Personal MK Testimonies - Silent Voices in the Crowd

a reply to: tetra50

I've had this happen before with people I try to reach out to. It seems there is some self-destructive mechanism at work here that prevents meaningful connections from realizing themselves. Why are we playing out this program? Whose tune are we dancing to? I think you might be taking too personally the things I've said. I'm not saying you are parnoid as if to imply there is something wrong with you or that you have caused your own suffering, but as a universal truth about all of humankind.

Look at what MKUltra and project monarch is: an attempt to fragment someone into multiple personalities so that they are no longer effective and healthy as a singular individual. What if that is our reality? What if we as a species are paranoid about each other because we are a fragmented psyche that has been taught to be afraid of itself? What if we are acting as our own judge, jury and execution so that even though one of us might get slapped in this lifetime, in our roles as other personas we go on to slap others as well.

I'm sorry if I've caused you suffering Tetra. That was not my intention. I did want a connection with you and I've hurt you in the process. I hope you can forgive me and go on to have a happier day thinking about something that doesn't cause you the heartache I've caused.

a reply to: Nechash

I'm sorry. You are not the source of my heartache, and you are right on target, I think, about many things you've stated, and perhaps, you and I just demonstrated. We are in the middle of responding, I think, as co-dependent people….

As long as we recognize that, are open to apologizing, forgiving, being compassionate, and knowing when we are wrong and seeking to rectify that by admitting it openly, then we have a chance. As I told you in private, I am having equipment problems: my mouse isn't responding any longer. Then I'm having biological equipment problems, as well, as I'm ill and not functioning well or even close to normally---lol, i guess that assumes as some point i know what normal is and function that way.

Anyhow, please forgive for my part, and I sincerely hope we can move on, and keep supporting each other. GE, sorry to disrupt your thread or take up too much space in it…


Please take care, everyone. And I apologize, again, for my bad temper.
tetra50

a reply to: tetra50

Tetra, it's always an honor to have you on board and in thread.

I've been dealing with some real life issues myself lately, hence my inactivity and silence.

I usually experience aftereffects from remembering certain events and the act of sharing such intimate details can really throw me out of balance sometimes. It's nothing anyone has said or done. I'm just reflecting right now and trying to get back in balance.

Having had traumatic experiences can raise all sort of emotions as we work through various aspects of what we've gone through and are currently going through. These aren't the sort of things that fix themselves overnight.

Everything happens in it's own time.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, please take time for yourself and rest and tend your health.

a reply to: tetra50
I really wasn’t asking the questions of you, as if to try and identify the cause… I was simply going through a small list of the questions and considerations I had had to weigh…and that continue to poke their little noses into my business, daily.

When I was a young child, and family photos (as well as 8mm moving pictures) were taken that included my two siblings, and myself…in more instances than not, rather than ‘smile & wave’ing – as we were instructed - my right arm would shoot into a posture that looked more like a Sieg Heil salute (and - absent any attempt at a smile).
This fact had been long lost on me until somewhere near the onset of ‘my episode’.
And, when attempting to zoom-in on the answer to “why me?”… …for a while…I believed I must be the reincarnation of Adolph Hitler…
…Which might explain “why” I could legitimately deserve this terrible fate.

In large part, I agree with your final statement… In fact, some variant of this same reason/argument is probably due the greatest credit for my emergence from the hole…and my continued (fingers-crossed) exit therefrom.
I say “in large part”, though, allowing for possibilities that are beyond my ability to validate or invalidate.

When considering the ‘alien voice’ in one’s mind…one scene from “Matrix Reloaded” seems so possible, I am arrested by it, at every viewing…
How many possibilities – How many potential personalities – OR – How many memories…do/are we Humans, born with?
I surely don’t know…but – all those voices/thoughts that are not a part of MY personality --- how can I say, irrevocably, that they have not been mine…etc…?
(To be explicit – I have never actually heard an external/internal voice. Just – THOUGHTS…)

My father dealt with ‘shingles’ for a number of years. Hope you find a remedy…or a way of minimizing its influence in/on your life.

