This Woman

originally posted by: randyvs
a reply to: ladyinwaiting

Your honesty has me grinning. And I would bet that Brit
has a bit of a knack for applying his suggested undertaking
of the reins, if you will?

Sigh. Yep, I recommend going with Brit's suggestion.

Okay, I'm going to fully fess up. What furthermore happens at the door, is they apologize for the offending behavior; you feel badly for them, and you invite them back in. : (

That's what happens. Now I've told you everything. I have cleansed myself of my misleading comments and bravado. Now I must engage in sleep, only interrupted by the haunting nightmare of a loud, obnoxious, insulting, drunken slob who deserves to be shown the door for real. Maybe she'll just leave? Nah. They never just leave.

I feel for you man! I have a close relative that could be your neighbor, except that she's my neighbor instead.
It is nothing to do with the way her parents treated her---she was born that way as far as I can tell---nasty when it suits her and meaner than a snake the rest of the time. But, like your "friend", she can be very sweet when it provides an advantage of some sort.
I can say without reservation that if she ever called my Beloved a nasty name, she would never darken the door of my home again without some big-time, serious groveling on her part.
I spent about 40 years trying to figure out how to deal with her. I tried giving back her nasty, I tried killing her with kindness, I tried ignoring her when I was forced to be in her company. NADA---nothing changes so I limit my exposure as much as possible and try to remember what my best friend used to say, "If she can make you mad, she has power over you." So, like your giggle at her "loser" insult, try to keep on smilin'!
The only approach that has any impact on the negativity aspects of these people is to counter their negativity with positive thoughts and words. While she is yammering on and on, just be thinking of something totally joyful and positive that you can point out to her when the diatribe ebbs a bit.
I do, however, have some concerns about her son and how he may grow up. The witch I've described has 3 children and two of them are just like her. Despite the fact that these are my close relatives, civility is the best I can manage when dealing with them. We call them energy vampires. After an encounter you feel totally drained by the effort it takes not to do them swift, permanent bodily harm as so aptly described by Brit. I'll admit to having thoughts of just how much Duct tape it would require....

a reply to: diggindirt

I'm sure you know DD the use of duct tape carries an enhancement
of sentencing.

But sometimes we're forced to just wing it.


And that's another thing about her son. Great kid as he is and
very much loved by both parents. Her two older daughters went straight
to the gutter. The elder is just a shot out meth head while the
younger daughter has been a runaway since she was sixteen. She
just turned eighteen and remains completely out of touch with
her mother. Just hoping her son doesn't take turn for the worst as well.
She is even on the Board of Educations black list for problem parents.

originally posted by: randyvs
a reply to: infolurker

My wife really is set on not giving up on her. Caring person
that she is and finding that most honorable. I have to support
that. But THIS WOMANS ability to interrupt makes any attempt
at a heart to heart frustrating and unbareble.

Wait until she asks you a question.

Then tell her - Let's make a deal. I will answer your question if you will let me finish / complete an answer. If she interrupts, done. End conversation.

If she keeps speaking and wanting a reply. Tell her you will gladly answer her question if you are allowed to finish your answer.

If not, silence / ignore.

She will either "catch on" or be mad. She will then realize what she is doing regardless if she wants to recognize it or not.

originally posted by: infolurker

originally posted by: randyvs
a reply to: infolurker

My wife really is set on not giving up on her. Caring person
that she is and finding that most honorable. I have to support
that. But THIS WOMANS ability to interrupt makes any attempt
at a heart to heart frustrating and unbareble.

Wait until she asks you a question.

Then tell her - Let's make a deal. I will answer your question if you will let me finish / complete an answer. If she interrupts, done. End conversation.

If she keeps speaking and wanting a reply. Tell her you will gladly answer her question if you are allowed to finish your answer.

If not, silence / ignore.

She will either "catch on" or be mad. She will then realize what she is doing regardless if she wants to recognize it or not.

