getting older...do you think about it? how do you deal?

ive been thinking about it a lot lately.
im 37 but feel much older. ive been through a few pretty big surgeries. lots of aches and pains. on some meds.
the usual male problems of having to pee all damn night. dont sleep well.
still have 30 more years of work ahead of me. ive always been on the grind. far from rich but not poor either. we live paycheck to paycheck but that is mostly cause i have a terrible time with managing money.
i dont have any debt. my utilities are always paid. i just toss it around a lot buying # i dont need.
have a hard time saying no to my daughter. she is only 3 and she already knows she gets what she wants.
we go to the store and she says "daddy, i want aaaaaaaall the stuff"

that is a bit of a side track but i find myself thinking if i would have been better with my cash the past 20 or so years i could retire soon. take a decade off and then just work part time fast food or something and actually have time to enjoy my life.

it sucks big time. some people dont give getting older a second thought but i think about it a lot.

people still say youre young or you have plenty of time left but it sure dont feel like it.
cant help but feeling i am halfway to the big sleep and thats if i am lucky.
its a major drag when you have more past than future.

dying scares me. i dont even know how to comprehend it. the thoughts about it seem to consume me.

i feel like life itself is a big joke and we humans are the butt of it.
nothing we do matters. i mean it matters to us while we are here but in the big picture it dont mean #.

and what the hell is the deal with this 75 or so year average life span?
talk about a rip.

the universe is like 14 billion years old. earth is like what, 6 billion years old.
homo sapiens have been around for roughly 200k years but as an individual we get 75 years....
that is not enough time to do #.
i mean i am 37 and i feel like am just now figuring out the angles.

i want to travel. i want to try things.
factor in all the time in your life you dont even remember....like your first 6 or so years. most people dont remember anything about their life that far back. maybe a few fleeting memories but that is it.
your last 10 years probably suck. lots of time spent at work. lots of time spent sleeping.

that leaves no time at all to actually live life and try things.

im afraid to die because i dont want to miss my wife and daughter. i know that is completely stupid because i will be dead and wont know it but i have a hard time comprehending that. i feel like i will miss them.
i dont want them to miss me.

ive only been married 5 years. she is the first person i can stand to be around for more than an hour at a time.

so i feel like i really only started living at 32. before that it was pretty much the pits.

sorry for the downer thread but i am curious how you all cope with aging and death.

We all think things we should have done, things we regret, money we wasted, words we wish we could retract.

We think about those gone before us and those that will remain after we are gone.

So here's how I deal with it.

Can't change what is past so just try and remember to do better today.

Change your underwear once a week and don't forget to nap when you can.

Jude

a reply to: Mugly

Don't worry about it mate, plenty of people in the same boat.

Give it ten years and the Nano-bots in your system will keep you healthy and you'll live to 200!

Plenty of time for living.

a reply to: Mugly

Well, I'm 10 years older than you, physically at least. I refuse to grow all the way up. I will ALWAYS keep a little bit of the kid in me. If you can do that, things always seem a little better. To me at least.

Chin up and just live

I don't think of myself as being older even though I am nearing 50. I have aches and pains, but I don't let them color how I see myself. I am still a kid at heart and I think most of it is attitude.

I have a gift and a curse: i can ignore anything I choose to ignore. This makes me a terrible friend. Out of a sense of duty i will help you when you ask...but i won't go out of my way to stay in touch without you doing all the leg work of reaching out to me and setting things up.

The gift of this is i am allowed to gain incredible focus by ignoring a desire to do other things.

My father was this way, and he didn't exercise any discipline over it. So he was a terrible father. I make sure I don't do that. And, actually find it impossible to ignore my kids and wife. To the point that my kids can get under my skin like no other human alive....because I just can't ignore their texts and calls even when they know they can't interrupt me but do anyway.

