Be Happy Where You Are

a reply to: Iamschist


Ummm...I just read through your thread for the second time...here's what I observed

There are more than half of your respondents that are happily...unhappy...

Buddha stated that existence was suffering...I never realized how many actually took that to heart yet never progressed to the second part of the equation...

Before now...I never realized that a majority would choose suffering over exaltation...with this realization I now see why the world is as it appears to be...warlike...miserable...despairing...
I now believe it's because a majority would have it so...perhaps they gain some satisfaction from negativity...perhaps they thrive on calamity...perhaps they nourish themselves on the misfortune of self and others...

Clearly this is all due to choice...the majority have chosen to have the world as it is...and are comfortable that it remain so...

I must be from some other reality...all this reveling in anguish is foreign to me...I have no basis to understand it and no desire to understand it either...
That's why nothing of substance ever gets done to alter this destructive path...there are too many that love things as they are.....even so...I will continue to find wonder and beauty and joy in life and living...I choose to find it so...






YouSir

a reply to: Dark Ghost

the reality is that not everyone has the high level of emotional resilience needed to strive and persevere when life's challenges come their way.

Well said!! There was a time that no matter what happened, I would bounce back to being my happy go lucky self. This would happen year after year, over and over again until one day I noticed, there was no bouncing back. It was like the life was sucked right out of me. Like another poster, I am on an anti depressant which helps. I also have some anxiety and worry terribly about people and things. Some people are emotionally strong and remain that way and that is awesome, but we are unique and have our own ways of thinking and feeling. Not everyone is the same and we can't expect them to be.

All the various 'self-' isms cause suffering. Selfishness, Self-obsession, Self-Centered, Self-consciousness, self-aggrandizement, you get the picture.

That's my experience. It may not hit right this minute but it does hit. The more I can think of others and just what is in front of me without judgment - the better off and more effective I am in everything and then - bingo happiness tends to happen - but that is not where I focus.

a reply to: YouSir

Before now...I never realized that a majority would choose suffering...

Think about that for a moment. Who would choose suffering?

I now believe it's because a majority would have it so...perhaps they gain some satisfaction from negativity...perhaps they thrive on calamity...perhaps they nourish themselves on the misfortune of self and others...

Really? Is that what you really think? Unless someone has a mental instability, they would not gain satisfaction from negativity or thrive on calamity or nourish themselves on the misfortune of self and others!

Some here have tried to make people understand that happiness and joy is not always a choice. It isn't that they don't want to be happy, everyone wants to be happy. Not everyone is emotionally strong. Not everyone has the same experiences and reacts the same to them.

Clearly this is all due to choice...the majority have chosen to have the world as it is...and are comfortable that it remain so...

Really? You truly believe that most people CHOOSE to have the world as it is and are actually comfortable that it remains so? That is an insult and clearly, you have no true understanding or compassion for your fellow man.

a reply to: FyreByrd

All the various 'self-' isms cause suffering. Selfishness, Self-obsession, Self-Centered, Self-consciousness, self-aggrandizement, you get the picture.

And those who are not happy because of the suffering of loved ones around them, perhaps watching them suffer and slowly die, wishing there was more you could do for them etc.? Are these people self centered and selfish?

originally posted by: calstorm
a reply to: thepixelpusher

Honestly, for at least the first 6 months, posts like the OP increased my level of grief and suicidal feelings because they made me feel like i wasn't supposed to be having such a hard time even though my babies were gone.

Your feelings are valid. Who says you 'shouldn't be feeling' this way?

Give yourself permission to wallow in the feeling until you tire of it - just don't take any action on any of those feelings. In fact it can be a mediation. Instead of fearing those feelings - anger, self-pity, guilt, etc. - sit down with them and feel them. What is happening with your body - what is tense, what is cold, etc. What are you thinking? Does the thinking preced the feeling or the feeling first - separate the two. Really spend time getting to name and know the feelings, don't try to chase them away.

I think that too much time is spent trying to not feel anything other then happiness and that acting to avoid or fight so-called negative feelings makes it harder for them to pass on naturally in the course of time and life.

Of course you are saddened that your children are elsewhere.

As someone said elsewhere, the First Noble Truth of Buddhism is that Life is Suffering. The Second is that there is a way to end that Suffering.

A simple tool I use everyday when I get angry, sad, scared and my mind starts to spin all these crazy what-ifs and make it worse.

Start telling yourself the things you are grateful for. You don't have to 'feel' it, just do it. Because if you have a computer, you have many things to be grateful for.

It shifts what my mind is doing onto something constructive. You have to start over and over because that 'bitch in the basement' (the voice that tells you what is wrong with everything and how it will always be this way or worse - you know the one) doesn't give up easy.

You may say you have nothing to be grateful for because your children are not with you. Well you still have a roof over your head (many don't), electricity (many don't), food on the table (likewise), etc. You may not feel grateful - but that's not the point.

