Question about women

Love is about compromise. There is no perfect person. You need someone you can laugh with. When you love someone and can laugh with them, the rest falls into place. I would pick one or two things that are absolutely a must, then let the rest go. Your life will pass you by if you insist on waiting for every item on your list to be checked off.

There are a few problems here. Firstly, people are not lists. Secondly, even if you met a woman who you were both attracted to, and who fulfilled the list, and she somehow revealed all of these leanings to you in an amount of time that was complimentary to relationship building...people change. You will change, she will change, your list will change. If you require a list for love, what becomes of it when your list changes as you grow? Do you cast your love aside?

What's the point of a list if it will only be fulfilled by either side for a brief fraction of life?

a reply to: ChaoticOrder

For what it's worth I will give you the advice my best friend gave me "When you stop looking is when you find it."

I know it seems counter intuitive.
Live your life, enjoy being social. Don't worry about being single.

What I see from my own life, is that friends lead to friends, lead to friends. We end up finding who we are looking for. Be it for our social aspects, our romantic ones, or our philosophic ones.

A question for you in regards to your list: Do you want someone who fits all that you list out or do you want someone that might disagree, but with enough knowledge and backing that they create a credible argument for their own views?

I think your list is very smart and reasonable. In fact, knowing what you want is a good thing... less likely to split up.

Many people don't think of all of those things and just dive into the relationship only to have disagreements later and set themselves up for disappointment. I think she would need to be agreeable/compatible with most of the items on your well thought out list in order for the relationship to work for both of you.

For one example, I couldn't live with someone whom I couldn't have stimulating conversations with and we do enjoy bantering about the same topics, but the person I live with also eats junk food and doesn't believe GMO foods are unhealthy Frankenfoods. So, that's one issue (of several) which is why I really get what you're saying.

So, can I ask 3 personal questions here? -- just trying to be helpful.

1- What area or state do you live in or plan to settle in to raise your future adopted children?

2- What is your approximate age; ex. mid 20's, 30-something, late 40's, 50+, etc

3- Are you too specific about looks; hair/eye color, height/weight or her education and the type of work she does?

I'll reply with my thoughts if you reply.

originally posted by: caladonea

originally posted by: collietta
a reply to: ChaoticOrder

A lot of people in the PNW fit your criteria.

By PNW...do you mean the (Pacific North West)?

Yes. I need to remember to spell out abbreviations on web sites.
From the op requirements it seems he's living in an area that lacks the kind of culture and lifestyle he's looking for.

You forgot....Four fingers and a thumb.

With that ridiculous list that is exactly what you are going to need.

a reply to: whyamIhere

What did the four fingers say to the thumb?

originally posted by: whyamIhere
You forgot....Four fingers and a thumb.

With that ridiculous list that is exactly what you are going to need.

What exactly about the list is ridiculous? I didn't include anything about physical appearance because that's not the first thing I worry about. I care more about what's inside than outside. I'm basically just describing an intelligent women who isn't religious or racist or a slave to the system. And if she isn't willing to adopt than that indicates to me she doesn't have the level of compassion and empathy that I'm looking for. Our DNA does not dictate who we love and hate, or who we consider to be a part of the family.

a reply to: ChaoticOrder

* should be easy going and not someone who stresses out over everything
* should not be part of any organized religion or secret society
* should not be a racist or discriminate against minorities such as gays
* should be open minded but able to maintain a healthy skepticism
* should be able to question authority and not be a mindless drone
* should defend libertarian principles and dislike socialist nanny states
* should be smart enough to discuss at least some complex/technical topics
* should prefer organic and natural foods over GMO's and processed foods
* should admit that she enjoys sex and not use it as a way to bribe me
* can want kids but must be willing to adopt, Earth is already overpopulated
edit on 8/7/2015 by ChaoticOrder because: (no reason given)

Sadly i think that woman is married now .

Its tough finding a decent woman these days. Maybe its just me being too picky but i see a lot of deception in relationships around me. People living a lie, its sad really.

a reply to: Randomtangentsrme

Do you want someone who fits all that you list out or do you want someone that might disagree, but with enough knowledge and backing that they create a credible argument for their own views?

If she was intelligent enough to produce a strong argument for her beliefs I would find that attractive. But obviously that only applies to things such as political leanings, I wouldn't be willing to listen to an argument about why she thinks it's ok to be a racist.

a reply to: ChaoticOrder


ChaoticOrder,

That is a very interesting list you have on page 1 of this thread.

With such an original list in mind..I am given to ask you this question.....


What are you offering a woman against the competition out here...that she cannot get more or better somewhere else???
Particularly with and in contrast to such an list in mind.

Thanks,
Orangetom

a reply to: ChaoticOrder

Keep the list. If this is what you want, keep the list. You may have to be flexible on a few though, meaning you might find a girl who doesn't currently eat organic, but is open minded to it. Other than that, I think it is a worthy list that would lead to a compatible and healthy relationship.

I am not one for lowering standards for what is on the inside. Physical standards don't really mean much in the end and sticking to a list like that, won't get you anywhere. Internal qualities? Yes, make lists and keep list. I personally swear too it being successful.

a reply to: ChaoticOrder

Dammit! 9/10, so close...card carrying socialist here

In terms of your ninth point, that's more down to you not allowing yourself to be led around by the little feller. If you can be led, a "good woman" is not going to invest in you when some other woman can come along and play you because you haven't developed the self-control to know when your prick's being teased.

Zazzafrazz made the best point, ditch the list, follow the laughs.

a reply to: BattleStarGal

As far as I know my ovaries are in perfect working order but I do agree with this. I don't want to have my own children. Ever. But if my SO decides to change his mind about having children I would push to adopt instead of having our own.

I fit all of the criteria including not reproducing because of a variety of non-health related issues. Maybe that is why I am happily married in our 25 year so far.
My husband knows that I am 'different' to other women and so do I now.

However it isn't just women that are clueless, nagging, and all the other things you said.
It took many years to find 'the right one' for me because 'most guys' are just as ignorant or selfish or vain or stupid as you make out 'most women' to be.

Basically, most humans are morons and sometimes you'll find a gem. You'll know when you meet them. But please don't make it out as if most men are all savvy and easy going and most women are the dimwits and annoying. They are exactly the same.

a reply to: ChaoticOrder

After reading your list, it sounds to me like you're a Lesbian trapped in a man's body.

Maybe you should just accept a woman for WHO she is and NOT WHAT she is! The best part of getting to know your mate is to really find out WHO she really is and respect and accept her for that, not just for the things YOU want her to be.

Your interests will grow on her as her interests will grow on you with time and an open mind. Have that open mind, and don't follow a list of MUST HAVES.

originally posted by: ChaoticOrder

originally posted by: whyamIhere
You forgot....Four fingers and a thumb.

With that ridiculous list that is exactly what you are going to need.

What exactly about the list is ridiculous? I didn't include anything about physical appearance because that's not the first thing I worry about. I care more about what's inside than outside. I'm basically just describing an intelligent women who isn't religious or racist or a slave to the system. And if she isn't willing to adopt than that indicates to me she doesn't have the level of compassion and empathy that I'm looking for. Our DNA does not dictate who we love and hate, or who we consider to be a part of the family.

Just the fact you have written a list is ridiculous.

You are forever going to be disappointed. Throw the list away.

You will know when you meet the right person...Hope she doesn't have a list.

Sorry my first post was tacky...