I was arrested for defending myself and my family

a reply to: Skid Mark

I'm with my mom currently. My mothers ex-mother in law told us we could come here the other day after all of that. We've been staying here with them since. My mother, siblings and I are all safe and away from him. As far as personal belongings go. I was told i'm not allowed to get much of anything aside from clothes from my house because of the risk of dispute. They said I can only take the things that i'm able to prove are mine, which basically is just clothes. I have hundreds of dollars worth of Music Equipment in the house as well as a computer, 55" tv and a lot of other stuff.

My mother told me she saw the argument insue in the back yard when he started coming at me. I had a friend of mine there at the time too and he said he witnessed what happened through a window and that he would defend me in court as well.

What really got to me the other night was my little brother crying asking why I went to jail and not our stepfather. A child was so aware of the situation that he was asking me why I had to go to jail instead of him. "it makes no sense" he said to me.

It was definitely a hell of a situation..

-

Yeah, we have screen capped messages and stuff now of him trying to bribe my mother into coming home by saying he would lie to the states attorney to try and get my charges dropped. Saying that we were just wrestling around and it escalated from that point forward. I''m legally not allowed to contact him and he's already manipulated my other siblings and biological father into not listening to me. He contacted other relatives in my family the night I was in jail and told them that I was the aggressor and that he did nothing and I was in an uncontrollable rage.

I called my grandmother from my cell to let her know what was going on that next morning and she told me "Well, you have to deal with the consequences of your actions." Which left me completely dumbfounded.

I'm not sure what kind of story he spun to my relatives on my Biological dads side of the family, but they seem to believe that this is all on me.

It really, really hurts me that part of my family is believing what this man is saying over their own blood. I have absolutely no history of being violent and no criminal history what so ever.

I'm honestly on the verge of a breakdown. This has all been way too much for me and I just don't know what to do anymore.

a reply to: Erich94

One must wonder where your mother was as the police were making a determination in who was the one going to jail.
it does not seem as clear cut as you present. Can you explain?

a reply to: Aliensun

She took the small children and left with them. She called the police on her cell phone when she was leaving with the kids. She was on the way to their grandparents to drop them off when all of this was going on. When the police got there, I was barricaded in my room and my stepfather was downstairs. Whenever they must have showed up, he was down there, she was gone.

a reply to: Erich94

OK. 'Sorry to hear that you were left to deal with the situation.
You, unfortunately, are caught up in the way the law acts in recent decades. It was decided that to cut the amount of "domestic violence" calls to which they respond that IF they had a policy of taking one of persons to jail then that would curb many unnecessary calls.

As a counselor working with drug and alcohol users, I know that policy to be a fact IN Austin and elsewhere in the US today. I know that many times the guy--in a she and he--disturbance will take the blame and go to jail so she can stay home with the kids. Of course, in many of those cases, it is merely a matter of flared tempers and nothing more, still the damage is done. The "guilty" person has money to pay, gets a record and may endure counseling and other restrictions.
That is not justice, merely an effort toward blind efficiency.

a reply to: Erich94

if your mom took the kids and left why did you run upstairs and barricade yourself in your room?
you said you had no way to leave..
did you forget how to walk or something?

i dont have much else to say. just does not seem like the smart play to run into the house when your mother took the others and ran out of the house

originally posted by: Erich94
a reply to: Aliensun

She took the small children and left with them. She called the police on her cell phone when she was leaving with the kids. She was on the way to their grandparents to drop them off when all of this was going on. When the police got there, I was barricaded in my room and my stepfather was downstairs. Whenever they must have showed up, he was down there, she was gone.

You might have lead the decision regarding "leaving this volatile situation" taking your mother and siblings out of harms way. Your stepfather has prior incidents of violence when drinking heavily. I don't understand why anyone was there in the first place (knowing an onslaught of irrational behavior was inevitable). I just do not understand is all.

a reply to: Erich94

Well the police did not see it that way so something seems missing. Not saying your lying but, especially if they know how and who this guy is, something does not add up. Why didn't you call them during the first altercation and let it escalate like that?



