Personal MK Testimonies - Silent Voices in the Crowd

a reply to: WanDash

Wan:

They just want - "the old you".
The "you" they knew before...this happened...
The "you" they knew, when the world was still...right.

You know the times on ATS or anywhere, you read something that is so exactly what you've felt/thought/heard said to you, and it just slams you? Well, that's it right there for me. I nearly fell out of my chair.

My daughter has said those exact words to me. I have thought them to myself on many an occasion.
And, just as you and GE have said to one another, I know exactly what you mean, and also about not wanting or having anyone to discuss it with. In my case, the more I tried to do something about anything that had been done to me--being proactive in terms of going to the police, etc. as in my case some of this involves true criminal acts (or I thought so, before I realized it was really ok to do anything to me in this context)---the worse it got….until "family" had me committed for 72 hours of observance. I was released, of course, after the 72 hours was up, because the fact is I wasn't, and am not, certifiable enough to lock up. But the point was, it was really a threat. "This is what will be done with you if you try to stop/interfere/and/or talk too much…

I am quite careful now, about what I say and whom I speak to. Writing the thread I wrote on electronic/technological harrassment, you see, was quite a brave step for me, under the circumstances I describe above. And there has been a price to pay for that, as well. But that, in particular, I HAD to do. When I wrote it, what was happening to me was so overwhelming, mentally and emotionally, I had to write about it. We've all described the insulting and demeaning, terrible things we've endured in terms of what we hear. In my case, my exterior environment matched and reflected what I was hearing internally. In other words, the worse what I heard got, anytime I went somewhere---even just to buy a pack of cigs or soda, or a trip to the vet for one of my dogs---this is also how people treated me, openly. It was clearly as though people knew what I heard, even seemed they heard it, too, and were clearly feeling they HAD to treat me accordingly, as though this may happen to them, as well, if they didn't.

Believe me when I say I know that sounds pretty crazy. But I'm long past caring what it sounds like, because it's unfortunately, that real.
tetra

originally posted by: WanDash

originally posted by: tetra50
...I'm beginning to think that we are a whole society of what you describe: two sets of people: the handlers and the handled. ...

Are you thinking that both sets are oblivious to their distinctive roles...acting &/or reacting in some prescribed or programmed manner?
Or - are the handled the only ones that don't know what's going on?

Like the Matrix - everyone goes about their business...as long as you don't - rock the boat.
Tip it, just a bit, and each and every other person is Agent Smith in waiting.

It's also somewhat (at least, in my case) like the movie "Inception." With the last of what you wrote about tipping the boat just a bit and what happens, it's more like it's a particular level of a dream/nightmare state I'm living through, but I'm not the one who's "dreaming." It's someone else's psych/state I'm trying to wade through, but as in Inception, when others around you realize as you do it's a "dream state," they become extremely hostile.

As to your questions about what I wrote….Though I do observe, outright, that everyone seems to be just that: Acting/reacting in a prescribed, "scripted" manner, I don't see really anyone obvlivious to it, really. At one point, I did think there were those oblivious. That's why I continued to try and write about it. I thought there might be some who needed to know. Then I realized everyone around me, but me, seemed to have known long before me. Then I realized I had actual memories of things I was living, with slightly different variations, and this resulted in my belief that time is actually circular, and that we've all, indeed, lived through the same events (slightly different in variations/repeated timelines, if you will), over and over, as though whomever's dream/nightmare state it is, we're all redoing the same script, perhaps to get some different outcome in the end that just hasn't quite worked out, right, yet. At least, I always hope that there's some purpose. It's the worst moments for me when I think there really isn't a purpose at all, for that seems to lead right to the realization that there's only one other really here, besides me, no matter the different faces, as everyone seems to be acting in concert.

I don't even think the handlers truly know what's going on, though they think they do.
tetra

originally posted by: tetra50
...what was happening to me was so overwhelming, mentally and emotionally, I had to write about it. We've all described the insulting and demeaning, terrible things we've endured in terms of what we hear. In my case, my exterior environment matched and reflected what I was hearing internally. In other words, the worse what I heard got, anytime I went somewhere---even just to buy a pack of cigs or soda, or a trip to the vet for one of my dogs---this is also how people treated me, openly. It was clearly as though people knew what I heard, even seemed they heard it, too, and were clearly feeling they HAD to treat me accordingly, as though this may happen to them, as well, if they didn't.

...