So, that was a long way around the bush....but i just ignore it. Yeah, ill die some day. 75 is the number that has been in my head since i was a kid, and have just assumed that would be the age I die. And i ignore anything much beyond that, mostly because it doesn't help me maintain my focus on what i am doing today.

Stop being such a nihilist and just appreciate what you have.


People around the world would kill to be in your position...
Billions of them.

How's that for the meaning of life.

originally posted by: Metallicus
I don't think of myself as being older even though I am nearing 50. I have aches and pains, but I don't let them color how I see myself. I am still a kid at heart and I think most of it is attitude.

OK, so i read your post...and this is what i thought about:



LOL....one day you and I shall meet in our wheelchairs in the mosh pit.

I'm 44 and love every day.
I have a great wife of nearly 21 years
A 13 yr old daughter that's a wonderful kid
And I'm feeling older and older.
We all have things we would have done differently looking back but you choose your path with what you know at the time.
I had a chance at a job around 15 years ago that would have paid great but it was a swing shift job.
Better money but less time with my family.
I never regret choosing my family although the money looks good now.... Hmmm.

a reply to: Mugly

You're thinking way too much. Occupying your time thinking about getting old and dying will make you depressed! Enjoy your life with your wife and daughter. When you're 65 you're going to wish you were 37 again. Get into an exercising routine, it helps depression.

If you believe nothing is planned for us after this plane of existence, the fear of death will weigh heavily on your mind. Fearing death is a natural part of being human. However, some people like myself who have lost loved ones have been given signs there is life after death. That has given me comfort and has lessened my fear of death. Research people who have had NDE experiences. Science doesn't have an answer for everything.

I made a thread on signs my wife and I have experienced after the death of her sister (with pictures!). Maybe this will help you have a better outlook as you grow older. Hope you find some peace.

A sign from the other side, just simply incredible!

I think I have officially reached the geezer status. But thanks to great genetics, I still feel great but a little lack in stamina.
And this may seem a little strange but thanks to my alcoholism, the 12 steps of AA, it truly is 'one day at a time' and everydays a party. 30 years of hard drinking and druggin, allows for some perspective on just how beautiful and lucky we are.

strict adherence to Rule 62 is mandatory for geezers or else you will eat yourself alive.

A professional therapist can help with the male menopause syndrome.

a reply to: Mugly

You are born and your parents change your diapers. you get your drivers license then work for fifty years. Then you retire, have your license taken away, a nurse changes your diapers, then you die.

And that's if you're lucky.

a reply to: Bluntone22

21 year old wife, go you!


......I know, I know.

Text: a good judge of when you are getting too fat is when you look down and can no longer see Mr. Winkie. Yeah, go on a diet until you can see your little buddie again.

originally posted by: HUMBLEONE
Text: a good judge of when you are getting too fat is when you look down and can no longer see Mr. Winkie. Yeah, go on a diet until you can see your little buddie again.

You know, just the tip top of his head's, cool... then go have yourself like, a dozen honey dipped donuts to celebrate and BEER! WHAAHOOO!!!

a reply to: Mugly

Alan watts this man inspired me i was just like you still am in a way but i dont fear death anymore dont get me wrong im not ready to die but i do understand it more and i know my body will die but i wont. youtu.be...

a reply to: Mugly

Have you thought about therapy and maybe reading some books on the topic? As people get older, some start thinking along the same lines as you to. I know how you feel about how your life just started a couple of years ago. I'm right behind you in age and I feel the same, as if I weren't really alive until recently.

Therapy or feeding yourself with positive non-toxic information for your soul can do wonders to your outlook. Never forget, age is just a number.

It's just a ride, enjoy it.

originally posted by: CharlieSpeirs
Stop being such a nihilist and just appreciate what you have.


People around the world would kill to be in your position...
Billions of them.

How's that for the meaning of life.

People like you invalidate others despite them having real and actual pains throughout life. People who state the things you do make people in OP's shoes much worse

How's that for the meaning of life?

