I DON'T GET IT

I have no idea what I'm doing.

I want to draw. I want to write. I want to continue this forever. But listening to Alex makes me feel so goddamn useless and guilty for doing what I LOVE to do. I need to be doing something BIGGER. Something to help the cause.

I WANT to do both. I want to draw, write, and get involved... plus I need to find another job. I don't know how I'm going to have time to breathe.

I know what my fiance would say. The bigger problems in the world that, quote, "have nothing to do with us and don't affect us," don't automatically mean that what I want simply don't matter. Well, I know what. There are no such things as separate events--all things affect all things. All things result in and create all things. Nothing simply "doesn't affect" us -- especially if you're talking about a thousand government conspiracies concerning false flags, depopulation, eugenics, cover-ups, and blatant lies fed to us on a daily #ing basis from our so-called leaders. A government that is in charge of our lives, our media, our food, our water, and our land--yeah--that definitely DOES affect us.

I know that the things I care about matter. There would be no point in trying to save a world full of unhappy people who don't pursue their dreams, and just as well, there is no point in pursuing dreams if you have no interest in upholding the freedom that makes those dreams possible. You do neither one or the other--you do both.

I know that one can't lead if not by example, and I know I have no right to be upset with my friends for their assumed apathy when I'm hardly doing anything myself. But I know what they would do if I tried to organize a rally or gather them up to go to an Overpasses protest. None of them would go. They'd either carefully explain to me why they don't believe in the cause (which are all documented issues, they aren't just fabricated from my mind), carefully explain to me why they don't CARE how the world is (which I don't understand at ALL), or they'd tell me they don't feel like leaving the house. Some of my friends are a bit lazy--and I understand why, they have stressing lives. And some of my friends are eaten alive with a combination of their jobs, their girlfriend, their children or their family. And, some of them live cities away from me. The ones closest to me simply don't care, or can't afford to care given certain life circumstances.

I'm the one who's free; I'm the one who doesn't have all their time invested into something (at the moment). Therefore, it makes sense that I pioneer whatever it is that I'm trying to do. I am in the perfect position to fashion myself into a leader--except, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING, OR HOW TO DO IT, OR WHERE TO START.

This is a dream of mine. I always wanted to be some kind of leader as a kid, but I never told anyone. I'm sure it was obvious to those who took the time to notice. Still, the thought of it was fanciful. All this beautiful, horrible, gritty wickedness wasn't in my head as a child.

My doubt is the only thing plaguing me.

Damn it--my loved ones never want to hear it. Never consider it their problem. And it's difficult to talk about because they'll all take it as an attack on their beliefs, or their way of life. Well, at what point does it STOP being about the individual? At what point does it become a wider scale problem that you'd be a damn fool to turn away from? At what point are they NOT allowed to play the "stop infringing on me" card? I mean $%^&, is NONE of this worth talking about? Does NOBODY want to hear anything real? I can't express how many times people have told me that they don't want to talk about it because it's unpleasant, or because they don't want a debate, or because I'm somehow attacking them. Debates are GOOD. Debates are how we LEARN. Have we all become such chicken-$%#@$ that we can't even handle heavy conversation? What would happen if this fight ever became physical in its nature? We'd be screwed.

As much as I love all of them, sometimes I feel as though I need to prepare to live without them. Because, I know the second I pursue this to the fullest, I will become someone that they don't want in their lives. A living challenge, a living debate, a living controversy.

My fiance and I have lost friends over much lesser things. I pray they won't fade away from us once I decide I want to be. Actually BE.

I don't understand wanting to be alone and hide.

I don't understand wanting to shut up and ignore it.

I don't understand why nobody ELSE sees the #$%@ing PROBLEM.

I DON'T #$%@ING UNDERSTAND AND IT DRIVES ME #$%@ING MAD.

Don't listen to Alex then. If you like to do something and it does not hurt others, then do it. If people think you are nuts, tell them you are a member of a conspiracy site, that way they won't have to guess anymore, it will make them feel better.

originally posted by: rickymouse
Don't listen to Alex then. If you like to do something and it does not hurt others, then do it. If people think you are nuts, tell them you are a member of a conspiracy site, that way they won't have to guess anymore, it will make them feel better.

Alex is the only voice I've got that inspires me.

Listening to him is like listening to all the anger in me expel from someone else, and the anger is aimed at all the same things. I don't care what anyone thinks about Alex Jones and I'm not going to debate about him here--so if that's where ANYONE plans to take this thread, stop now. Move along.

I definitely WILL pursue my graphic novels. I have an idea of how to do so.

It's activism that I'm at a loss with.

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

Just try to enjoy your life and survive!

The whole idea of being "politically active" in a world so divided is useless.