I know that 'ditto' is an inadequate response to this...but...
WoW... I've not heard or seen anyone-else describe their experience...as nearly as this describes mine.
That last part - ...(it) seemed they heard it, too, and...HAD to treat me accordingly... - is 'virtual Hell'.
At some point, I did go 'recluse'. In many ways (or - most/98% of the time), I still am.

This is what It does. It manipulates via the aether. It is in all of us.

a reply to: tetra50
Yes - "Inception" was too spookily familiar an explanation...for comfort.
I absolutely agree - like the architect walking through, and questioning 'the reality' she was walking through...

My 'experience' seemed to coincide with an online 'blog-post' about a guy/friend I had known for only a couple/few months.
As the world turns, this guy happened to be intimately associated with someone I had worked for, a few years earlier, and hundreds of miles away.
More coincidentally - their affiliation (with each other) was exceptionally-intriguing, as they were members of a rather exclusive club/fraternity - being, they were each, one of 16 individuals from across the nation, hand-selected to convene in 'D.C. (and/or - elsewhere) with some frequency (often, on short notice), austensibly, to advise the then sitting President with regard to 'the grass-roots pulse' on whatever topic might be of such import.
I had posted this 'blog', in part, to honor this friend, in part, to address a puzzle that continues to pester my world-view, and in part, to assert that everyone I have ever known in a particular agency, was...very intelligent (in contrast to the comic renditions normally portrayed by Hollywood, MSM, etc...).

Rather than addressing the full remainder of your response to my question of what you wrote (though I might at another time/sitting), I will rather consider the oddness of coming across someone/anyone-else whose experience and interpretation of said experience is as similar, and soundly/sanely described, as yours and GENERAL EYES'...
...ESPECIALLY...(hope that was emphasized enough)...when I had been convinced - fully convinced - for a time, that...there was no-one-else here - in this life...in this existence...but me.

I had, likewise, gone through the 'conviction' that this is all, a dream...being played over and over and over...until a particular result has been achieved.

So - as you - even coming across someone-else, who proposes to have experienced something so terribly similar... ...a suppressed layer of skepticism and wariness rises with some urgency to the surface, asking "how do you know he/she isn't just a part of the game?".

And thus, I have to choose... Either continue living, and accept the possibility that the end-game may ultimately be my utter destruction, humiliation, Hell, whatever... Or, give up.

I almost gave up, a number of times.
At the moment, I'm glad I did not.

Past that - thanks for your time and effort in answering my questions!

BTW -- Did/Does your experience involve any physiological phenomena?
Mine did/does...and I've seen no-one, yet, whose manifestations compare.
One such 'phenomena' seemed tied to some supernatural abilities, as well...

originally posted by: WanDash

originally posted by: tetra50
...what was happening to me was so overwhelming, mentally and emotionally, I had to write about it. We've all described the insulting and demeaning, terrible things we've endured in terms of what we hear. In my case, my exterior environment matched and reflected what I was hearing internally. In other words, the worse what I heard got, anytime I went somewhere---even just to buy a pack of cigs or soda, or a trip to the vet for one of my dogs---this is also how people treated me, openly. It was clearly as though people knew what I heard, even seemed they heard it, too, and were clearly feeling they HAD to treat me accordingly, as though this may happen to them, as well, if they didn't.

...

I know that 'ditto' is an inadequate response to this...but...
WoW... I've not heard or seen anyone-else describe their experience...as nearly as this describes mine.
That last part - ...(it) seemed they heard it, too, and...HAD to treat me accordingly... - is 'virtual Hell'.
At some point, I did go 'recluse'. In many ways (or - most/98% of the time), I still am.

Okay, somehow you and me are living a parallel "virtual hell." But I gotta say this, Wan: What's even stranger is that it seems those around me "in tune" with what I'm hearing, also seem to make an effort to carry out, actionably, whatever I hear, as well. In other words, let's say I am thinking I have to run an errand, and need to borrow my mom's car to do that, and I hear that she's not going to let me, because of _________. So, I go ask her if I can borrow the car, and she'll say no, because of _____________. Crap.