A friend of mine says - think of it like this - "consider how your world would be if anything that you weren't grateful for on a given day disappeared on the next?"

First thing to do in the morning and last thing at night, feeling it or not, gotta do the GRATITUDES.

a reply to: calstorm
I would not say that its damaging. Its more like none specific.

You know there are pains and there are PAINS to sort of say. There is no one cure all thing. Though I see how such things like the OP message could be interpreted in a different way, more then a few ways at that. In all, its good advise, but not in everything.

When it rains it pours. And the only thing you can say to somebody who would be going through all that, lost there kids like you did, is probably nothing. But even saying nothing is saying something to them. And that something is not pretty picture, ya know. YA! you know.

I find that taking one day at a time really helps.

It must be so nice not to have any chemical imbalances. By all means, keep judging those of us that do.

The source of unhappiness is the modern system which thrives on out of control wage disparity.

There's no real justification for wars, slavery, famine etc, & these are definitely not things which humanity "chooses" to have juts for the sake of being "unhappy".

I have clinical depression and I'm a little slow or whatever they say. Its all a bunch of crap anyway. Thanks for encouraging words though OP. I don't like living anymore but It really is one day at a time. Its just as hard to totally give up and kill myself as it is to do the hard things in life. Seems I'm stuck somewhere in-between like a lot of people.

There are things I'm thankful for that some don't have. Like food everyday, house over my head, electricity, but I provide none of that. Its all provided for me by family. I couldn't survive on my own but not fully disabled. Its very hard being in between that state.

a reply to: Night Star


Ummm...It's been my understanding that "making people understand" is the tool of the despot and fits ever so snugly in the premise that there are those that would choose suffering...

Being joyful and happy is certainly a choice...simply because you state that there are varying levels of will power doesn't negate the fact that the..I...within the self makes a decision on how to respond to stimuli...
In your first response in this thread you stated that you felt no joy with things that had previously brought you happiness...
was that because of something external that happened in your life...or was it because of how you chose to feel about such a happening...

You state that happiness must be ephemeral...not related to how one chooses to view the world or events...
I would counter this with an experiment...

In your mouth if you feel with your tongue the hard pallet behind your front teeth you should find a spot that fits the end of your tongue like a socket...place the tip of your tongue there and gently close your mouth...

If your honest with me I would say it caused you to smile and you felt a slight elevation to your mood...
While this is only a simple experiment it illustrates that there are things that one can do to effect mood...I also use meditation to help me keep centered...
These are things I do by choice...I also make a conscious effort to not allow the mundane to affect my attitude beyond what I would choose to be around...meaning that I don't like to fight or argue or be in negative environments...

I would also say to you that...YES...the world loves to suffer...if humanity truly wanted an end to war and famine and starvation and inequality then it would end...Therefore the majority revel in the way things are and you know as well as I do that you choose to not actively change all of those things...it's far easier to bury it within the psyche...perhaps long burying such things there creates the very sorrow or despair you were speaking of...

You can choose to be insulted as you wish just as you can choose to be offended...or not...
And making observations in a thread only equates non-compassion or lack of understanding...in your mind..and you can certainly decide to believe that........or not...
But if you prefer to emote rather than actually be a positive force for change then...carry on...




YouSir

originally posted by: Iamschist
I read so many threads of unhappy people here. Lots of could have been, I hate my life, she is my problem, he is my problem, I am my own problem, etc.

There has been a fair amount of polarisation in this thread.

My understanding of the OP - from the above quote; is that those involved in wallowing in self pity over trivial issues
do actually have the option to choose happiness.

I do not believe that Iamschist, was at all inferring that people with immense tragedy in their lives should simply "snap out of it" and choose to find happiness instead.
Indeed sometimes life throws things at us that carry such immense emotional weight - as to actually cause physical and mental pain that stays with you forever, hopefully easing with the passage of time.

To those people, my only advice would be to take that life changing tragedy - and see if you can use your experience to in some way make a difference to people in a similar situation. ie. If you have endured a suicide - help out on a suicide hotline. In other words see if that negative experience can be used to help others.

To those that whinge and whine over nonsense and trivial matters ... snap out of it and listen to the advice in the OP.

It was I feel - directed at YOU.



We all do have a voice that is heard on ATS, we can all agree that is a good thing.

Atta hi attano natho; atta hi attano gati

You are your own master; you make your own future.

Peace within Onself;Peace in the World

The Dhammapada: Verse 160

a reply to: JessicaRabbitTx

It's not easy to just decide you're going to be happy.

But you don't just decide to be happy, you do something that makes you feel happy. That might be something as simple as meditating to relieve the tensions of the surroundings from your body and mind. Or seeing the beauty within a flower. A smile on a childs face etc. What makes you feel happy?

a reply to: YouSir

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. I too have been shocked and surprised by the response of many to this thread.

