Diving Down the Rabbit Hole Has Changed Me, I'm Starting to Worry

I've literally immersed myself in to so many conspiracies for so long, I fear I have changed and may only get worse in the future.

In my youth I was a bit of a trouble maker out on the streets. Starting about middle school and past high school I was playing guitar in heavy metal rock bands and was pretty anti-establishment. In my college years, I hung out downtown with artists and musicians at some very questionable clubs and after hour blind pigs.

A night in the city jail when I turned 21 was about the time I began to start living by the rules more and more. It was during and just after this stage in my life I began to get ligit with most everything in my life. I started to live my life strictly by the rules and never lied on my taxes or insurance claims or what have you, totally straight.

I just turned 50 and have been living the straight life with the man for about 30 years now, but something just changed, probably around last fall. I think the ACA was the turning point for me, not exactly sure.

Lately I have giving serious consideration to certain things, that if I follow through on those thoughts, would make me a radical enemy of the state. At the very least a criminal most certainly. I would be as bad as some infiltrator trying to overthrow the government if I started to take these thoughts seriously.

I don't blame ATS, I've been on CT overload lately from many different sources. I was very anti-establishment in my youth, so I may be showing my true colors after living the straight life for so long. Not sure.

Whatever it is, I have seriously changed, not toward any violence, not yet, but I no longer want to play the game their way.

I won't go on about what these thoughts have been, perhaps they aren't as extreme as I might think, but I'm starting to worry.

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck

Keep talking. We are here.
If you are worried, that is actually a good sign. You probably have your proper wits about you.

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck

I know where your at.

Your starting to see the truth i think, im in a similar place. one of the recurring thoughts i keep having is is that everyone is full of # 90% of the time. I start looking at what everyone thinks and believes and i keep seeing how people are just regurgitating what theyve been told by the tv.

It kind of scares me but it also makes me very hard to socialize.

I get what your saying about the radicalization part. Im not radicalized by any means trust me im a normal guy who just wants his freedom and the government to stay out of my business and my income.

I dont know i think we all are starting to see the direction this thing is going in and its not looking good.

I'm twenty six and stumbled upon conspiracy around eighteen. In a way I was ruined when I opened my eyes and because of all the deceit and evil in the world the last thing I take seriously is myself and or others. The best thing to do if you get overwhelmed is to laugh it off. Just laugh man. The whole world is literally a running joke, and the general blinded populous is an even bigger joke that take themselves way too seriously. Take a break, maybe catch a Twilight Zones marathon on TV and stay away from conspiracy for a week. Once you dig deep into this stuff it gets hard not to get angry, so replace anger with laughter.

a reply to: Flesh699

Yeah it is hard not to get angry.

Its kind of a good thing, it gives you purpose and duty.

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck

You're not alone. When the state/corporate programming wears off, it burns.

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck

What exactly worries you? Can you name any examples of changes (in thought patterns for instance) that you've noticed?

It's a very good sign anyways that you think about yourself critically or at least know yourself well enough to notice the change and be honest (also towards yourself) enough about it to create this thread.

I hope you feel free to discuss your concerns!

I've had the conspiracy bent since high school at least. In the late 70s, a couple of my friends would share newspaper articles and talk politics and religion with me. I guess it has been progressing since then.

Like I said, no violent thoughts, but I could see it heading there eventually, esp. as things get progressively worse around the globe.

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck

Incredible!

It's like a mirror...

I've literally immersed myself in to so many conspiracies for so long, I fear I have changed and may only get worse in the future.

I feel the same way to the point that I don't trust many people or news anymore.

In my youth I was a bit of a trouble maker out on the streets. Starting about middle school and past high school I was playing guitar in heavy metal rock bands and was pretty anti-establishment. In my college years, I hung out downtown with artists and musicians at some very questionable clubs and after hour blind pigs.

My trouble started at the same time. I also hit the road with a guitar and harmonica at age 14, played the A circuit for many years and got into a lot of trouble. Tried school a few more times, got into college but dropped out of the ED department to pursue music.

A night in the city jail when I turned 21 was about the time I began to start living by the rules more and more. It was during and just after this stage in my life I began to get ligit with most everything in my life. I started to live my life strictly by the rules and never lied on my taxes or insurance claims or what have you, totally straight.

Little different here but almost. I spent a few years in and out of Juvie and 1 yr in the pen. After that I swore I was finished with lock up. Haven't been back since.