Now, I work pretty hard, in this situation, to tell myself, against all odds, this is NOT virtual hell, because having experienced a lot of what I just described, as though either my consciousness is now determining what I'm living through, so I can be to blame for that and everything else (microcosm to macrocosm, you know). Or whomever's speaking to me is directing the show, so to speak, and in charge (people around me do exactly as I hear it) and is directing everything in such a way as I WILL take the blame for everything, and whomever that is speaking has the power to do that and will make it so.
If my consciousness is a determining force, then I have to not believe it's hell, for it somehow NOT to be…..
but fighting that negative voice is next to impossible. Even when I work very hard to introduce positive thoughts, they are mostly not acted upon by those around me or don't happen the way I work to wish that they would.
tetra

a reply to: WanDash
I've used an observance about the first of your reply to answer something close to your last question, though I wouldn't describe this as supernatural. In fact, it may just be an offshoot of something similar to technological harassment, though I am not trying to harass anyone. This just happens to me, and I can't help I it.
I saw the exact moment in your writing this response that you became skittish. The insight is overwhelming me, presently.

I have this oftentimes, and had it as a child almost all the time. Needless to say, when I was a child, adults around me were extremely unsettled by this ability. Now, in what you were writing there, it wasn't so hard to spot. I would think most intuitive people would see it. I have seen it several times, now, in reading your responses in threads.
It is not prescient, but aware.
However, it often borders on prescient, and sometimes does cross that line. Sometimes, a person will be describing one of their life experiences to me, and then I can predict what's going to happen next. But more than that, it suddenly becomes as though I've lived the experience as, well, as you, the person describing it. It's almost as if I WAS that person…..

I realize these days, now, that I was never you, really; it's just that at this point it crosses the line from intuitive awareness to prescience, where I have almost been ushered into the pathway of that person's mind, consciousness, and know so completely ….. I will make this analogy: It's like your (or the person describing something about their lives to me) life is a painting. While you are telling me the experience, you are painting or showing me the painting of this moment or aspect or experience of your life. And then suddenly, I am you inside that painting, and know how it feels to be in your body, experiencing that moment, what it looked like, felt like, smelled,

At the beginning of this post I told you I couldn't help this. Sometimes I seem to be able to block that out some, but other times it is too strong, just like the insults in my mind. In my other post, when I described the way it can be when I am in public, and I inconveniently begin to hear insults....sometimes I'm fairly sure that I am hearing people I am seeing right there...

I used to think it was disembodied, a recording, and sometimes I am pretty sure it is. But sometimes it is something else.

a reply to: tetra50
As stated in an earlier comment... I simply decided to resist, at some point (it was, in fact, sometime in September, 2010), and have been clawing my way out of the hole ever since.
I cannot say that I am "out" of the hole...or that I believe there is a snowball's chance in hell that I will Ever be...entirely..out --- but, I have been able to regain some semblance of normalcy...
Even had a heart attack, and survived it (2.5 years, now), and will be giving my daughter 'away' in two weeks to a great guy (imo).
Through the 3-or-so-year course of my 'experience' (which would be considered full-blown lunacy to many) I went through two episodes of 6+ months, being unemployed (I believed I would never work again during both cycles of unemployment)...then...was honored and promoted above my peers...etc...

One of the side-benefits to 'going crazy', is...your ego can get tossed.
So - with all the accolades and honors and other perks that come with being the 'go-to-guy'...I was (and still am) waiting for the other shoe to drop.

In the first of your two recent responses, you mentioned "...either my consciousness is now determining what I'm living through, so I can be to blame for that and everything else (microcosm to macrocosm, you know)...Or whomever's speaking to me is directing the show...and in charge...and is directing everything in such a way as I WILL take the blame for everything...and whomever that is speaking has the power to...make it so. If my consciousness is a determining force, then I have to believe it is not hell, for it somehow NOT to be..."

Talk about parallel Virtual Hells! ! !
How can you have experienced this exact-same-Hell?
I did not think anyone-else would/could have gone through the same as I...

I don't know that you can fight that voice.
As you have alluded to - If that voice is your own conscience/consciousness...then - What's the game?
Do you feel as if you have been especially endowed or gifted?
...Received special treatment throughout your life?
...Were spared hardships and pains that others had to experience?
...Have you done exceptionally EVIL things in your life...that are deserving of some exceptional punishment?
...Have you considered that in a former life...you might have been an ultimate evil - and Karma (in some form or another) has prepared a heaping dose of "you reap what you sow"...for this life?

The number of possible explanations I have gone/lived through...are staggering.
Many people seem to emerge from such experiences with new "insights" and/or "belief systems"...
I emerged, believing nothing.
I am open to anyone's explanation/s...but hold to none (so far).

