How much does age matter?

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: payta

I guess what I am saying is, that if it would work for you, and she becomes receptive to the prospect, I say roll with it. Life is full of nonsense, but if you can find something in your life, someone in your life that makes your spine tingle and sends your brain into haywire mode, then get at it. Trust me, life does not throw that sort of potential at a man every day of the week, or even yearly.

Well you know what, I meet girls often, at work, at school, when I go out, so it's not that she's the only woman I've known in 25 years, I've been in two serious relationships and had my fair share of meaningless dates, but not even with my las gf (who was great really, and we got a long great) I had this sort of connection. I strongly agree with your last line, as years go by I value more what we have.
Maybe tomorrow I meet a great girl, and yu see me making a thread saying how great this new girl is, you never know, I'm open to anything, but right now this is where I stand and as I said, I'm just throwing this here to get some feedback to help me think this over.

a reply to: payta

If it was me and someone so young wanted me I would also push them away ..
I think I would feel like I am wasting your opportunities I would be terrified about picturing the future.. at her age she wants to settle down probably and I would also be thinking why me if girls your age are hot and fresh I would be scared you end up going for one and very last thing whatever mistake or screw up you would make she would always forgive you because she can understand you prob really didn't know better.. knowing, that you would forgive, even if you were treated poorly makes you volnutable

I have no clue where her head is at but thats is what I would be prob feeling

myself 90% of time I never went for anyone who wouldn't be at least 12y older then me.. not purposely.. I always broke it off because still despite the age difference these people were acting irrational or the worst was they sabotaged the relationship because they were insecure.. Meaning they did exactly what your lady does.. They want you but they are always thinking somethings like when I will be 40 and I want this or will be like this you only will be 30 and still not ready and to them it is completely understandable so they would be willing to push their needs aside to wait for you without any guarantee you won't bail out.. if you did somewhere down the track... they end up not being where they wanted to be at 40.

I don't know if I make one bit of sense here

originally posted by: Layaly
a reply to: payta

If it was me and someone so young wanted me I would also push them away ..
I think I would feel like I am wasting your opportunities I would be terrified about picturing the future.. at her age she wants to settle down probably and I would also be thinking why me if girls your age are hot and fresh I would be scared you end up going for one and very last thing whatever mistake or screw up you would make she would always forgive you because she can understand you prob really didn't know better.. knowing, that you would forgive, even if you were treated poorly makes you volnutable

I have no clue where her head is at but thats is what I would be prob feeling

myself 90% of time I never went for anyone who wouldn't be at least 12y older then me.. not purposely.. I always broke it off because still despite the age difference these people were acting irrational or the worst was they sabotaged the relationship because they were insecure.. Meaning they did exactly what your lady does.. They want you but they are always thinking somethings like when I will be 40 and I want this or will be like this you only will be 30 and still not ready and to them it is completely understandable so they would be willing to push their needs aside to wait for you without any guarantee you won't bail out.. if you did somewhere down the track... they end up not being where they wanted to be at 40.

I don't know if I make one bit of sense here

I think you are spot on. These are definitely obstacles and issues that may arise.
IMO she feels, if she was with me she'd be taking my youth away you know, as if she was saying "I want to, but it'd be bad for you", or "I couldn't do that to you" you know. Which is ultimately a decision I should be taking.
But eventually, if the time comes, those are things we should address directly, just talk about them to see where we stand. It's not that I'm horny and want to get in her pants, it goes beyond that, it'd only be good if we know we are going to be happy together.

a reply to: payta

you need to say that to her if it's truly her then make that commitment

this will sound full on but throwing in words like engagement and marriage or wanting to have kids may make the difference.. it doesn't mean you need to get on one knee and do it or even mean it deep down.. she wouldn't expect that from you.. but knowing you feel so strongly about her and that you are a man that wants to keep her she will prob think it through

originally posted by: enlightenedservant
most women have much better memories than the average guy, especially when it comes to details.

originally posted by: rukia
Plus, you're a guy--meaning you're immature.

This is what happens. We gave them Girl Power in the 90s. Now this. This WILL be brought up next patriarchy meeting. Come on now, back to the kitchen and unbunch your panties.

As for the OP, maybe she actually respected herself and that's why she didn't wanna be with you. I think your actions said very clearly, "I'm only with my current girlfriend until I find something better" and maybe even, "I'm one of those people who would rather be with someone I don't love than be alone". Who the hell wants a partner like that? Maybe she knows you and your maturity better than you think.

a reply to: payta

Now, let's not be misunderstanding one another. There are many female type people wandering the world, and I understand that you will meet several of them over the course of a year. Perhaps more than several. However, unless you happen to have a particular psychology, only a rare few of the females wandering the planet will be interesting to you on a multi faceted level. What I am saying is that if you happen to have met one of those people in your travels, then you are ahead of the game when compared with most of us fellows, and that such things are rare enough to cherish, if the doing of it has any merit at all.