a reply to: WanDash
Huh. I have the very same thing to relate. Isn't that strange.
I've sure been feeling like Jim Morrison, too, lately. Have you?
Just kidding.
For apparently unknown reasons, when lying against pillows, or sometimes even just sitting in a chair, I used to put my arm over my head, bent at the elbow, and either rub my (opposite from my arm side) eye or scratch my ear. And I've heard what that's an indication of, as I'm sure you have, too, or you wouldn't have mentioned the bit about your arm….
But wait, did you say, your parents told you to do that when taking pictures, or you just habitually did this, without knowing why?
It is a strange thing to mention. It's textbook, really, in some circles, to mention certain things to draw one out, get them talking, trusting the environment, so to speak, and the "folks" in it. Using language like "folks," instead of people helps, too. Slowly introduce recognizable( to the surrounds, anyway), cues…..ever so gradually working towards the goal, which is information and the cueing of memory, or I wonder if I should say "queuing?"

Which brings me to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

What were you promised, I wonder. Everyone is either threatened with something and/or put through hell (and that has a whole new meaning, doesn't it, and that's really where they think they've been--although it might not actually be. Location, Location, Location, you know. Look at what happened to those people who wanted to "be John Malkevich) and/or promised something.

Then there's this whole psychology built around….well, presenting this kind of circle/cycle, and then surrounding someone and blaming them for it, as they divulge information, and admit what they've been through. Then that's paranoia, when they present the recognition of that. And once someone (targeted) divulges a (lol, the thought that just crossed my mind as I was writing this was: bad hair day, filling in that blank and then Look, Mom, my participle isn't dangling) bad childhood, there's a whole psychology built around people who've been abused become abusers.

You can achieve almost anything you want, manipulation wise. Oops, this isn't the Psychology Is Bad for You, thread, is it? Sorry.
Oh, and guess what? I don't really hear voices, either. Just wanted to get that in, too. They've always been THOUGHTS, just like you. I've been giving you textbook lability, too.

Guess my diagnosis as of this thread would be schizophrenia, with paranoid and labile affect, possibly due to brain degeneration or injury. Of course, we could just say degeneration, that way my claims of being hurt are not injurious to anyone's reputation and can be explained by degeneration, perhaps by drinking or drug use which only points to my behavior. Idk, tho, it might be bipolar disorder or borderline personality fits better...

Take care and don't take it personally.
It must just be me.
tetra
I don't really think you could possibly be a reincarnation of Hitler, WanDash.
And it really is just me, most likely. Or it may be neither of us. It is just built this way.

originally posted by: tetra50
…For apparently unknown reasons, when lying against pillows, or sometimes even just sitting in a chair, I used to put my arm over my head, bent at the elbow, and either rub my (opposite from my arm side) eye or scratch my ear. And I've heard what that's an indication of, as I'm sure you have, too, or you wouldn't have mentioned the bit about your arm….
But wait, did you say, your parents told you to do that when taking pictures, or you just habitually did this, without knowing why? …

Actually, I’ve not heard or read anything about any kind/s of significance associated with ‘movements or habitual movements of the arm’…much less, as you have described…
Likewise – my parents would instruct us to "smile and wave at the camera". My brother and sister would smile and wave in the obligatory (customary & expected) fashion, while my response was as described above.
~
With regard to the remainder of your reply… I don’t know what to say.
Suppose I could address various assertions &/or allusions individually &/or separately, but – I don’t think there’s good reason, tonight.

My specific reason for recalling the “Hitler-esque” persona…was a personal anecdote/experience that related to one of the questions in the list of possibilities for “why me?”.
If it resonated with your or anyone-else’s experience…that is interesting to me.
I can surely understand someone that has been through said experience being distrustful of anyone-else rehearsing such similar accounts.
So – rather than attempt to justify or further the conversation, I will simply wish you a nice evening, and hope for fairer winds following.


ETA: I was not a Jim Morrison fan... Nor, have I followed any of the mythos surrounding his death - other than to know that many count it suspicious (at least) - So...I have no idea what your first comment might have intended.

"People are strange," The Doors, and Jim Morrison.

People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down

When you're strange faces come out of the rain
When you're strange no one remembers your name
When you're strange, when you're strange
When you're strange

People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down

When you're strange faces come out of the rain
When you're strange no one remembers your name
When you're strange, when you're strange
When you're strange, alright, yeah



Read more: The Doors - People Are Strange Lyrics | MetroLyrics

a reply to: tetra50

Tetra, I know pain very, very well. I know its difficult, but don't let it consume you or obfuscate the beauty that is all around you and within you.