Plan, wait, and act!

originally posted by: XxNightAngelusxX

originally posted by: rickymouse
Don't listen to Alex then. If you like to do something and it does not hurt others, then do it. If people think you are nuts, tell them you are a member of a conspiracy site, that way they won't have to guess anymore, it will make them feel better.

Alex is the only voice I've got that inspires me.

Listening to him is like listening to all the anger in me expel from someone else, and the anger is aimed at all the same things.

That's pretty sad dude - you need better idols.

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken" - Tyler Durden.

While you might not be a natural born, world respected, *whatever*, but that does not mean you should not do it. i can tell you this for 100% sure though, doing nothing DEFINITELY wont make you one either

Screw the haters, do what you feel you got to do and have fun doing it (within the confines of the law!!!!)

Start up your own satirical comic, but leave religion alone. Okay you might not get rich, but you won't have to do another honest days work in your life.

originally posted by: XxNightAngelusxX
This is a dream of mine. I always wanted to be some kind of leader as a kid, but I never told anyone. I'm sure it was obvious to those who took the time to notice. Still, the thought of it was fanciful. All this beautiful, horrible, gritty wickedness wasn't in my head as a child.

Maybe some kind of leadership development training is worth doing..

www.ccl.org...

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

I'm sorry that you are back on the Alex.

Are you radio-ing or web-ing it? I think web-ing is more dangerous and is likely to carry more adulterants.

I'd try and work yourself off it. I'm tempted to suggest weaning using some skag cut with powdered brick but i'm only being mischievous and it would totally get misinterpreted.

But seriously, stay of the Alex, it seems cool at first but then it just eff's you up.

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

I've written things...a few published...70+ blog articles as well as 3 novels...and I used to draw too. 'Have a bunch of musical copyrights as well. So I can relate.

Still Follow your heart....just remember this. As youre following your dreams and heart...they both do not throw $$$ bills behind them towards you as you chase them both. You have to live in this world too. Your family, bills, home, car, food etc. They have to come 1st.

With any luck for you...you will succeed in all your hopes and dreams. I wouldn't be telling you this...hadn't I gone through a lot of the same issues over 40+ years.

Never stop trying. Never give up. Find a median between it all. Its not easy...but its not impossible either. Give it your all. Strike a balance.

Believe in yourself...but maintaining it all together...is the hardest part. You CAN do it!

Best of luck, keep me posted. Even send a question or message me! Best..Mysterioustranger

If it helps any, every single thing we do or don't do changes the world. Some of the smallest things can lead to massive events. It's hard to say what, exactly, will affect the change you desire personally on a mass scale.

For you though, we have to at least walk towards our goals if we ever hope to reach them. Sometimes this leaves friends behind. I think many people, if not all, have at least one part of their life that this happens. I think the first one tends to happen around the college years, where we really start to decide who we are as a person.

Even people with vastly different outlooks on life can help each other reach their dreams and goals, but both have to be willing to do so without conversion attempts. Life changes tend to show who is capable of it, and who is not. In the end, I think it's important to remember that old friends may leave, but new friends can enter the picture at any point in time.

I say, get going on that graphic novel! I'd definitely be interested in reading it. Maybe try to participate in activities where you can practice leadership. I could see honing those skills doing anything from team sports to leading a zerg in PvP in some game.

Before you make your first impression, you can try to get it in your mind who you want to be and what directions you wish to grow. Then, be that person to the best of your ability when you meet someone new. All of the new people you meet can help you become the person you want to be because of expectations from the first impression.

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

I look at life this way...everyone and everything matters. I know I can't do something about everything...so I do help when I can...and the rest of humanity...I am not able to directly help...I pray for them. I am one of those people that believes in the power of prayer and I know I am heard.

Sometimes...when I am watching the news...I end up praying for many events and people.

I think you should do what you want to do...your heart is in the right place...be true to yourself.

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

It can be difficult to accept the way things are in this World, but it is what it is...so accepting is the only thing you can do about it (even if you don`t want to accept it).

Most people have created in their minds a World view which they don`t want to have challenged because the raw reality can be very hard to deal with...but the only thing you can do about that is respecting their wish to stay in the matrix to some degree...is it good for the World and humanity that they do that, no !...but it is what it is...

...fighting against it can be tiring, accepting also to some degree (but that`s more about having your life energy being sucked out of you), but some form of accepting does help.

One thing which helps is, knowing it`s your own choice wanting to be in this time and to be as aware about how things are as you are now, and why was it your own choice?...you wanted to learn from it in this life.

There`s no need to push your opinions too much on others, things will go the way they need to go anyway...so a bit less fighting and more accepting might help you out more than you think.

originally posted by: blupblup

originally posted by: XxNightAngelusxX

originally posted by: rickymouse
Don't listen to Alex then. If you like to do something and it does not hurt others, then do it. If people think you are nuts, tell them you are a member of a conspiracy site, that way they won't have to guess anymore, it will make them feel better.