You, and a few others have heard and understood, and that in the end is all I could hope for. As a fellow traveler, pleased to meet you good Sir.

a reply to: calstorm

The funny thing is, people you consider "family" will drop you like a hot potato when tragedy strikes.

forgive them, they cannot cope with the stress of your situation so run for the nearest exit for self preservation.

If like me you find yourself continually drifting into the past reliving fond memories try to stop yourself and force yourself to live in the now. You have to navigate yourself onto a new course that will bring new happiness and rewards into your life.

I do not cry for the dead because I believe our souls are indestructible.

My love and prayers.

Glen

a reply to: Timely

Dear friend, thank you. We have both suffered incredible losses, and we have both chosen to help others, and to laugh. To see light even in the blackest night. ((hugs))

I was going to write something on my topic along the same lines of this but I'll drop what I was gonna put there, here(kind of). Then put there, something different, but similar haha.

I've been in the pits, I've seen an unusual number of my friends also being in the dumps. In fact, one I got done talking to today trying to talk them down from killing themselves and get them onto a more positive mental attitude.

For many I know, life is more about escapism then it is responsibility. In the sense, that everybody pretty much unconsciously or consciously self-medicates through alcohol and drugs. To me, happiness is temporary. Sadness is temporary. They are two extremes, that to have one, the other will be right behind.

Joy isn't what I look for in life as much as inner peace. Maintaining the balance and equilibrium in myself. Not just for myself and my physical/mental/emotional/spiritual health, but so that I can have a healing presence on others. Since we are all climbing the mountain and I want to do my part to pull up rather then pull down my fellow brothers and sisters. That includes from all Kingdoms.

Of course, I haven't fully healed myself. But I can still do my part from a place of positive energy and cheerfulness. To me, it's about finding the Self and then mastering the Self. It's not easy, it's not suppose to be, and the suffering, sometimes depression, along the way is only our growing pains. Obstacles. But steel must become weaker before it becomes stronger. For me, a part of that mastery in finding that balance in myself, includes discarding all the crutches that many might use to chase after different states of consciousness. Although, I am all for transcendental experiences as long as it doesn't become it's own addiction. If it does, oh well, not for me to judge. But it upsets my feeling on staying as balanced a soul as I can.

a reply to: Iamschist


Ummm...Thank you Iamschist...I just found it appalling the sheer number of people in this thread that feel they have no control over their own state of mind...almost as if they have surrendered their brain chemical balances to some other controlling factor...
I wonder if it has anything to do with how long we've been coddled by the erosion of responsibility or the growing prevalence of being offended or victimized...

I also think...as I stated in my post before this one that...knowing...about all of the injustice and inhuman predatory behavior and thinking that there's not one damned thing you can do about it and burying that knowledge in an effort to not think about it...is a contributing factor to feelings of hopelessness and despair...

You see...I have bothered to think about these things and sought answers to what causes humanity to act as they do...it's really not that difficult to draw parallels or conclusions...the hard part is admitting that you were suckered into believing you could live as a cog in the belly of the beast and insulate yourself from whoever it chose to consume...

However...catharsis can be realized through acts like finding the beauty in a simple insect going about it's routine...or rain falling on your upturned face...or considering how breath moves in you and fuels the engine's of your cellular structure...

There is indeed marvel in every moment...wonder in an eye blink...
The miraculous lives in every footstep ever heard...every sunset...and the smell of coffee fresh as the morning that just climbed out from under the curve of the earth...

I am well met...






YouSir

I sometimes lose myself in wonder just looking at the wall and thinking how crazy this dream really is. Or just looking at my cat. Just the craziness of this reality. I've had a few breakthroughs that completely blew me away and gave me a new perspective when looking at anything.

Sometimes it's less about being addicted to certain chemical states of consciousness, including one where we feel like we are suffering, because I agree we can get addicted to being angry, depressed, and in our society, happy.

Other times it's things that we have repressed, that we can't forgive ourselves until we've done what we can to help other's we've hurt heal from their own anger and resentment. I'm a different person then I was before but there are a few more things I must try before I can truly forgive myself. Since all mental illness' to me are less science, and treating issues externally rather then at an internal level.

I haven't healed completely comes from trying to heal repressed areas I hadn't considered before. Like open wounds I hadn't spotted. So I feel I need to do more to help other's I've affected in a negative way in the past to at least help them in their own healing process. That these emotions are pointers to our own growth and development. Unfortunately, some of us choose to sedate ourselves. But I agree that you can find wonder and awe in every moment, especially when you look at things from the bigger picture.

Show me an "enlightened" human and I will show you someone who hasn't been challenged hard enough or who lives with delusion. To me, no one has hit that next level of consciousness. They might inhabit this state for a temporary basis, but won't maintain it. Because they haven't gotten their subconscious mind to work with them. IMO.