It's such BS when people pull the whole "starving children" thing. Their is no such things as the suffering Olympics. Just because he's having troubles with some very serious and existential issues doesn't mean he has no appreciation for places like Sub-Saharan Africa. It doesn't mean he doesn't recognize that children in Ghana have it much worse but why are you so intent on making his experience with life as meaningless as possible?

Does it occur to you that even a super wealthy 1%'er can also have extreme difficulty with the concepts of death, suffering and non-being?

yeesh

Myugly...Hi :-)

Pleasure to meet you....well sort of since we are online. The things you describe are very common and I don't say these things in order to minimize your suffering. I mostly perform therapy with an existential theory. Obviously I am not offering you solutions or offering therapy online...but the point is what you feel right now is common among many people.

I understand quite well. As I a 36 years old, due to a few falls from horse riding and a reconstructive shoulder surgery, I am pretty much in daily pain. Sometimes that daily pain becomes rather unbearable. I won't of course pretend to know your mind, but I get the gist of it. The concept of suffering is very temporary but it can amplify people's visions of non-being.

I have a tiny little hypothetical I will tell some of my chronic pain patients that I'd like to share. If you aren't in a good space, feel free to read it another time

Other wise here it is

Imagine if you could being born as a full adult of approximately 18 years of wisdom, maturity and in body. However, you are at zero hour. An all knowing force approaches you and tells you that you have 80 years to live from this exact moment and no mater what happens, you are unable to change this fact. So you go through life ever aware of the fact that while you are having a generally good time, you know that the closer you get to your mark, the closer you are to the end. This is self-awareness and is very scary to many people. Granted we don't actually know when we will die; just that we will. That concept in and of itself can cause emotional struggle for people who initially wanted to just get the most they could out of their 80 years.

Now imagine the same scenario with the same explanation. However this time, the all-knowing force tells you that for the remainder of these 80 years, you will carry a pebble in your pocket. Each year the pebble is swapped out with one twice it's weight. so by the time 50 years rolls around you went from carrying a little half-ounce stone to carrying a mountain. This very well explains two concepts of existential thought of non-being that makes non-being that much worse

Remember when you were 6 years old and waiting for your next birthday felt like a century? Part of that consideration is that fact that at 6 years old, 1 year represents a whole sixth of your life; hence it feels longer. Now however, at age 30, a year represents a sliver of your time; hence it feels like nothing at all. That is the pebble growing.

The other side of this explanation involves the pebble as well; pain. So in scenario 1, you know you ave 80 years and you plan on living it to the best. But as the pebbles grows, you slow down because now you are carrying a mountain. The whole concept of pain versus time and non-being is very real. Pain, true pain be it physical or emotional, makes it very hard to enjoy things. So really it is exactly like the pebble in that pain grows as you grow and for a great many people, pain makes it harder to enjoy our tiny slice of existence.

Now all of this may seem like the greatest downer in the world...and to a point it truly is. However their is an upside to all this and it is the basis of existential therapy as a whole. Recognizing the bad with the good and integrating your struggles into a wholesome self is a victory that few attain but all can work towards. Truly accepting death and non-being is a wonderful process so long as it does not destroy you.

It sounds weird to say, and believe me when I repeat that I am not wanting to die early, but their is a bit of grace to death when you look at it from a new perspective. That grace is the ability to know you have accomplished life and that you will soon be comfortable because whether god, goddess or no afterlife is real; you will no longer be in pain.

I am not at all sure this will help but again while I cannot and would not offer legitimate therapy online, I always welcome you to have a U2U or thread based chat if you are interested.

I do not have all the answers...not even close....but I do enjoy the journey of finding them

Good day to you

I'm 36 and been through the mill quite a bit too. Every year extra now is an achievement in my eyes another year older another year wiser. I'm totally happy with the ageing process
Though sometimes wouldn't mind having a night out like in clubs and house parties like i used to, but change is natural you can't hold on to your youth, but enjoy it when you've got it.