Alex is the only voice I've got that inspires me.

Listening to him is like listening to all the anger in me expel from someone else, and the anger is aimed at all the same things.

That's pretty sad dude - you need better idols.

How is it sad? Should we not be angry? Look around.

I like seeing people who wear everything on their sleeve. Means there's less that they're hiding behind their eyes, less information they're withholding for whatever reason. I trust that a lot more than anyone who sounds calm. It's hard to understand I guess, but it's the way I am.

I love how I told everyone NOT to derail my rant into a pissing contest between all the hate mongers who like to whine about Alex--and that's all I'm seeing in half the comments.

Should've kept my rant to myself.

To those of you giving me ACTUAL feedback, it's much appreciated.

Still reading through it.

a reply to: skalla

Thanks for the feedback... oh wait. You didn't give any.

Put down the hate-o-raid. Nobody wants to hear it.

a reply to: mysterioustranger

Never stop trying. Never give up. Find a median between it all. Its not easy...but its not impossible either. Give it your all. Strike a balance.

Believe in yourself...but maintaining it all together...is the hardest part. You CAN do it!

You're fantastic, thank you.

Same as everyone else here who's saying similar things. You're all beautiful.

Unplugging, even if it is just for a couple of days, is a wonderful thing in this modern world. For you to follow the passions you spoke of: drawing, writing, getting involved, does not require a constant stream of electronicaly generated stimulus. In face, I'd argue that never unplugging is actually a detriment to the human creative process.

For me it's the great outdoors... As often as I can and certainly as frequently as I feel I require, I disconnect from everything electronic and head for the remote wilderness of my beautiful state of Alaska. I take a simple cargo with me that almost always includes fishing, hunting, and camping gear and a backpack with my art supplies, a travel fly tying kit, and a notebook. I usually end up along the coast somewhere where my wife and children are my only human contact for a few days to a week, and I throw some herring out into the surf and then start feeding my inner artist while I wait for a fish to bite.

I think being connected to nonstop media is a horrible enemy to our minds and stunts our creative growth.

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

The thing is...

There aren`t enough people in our Western World who understand that we ourselves are responsible for all the crap which has been going on.

If a substantial part of the population would realize that they can shutdown the whole country and in that way force our governments to change their policies, domestic and abroad, we would be much better off. There`s no need to be violent in order to accomplish that, simply just refuse in mass to participate with the system.



But way too many people don`t seem to have the ability to understand such a simple concept. You can try to wake them up by saying they`re directly responsible for the suffering of many millions of people, but if you`re met with...



Not much you can do about it !

So don`t stop with the fighting, but also take enough time do things which give you joy.

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

The most important thing I want you to take from my post is: You need to remain at least MOSTLY focused on your own personal goals for your future and don't let these thoughts subvert you to the point of self-damage.

I understand where you're coming from. I've been unemployed a year now and while I love the idea of being more active and fighting against the establishment that only grows worse all the time, there doesn't seem to be a way to truly get involved. At least involved in a movement that actually DOES something.

I have the time. I have the interest. And yet, there seems to be no group that's really making a difference. I tried going to an Occupy gathering in our park here, but that was like 5 people standing around with 3 of them talking to each other in a closed group. I tried attending a local Libertarian meeting and that was pretty much 8 people half joking about the pointlessness of achieving anything. I've tried being a part of a group to get rid of the smoking bans and nothing seems to advance in that either. I just keep hitting walls.

People don't appear to WANT to get active about making a difference. On top of that, there is SO much bickering back and forth about what's best for everyone and people taking sides in 2 point arguments that I hesitate to say we have no chance to actually MAKE a difference anymore.

Because of this, you need to maintain a focus upon your own life while keeping these goals as a side activity. Don't let your frustration with the world and it's shortcomings tear apart your life and future. Stay focused on your studies and graphic novels. Achieve those goals and find solace within your OWN life. There's nothing saying you can't take part in being politically active and honestly, that would be great to have someone with your integrity doing what you can to make things better somehow. But, don't let it control you because it's taken down a lot of people over time.
Society and the Establishment have been filled with problems since the dawn of humanity and that's not going away any time soon. Don't let the world's situation swallow you up in the process of understanding what's wrong.

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

Here's the thing though...

While you are listening to Alex Jones, and letting all your rage and hatred out vicariously by cheering him on, as he looses all reason down a microphone on the radio, or in podcasts, that energy is just evaporating. You are not using that energy to create, but to vegetate before the vast glimmering might of someone ELSES rage!

Rather than do so, I would advise using the rage you have, rather than venting by proxy, and pouring every bitter drop of venom into your work. Whether it be writing, penciling, or colouring your graphic novel work, or some poetic product. That way, just by existing, the work you create will be thought provoking, and probably represent protest, represent an act of activism in and of itself, as many graphic novels have before!