As I said in my reply to GENERAL EYES - talking/writing about this will probably degenerate into a jumbled mess... And - I think I've proven that prophecy accurate in this post...
But - I did want to, at least, briefly address your reference to 'prescience'.
Your explanation is remarkably akin to my own experience.
I'll go no further with that, now...and, will submit this, and turn in for the night.

Thanks! & Be Well.

WanDash:

I don't know that you can fight that voice.
As you have alluded to - If that voice is your own conscience/consciousness...then - What's the game?
Do you feel as if you have been especially endowed or gifted?
...Received special treatment throughout your life?
...Were spared hardships and pains that others had to experience?
...Have you done exceptionally EVIL things in your life...that are deserving of some exceptional punishment?
...Have you considered that in a former life...you might have been an ultimate evil - and Karma (in some form or another) has prepared a heaping dose of "you reap what you sow"...for this life?

I cannot fight that voice. With certainty, at least in my own case, it is not my consciousness. It is a product of technology, purely. That is not to say all technology, certainly, is bad. I've had medical testing that proved this assertion. The thread I wrote on electronic/technological harassment was a statement on that, really, and an endeavor to explain to people how traumatic and torturous it can be. It was also to explain that human use experimentation still goes on, and that once certain controls over people's minds is instituted, they can be made to look, appear to be in every way, hopelessly and severely mentally ill, when they, in fact, are not at all---just to justify total control over their minds, and sell it as something that's curing them, helping them as it completely destroys them, instead, and steals absolutely everything from them: All the achievements in their lives, their hard earned property, money, and then their very thoughts, which the controllers will be taking credit for, as they assert the sickness being pumped into their minds, and then recorded and/or amplified, is really the thought product of their mentally ill mind. Then this person's faith, dignity, privacy, and eventually their very soul will be very difficult for them to hold onto. You see, if, in fact, if those voices are heard by everyone when "you" are around, then it's very easy to make "you" the most despised person around.

Example: I walk in a store for something. I pass a large, overweight woman. The voice says: Fat bitch. Or better yet: " Fat, ugly bitch. She's lazy. Get off your ass and exercise." See, I don't think this way. Never thought that way.
I know who I am, who my consciousness is, what it talks about, how it talks, etc. I know this, just like I know me. What if that woman can hear all that? What if it sounds like my voice? Then, as I continue into the store with no one around, the voice says to me, "You're a friggin idiot. You're a piece of dog crap. Everybody hates you."

Ten, fifteen years, hammering like that every day, all day long. Then there's the ability to remotely cause pain, and also pleasure…..of course, combined with whatever sick thought that voice wishes to place in your mind, while that pleasure is instigated, physiologically. Combine all that with constant stress economically, and in any interpersonal relationships left, and you have an utterly destroyed person, with a shattered personality, unable to advocate proactively at all. Frankly, once you get to that remote pain stage, you'd do just about anything to either die or get some relief.

-I may have once been gifted, as a child. I don't know anymore, nor does it matter.
-Any special treatment, was especially horrible.
-spared hardship and pain? I do not remember that being the case at all. Quite the opposite.
-I have struggled with the exceptional evil part a great deal, striving to remember. From what I remember, it is worse than that: I was made to watch a situation in which it appeared, on more than one occasion, someone who looked just like me (I can't explain that…holography, motion capture film tech, CGI, idk) let something bad happen, although she didn't participate. But I do not know if this was real, on any level. Regardless, the idea was it was worse for me to suffer through knowing I was innocent of this, and could do nothing about it. Then not knowing if it was even real. Then realizing maybe I cared more about my innocence than the person or people harmed, regardless of anything else. Then, if it wasn't real, that there were people who hated me so much they were motivated to fake something like that, and it might not be entirely faked---so then someone was hurt to fake something to look like me, all just because of me….Horrible, all the way around, no matter how you look at it. So, then, is it better not to care?

The point was made to me that good is the reason there is evil, that just because I wanted to be good, and engendered so much hatred in someone with the ability and authority to take control with certain technology, all of what I describe above happened to someone innocent. So, in that way, it was evil that I existed at all, because whether I were good or bad, just my existence, who I am, caused someone in control of others to hate that much.

-Your last question: the Karma one. Of course I've considered it, and lived through years of this in which to consider it. I remember lots of situations as I describe above, where something happened to someone else (just as you describe, in another life) just because of my existence, nullifying whatever kind of life I'd lived, no matter how much I'd strived to live a virtuous life.

