Time For Me To Come Clean...

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

I do not want sympathy. I do not want advice. I do not want prayers. I had a way of dealing with life that was always the same before I was told this news. All it did was reinforce my beliefs.

I hope you don't consider my post in the category of advice. I am the last person that can offer advice, because while I have lived probably a few more years than you, I have not lived long enough to know what the hell is going on in my own life, so I sure as hell can't tell anyone else, anything about their own. I will share with you some information that I found interesting, and I found it out the hard way.

I had an epiphany after my third operation, on leaving the hospital. I was leaving after a surgery that started as an outpatient surgery, landed me in the intensive care times two, back to the OR times two, and not discharged until 14 days later, with required daily MD visit for 5 days. The staff was all so glad to see me being discharge home, and then the dreaded words were spoken. "We didn't think you were going to make it."

Now you would think those would be wonderful words to hear. They were, the first two times I heard them; after my first two surgeries. But this time I realized, if each time they didn't think I was going to make it, how much input did they really have in the fact that I did make it?

I started really listening to what my doctors had to say, and realized that half the time they are flying by the seat of their pants, and have as much control as I do, on how my body responds to the ravages of life.

I got that diagnosis in November 2000, but I knew something was seriously wrong starting around 1998, and my doctors all convinced me that it was stress and or hormones. After finally agreeing to investigate further they ordered a CT scan, followed by a MRI, and surprise! They were wrong.

I had to make some quick and serious decisions about life. I had to make choices that involved not just me, but the lives of my children and family, but this is no different than it is in the life of each and every one of us, each and every day.

No one can tell you what is right for you, and no one, even the doctors, can tell you what to do. Only you can make that choice. Doctors can only tell you what was worked for others, they can't tell you what is going to work for you.

Life is about choices. Others can offer advice, support, love, and information. Only you really get to choose.

I am currently going through a lot of life changing bad luck all at once in the last 6 mon the or so.. and have been begining to give up a bit on life..
Your post has just put life into perspective. . I'm going to start living my life again from tomorrow..

I wish you all the luck in the world my friend and godspeed . . I'm raising a glass of jd and coke as I write this..

May you find peace at end of your long journey.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

I do not want sympathy. I do not want advice. I do not want prayers.

Should be no problem especially the way you treat many people here.

I'm going to be that guy and after reading some of your past threads I'm going to call b.s on this just like how the federation of whatever gave you that message and then you claimed it was only a short story after the fact.

I hope I'm not wrong.

originally posted by: thesaneone
a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

I do not want sympathy. I do not want advice. I do not want prayers.

Should be no problem especially the way you treat many people here.

I'm going to be that guy and after reading some of your past threads I'm going to call b.s on this just like how the federation of whatever gave you that message and then you claimed it was only a short story after the fact.

I hope I'm not wrong.

I hope your not wrong too but for entirely different reasons.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

Unfortunate soul!
Life's a bitch and rarely passes without a glitch.
Enjoy the time you have with those you love.
But remain positive, be strong and most of all fight it to the end because you never know people do mend!

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

What I want? I want you all to cherish whatever time you have with those you love. This is the most important part of life.

Sincerely,
Thank you.
I will do my best to remember this and keep it fresh in my mind.

originally posted by: woodwardjnr
a reply to: soulpowertothendegreei won't give you advice, but I was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour in 2007. I'm no expert and appreciate we all have own way of dealing with these things, so I'll leave it to you if you want to get in touch if you want, but there are loads more treatments available nowadays therehave been some remarkable advances since I was diagnosed. You are welcome to contact me whenever you want

I thought of you when I read this.

Glad you are still here and fighting.

SPTTTD could learn a lot from you and your determination.

I feel for ya. Diagnosed with ALS a little over a year ago.... a slow & steady decline until death. I hope you can come to terms. I found it easy for myself.......hard for all those around me.

a reply to: openyourmind1262

I found it easy for myself.......hard for all those around me.

I agree. It is so much harder for me to deal with the pain of those that love and care for me, than it is for me to deal with the pain that I have learned to manage in my own body.

