This Woman

it must be a test of some kind. perhaps you could weather the storm by examining it from the angle of "what am i supposed to learn from this?" and then pray for the answer.

originally posted by: randyvs
a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

If so, you can go somewhere else

I remain in my man cave on ATS.

And last night it invited her to open
the door to my cave without knocking and
shout LOSER! As she was on her way to the
bathroom.

I was completely uneffected by this and it wasn't
given the slightest response. I just giggled.

That would have been the last straw for me. My man cave is a sacred place, like a church, where I go to recharge, conduct personal business and escape from the things/people I do not want to be around. But as you can tell from my username, I'm highly introverted.

This woman seems like an ignorant loud mouth that talks because she likes the sounds of her own voice.

My wife has many friends and family members that are like that. They think that I'm a jerk because I do not enjoy conversing, but I couldn't care one bit.

The way to go is to Google nuclear quantum mechanics. Learn quite a few technical sentences and make up the rest and when she comes round appear completely enthusiastic with this subject and tell her that you are going to teach her all about it. Make up the majority of the information.
Here's the tricky bit. YOU HAVE to command the conversation, never let her get a word in. A good way would be for you to download some drawings say of various atoms or some other complicated scientific picture and fetch them out at any opportune moment and force them on her.
You HAVE to do this every time she appears at your house. Sooner or later she'll regret ever visiting your house.
Good luck.

Of course, if someone, a guest in my home, called me a loser in it. That would be that.

Her son would be welcome, but she no longer would. I would also be careful about how much I'd let my son go to her place to play with her son, too.

originally posted by: undo
it must be a test of some kind. perhaps you could weather the storm by examining it from the angle of "what am i supposed to learn from this?" and then pray for the answer.

I have a great talent for finding interest in everything. And that's
how I deal with her now days, after ripping her up one side and
down the other several times in the past. And then accepting
her apology. That she even needed schooling for by myself
before she was able to do properly. I literally had to tell her the
difference between just saying sorry and an apology. Now she
has the rating of a hobby or a science project.

I tried to arrange an ATS prayer circle so we could address members issues thru a nondenominational group of like minded members......404ed so fast....!!!

anyway, Ill say a little prayer for her as I think she is in some kind of emotional pain....and one for YOU so you won't have to tolerate her BS.

a reply to: crayzeed

Your response has all the earmarks of my own sense of humor.




I can only say thank you to all the great responses to my plea for
advice. As usual the members of ATS are solid.

a reply to: randyvs

The problem, or I should reason, for your frustrations is that your above all that Sh!t my friend...

I've been trying to better myself and avoid confrontation, but I miss it. I still haven't made the trip out to Apple Valley to visit you and yours.

Maybe you should set up a friendly get together/dinner, and invite both of us...I'll be more than happy to engage her. Hell, I'll even bring flowers, but only in the manner that one brings some to a funeral.

Excuse the bravado, I've already hit the Scotch today...

You could get your revenge by writing a hit sitcom with her as main character.

She'll never recognise herself.

originally posted by: randyvs
a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

If so, you can go somewhere else

I remain in my man cave on ATS.

And last night it invited her to open
the door to my cave without knocking and
shout LOSER! As she was on her way to the
bathroom.

I was completely uneffected by this and it wasn't
given the slightest response. I just giggled.

Personally, if she violated my personal space by entering my mancave then yelled "loser" at me I would have snapped.

Something along these lines, considering her past transgressions would have ensued.

"Look, you disgusting fat fock, the next time you come over and call me a loser at my own house"(she attempts to interrupt)

Slams fist on table loudly

"Shut the fudge up!!!!"

"If you interrupt me one more time I will throw you out of my home!"

"When your disgusting fat ass comes over to ridicule my family for not being disgusting like you, at least have the courtesy to be pleasant about it without getting #housed"

"Now gtfo, and don't come back until you learn how to act like you got some fudging brains in your head you pos loser!!"

But I am a hot head, so.....just do what you think is right.

Honestly, the first time she insulted me in my home would have been her last time.

originally posted by: ketsuko
There is something worthwhile in everyone, even if all we can learn is how we don't want to be.

At the very least, the son is seeing that not all families have to be like his own through contact with yours.

The key is understanding. There is good in everyone (well nearly) . I guess its just the humanity in me that I try to discover just that good in someone. To try and understand why that person has the bad traits and I will have a heart to heart talk with them. I have met some very good friends like that . Friends for a lifetime.

originally posted by: crayzeed
The way to go is to Google nuclear quantum mechanics. Learn quite a few technical sentences and make up the rest and when she comes round appear completely enthusiastic with this subject and tell her that you are going to teach her all about it. Make up the majority of the information.
Here's the tricky bit. YOU HAVE to command the conversation, never let her get a word in. A good way would be for you to download some drawings say of various atoms or some other complicated scientific picture and fetch them out at any opportune moment and force them on her.
You HAVE to do this every time she appears at your house. Sooner or later she'll regret ever visiting your house.
Good luck.