Jalapeno!

originally posted by: JalapenoPepper

Well the police did not see it that way so something seems missing.

I know a raging demonically possessed alcoholic who can beat every wall out of a house and threaten to kill everyone in it, and when the cops show up he can turn it off like a switch and have them laughing and patting him on the back before they get back in their cruiser and drive away.

Its a backwards world we live in I tell ya.

originally posted by: Erich94
a reply to: MonkeyFishFrog

Yes, I know, this has been a long time coming. She's completely done and in the process of finishing the restraining order. She's definitely seen the light and after this she's told me, there is no going back. I know that she is sincere this time.

I went to the hospital and got documents showing everything on my discharge papers. My ankle/wrist/cuts on my left hand etc. I've taken pictures of all of the bruises and marks. My mom has been working on getting access to the original 911 call but the county police are being less than cooperative and have been delaying things as much as possible. My court date is on the 17th. I've already structured and revised my statement and I have witnesses in my favor. He has nothing.

First thing you need to realize is it isn't him that's going after you it's the state. He won't even be required to be there for initial hearing. Your battle is with the state prosecutor and if he doesn't drop it he thinks he has a case. You need an atty if your over 18 and I believe you are. Because they will offer a plea a deal no problem but the catch will be you'll have a criminal record to follow you the rest of tour life.

You know that spot where it asks if you were ever convicted of a crime. It will show every time they do background chk. If you can't afford a lawyer then call the local bar association they have lawyers that will work for free in domestic violence situations.

And next time when confronted with this situation don't turn back around keep walking.

a reply to: Mugly

My mother left there without me, and called the cops, hoping they would show up and arrest him so she could come back later on, but she found out later that they arrested me.

Like I said, I had hundreds of dollars of music equipment in my room that I wasn't about to just leave in a house with an alcoholic who just tried to strangle me. So I sat down in my room with the dresser blocking the door, waiting for the situation to be resolved. I also said that I was planning to leave, but my friend was coming to pick me up. I don't have a vehicle to leave on my own and I live out in the middle of a small 200 pop. town smack dab in the middle of illinois. There was no where I could have gone if I did decide to walk. And if I did decide to leave the home and try and walk somewhere, say, the nearest town, the police would surely pass me at some point and if it seemed to them that I was trying to avoid the police by leaving I didn't think it would have ended well, so I stayed put.

a reply to: Bone75

That is exactly how he is. While I was with my mother trying to get my clothes from the house, I had to have a police escort. The whole time the cop was chatting it up, laughing with the man. Talking about sports, and joking. It really bothered the hell out of me.

originally posted by: JalapenoPepper
a reply to: Erich94

Well the police did not see it that way so something seems missing. Not saying your lying but, especially if they know how and who this guy is, something does not add up. Why didn't you call them during the first altercation and let it escalate like that?



Jalapeno!

Having dealt with police in a similar situation, they aren't necessarily receptive to domestic abuse calls. Some of them are jaded; having been called to the same house over and over for domestic abuse makes them numb to it. My mom called the cops one time on her boyfriend because he was attempting to kick down our front door and the cop that responded got aggressive with my mom, banging his fist against the dashboard when she spoke too fast when he was taking her statement. It definitely deterred her from calling them in the future when the harassment continued.

Your Mom needs more than a restraining order, she needs to divorce this animal as soon as possible! Sounds to me like she should have left him before this if he has such a history. My heart goes out to you and I wish you and your family well. HUGS!

Oh my heart is breaking for you. What a crummy situation. I have called the police for domestic situations and found them to be unhelpful and even scary.

While being an alcoholic is I suppose a disease, it doesn't excuse the horrific violence in front of anyone let alone little kids. And lying and lying - long after the fact. This is a person who seems to want to control others and gets some sick pleasure from intimidating others. It's much more than just a drinking problem.