I'm so sorry info, but this course of action has been tried and found
to be impotent. Like shooting blow darts at Godzilla. I'm afraid you may
have to think midevil to understand the harshness that is called for
here.

I'm sure you are familiar with the phrase "the Lord works in mysterious ways".

Though not a biblical scripture, it often makes sense in many situations.

So think of it this way... God put THIS WOMAN in your life for a reason... as a challenge, during which you will learn an important life lesson. It may not make any sense to you now, but, I have a feeling it will all make sense, eventually...

Keep us posted on the situation. It could become an interesting and enlightening discussion.

a reply to: randyvs
this goes well for the situation!


try this link,

a reply to: randyvs

Sounds like you and your wife need to set some boundaries, and get some distance from them. Let them know what is acceptable and not acceptable. They of course will push back but so what, these people sound like users and will find some other couple to leach.

You and your wife need to get on the same page and make a plan.

Here is some biblical wisdom relevant to your issue:

Violent people mislead their companions, leading them down a harmful path. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭29‬ NLT)

Unfriendly people care only about themselves; they lash out at common sense. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭1‬ NLT)

Fools’ words get them into constant quarrels; they are asking for a beating.

There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭6, 24‬ NLT)

A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.
(‭Proverbs‬ ‭22‬:‭3 NLT)

Throw out the mocker, and fighting goes, too. Quarrels and insults will disappear. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭22‬:‭10‬ NLT)

The list goes on. Seek wisdom my brother.

Last one

Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭3‬ NLT)

To be blunt, you just have to straight up stop being friends with THIS WOMAN. Problem solved. Stop interacting with her. You've figured THIS WOMAN out already, and you know it's always going to be same story/different day with her. Your family will be better off without the regular drama.

a reply to: randyvs



If I'm going to be totally honest, I'm like THAT WOMAN with my tendency to talk a lot and loudly and sometimes over other people. I just like to talk and I have a lot to say that most of the time nobody listens to anyway. But I don't listen half as much as I should so maybe that's why. I notice that when I DO listen more, people also seem to listen to me more, as well.

As for the other stuff. WOW. If I were any more like THAT WOMAN I'd off myself, sorry but just no that would be a nightmare. I can't even begin to imagine how messed up of a person that is. I'd keep away from her, honestly. She sounds like a user and not a friend at all. Your wife sounds like a good friend, though. Tell her to find someone more deserving of her friendship--someone who can actually reciprocate it.

I want to say more but I feel stuck like
I can't even~




a reply to: TruthLover557
^ YES. OP, THIS.

& this:

originally posted by: Observationalist
a reply to: randyvs

Sounds like you and your wife need to set some boundaries, and get some distance from them. Let them know what is acceptable and not acceptable. They of course will push back but so what, these people sound like users and will find some other couple to leach.

You and your wife need to get on the same page and make a plan.

Here is some biblical wisdom relevant to your issue:

Violent people mislead their companions, leading them down a harmful path. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭29‬ NLT)

Unfriendly people care only about themselves; they lash out at common sense. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭1‬ NLT)

Fools’ words get them into constant quarrels; they are asking for a beating.

There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭6, 24‬ NLT)

A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.
(‭Proverbs‬ ‭22‬:‭3 NLT)

Throw out the mocker, and fighting goes, too. Quarrels and insults will disappear. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭22‬:‭10‬ NLT)

The list goes on. Seek wisdom my brother.

Last one

Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭3‬ NLT)

hang in there, OP.

originally posted by: randyvs
a reply to: infolurker

My wife really is set on not giving up on her. Caring person
that she is and finding that most honorable. I have to support
that. But THIS WOMANS ability to interrupt makes any attempt
at a heart to heart frustrating and unbareble.

does this woman want help? Have you guys sat her down and talked about any of this? And does she realize how she is acting is affecting herself as well the people around her in such negative ways?

first those 3 questions come to mind they seem like some of the most crucial questions to ask, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink right...

now all that aside your wife also might want to except the fact that she may not be able to help this women, even thought it's awesome to see others try to help others, it sucks to see the helpers consumed by getting deeper into an unhealthy relationship.