I just turned 50 and have been living the straight life with the man for about 30 years now, but something just changed, probably around last fall. I think the ACA was the turning point for me, not exactly sure.

I'm 51 and learned that living by the rules lost me everything. Long story.

I sometimes have to stop, close the computer, step back, look outside and breathe. I know many others are the same and I believe it's due to a shift in our global consciousness. We as humans are becoming aware of our history of enslavement and are only now equipped with the IQ and tools to see it.

I hope we come out intact on the other end after whatever is coming has finally arrived because whatever it is it's going to be a game changer on Earth.

Peace

a reply to: Pitou

The changes are like fundamental core changes to my morality base. I rather not elaborate too much, but these changes were rather quick and diametrically opposing.

The incidents in the news, not just political, that caused these changes can be narrowed down if I thought about it more.

ETA: Actually, there have been a number of real life incidents I can say have contributed as well, like the drunk idiots on new years eve, driving down my road with their lights off, firing off a gun into the woods all down the road. I think if they had hit the house I might have emptied the clip on them, something I never would have considered before. There is an example of some of these changes.

A bit of rebellion is good for the spirit ..

Always have .. always will thumb my nose at authority ..

Enjoy the trip down the rabbit hole its a wild ride ... and dont worry what "authority" thinks...

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck

I know how you feel !

My approach was to crawl even further and deeper into the rabbit hole and experience an insanity that still lingers to this day. It certainly didn't help that I compounded the madness with alcohol and drugs. But thru that experience you gain a clarity and a perspective that the forces we are dealing with are not of this earth and the talking monkeys aren't aware enough to even understand the rules of the game that's being played.

Hope that helps....

a reply to: jude11

I knew there must be a reason I like you enough to put you on my friend's list, you're number two!

Very cool brother.

ETA: Haven't played too much in the last 5 years, but never stopped before that. It's time to get on the axe and start playing with the other musicians around here again.

a reply to: olaru12

Interesting perspective.

Don't worry. Nothing will become of any of this in next 30 or 40 years. Apathy and distraction by the majority will business as usual.

originally posted by: Flesh699
I'm twenty six and stumbled upon conspiracy around eighteen. In a way I was ruined when I opened my eyes and because of all the deceit and evil in the world the last thing I take seriously is myself and or others. The best thing to do if you get overwhelmed is to laugh it off. Just laugh man. The whole world is literally a running joke, and the general blinded populous is an even bigger joke that take themselves way too seriously. Take a break, maybe catch a Twilight Zones marathon on TV and stay away from conspiracy for a week. Once you dig deep into this stuff it gets hard not to get angry, so replace anger with laughter.

Good advice, in fact I've kind of been doing that, but hiding isn't get it any more. But the strange thing is, I'm not having an emotional reaction, no anger attached at all, it seems more rational and that is what scares me the most.

I started getting waaay into this stuff when my daughter was born---I (Momma) almost died, was in a coma for a week, and woke up AWAKE. So I started reading ANYTHING I could...

At one point my dad asked me if I really wanted to know these answers. He genuinely wanted to make sure someone asked, before I took the plunge. (Turns out he took said plunge looong before I was born).

I don't regret saying "yes", but I understand that feeling of being "ruined" to the world now. Certain things are impossible for me to believe, while other things (so "obvious" to people immersed in the mainstream) I can no longer comprehend. Certain common behaviors infuriate me, because they lack logic and humanity. I have tons of "WTF" moments when I cannot EVEN believe what people are being told to think.

I think I'm getting to where you're at...worried about the stress is causes me, but too attuned to ignore world events. Comes out as anger a lot of the time for me too...Frustration. I suppose we both could strive to focus that energy or simply stop expending it, at least that's what people tell me.

a reply to: roadgravel

I think I'll only have 20 or so years left in my life time, but I don't think that this world does.

originally posted by: MichiganSwampBuck
a reply to: roadgravel

I think I'll only have 20 or so years left in my life time, but I don't think that this world does.

It will. It just won't be the place people would like it to be.

originally posted by: MichiganSwampBuck
a reply to: jude11

I knew there must be a reason I like you enough to put you on my friend's list, you're number two!

Very cool brother.

ETA: Haven't played too much in the last 5 years, but never stopped before that. It's time to get on the axe and start playing with the other musicians around here again.

And again...about 5 yrs for me as well. Maybe 6 since Asia.

I feel something missing sometimes and I believe that's it. The music takes you beyond the here and now and that's what is needed sometimes.



Peace