Some things just don't work out.....divorce

originally posted by: Masterjaden
a reply to: mblahnikluver

Ok well it seems like you're a decent person at least and not a user(of people).

It's hard on children to grow up in a separate home. If he isn't abusive, you may want to think twice about this.

You talk about your happiness, but you ought to be thinking about your childs happiness. Children don't understand that you weren't happy with daddy, they only understand that daddy isn't there.

So, I guess the question becomes do you care more about your happiness or your child's happiness.

If he is abusive, then by all means, get out. But he just likes to sit around and you aren't happy?? Come on, get out of here. You're going to put the pressure on your child of not having a father in the home, because you aren't as happy as you would like???

geez..

Jaden

I think your last two posts say a lot more about you than anyone else.

I hope you're not one of those guys who would treat your partner as an item to be used, while she goes about making a marriage work. It's a partnership. Not a middle eastern trap.

I married for love and happiness and connection. When you start to see that your partner doesn't want those things with you it's very hard to even love yourself.
I'm not sure why some people choose to stay in a marriage that has no meaning. It seems a wasted life.
I applaud you're courage and hope you find happiness in yourself and one day, far in the future, the oneness that you truly desire.

originally posted by: Masterjaden
a reply to: mblahnikluver

you're bipolar and you want to be happy??? Well at least half the time right???

WHAT does my bi polar have to do with anything??? People like you making judgment on a mental illness you CLEARLY know nothing of. My bi polar doesn't affect anything. I have dealt with it for 20yrs and I FINALLY have the right meds and therapist and it's because of them that I am happy. I was doing everything for everyone else and not worrying about my own mental state, just everyone else's and how they feel. I am proud of my bi polar and I take full responsibility for it. Ii've never harmed a person and I know how to control my moods. I had to because when I had no meds it WAS HARD but I taught myself my own ways of healing. My husband was also a huge trigger for my moods with how he would act and the words he would say to me. He lied about so many aspects of his life that I felt he was not who I fell in love with and I dont like liars. Be honest! Tell me the truth no matter how bad it may be, everyone has a past!

me thinks we are only getting one side of the story here.

I've said a lot about both sides. We dont fit as a couple. We are a like in some ways but in many we are not. We could never find anything we could enjoy together. Who wants to live like that? I know I dont. My son was very unexpected so yes we probably rushed into marriage for the wrong reasons. I know that if I did not have my son we would have broken up long before now without ever having been married. I thought maybe he would change with our son, he did to a degree like I said he's a great dad. We just dont work as a couple.

good luck with your divorce.

Thank you. So far he has agreed to keep things the way they are, pay for what he has been til our lease is up in August. I have a few job prospects so I'm hopeful. We will agree on a child support amount. We dont want lawyers and all that crap involved when we are doing it amicably. I hate when people fight to divorce and it gets ugly. It's usually to spite one of the people in the relationship.

To the people that say yeah now he'll still be a provider, you are a piece of # user.

LOL well he will provide until August. I can't afford our place alone not even with a job. I will talk to my apartments an see if I can get out of my lease a couple months sooner and if not I'll stay. If I could make the money to afford this place I would stay but it's almost $900 a month in rent. I know many places around here I can find for my son and I and i look every day. I even have an app that alerts me to new listings in my area with my requirements. The only person he will provide for is our son and he also said if I ever needed anything he would help but I wouldn't go there not unless I was really stuck. He is not the type of guy to drop and leave. He wasn't raised that way. He may be a # in many ways but not that. lol

I say if you want to move out on your own, you should take care of yourself... yeah men are scum, but they're good for a pay check still right??
Jaden

I never said men are scum?! Why so many bitter people in this thread about men. i've been physically abused, verbally abused in two relationships back to back for a total of 5 years and I still dont think men are scum. SOME are but not all. I took care of myself since I moved out at 18 and NEVER had a man take care of me until I had my son and had to stay home because daycare cost more than me working. So no I dont need a man to pay for my bills. When we were a family it's different but now I dont expect it yet he offered it because even though we didn't work out he will still do what needs to be done until my son and I are on our own and set. Not all divorces have to be nasty

originally posted by: VegHead
a reply to: mblahnikluver

I'm sorry you and your son are facing a divorce. Maybe that isn't the high five you were hoping for.

To be honest I'm much happier. It was a weight lifted off of me. I felt so unhappy for so long and I didn't want to hurt him but I started seeing a therapist and the right doctors and I realized a lot of things and one thing was that i needed to be out of a toxic relationship before it affected our son. I feel no regrets because we tried and it didn't work.

I hope things work out as you wish and I hope your son can maintain a meaningful relationship with his father.

Oh they will. We have already agreed that when he does come home for his 3 weeks he will take our son. That is fine with me. It's no different than parents taking kids for holidays or other court mandated holidays. We can do it amicably. I'm more than willing to go half way with him on our son. He needs to know his father and his family. I never had that chance.

