getting older...do you think about it? how do you deal?

Don't overthink it too much, it is what it is so they say...
I think about dying some. I watched my elderly Mother pass and it was rough. I wouldn't want to live as long as she if I were not in good health. I think the hope that there is "something" after death keeps most of us on an even track. Is there? Not sure but I like to think that there is and my loved ones are waiting on the other side. Maybe not waiting necessarily but that we will meet again.
After Mom passed I wrote some things down and put them away for safe keeping with instructions for the person in charge. Letters if you will to my children and loved ones with memories and keepsakes. That may help you out if you were to do that. Let's face it, life insurance is great but your loved ones will want to know how you feel, your words.
Mom lost her ability to have rational communication and then all vocal abilities stopped. I suppose that bothers me the most. I talked TO her and she sobbed but I couldn't get a response. The lack of communication was devastating so I think that it helps me to know that when I go, my loved ones will read my words and know exactly how I feel about them,life, things in general.
The S.O. and I are looking forward to the day the kids leave home. We will only be in our 50s when the last one is gone and we already have made out travel plans. Look forward to retirement! It's you and your wife's time! You've done what you were supposed to and now is your time for reward! Maybe making those plans can help you out and give you something to look forward to so that being "older" doesn't seem so...depressing...

On a side note: You will get better at saying "no"...I have 5 teenagers and sometimes you just have to LOL!

LIVE!

So basically you've come to a time when you ponder the meaning of life. Most all of us do. My dogs teach me more about how to live life than any human could. Live in the moment, stay a puppy at heart and no matter what happens ... keep waggin' your tail!!

a reply to: KyoZero

Yes I'm the problem, not the nihilist who doesn't know how good he's got it or won't come to terms with the fact that we all die.

Poor you, and poor him.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

poor me? Nah I am in amazing shape

I am a chronic pain patient....but I survive daily

You on the other hand are one of those "moral" folks who pretend to read OP's mind and have decided you are the ultimate authority on suffering. Well guess what friendo...you only get to decide things for one person...and that's you.

You don't get to label or quantify things that are subjective. You have no idea at all what is in OP's mind. Whether you like it or not, the entire basis of the concept on non-being is extremely painful for a lot of people. That's doesn't make them worse or myself better because I have found my method for coping with the idea. I still have my off and bad days

Either way, I am sorry to break it to your apparent need to be right...but you're wrong. Just because a person suffering the greatest concern of all (death and non-being) has opportunity and money, it does not invalidate or minimize their experience.

I assume that perhaps someone who grew up rich but was struck with schizophrenia or severe chemical depression should "just get over it" as well? I mean hey...at least they have food right?

wow...enjoy your day...I am quite enjoying mine

a reply to: KyoZero

As a schizophrenic, yes, we should just get over it.

I didn't claim to read the OPs mind, but I did read the OP...

& it was a nihilistic approach to pretty much everything except his wife and child...


& the long and short of life is Love & Family, which he has in abundance.


Not everyone was going to respond in a pitiful manner and if you assumed as much then you haven't been paying attention to how ATS works.


Right?
No.

Never claimed that either.

I'm glad your day is going swell.

A natural setting is the perfect place to enjoy life. A walk through some cool temperature woods and then a warm ray of the sun can help to appreciate this gift of living on a beautiful planet. Noticing what blooms naturally in each season is wonder in itself.
Recently I had to have some sessions with a physical therapist and was told how my muscles were imbalanced causing me severe knee pain. I've been working on the weaker leg muscles and my knee hasn't felt so pain free in a long, long time. I had know idea that what I thought was aging pains could be so simply remedied. The body is a gift that can tell you how to help it feel better many times. I used to put off seeing doctors but they can be helpful.
Calming the mind and taking care of the body help to enjoy the beauty and wonder of life.
Be good to yourself and enjoy time with the people you love. God bless you and yours.

Put things in perspective.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

well I am glad you personally have that ability....guess what...many others don't...

I didn't assume anything...I know ATS and as such I am quite used to responses like yours where because you have a certain experience you feel you speak for all others.