I will leave you with this, as I am always searching for some hope that there is possible, still, some noble endeavor to save humanity, the creative and beautiful human spirit, even regardless of my life or especially because of it, if it really could cause all that because I was hated so much.

I personally believe that we are in a simulation that mimics every single life throughout history in order to educate us. It seems like a logical approach to educating people in the future. Live trillions of lives in order to imprint all that knowledge into human beings while they are young.

This is from Theyknowwhoyouare's thread, www.abovetopsecret.com... and is part of the OP. I found it a hopeful concept. In fact, it got me through one night. Those words, and the wonderful, sympathetic and compassionate support from General Eyes.

You know, WanDash, part of the point there is that anyone could be hated that much. And I'm not important enough for all that hate, so I still really don''t have any answers….
tetra50

originally posted by: Spruce
This is what It does. It manipulates via the aether. It is in all of us.

Hey Spruce: Via the aether, you say? How do you think "it" got in all of us, and what or whom is it?
I am
Interested in your theories as to that. Thanks.
tetra50

a reply to: GENERAL EYES

I am just as guilty of this as any other. It is a disease that eats away at your very soul and the more you try to avoid it, the more cunning it becomes tricking you back into the game. I am sorry you have been so abused, and I am sorry for the abuse I have caused in this world. Last night, once again, needs not being met, I stumbled out into the world of the real. I went to a bar, an obvious place for a spiritual addict such as myself. I just went to have a single drink.

A #ing orgy unfolded. Before I knew it the entire bar was buying each other rounds, people lost their minds, they were consuming with absolute abandon. I watched this innocent girl have to be dragged out of that place with nothing left to her whatsoever. She was completely gone. What the # am I doing here? I helped carry her out. Her friend looked at me with absolute anger as if she knew what I had done. It was the poor girl's 40th birthday. I hope with everything in me she recovers. I didn't even notice myself doing it, and then I come home, retching my guts out in shame and disbelief. The lengths we all go through to consume one another. I am the monster I see in this world. And the sad fact is, I am too arrogant to submit myself to the kind of rectification that is necessary to fix these problems. I want to be in control and I will never accept a scenario that has me abandon that primary dominion. I am too afraid of death.

a reply to: tetra50

The heliosphere of Arcadia is a perfect land built around a brilliant sun: the light of all lights. At the far end of it is an opening into the netherlands and a hyperborean wind blows towards the sun, projecting a dance of electromagnetic colors onto the back wall of Arcadia to a place called Lumeria, a great city of wonder where immortal beings have built great towers to study the lights in the sky. Outside of the heliosphere is a land of absolute darkness where nether wraiths consume each other to scrape by on the small sparks of illumination that they use to communicate with one another. These wraiths cannot survive in the antiseptic light of the sun itself, so they persist in a realm of absolute darkness, squabbling over small sparks of illumination while an entire world of cosmic splendor exists right below their feet.

The sad truth is that these wraiths have the power to create light to whatever magnitude they desire, and while this light does destroy their wraith form, this is only their most adolescent form and if they can survive the birthing process of illumination, they can undergo a metamorphosis into something new, which will enable them to travel to the land of Arcadia, assuming their rightful place as resplendent immortals. How many pupae die inside their cacoons never able to realize the full potential of themselves? What are we really doing here?

a reply to: GENERAL EYES

I think that there is a good chance the original program has evolved beyond its original form. A natural extension would be to apply techniques to the general population. In this, the internal compartmentalization would be exchanged for the natural compartmentalization between individuals and the natural tendency of group-think.

This could be exacerbated by the amount of EM fields that most of us have around us at all times of the day. Vast amounts of information are exchanged, and I think some of it may be picked up on by our perception. It is possible that this could be used for direct influence, but it may be more of a passive transfer. Especially given there is little need for the complexity when the same results can occur through other methods.

I think we can see some of the inner workings in our education system and, of course, media in its many forms (news, music, movies, images, etc.). 'Whole Brain Teaching' is an interesting thing..

a reply to: Serdgiam

I think the internet has enabled us to communicate with one another leaping across the void of isolation and it is mimicking the kind of unity we used to have, awakening within us the memory of who we really are. I think it has gone far beyond anything the architects can control. If they try to atomize us again, the attractive forces will only magnify into a lightning bolt of unity. Smile for the camera! ;p Are you ready to take a good hard look at yourself? Say cheeeeese.....

a reply to: Serdgiam

a reply to: Nechash

Necash: Among many confusing ones, I have memories of aeons of confusion.....but I'm not sure that some of my memories aren't those of someone else, or if its another life I've lived. As many of us have noted, it seems to have gone beyond what may have been originally intended. But then if some of us have really lived as all people, how does anyone know anymore who they were and what is a product of mind think, unified consciousness? I think opening some doors may have been a very bad idea. I remember arguing that point, even, with someone somewhere in this miasma of time, and not being listened to.