I've faced challenges in marriage including physical abuse... Which is not ongoing. Faith is what has gotten me through. My marriage is a commitment to my husband and to God. The purpose of marriage is NOT to make you happy (although happy moments are most welcome). It's a commitment. It's to make you holy, not happy.

I'm not into God, sorry. I don't believe in that but that is fine if you do and it helps you through things. I have my own views and ways of dealing. I was in an abusive relationship and when he tried to choke me to death I left. I am not a religious person and imo you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in any relationship. It came to a point where I was not happy with myself and things just got worse and worse. I feel it was the best decision. Some people are meant to be and others aren't. I think we were brought together for my son. I wasn't suppose to be able to have kids and now I have a beautiful son.

But I know not everyone shares our faith. I'm just giving you my perspective.

No I dont share it but I respect yours. Thank you

Only you can know the details of your situation. Only you can decide if you are making the right choice for your family.

I sincerely wish you the best...

Thank you, you are very sweet

I hope I don't sound rude, but I noticed your location says "Mars" What did you expect hooking up with a Martian? Martian men have little respect for earthlings as it is, but even less for the females as they seem to think Earth girls are easy!

Good luck to you and wishes for a happier future!

originally posted by: mymymy
I hope I don't sound rude, but I noticed your location says "Mars" What did you expect hooking up with a Martian? Martian men have little respect for earthlings as it is, but even less for the females as they seem to think Earth girls are easy!

Good luck to you and wishes for a happier future!

BAHAHA! Thanks for the laugh. Yea Martian men can be very non human. I should have known better.

Thanks

a reply to: Eunuchorn

Wow little lady.. It takes two in this world and don't think that you are not part of your own problem. Maybe you should look in the mirror before making a blanket statement like that?

What damage have you caused in the wake of your life to be so miserable? .

Sorry to hear this Mblah.

Just do what's right for the little one.

I would look into Pell Grants, they pay up to 6k a year now for single mom's and dad's that are trying to educate themselves. They are free as long as you keep applying and will stop when you get your bachelors. The application deadline is coming up so apply now.

pin.ed.gov...

Also there are many grants available for single working moms, you just have to look at the list, at the college your attending, or want to attend. Many of these grants go untapped every semester.

Good luck to you and hugs.

RT

a reply to: mblahnikluver

I'm sorry to hear about your tough times mblah. Keep your head up !

I commend you for making such a hard decision, if the relationship is not working out then its for the best.

It's a hard road taking care of little ones on your own, but it is not impossible. I am doing it all by myself financially, no child support, but we both take care of the kids equally on our own, join custody, when he has kids he is financially responsible, when i have kids i am financially responsible for a roof over their heads, food for them to eat, clothes for them to wear... We split all medical/school/extra finances in half. We split the time we each have the kids in half so we make it work. It is difficult road but its better than staying in a relationship that makes one unhappy or just isn't working out.

You will find a way to make it work...that is what parents do. :-)


leolady

a reply to: mblahnikluver

Yes I have heard of Embry Riddle. My wife has a Masters in Professional Aeronautics with a concentration in Adult Education and Safety from there. She is now almost done with her Doctorate in Education through Walden University.

I provide support in the sense of I manage the kids when she is doing school work but as far as encouragement to complete her degree? That came from her intiative alone.

Just saying.

originally posted by: SaturnFX
Wow, that's a bit rough. Well neighbor, you know there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that's only if you are even wanting to go fishing.

Right now I"m not really fishing.

Marriage is a difficult thing to manage overall. People do a lot of BSing initially to "win" the hearts of someone, and eventually become more themselves after time goes on.

Yup he did a lot of that. I found out more and more lies and it made me resent him because I fell for the lies and image of someone he wasn't.

Was this a young relationship/marriage?

We have been together over 3 years and have only been married a year and a half.

Guess it doesn't matter. I recommend just to remain friends. you said you were before, and perhaps you can still after. make better friends than spouses..and you will know him for the rest of your life anyhow due to the kid..so yeah, keep it peaceful, warm, and simply a fact that you two are in different places and require different things.

We were better off as friends but he can be very passive aggressive and I hate that. He will have to stop that. I understand he is hurt but he knew this was coming. We have discussed separation and divorce and going our separate ways so many times. He honestly thought I would just stay and be unhappy. I tried and tried and I couldn't fake happiness anymore. I was losing myself and became very depressed. I honestly feel free in a sense and I am happy.

He will always have access to his son and so will his family. I can't stand women who keep their kids front he father to spite them. I'm not like that. I want him to see him as much as he can when he comes home from overseas. We have already agreed he will take him those three weeks to him moms when he comes home. Which is fine with me.

Thanks SaturnFX, long time no see/chat. Nice to see you!