You made the assumption that OP has no concern for the concept of suffering outside himself. But even if it was a nihilistic approach...he deserves the ability and allowance to have suffering and not be told that his suffering is worthless because someone has it "worse." More so, he has the allowance and ability to come to others for help even if his concerns seem irrelevant or silly to some.

Look...honestly...you are clearly a person who has your life together and I salute that. I suffer true bipolar I and it took me ages to get to a med combo that gave me a sense of normalcy...though I don't really believe in an objective state of normal...I mean normal for me

Honestly and truly I am happy that you personally have gotten to a solid foundation and I hope you stay that that foundation permanently. But you cannot tell others that their brand of suffering isn't worthy of some made up idea of 'objective' suffering. You certainly have the right to try as a free citizen of the world. You have your free speech and I salute that as well. But it doesn't make you right. People all over suffer. It's overused but look again at Robin Williams. He made the world laugh and cry and laugh again for decades. People everywhere loved him and from what it sounded like, he was alone even in a crowd of others. Now their is no question that his material and monetary wealth likely far exceeds most if not all of us on ATS. He was never short for food or necessities or toys and yet look a the outcome...his depression was so real and so powerful that he took his life. Kurt Cobain, Junior Seau, Dana Plato, etc are all people who for the most part have fame and fortune. None of that material or monetary power meant anything in the end and had no bearing on emotional well being. Having the necessities certainly helps and most certainly allows for better access to emotional healing...I will certainly tip my hat to you on that...but that doesn't make it any easier for people to seek out such healing. If for no other reason then we have made a powerful statement in this country that we are only barely scratching to remove...that statement is "you are mentally ill...therefore you are defective and need to be put out of public sight"

So again...kudos to you and I hope you live a long healthy life...but while recognizing that starving children in Africa is indeed of exceptional importance to humanity; so too is mental well being...even for people who "have everything"

a reply to: KyoZero

I didn't assume anything...I know ATS and as such I am quite used to responses like yours where because you have a certain experience you feel you speak for all others.

Yeah, sure.

Take some time to look inside yourself. Start with meditation if you don't do so already. Find out who you really are, and you will fear nothing. You don't "die," ever. Your children, wife, nobody - they're immortal. You never lose them and they will never lose you, as you are bound to them forever. People read this and write it off, but believe me, we'll all see that it's true, someday. I would suggest that you learn how to recognize this now. Live the remainder of your life FREE, like you were supposed to be.... a reply to: Mugly

a reply to: Mugly

Greetings, Guten Tag- I wasn't going to respond but felt a twinge after erasing My first diatribe. So here goes...

If I spend My most precious asset 'time' worrying about either the "past/future" that takes away My 'presence for the present' when things happen. Sure, they'll happen in the 'future' but when it happens it is that time's 'present'. Have You ever done something usually an athletic action where time 'stopped/slowed down'? That is sometimes called "Being in the zone" Being 'present'

Worrying about 2 things You can't do anything about, the 'past' and the 'future' doesn't really jibe. It is ill-advised. It'll also lead to 'dis-contentment' and/or stress..

Have You ever looked into the 'Law of Attraction'? There are also some manifestation meditations one can do. I felt the same way when I was medically retired at 41. At that time I was on 7 Rx. meds dealing w/a plethora of issues. I weighed 272 and felt like trash, swimming in My own misery and self pity. I started meditating and doing Yoga for My broken back/neck. I started doing Ayurveda..

Now I'm on only 2 of the pain meds but at a lower dose than when I started 14 years ago. I weigh 200.2 I no longer am medicated for PTSD. My blood pressure went from 140/100 to 100/68. My cholesterol went from 373 to 153. I'm in better shape than when I went through the police academy AND when I played pro baseball..

What kind of diet are You eating? Are You hydrated? I ask because it should be common knowledge by now that "They" poison the foods We eat and the water We drink, One has to be their OWN Advocate...

namaste

Change Your Thought OR You'll get what You've always got....