OK I withdraw my previous comment, this is the go to way to fix your situation!!!!!

Omfg I honestly spit out my drink reading this, you sir are priceless!!!

I will ask your advice if ever I enter a similar situation.

originally posted by: BestinShow
a reply to: randyvs

The problem, or I should reason, for your frustrations is that your above all that Sh!t my friend...

I've been trying to better myself and avoid confrontation, but I miss it. I still haven't made the trip out to Apple Valley to visit you and yours.

Maybe you should set up a friendly get together/dinner, and invite both of us...I'll be more than happy to engage her. Hell, I'll even bring flowers, but only in the manner that one brings some to a funeral.

Excuse the bravado, I've already hit the Scotch today...

That would be an instant golden classic my friend.
You might want to kick loose with prayer I don't take
you up on that. Yes, it's really that bad. LMAO

originally posted by: BestinShow
a reply to: randyvs

The problem, or I should reason, for your frustrations is that your above all that Sh!t my friend...

I've been trying to better myself and avoid confrontation, but I miss it. I still haven't made the trip out to Apple Valley to visit you and yours.

Maybe you should set up a friendly get together/dinner, and invite both of us...I'll be more than happy to engage her. Hell, I'll even bring flowers, but only in the manner that one brings some to a funeral.

Excuse the bravado, I've already hit the Scotch today...

I want in, I would even help dig the hole for her now dead sense of overinflated self worth!!!

Whiskey my friend, I sip on whiskey, scotch is to upscale for my simplistic nature.

I had a couple sips today already as well, its my day off, fudge em if they don't like it.

a reply to: johnwick

I suppose JD would work then?

Dang, Randyvs.

She sounds bitter and lonely. I hope she works her stuff out. Is she pretty set in her ways? Man, it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. You can't very easily tell your wife who her friends can or can't be can you? Not without a wicked tongue lashing coming and possible whipping coming your way - I suspect.

As we all know in our heart of hearts, people have been through some bizarre stuff and pain in their life, and that contributes to their emotional state and behavior. The way she treats people, is very likely the way one of her parents treated her. You know, to get some perspective and empathy. That's if she is set in her way. If her behavior is from the pain of divorce, mistrust, paranoia, or some other emotional trauma - well she should be in therapy.

But there are also people who feed off of pain, the drama, extreme emotional states. Those are the people that have dangerous personalities. Once I realize someone is of that mindset, I try to practice avoidance.

Usually time will heal, and people grow - change. Usually.

Good luck and good thoughts and vibes. I hope you resolve it peacefully.

CdT

originally posted by: randyvs
a reply to: johnwick

I suppose JD would work then?

Oh yes, I do enjoy some JD, and his buddy Jim Beam, as well as their cousin Johnny Walker.

DP

Not that kind you sickos

a reply to: CirqueDeTruth

She sounds bitter and lonely. I hope she works her stuff out. Is she pretty set in her ways?

No Cirque there's nothing pretty about her. And she picks her personality
daily. She can cook and sometimes can be the sweetest person. the
next day make you regret every nice thing yousaid about her. By
revealing her intent behind her sweetness. One soon finds out that is
her only MO. Herself.

You can't very easily tell your wife who her friends can or can't be can you? Not without a wicked tongue lashing coming and possible whipping coming your way - I suspect.

No I could get away with it with out the whipping if I chose.
I just respect my wife enough not to choose that. I've even said
such things but with no enforcement behind it.

As we all know in our heart of hearts, people have been through some bizarre stuff and pain in their life, and that contributes to their emotional state and behavior. The way she treats people, is very likely the way one of her parents treated her. You know, to get some perspective and empathy. That's if she is set in her way. If her behavior is from the pain of divorce, mistrust, paranoia, or some other emotional trauma - well she should be in therapy.

Indeed, this is what will most likely keep us putting ourselves
in the belly of the calf so to speak. I have never been someone
who can totally crush another person. I'm just not built like that.

Thanks Cirque

Personally, I'd do one of two things:

1. Have a very honest conversation with her, or...

2. I'd tell her I was making a family film & ask her to agree to be part of it. I'd film her over the next few weeks. Edit it into a family video (with her featuring heavily) and invite her to watch it with you. Effectively, you put her into the position where she's forced to see herself as you see her.

I'm always interested by people like this... they don't appear to have that "everyday" insight into their own behaviour & yet their critique of everyone else is always turned up to volume 11.

Of course, the 'insight ignorance' might continue & she still may not see anything wrong with how she acts. In which case... it's back to option 1 for you my friend. But I have a feeling it just might work.

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