That's all! I was not suggesting that anyone is having trouble meeting ladies. I would be the last person to assume such a thing.

a reply to: rukia

Rukia...

I have to ask, why do you assume that OP fits the stereotype of the male species, the commonest of denominators, as opposed to being a more developed sort of a chap? Some people grow up fast you know. Assuming things based on simple demography is not helpful when dealing with human beings, because for all that statistics might be useful when talking about populations, they are of no importance what so ever when dealing with the individual, and can even be detrimental to a proper understanding of that individual and the situations in which they might find themselves.

Like many said here age is not an issue if you don't make it one.
But you must be sure that you want this woman more than anything else, because the road is not gonna be an easy one.

I have a friend who is in a relationship like that; she is 12 years older than him. They are together for years, don't remember exactly how many, maybe 6-7 and somehow they made it work. They still look in love with each other, and I know it wasn't always simple. But I admire them for sticking together and fighting for what they want.

People and friends are gonna judge, of course, and put all kind of labels on you two. But if you really love each other it will not matter. True love, true connection after all is really hard to find so why not?

a reply to: darkbake

That's a Cougar and I'm pretty sure she didn't like your buddy for his wit and charm. I had 40somethings hit on me quite often in my 20s and it was not for a long term relationship/

To put it in perspective....she was in secondary school before you were even born. If she was 26 she would have been a paedophile and if you had intercourse she would have done "statutory rape" in th UK. Human beings can be clingy and see certain mannerisms to suit their testosterone levels. I would say stop the fatincising ....it will ruin your life.

My dear oke ma married a guy only 8 years older than me.
been together 25 years.
love is love age means nothing.
I myself am partial to girls in there twenties and I'm 41 .
The day I stop making them swoon is the day I will not bither.

a reply to: boymonkey74
Off- topic sorry

btw how did it end up with your colleague kitten ? no need to answer

a reply to: payta

It doesnt matter in love.

At 18-I married my 20 year old high school girlfriend.
At 29, I had a 17 year neighborhood girl as an object of an affair. THAT broke up my marriage of 9 1/2 years.
At 32...I MARRIED that 17 year old neighbor (by then, she was 20).
At 35, we divorced.

I started a back-to-health workout program at a local gym. I met a health-bar manager there who was 25 and I was 35. We married 7 years later, and are married still after 28 years.

I made many mistakes and own up to all, so the morality of affairs and unfulfilled love is not the point in my response. It is only my experience to your direct question of whether age matters of not.

I tell people now, my 10 years younger wife keeps me young, and I'd like to think me being 10 years older, makes her more mature. And, thats my experience.

In your case? Love is blind to many. It can't be forced or coerced. It may be one or many-sided with no hope. One has to learn to live with way it transpires...or doesnt.

So just in response to your question and not your situation (God Bless you with that...I think you have your own answers)..age truly doesnt and shouldnt matter.

I think all gifts come from God. And when it doesnt go our way, or we find our hearts aching, there is a reason...perhaps unclear to us...but what will be, will be.

All things happen for a reason. Don't be too hard on yourself...go forward in life...love always finds a way....even if we dont see it at the time.

It will...and if it doesnt? Then it wasnt meant to be anyway.....

Best, MS

This age 'thing' hang up has always baffled me It is not something

I ever think about when I meet any one of either sex. Age does not

define me, I never discuss it. Which means I have friends and have had

relationships from various age groups and never feel out of place

because the relationships are built on mutual interests and 'attraction.'

Looking back all but one of my relationships were with men between

one and twenty years younger than me.

If your lady friend is of an insecure nature she could be waiting for a

declaration from you!? Her biological clock is ticking away furiously?

a reply to: Layaly

Plenty lots of bonkers.
Still having the odd wild night she is a free spirit and brags she has bedded me to all the girls at work lol.
I'm just having fun (safe fun mind you).

a reply to: payta

It was a joke. The freud part.

You know, while some relationships like that might work, the majority of them don't. And there's plenty of reasons for that.
But then, since you seem sure, why don't you just straight up tell her how you feel? And then see what she says. Does she know that you like her?

a reply to: boymonkey74

Grrrrrrrr..... Cougar country. Life is short so if you love this lady, quite messing around and tell her. Hint, most women respond to a confident man. Don't stand there with you hat in your hand mumbling. For gods sakes have a plan and take charge.
When the time is right take her in your arms, look her in the eye and kiss her.
All she can say is no or perhaps not now. Not now, may mean later after she thinks about it.
It's almost 2016 not the Middle Ages.

a reply to: payta

On a purely sexual perspective, it may very well make quite a lot of difference when you are 60 and still have the necessity of fulfilling your sexual urge but she is 72 and no longer willing, or even able to fulfill those needs.

When I was 24 I established a relationship with a partner 13 years older than me. Everything was fine until I turned around 55 and she was 68. You should expect sexual intimacy to end at some potentially premature point in the relationship.