* Your Mileage May Vary *

a reply to: JimNasium

superb advice I think. a good solid real look at what could be happening. Meditation did so much for me to bring me past the constant staring (or attempting to stare) into the future. I believe acknowledging the end is a good thing but people can become obsessed with it so I also adore your ideas to. Healthy balances are a great way to navigate life.

a reply to: KyoZero

i often ponder the meaning of life and i usually come up with the same result.
there is no meaning.
i think a lot of my fear comes from the fact that i dont believe in god and heaven at all.
i just dont.

being in constant pain all the time makes it hard too. always taking meds and dealing with the side effects. it is just hard to stay positive.
my wife and daughter really are the only things that keep me going. not saying i think about suicide cause i dont. i want to keep on living.
i just know if i did not have them it would be very, very easy to fall into a rut.

i really dont see the positive sides of people and human interaction at all. aside from the wife and daughter, i interact with people only cause i have to.
i really have no ambitions. not now at 37.
i did when i was younger but those days are long gone.
when i say ambitions i mean ambitions to create something or make something of myself. to make a lasting impression.
i dont have that desire.
i want to travel and experience things but only if i can do so with my wife.

if one day i was all of a sudden by myself, left to wander the earth alone, i would have zero problem spending my remaining days/month/years chilling on a hammock on a beach in thailand taking massive amounts of drugs for the remainder of my time.

i know that will not be a popular statement but it is the truth.
if i was left alone, i would be content with that life. happy even.

i would need to stay numb and clear of people or i would snap....

at least i realize that

a reply to: Mugly

You know to be honest IF I am reading you right then we share a very interesting common thread. I am married and just had my 13th anniversary. I love this woman (no children) and I would never want to leave her and don't ever see it happening. But I have told her many times that if she were to go in some accident or for whatever reason I was left to be, I would have absolutely no problem at all living by myself and decreasing interaction with others....of course so long as I could support myself monetarily....that's of course the hard part. My point is that outside of her, the greatest thrill I get is my own mind

Now I am not saying I am a genius or some special start child who has all the answers...not even remotely...

What I am saying is that my overwhelming preference is to be in silence and alone and to interact, when ready, through online means such as ATS or the few friends I have online. The problem is as son as I say this, idiots everywhere swoop in to tell me how sick and devastatingly messed up I am. The nerve of people thinking they must place their own ideal of happiness on you or I or anyone. Preferring being alone is NOT a disease. It does NOT mean I wish to die or want to harm myself.

I am a psychotherapist...so by law and yes by my own personal feeling, I am always on the lookout for those who want to die and are emanating major signs of imminent suicidal activity. But I will not pretend that the DSM and APA and ACA have it all figured out. To be honest I am a relatively outspoken opponent of the DSM for that reason. We as humans seem to have this ridiculous need to categorize everyone. Even more ridiculous is our desperate attempt to be comfortable to the point of telling others that they MUST be like me in order to be right. It does not work that way and I am concerned that my own professional field will one day, if not already, declare war on personal individuality and subjectivity if we continue to stay on the terrible path of the medical model

The human psyche is not a bone that can be set if broken. But most importantly, you are unique and deserve to comfortably own your uniqueness. I personally am not interested in the drug part of it and admittedly might suggest talking to a therapist about it but there is one huge, huge thing that people seem to forget all the time

In all of the DSM, one thing is stressed to professionals every day....harm

If you read most of the DSM diagnoses they will have that line about the disorder causing clinically significant harm to self or others

The 'others' part is easy. If I suffer narcissistic personality disorder and as such I emotionally and physically abuse a person...then I have caused harm. If I am categorically a pedophile and I sexually assault or threaten to sexually assault a minor (or really anyone of any age...just using this as an example of the DSM), then I have harmed others

It''s the harm to self part that gets very muddy and very quickly. Because the question has to be asked...WHO determines if you are harming yourself? If say you divorced your wife (example only) and you took drugs daily yet never left your house or actively attempted to immediately end your own life....are you harming yourself? Who decides self harm? Your ex-wife? Me as a professional? You? police? etc? That's where it gets muddy

Anyway...of all of my writing here I have to offer you thunderous applause regarding one thing...you recognize you....you have taken a massive step that most are afraid to and you have looked into your reality...I will always salute that

But don't let people tell you that you are wrong...and a lot of the population will try....just remember they are fighting their own demons and likely projecting on you

I understand the lack of desire....just take some time to be you and see where it leads

a reply to: KyoZero

i heard a quote somewhere and it fits me well.