There are many lessons that can be learned from pain, none are easy. For you, you say it makes you focus solely on yourself, but for me, it has put me into a crusade of sorts. How we react is never set in stone, its up to us!

originally posted by: Serdgiam
Tetra, I know pain very, very well. I know its difficult, but don't let it consume you or obfuscate the beauty that is all around you and within you.

There are many lessons that can be learned from pain, none are easy. For you, you say it makes you focus solely on yourself, but for me, it has put me into a crusade of sorts. How we react is never set in stone, its up to us!

I appreciate your kind words, and informed thoughts. However, though I am not in what I am about to describe to you, at this moment….
I have to say I doubt you've been in the kind of pain I'm talking about: the kind of pain that causes loss of consciousness, thankfully, when it does, it is so severe; the kind of pain that causes a heart arrest, because neither the body nor the mind can deal with it….
This kind of pain, or just on the brink of it, and a daily experience of it, for quite a while….with little respite and no knowlege nor expectation of when it should end…this kind of pain, yes, will allow you to only focus on yourself, and your own body.

If you do not agree with that, I'm afraid I'd have to doubt you've experienced that.

Having expressed and explained that now, I will accept what you're trying to tell me about not letting it consume me. I am striving to do just that. But it is very difficult. And what I know for sure is, I cannot continue to live like this.
I can take a lot….
a lot of pain, a lot of pressure, a lot of stress, a lot of spite, hatred and rejection…and I've lived with these things, surrounded by what I describe, and a lack of hope that it will ever be any different, for quite some time. But I cannot continue on in this way much longer.

And I do understand that my reaction is the only thing I control….sometimes. And there are some caveats, there, as well. But thank you.
tetra

a reply to: tetra50

You are obviously free to do as you wish! I don't enjoy making it a competition, but I guarantee I have constant, severe pain.

Mine might not be as long-term, but I am going on 7 years now which I do feel is enough time to understand chronic, severe pain. I never said any of it is easy, but for me at least, I was able to turn it into a drive to help others and see the world in a new light.

We may not be able to control what happens to us, but we can decide how we react to it, and which lens of perspective we view it. Beyond all of that, we can use it as motivation to grow.

originally posted by: tetra50

originally posted by: Spruce
This is what It does. It manipulates via the aether. It is in all of us.

Hey Spruce: Via the aether, you say? How do you think "it" got in all of us, and what or whom is it?
I am interested in your theories as to that. Thanks.
tetra50

It is the oldest force in the universe. The timeless One. The One that will not show Its face except through us. We are born with It and, at death, It abandons us. We are only containers.

I don't know exactly what It is - God, Satan, ET, AI, something we haven't thought of yet. It pervades all.

If you consider Its reach, all the people that participate in harassing a single TI, It has to be dispersed throughout the human race. Think how many TI's are out there. The team to harass all of us is exponential. The only way to coordinate that many people to harass us is if the mechanism is already within us.

originally posted by: Serdgiam
a reply to: tetra50

You are obviously free to do as you wish! I don't enjoy making it a competition, but I guarantee I have constant, severe pain.

Mine might not be as long-term, but I am going on 7 years now which I do feel is enough time to understand chronic, severe pain. I never said any of it is easy, but for me at least, I was able to turn it into a drive to help others and see the world in a new light.

We may not be able to control what happens to us, but we can decide how we react to it, and which lens of perspective we view it. Beyond all of that, we can use it as motivation to grow.

Yes, I understand.
I guess this is quite difficult for me bc I, too, have lived with it for many, many years. Had surgeries, rehabbed myself, and literally got back in the saddle, professionally. Rode seven a day, then taught 6 or so hrs. of lessons, sometimes as many as twelve in the ring at a time while teaching. I showed all over the country.

I was still in pain, too, but obviously, I was extremely highly motivated to do just as you say. If I could do that now, believe me, I would. And obviously, I know of and understand what you are saying.

It just isn't possible to do that right now. Believe me, if it were, I'd be doing it, and the last thing I'd be doing is writing and reading on an internet forum. So……

a reply to: Spruce

Thanks very much for your reply, Spruce.
tetra

a reply to: Nechash

I am fine with facing myself. Been there, done that. Repeatedly and continuously!

