Banter between Aussies,Americans and Brits :D.

What's the difference between a smart English man and a unicorn?
Nothing, they're both fictional characters.

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
So the other one could drive!

Did you hear about the winner of the English beauty contest?
Me neither.

They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.

I thought we were making jokes about Aussies, Brits and Americans? My Aussie jokes were off topic?

Just so you know I can take a joke as well as dishing one out...


An American takes a sightseeing tour around London. While watching around he smiles and tells the guide:
"Listen pal, why is everything so small here? Look at this building for example. In America it would be 10 times as big..."
"I completely agree, sir! That's the madhouse."

What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks one language? American.

What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common?
They’re both f***ing close to water.

How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4

What do you call a worker in America that will work hard for reasonable pay and never whine?
An immigrant.

Some crackers here cheers all.
I find it interesting the colonists have a similar sense of humour as us who didn't leave the motherland lol.

a reply to: jtrenthacker

What's the difference between a smart English man and a unicorn?
Nothing, they're both fictional characters.




That is just too funny

originally posted by: superman2012
a reply to: MimiSia
Everytime I hear a mean joke about being Canadian, I go to the hospital and get my feelings checked for free.

It may take you 6 months to check them, but hey, it's free...

a reply to: RustyNailer

like ur avatar heaps

this is bid morbid

(true story at home)

or u bleed cause u don't have your health care card on
you

Any Kiwis here? Got jokes for them also. Incidentally, looking into possibly moving to New Zealand. I hear they have a good sense of humor.

What do you call a Kiwi with a thousand lovers?
A shepherd.

The Kiwis have solved their own fuel problems.
They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

Why does New Zealand have some of the fastest race horses in the world?
Because the horses have seen what they do with their sheep.

How do Kiwi's find sheep in long grass?
Delightful!

A Kiwi walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder. The barman says, "Bugger me, mate, that's a fancy looking thing. Where'd you get that?"
The parrot replied, "Down at Centrelink mate, there's hundreds of the b*stards!"

When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's Amore.
But;
When you're hit by a jug, in a South Auckland pub, THAT'S a Māori.

William and Kate said the wanted to give baby George 'the full Kiwi kid experience' while he was in New Zealand.
So they've left him in the car while they spend the day at the pub.

I took this pic when I visted Oz a few years back... nuthin seems to scare ya!

a reply to: boymonkey74

Lol
More jokes here than I can handle
Thanks guys

I've heard Aussies are pretty tight with their money. So I remembered this...
What's the difference between an Aussie and a boat with a hole in it?
Eventually the boat will tip.

originally posted by: superman2012
This one is too funny not to share!

On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said,
"Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a
land of outstanding natural beauty, it shall have tall majestic
mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautifully sparkling
lakes bountiful with carp and trout, forests full of elk and moose,
high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life,
and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the
inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, they
shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth"
"But Lord" asked Gabriel "don't you think you are being too generous
to these Canadians?"
"Not really" replied God "just wait and see the neighbors I am going
to give them."

I'm laughing. I'll have to remember that one

originally posted by: Denoli
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED By THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

About sums up America .
I'd buy that for a dollar!

Ok now I'm cracking up. That's too funny

First post on ATS although i have been a fan of this site for many years, it had to be in this thread, the last one that got closed down had me in tears at 3 in the morning. I just wanted to shout out to all those countries that have the same morals and values as us and hope that we can carry on having a good relationship well into the future.

Too often i see my guns bigger than yours on these forums, yet we forget that without all of us as a collective, the Brits, the Aussies, Canadians and the Americans, we would not be living in the same world that we are today. My grandad fought alongside all of you and he said along with the Sikhs, we as a collective were the the most battle hardened, well trained, bravest soldiers in the whole of WW2 . Seeing these memes and posts makes me realise how much alike we all are and how we can genuinly have a good laugh at ourselves

International pecking order when it comes to winter hardiness.



Canada wins XD