"i only feel alone when i am around other people"

i am not a hermit. i interact at work. my wife and i go places.
i dont have a social life though but that is by choice. i just dont like the company of other people. i much rather be alone.
99% of people i have come across in my life annoy me.

kind of s strange place to be you know.
i very much want to live but i also dont want to be around other people.
very weird when you think about it.
i have always preferred solitude.

You have to be tough to be old. That's what my Grandmother and Mom and Dad always said and it's true. I'm 57, disabled and have forgotten what it's like not to have pain. I just take it one day at a time and use diversions like books and movies, good company etc to escape the bad things I have to deal with. Humor helps. Being out in nature helps and listening to music etc. I have been through a lot through the years, but I'm still here and still kicking.

a reply to: Mugly

and that is AWESOME of you again for recognizing yourself....I love solitude too...I strongly prefer to be by myself or with her. It's funny because for my partner and I...we are both pretty extreme introverts that believe like you do...99% of people annoy me and her. We spend time together and then otherwise we go to separate rooms or in the same room but silent...and our relationship works amazingly

I freely admit that I don't in any way, shape or form think I am better than that 99%...I am just interested in the few people in my life...and otherwise prefer myself and my own thoughts...I adore solitude

In fact when I am done posting I am going to go pick up my new WWI book and get to it...no music or noise...just me

It's funny....

You and I would probably get along REALLY well in real life...but mostly because we'd say hi and leave each other alone...lol

Best friends ever in my life are the ones that can understand that a great deal of the time I need to be alone

originally posted by: Mugly
a reply to: KyoZero

i heard a quote somewhere and it fits me well.

"i only feel alone when i am around other people"

i am not a hermit. i interact at work. my wife and i go places.
i dont have a social life though but that is by choice. i just dont like the company of other people. i much rather be alone.
99% of people i have come across in my life annoy me.

kind of s strange place to be you know.
i very much want to live but i also dont want to be around other people.
very weird when you think about it.
i have always preferred solitude.

I feel the same. People annoy the hell out of me and I also prefer to be alone, and have always preferred to be alone.

I hate the idea—and reality—of getting old. Hate it. Never married, and thankfully no kids...

There's a good quotation from the movie The Straight Story, when Alvin meets the teen runaway:
Teen: What's the worst part about being old?
Alvin: Rememberin' when you was younger.

I don't think I want to get old.

a reply to: Mugly

I have come to the conclusion that I do not age, I just level up. I bear the marks of thirty years with pride, and fully intend to bear the marks ahead with the same attitude.

a reply to: donktheclown


And if/when He realizes that there is no "death" only then will He start to Live. Then there are no "emergencies" then You don't HAVE to 'live' up to anybody's rules but those You impose on You. Then You'll see that there is always 'time' worry goes right out the window because Whats the worst that can happen?

Having child(ren) is expensive and the prices usually increase as time passes. What makes more sense, take it as rhetorical if You wish, that both parents work outside of the house and if both weren't so busy doing nothing, they could sit down and see that one of them is working just to pay the childcare bill. So one or both then have to work Over-Time so they can afford to pay for 'wants'..

I'll also add, the answer to Your question is already inside of You, no body and no thing can provide this answer for You. That voice in Your head will always be there so Y'all may as well "make nice" At the time of 'passing' (energy transfer) that voice will be there but there are ways to put that voice on "ssshhhhhhhhh" I'll bet He is the one telling You that time is running out and You are "missing out"? Yeah, He is full of 'snip'.

Want a whole bunch of "Free Time" now? It's not about You. Get this and the wind will always be at Your back...

Get this now and You also won't suffer through a "Mid Life Crisis" when Your daughter is 17-18 and would probably appreciate Her father around. Selfish Fathers are a dime a dozen. When She is out of Your house then go for it..

namaste


Edit: Does this cover Your feelings? www.sunfell.com...