I think there are two main factors in what is happening. One is the deeper effects of information transfer through electrical means and its impact on the human body, individually and collectively. The other is a long term implementation of what was learned from early operations like MK Ultra disseminated through everything from music and movies to the news and memes. Through controlling the symbolism and imagery, they can control the flow of information. Not by a massive amount, but by enough to get the ball rolling. If properly programmed with contrarianism, the population will take care of everything else.

The issue with discussing mind control is that it is almost always in the context of the individual, and this allows a lot of information to hide from us collectively. The issue with discussing interactions between information-carrying EM fields and the human body is that even claims of electromagnetic sensitivity are seen as dubious. Both of these perspectives are likely a result of programming, but it obscures data either way.

I think that we are seeing an evolution/revolution. I expect that one aspect will be the release of technologies garnered from what some call the akashic records (I don't view it that way, but agree with the foundation of the concept). Society will have to reach a certain point before this event though, as the knowledge can be used for growth or destruction equally.

There is a media component. All media contain clues to the controlling mechanism, movies in particular. They are loaded with occult imagery, as if It is advertising Its presence and teasing us with it.

Consider one instance of the number "3" in "Contact". The palm trees on the beach represent the German "3". Someone is trying desperately to communicate with us through whomever drew that picture.

a reply to: Spruce

originally posted by: tetra50
Yes, I understand.
I guess this is quite difficult for me bc I, too, have lived with it for many, many years. Had surgeries, rehabbed myself, and literally got back in the saddle, professionally. Rode seven a day, then taught 6 or so hrs. of lessons, sometimes as many as twelve in the ring at a time while teaching. I showed all over the country.

I was still in pain, too, but obviously, I was extremely highly motivated to do just as you say. If I could do that now, believe me, I would. And obviously, I know of and understand what you are saying.

It just isn't possible to do that right now. Believe me, if it were, I'd be doing it, and the last thing I'd be doing is writing and reading on an internet forum. So……

Why do you believe it is impossible? Do you see how that would be a self-fulfilling prophecy?

As it seems you have accepted I am familiar with pain, let me share a bit of my own struggle and where it led me:

Currently, my thoracic spine is broken in seven places, with continuing degeneration. In the lumbar, I have multiple herniated and ruptured discs. For some reason, I also have severe bone metabolism disorder, which means the broken bones do not heal at all and are quite brittle (I have osteoporosis, with a z-score of -3.9 in my spine). This all went undiagnosed for a very long time, leading many doctors to false assumptions. The stress of dealing with it over the years eventually started causing seizures, which led to more broken bones and breaking the already broken ones further. One of the seizures sheared the ball off of my femur, and left me lying on the floor unconscious for several days. Doctors still don't know how I made it, but here I am!

So, with all of this going on, it obviously impacted what I could do on a daily basis. I started to think of inventions and methods to facilitate a more normal life. Eventually, I figured that not only could these things help me, but they could help many others as well! And, if I designed them right, they could be things that would make everyones life better. I have always felt that my intelligence was a responsibility rather than a source of pride, so perhaps that set the foundation before any of this even happened.

Basically, I saw that I could work on improving the quality of my own life at the same time as larger goals. The only thing I needed to do was keep other people in mind throughout the process. It does take extra effort, but I feel it is worth it. Its all still a work in progress, since I am not able to do much work each day, but it is getting there. More importantly, it gives me a goal, an ideal to realize, and most importantly *motivation*. It makes me feel a whole lot better about life, even if it doesn't lessen the pain (it actually increases it).

I'm not saying that any of that is the solution for you, its more of a story from the heart. My story.. The ways the story could be written are endless, and with a different main character (you), its bound to manifest differently. In a lot of ways, we write our own story though so I believe it requires conscious participation to get closer to the results we want. I feel there is still much for you to accomplish in this life, should you choose to pursue it. I believe you can do it, but its more important that you believe it.

What kind of hobbies do you enjoy? Have you ever thought about creating random stuff to help live your life more easily? I do feel we need to get ourselves in order before we can extend that to others, but sometimes, if we look at it just right, the process can be one an the same.

a reply to: Serdgiam

You have a wonderful story and quite an inspiring view on life, and your way of living it is proof positive, as it is said.

I am wondering what brought you to this thread, if you don't mind my asking.

In the following post, from above, I failed to list a possibility. That being interdimensionals, which is a strong candidate.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

My apologies for the omission. It was an important one.