I might or may not be in a pickle lol

I could not really think of a good title but here we go.

I met this girl and oh my gosh lol. Her personality gets me day in and day out. Not to mention she really has put in a crap load of effort into me. I wake up in the morning to Goodnight (from falling asleep talking) and good morning texts with sweet-nothings EVERYDAY for the last month+. Her smile too is absolutely amazing. But I run into a couple of problems with her and need some input to maybe lead me one way or another.

She is an ex drug user. HEAVY drug user and lead her to failing out of college. I'm a big anti-drug person and alone have turned down women because of it. She has been clean over a year now though. She is an avid bar-girl and does drink which is another thing I do not really agree with but can accept. She ONLY goes to gay bars because she is generally the DD and will drink when she gets home; which is admirable to me -- she thinks ahead and is smart since getting clean.

Another thing is she is heavy-set. I am too actually lol, I was a heavyweight wrestler in high school and middle school; but never really been with a girl larger than myself. When I say she is heavy is mainly bust lol and a majority of the weight has been from getting off of drugs is that usual? I still find her attractive, but as shallow as I may sound I've never really been attracted to females larger than myself. My gut is bigger than hers but shes more I guess I would say thick than me. But I am still attracted to her; is this strange?

Considering her history, do you think I am headed in a bad direction? Is this all a bad thing? This is all new territory. The fact of the matter being I've always been terrible with females. I've only had one relationship last for 3+ years and my only other actual relationship was just about a year and it was off and on near the end of it.

We were just talking about our differences and she said she likes the fact of how clean I am by way of drug and alcohol use. She said she needs the good influence. But we have gotten really close as I have said and basically officially entered the "talking" phase and are going out on a date in two weeks. I'm just nervous. What would you do?


Thank you!

Sorry if I came off as shallow I didn't really mean to sound like that it's just hard to explain what I am meaning without sounding like a douche. Weight isn't really an issue, just something different that I've never been in you know? She is still gorgeous, probably one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met...always so bubbly lol.

Nice you found someone... Now just enjoy whatever happens. You don't have to make any committment until you know her (and she knows you) better. Don't get ahead of yourself, just be present. And do remember - she has to want to be with you as well - it's most certainly not all about you and your needs and wants.

Have fun - the rest will come or not.

a reply to: wwe9112

You may be over-thinking things a bit at this early stage of the relationship.

The past drug use is just that... the past. Hopefully she learned from this past.

The "heavy-set" part of it is just that... she is overweight. You find her attractive, though. That is great!

I would go with it, get to know each other better, and see where it leads.

Try not to over-analyze it until there's something big that warrants the worry.

Best of luck!

a reply to: wwe9112

Well I can say this from my experience..i've never made a relationship work in my life so if it feels right go for it and 2nd....

Personality is everything. I don't care how hot a woman is eventually you just sometimes get tired of the physical side...that is where the personality really shines through. Id take personality any day over physical looks....but with that said you still have to be attracted to them somewhat haha.

I say go for it...you can always break it off and just go slow...good luck!

a reply to: wwe9112

More power to you.

There is nothing wrong with accepting a physical attraction. I think its absurd to deny that this is a factor. It is.

You have to be attracted to your lover. If not the sex sucks and that just sucks. LOL

Also sex is an integral part of a relationship. We are freaking human. Its not all important and less so as time passes...but it still has its place. To deny that is to be fake and a liar. Truth is everything.

I say be yourself as you are. Let the past be the past with her and offer her a new future. When tomorrow is what you have to offer anything that happens now or happened yesterday is just something else you can overcome. Look forward to life with her and most importantly ENJOY IT!


Enjoy your love sir.

a reply to: wwe9112

Uhh, just by the by… if she drinks she's not "clean".

Using any drug (alcohol is a drug) is not good for relationships. Maybe things are okay now… unless the tendency is to stop drinking too, she could relapse into older, more powerful habits. There is a risk of that, just so you know.

Putting on weight is a sign she hash;t really quit just transferred the addiction to something else. I'm not saying its a bad bad, just something to keep an eye on.

People that are covering up some pain of the past by using can get touchy if their supply of "pain reliever" runs out.

If she's over drugs, that's great! Leave her past be. Help her stay clean and sober the best you can.

And if she's overweight... well I'm a little biased there. Hehehe... I like big girls. But everyone's different, and most men DON'T like bigger girls. I don't mean to sound shallow either but physical attraction IS a big part of a relationship. As long as you're still attracted to her, it shouldn't be a problem. If it does become a problem and you two really love each other, there will always be a way to talk about it even if it's hard not to offend, and just let her know what's going on and work things out from there... literally. lol

Anyway, best of luck to you in your relationship. Sounds like you've found a good one.

a reply to: wwe9112

Sounds like she lives fast, and unless you're into that too, you most likely will not do well together.