I know that I will never be a physical or financial burden to them, but I see the pain in their eyes when they realize there is nothing they can do. I know that pain because I have felt it for my mother and I know the anguish of knowing someone you love is hurting, or has a problem that you can't fix or make better.

It is the hardest part of dealing with those things that are outside of my control, but I tell myself that it is a hurt that comes from loving and being loved. It is a hurt I can live with.

a reply to: thesaneone
Man, that's a bit tight. Show a bit of empathy here or don't answer at all. Time will tell.
I'll be an odd one out here, they all talk about your life, live it while you can. But everybody must confront the bit at the end. Now IF there is nothing, no worries. BUUUUT, I think that as one door shuts another door opens (I'm not talking religion here) I call it mans biggest and best adventure. No need to fear it. Death holds no sway over me. Think of all the new sights and feelings and the adventure.
Please accept my profound appologies if this upsets some people but we all must face the challenge soner or later.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

I almost died once, during that moment I was at peace because I was certain I would die. Best feeling I have ever experienced. Pure calm. I hope that you too can find that comfort. You now have something most people don't have, a possible time frame and cause of death. Don't go all crazy on us and start taking risks, you could still die from other things like car wreck or sky diving accident, ect...

Best of luck in your future endeavors.

I am very sorry to hear that. Your voice will be missed.

Do what you need to with the time you have left. Make the most of it. As you say, we only get one shot at this, so don't leave something undone that you will regret.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

We only have one second to live this reality. What I want? I want you all to cherish whatever time you have with those you love. This is the most important part of life. Do not take for granted what you have right now in this very moment. Brain tumor or not, it can all change in the blink of an eye.

Beautifully said and best wishes to you, your family and loved ones.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

Thank you for your kind replies. I know dropping a bombshell like this has repercussions on how some of you will treat this situation. I will not get into specifics about my diagnosis or plan of action or anything pertaining to the tumor. Only to say, I am dealing with it on my own terms. I have not revealed this to anyone in my immediate family and only one friend knows besides sharing this with all of you. There are a few reasons for this.

I do have some mood swings that occur, but I am not going to sit here and blame the tumor for all of it.

I am not just dealing with the tumor though. There are other mitigating factors. Just know this, if I ever offended anyone with my very dry sense of humor or fanciful replies or silly OP's, I will take this moment to offer a "blanket apology" and hope that it covers any transgression.

You most likely will not see much from me in the coming weeks, but thank you all for your support and understanding, even if there are those that want to call this BS.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

Won't you at least tell us what type of tumor you have?

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

I'll second the motion. I'm not in your position, but I've had 4 deaths of people very close to me over the past few years which all came as complete surprises. Every time, I've realized too late that I could have carved out more time for visiting, phone calls, etc. Not that I didn't, but I didn't as much as I would have liked, "life" being busy and all. I've learned my lesson, and we (as a family) have been carving out a lot more time to make our way through visits to friends and relatives. Don't hesitate, spend time with loved ones, even if only by phone.

I hope you enjoy your reinforced beliefs and way of being to the fullest.

Best,
Dogstar

originally posted by: thesaneone
a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

Won't you at least tell us what type of tumor you have?

Why would you even ask that? To satisfy your own curiosity? I've seen some strange posts in my time on ATS, but yours ranks right up there. Unless you're harboring the secret cure for a specific type of tumor, I can't imagine why anyone would share specifics of their medical situation with you (or anyone, for that matter.)

a reply to: dogstar23


Why would anyone tell a bunch of strangers their personal life???

If you think this is the strangest post you have read then I invite you to read more ats threads.

Last I checked it was a discussion board and asking questions is what people do on a discussion site.

originally posted by: thesaneone
a reply to: dogstar23


Why would anyone tell a bunch of strangers their personal life???

If you think this is the strangest post you have read then I invite you to read more ats threads.

Last I checked it was a discussion board and asking questions is what people do on a discussion site.

What do you hope to acive from this?

Do you want some links to some more open and honest threads from real people.

Crack on sunshine, I can supply them for you if needed.