I am sorry for everyone's pain and abuse, as well, but have begun to have trouble seeing past anything but my own. Extreme pain has a way of doing that. You shut down to anything and anyone's but your own. You become demonstrably unable to functionally exist for anything or anyone but an interest, solely , sad pun intended without homonym, to end your own, even as you share mind body connection across what's apparently millenniums and perhaps millions.

It was a bad idea, for this very reason.

I even know the story you told there, anagolously, but could not have written it. If we share it all, but one of us can act on something and one cannot, then unique identity still defines us, but what is determining it?
This birth, these parents, this moment, the last death....will those boundaries even subside, and if they do will we just become a mass of generational pain?

a reply to: tetra50

Was that sincerity? That is good. I think anything is possible for us. I think we have been set up as our own judge, jury and executioner and where we go from here is only limited by our ability to think happy thoughts. ;p

I can tell you this: any grudge, no matter how great or lasting can be broken and annihilated in a single instance. Any nightmare, no matter how terrifying can be dispelled, and any pain, no matter how penetrating can be endured. If anything, the countless reiterations have shown all of the things we can face just for the mere thought of subsistence. What could we become if we choose to thrive instead?

If we reject this petty squabbling and move to the very center of our lives the idea of becoming the kind of being that is worthy of freedom, everything else will fall into place. Why keep thinking about what we might be willing to tolerate when we can think instead of what we'd actually like to have as a people?

Hey, don't look to me for answers. I'm just as lost as anyone else, search the desires of your own heart and your own intuition. Let hope replace the anxiety and love replace the paranoia and see what it gives birth to. For me, it has shoved a mirror in front of my face, which was a hard thing to even begin to accept, but once the sting of humiliation subsided, a growing peace took root in the depths of my insecurity and suddenly I feel like everything is happening exactly as it was meant to.

a reply to: Nechash

Why keep thinking about what we might be willing to tolerate when we can think instead of what we'd actually like to have as a people? 

Because I have shingles right now, and I'm in incredible pain. I also have a ruptured disc against my spinal chord…
and I've grown really, really tired of being preached to.

Was that sincerity? That is good. I think anything is possible for us. I think we have been set up as our own judge, jury and executioner and where we go from here is only limited by our ability to think happy thoughts. ;p

Yes, it was sincerity. Just so you know, bc it may be the last reply I will give time and effort to. I am both quoting and replying out of order. It may skew things. I wonder how that feels. That's sarcasm. And this is what it feels like when that happens to you, and it makes you appear differently than you really are or ever intended, and then you're told what's happening, when that happens, is bc you're judging yourself and did this to yourself.

I don't squabble. I'm not petty. I don't deserve what's happened to me. I've loved and forgiven more than most. I haven't held any grudges. Beyond that I don't know what the hell you're talking about, nor why you are directing that at me. I could no more go have a drink in a public place, or be in a social setting then I could fly a plane, so I'd say you've been playing quite a game on me, and it's really bad form to kick someone when they are hurting, and down and reaching out for answers.

Have a good day.

a reply to: tetra50

I'm not trying to preach to you and I'm certainly not trying to kick you when you are down. I was just hoping to share myself with you and inspire you that things could be better for all of us. I'm sorry you are in pain and I'm sorry I can't just snap my fingers and make it go away for you. Do what you will in this life Tetra50, I'm certainly not out to harm you.

I'm not paranoid. I think I've described in great detail why it's next to impossible to just think happy thoughts. I am offended that anyone thinks it's that simple, and I'm holding grudges in my heart….

I've loved my enemy and extended my hand, more than anyone could have tried to do. I have, in fact, extended myself and my energy in a sincere way to you. You even recognized that on another thread. So your words, as any kind of answer to the plethora of mine in explanation, cut very deep.
Then to couch your reply to that, as though I ever thought you were "out to get me," seem to me to be playing a game, to make someone appear paranoid, who, in fact, is not. I knew that would show up in this thread. I just didn't expect it to be you.