Give here a chance but look for the red flags...they are always there when their are issues . You've asked our advice so you are sensing something is not quite right...and it doesn't sound like the weight the issue, as you're attracted to,her. It sounds more like the drinking and bar hoping is not quite your speed...just be aware of that. Like another poster said here, alcohol is not clean and can lead to a relapse . Just keep your eyes open,

sounds like a time bomb, wish you all the luck!

Why does she only to go to gay bars? Is she bisexual? You might want to know before getting serious if that is an issue.

Wait. So she only goes to gay bars and is 'heavy-set'...You sure you haven't found yourself with a trans? A ladyboy, as the Thais would say?

Only joking of course. And no offence intended.

But seriously though...

a reply to: wwe9112

It surely seems as though you are smitten with her. Try moving on from her past and giving her the chance she deserves. What's the worst that can happen? You get hurt? That can happen in any relationship....you'll never know what could be unless you let go and allow things to fall into place however they may.

Good luck to you

originally posted by: wwe9112


Considering her history, do you think I am headed in a bad direction? Is this all a bad thing? This is all new territory. The fact of the matter being I've always been terrible with females. I've only had one relationship last for 3+ years and my only other actual relationship was just about a year and it was off and on near the end of it.

You could very well be. The past drug use shouldn't be an issue. But her current alcohol use is a big red flag. It lowers one's inhibitions and makes relapsing into drug abuse all that much easier. Also the weight gain she has had isn't just the result of her not using anymore. Drinking will and does cause the ever expanding waist line, especially if you are primarily drinking beer and wines which are chock full of empty calories.

But you also have an issue here. It is easy to tell you are quite enamored with her. But just as easy to tell you have an issue with how you will be socially received being with a heavier woman. You need to worry less about what other people think and choose what makes you happy.

a reply to: wwe9112

Alright...

So, this woman you like, likes a drink and is solidly put together. You saying you dislike her drinking is disingenuous. You FEAR her drinking, because you FEAR it could cause problems. Well sir, nothing was ever solved by fear alone, and every human being has problems. All you get to choose is how you respond to fear, and how you respond to problems. You do not get to opt out of encountering fear, or problems, in their entirety, and if you attempt to eliminate them from your life, your life will become empty.

You see, risk is life. There is no love without the risk of heartbreak, there is no joy without the potential for sorrow, there is no high without the risk of a low. None of us gets to experience positives without the possibility of negatives entering the equation at some point. Such is the way of human life, and of entropy, and of the entire universe on one level or another.

As for her being a lass of sound construction, really? Who gives a flying damn? If you like her well enough that her smile sends your mind into spasms of pleasure, then would it really matter if she could arm wrestle grizzly bears? I say, no, no it does not.

Honestly, abandon fear, and enjoy what you have.

A drug addict never gets better. The chance is always there that they'll start using again. But you have to weigh the risk; Is your love for her more than the fear of her having a relapse? Drinking isn't wise for a former addict, either. After all, alcohol IS the gateway drug heavy-weight champion of the universe. As far as her size goes, attraction knows no bounds. Don't worry what others think. It only matters what you think and like.

TrueBrit..... "A lass of sound construction".... I have never heard more poetic words. Well, I have, but those are some well put together words!

I believe I will use that phrase the remainder of my life!

To the op, I'd say "who (are you) to blow against the wind"? Just go with it.



a reply to: TrueBrit

a reply to: wwe9112

Big girls need love too , take her out get her blind drunk and show her some of your wrestling moves and if you are really lucky she might invite one of her friends round for a tag team

Drug users are no no for me... many go back to it.

Why are you apologizing for what you find unattractive? looking for fake social acceptance?

Its ok to say You don't find fat/skinny/black/white/short/tall women attractive, its your decision. Dont cut ur balls off because of what socity might think of you.

Yes putting on weight after quitting drugs is normal.Normally when you are a drug user you don't eat much cause you don't want to dull your buzz.Also just to let you know the saying once an addict always an addict is true.When one gets over one addiction they look for another and that doesn't mean another drug it could food, exercise, (and you may be fine with this one) sex.So understand addiction is not all about drugs.Observe her and you will begin to se and understand her addiction or addictions.If she is willing to tAlk to you about her addiction then be understanding as addict are usually very sensitive people.One reason they become addict is to numb themselves cause they feel so much you may consider a lot of them empathy if toy believe in that kind of thing.Hope my words help.