I don't know how old you are, but you need to take care of yourself first. Your mother may be tied up in the sickness of codependency with her husband, and it may take a lifetime for her to get untied from it. You can't let that man or their relationship ruin your chance for a good life - and that means figuring out how to get out of the situation you are in - quickly.

You sound smart and centered. I wish I had $$$ to help you, but alas I do not. I hope someone can give you a hand. You sound like you could use a bit of help and a great big hug.

Please stay safe. Focus on what you want to achieve and don't let it drag you down. And get an attorney. Remember, put on your own oxygen mask so you can then help the rest of the family.

See, this is why I'll just let someone start whooping my ass first, because I could take a few hits, get angry, and get 'em.

But in this emotional family related case, you said the fear of imminent attack overtook you and you attacked him after him yelling in your face, and you seeing something out of the corner of your eye, right? But you didn't elaborate on if he was actually coming at you when you saw it out of the corner of your eye, so I am just assuming you were either possibly wrong, or you just went 'Hulkster', stopping a grown man in his tracks whilst coming at you, with punches to the face.

But even still, had you not ran into the room and barricaded it, you'd probably be much better off. When people are that scared, to where they're not even present when the cops come in and refuse to be, the cops will get scared & the cops are going to believe it if someone says that you're possibly dangerous.

Your 'parents' could've told the cops you are peaceful as a peach and if you had barricaded yourself, they'd probably still have tazers drawn. People have been considered crazy and killed by police before over that kind of thing, and then civil suits ensued. Nowadays, people almost assume you're crazy on principle, especially if you're a young white male.


Did they charge you with anything specific?

Just explain yourself in court, get your Mother to completely back you up, if she will and believes that this is an injustice. Work together with the lawyer to present a great case. You could even walk away not-guilty.

You could even make light of it if you told the Judge that you see why they could've thought you were dangerous because you had barricaded yourself, but that you've been afraid of that man your entire life and felt in danger. It could potentially disarm anything the prosecution could say about you being crazy or dangerous, especially if your Mother backed you up on that in court.

a reply to: Galadriel

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your kindness and it means a lot. I know. There is no excuse for it. He's a toxic leech of a person and does nothing but feed off of others misery. I'm 21, I have been working 12 hour shifts throughout the week and giving my mom basically half of each paycheck to help her pay bills because my stepfather has done nothing and has been unemployed for a long time.

As for everything else. My mother is on my side through all of this, I also have witnesses as well who can vouch for everything. I'm a very non violent person, someone really has to try me to get any sort of aggressive reaction from me. I literally have no history of this kind of thing, it's not in my nature.

My mother is very thankful for me standing up for her and the kids and she's vouched to help me in any way she can through this. I really need to go to counseling, because I feel so overwhelmed by my emotions and feelings right now. It hurts me so much that he's been able to manipulate my brothers into discrediting me and believing that I would do something so out of the ordinary unprovoked.

Thank you for your advice, and I'm going to see the State Attorney tomorrow morning with my written statement with my mother. She's already contacted the SA regarding the matter. We're certain that the charges will be dropped. My mom placed the call against her husband and they showed up, arrested me, and then lied saying I had no sign of injury when I couldn't even walk to the police car. They pulled the car up for me because by the time I was in cuffs my leg hurt so bad that I couldn't even put pressure on my ankle. I stated I had injuries. They didn't acknowledge apparently.

I have it all documented, all of my injuries on record, everything is verifiable through witness testimony so I'm pretty confident in my case. Still, my entire life just flipped so quickly. I feel unstable and like I could just emotionally break down at any moment. It really hurts me the most the things that my biological father and brothers have said and done regarding all of this.

I'm trying to stay as positive as possible, and it's really taxing. I wont give up though. My mom really needs me right now. She has had her health completely deteriorate because of this man. She's told me she's felt the best she has in years the last couple days not having to wake up next to him.