.

Now, I don't think I have had much of a problem with this in the past, I think it has been my mode of functioning for most of my life. Though some people around me tell me it is what is charming and lovable about me, it is simultaneously one of my worst flaws and source of problems!

I sometimes suspect this particular advice or goal is constructive for those who were raised with a very rigid construction of social expectations and behaviorisms, so that with time they loose touch with their internal whims and states. This is advice for people who want to work on re-aligning with their "internal" self.

Personally, as an adult, I found my path was the opposite- learning to construct an "exterior self"- an ego, a character that remains stable and comprehensible for others and the world around me.

I didn't have a social education which taught me "correct" and "incorrect" ways of responding to the world. This makes for a very changeable and fluid behavior- the internal me is not something stable or with any form- it is simply an observer of my experiences and behaviors, always looking backward. I mean, if someone asks me what kind fo person I am (as here) I can only review my memory of what I have observed myself doing in the past and search for patterns or often repeated behaviors, to answer that. I cannot say what I will be like tomorrow, nor predict how I will respond to anything in the future.

This makes for some difficulties in relations and exchanges- "I don't know" is my answer to anything that is not in the moment (what do you want to do tomorrow? ).

There's also the whole question of cultural morals and values, and politesss, which as much as some like to speak of them with distain, they have a real usage in effective communication.

I have come to the conclusion that though I am a wide variety of changing desires, appetites, drives, sentiments, sensations, I am also made of more enduring ones- like wanting effective and constructive exchange between myself and the world around me. That usually entails adjusting and consciously controlling the expression of those internal states into behaviors which are appropriate for the context and others in face of me.

originally posted by: woodwardjnr
a reply to: Kampf what is wrong with yourself? Why would anyone object to it?

nothing wrong with that if people were like you

And you guys

a reply to: Bluesma

thank you for writing that out (and for all the posts)

I felt like I was going to fall apart ?!

Yes .. Ok .. Yes (is all I have)

a reply to: Kampf
No I do understand how you feel, I've been there. I always thought I was boring and had nothing to say, then someone told me. The way to be interesting is to be interested. So ask lots of questions to other people. Most people like talking about themselves, so it's a good way of keeping conversations flowing and taking the pressure of yourself to make the conversation. The thing is you can't be anyone but yourself. So trying to do so, just makes you look a fraud.