I don't think you'd be willing to do it, OP, as you are religious, but some people have to be told to shut up and go away. Don't let her talk, don't invite her over. When she shows up, tell her to go the hell away or you'll call the cops. She talks? Interrupt her. Assert yourself in the conversation and take charge of it. If you project authority and power, especially as a man that (as it seems to me you are) is humble or soft spoken by nature - it really gets people's attention.

It works for me. I am normally very mild-mannered but when someone decides to push me too far or run all over me because they think I'll just roll over - I freakin' raise my voice, control the conversation, and shock the living daylights out them.

a reply to: ketsuko

a reply to: magnesiumbones

a reply to: BestinShow

a reply to: 3n19m470

a reply to: johnwick

a reply to: Observationalist

a reply to: TrueBrit

a reply to: rukia

a reply to: ladyinwaiting

a reply to: diggindirt


Ok you guys she has been calling and we haven't picked up the phone
for a couple days now. The message she left is as if nothing at all
happened. My wife reading all the great advice this thread generated,
has really opened her eyes to what's going on. And provided her
with a means to feel justified, in kicking THIS WOMANs ass to the curb.

I think she can feel righteous about it now where she just didn't
know before. I believe the comments that described in detail
the course of action some of our members would take. If
THIS WOMAN treated their spouse that way. Really hit home with her.

You guys are great.

a reply to: randyvs
Cheers to your wife!
And to you!
The attitude she manifested on the phone message is typical of these "users." Never an admission of being a sloppy drunk jerk. My father's advise was a paraphrase of a Biblical admonition, "At some point you just shake the dust off your shoes and move on." Only those involved can decide when the time comes for some shoe shakin'.
May you be blessed with her absence.

a reply to: randyvs

Whenever she gets near you, hold a mirror in front of you, facing her direction. Then, whenever she acts up, call out to her from behind the mirror "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

It might aggregate the situation, but it's worth a try.

soulwaxer

your exaggerating I can tell

originally posted by: halfoldman
Well, if the situation needs to be a bit entertaining (which I wouldn't advise), why not get or innovate some costumes, and when she pitches again tell her you and your wife have converted to a strict version of Islam.

No more board-games, and no more booze.

No strange adult females in the house, unless she wants to become your second wife.
(OK, that's a bit risky.)

Add that you have new friends now, and cannot hang with infidels.

Then slam the door with an Arabic-sounding curse.

Oh man... As I read this, I gradually went from a giggle to out-loud laughing, only to end up in a violently shaking laughing fit when I read the last sentence...

ALLAHU AKBAR!!!... SLAM

soulwaxer

originally posted by: AthlonSavage
your exaggerating I can tell

lol

I know, it's that bad but no.
If only, but here's something I can tell about you a hundred percent.
You can't tell crap so don't bet that you can, ever.

randyvs, I just noticed a few posts above that your wife has seen the light and that you haven't been picking up the phone. Good for her, and you!

BUT: If THIS WOMAN is as you described, and considering that she is leaving messages as if nothing is wrong, you're gonna need a plan B. She'll be back.

Here's an idea that can get her out of your house AND make her seek professional help: Get a good friend or anyone that would gladly do you a favor to come over and stay with your family for a few days. Get him into one of those old-school clown suits that creep the hell out of people and have him wear it at all times. When THIS WOMAN is around, have him stalk her around the house in a haunting fashion (think The Shining). You could take this as far as you deem necessary. Now comes the important part. Before you send him on his creep mission, discuss with your wife and son that he DOES NOT EXIST in the eyes of the three of you. He is not there.

I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. It's a win win win scenario. 1. She will forever stay out of your house. 2. She will get (need) professional help. And 3. You can think back on her exit with humor for the rest of your life.

soulwaxer

a reply to: soulwaxer

DUDE! We were looking for ways to help her, not make her worse
sling'n extra baggage. I mean that is just wrong on to many levels.