My lamest thread ever!

a reply to: FlySolo

DO yourself a favor brother... Don't take POF personally...

That's a good way to destroy your confidence...

Its just a meat market... and usually the meat ain't that good anyways...

IF you wanna find someone you gotta find similar interests...

IF you like to work out... look for someone at the gym, or the YMCA...

IF you like to dance go to a club...

IF you like fishing.... Plenty of Fish isn't a great fishing hole LOL

Any decent looking woman on that site gets hundreds of messages from guys... Try making a fake female profile and see what they go through... then you'll realise what you have to contend with...

The only way to attract attention on that site is to send a message that makes you stick out from the crowd...

Though I wouldn't put much stock in the women on POF...

a reply to: FlySolo

Hello Flysolo, after reading through your thread I 'm going to agree with CranialSponge and AccessDenied here. Keep the earring and the stache and whatever else makes you, well....you.

I've gone back and looked at the photo and there are a few suggestions I would like to make. The first being it does seem to reflect the feelings you have about your social life. It's rather dark and the filter you have used makes you seem somewhat masked. This is essentially a photo of whats going on now rather than the life you would be living after you have found that special lady. Go out and put yourself in those situations, as if she is standing there with you and take photo after photo. Don't be afraid to show who you really are. Instead of trying to be what some unknown person might want you to be. I personally like to see the color and expressiveness of a persons eyes.

Cranial mentioned a certain dating site and I went in and took a look at what most men say when asked to either describe themselves and what they are looking for. Most seem to underplay themselves and stick to generalities. This is where your experience here might come in handy. What would you say if you were preparing a post here in ATS. I'm obviously speaking for myself here but I would find it incredibly refreshing to see someone who is not afraid to share a bit about who you really are and what you really like to do when you are being yourself.

Penny

originally posted by: FlySolo
......I spend 95-99% of my free time by myself.......I haven't had a phone call on a personal level from anyone in Vancouver for about 5 years now I think

Man, I feel for you, that sounds lonely.
I tried POF for a month but either the profiles in my search range were women I already see out and about in local bars/parties/festivals/etc, or the 'unknowns' had pretty much nothing similar to my lifestyle and social circles so didn't really interest me, even after exchanges of messages.

Perhaps if you could somehow widen your face to face social circle then it could help in meeting new women at the same time. I haven't moved for years now, but if I arrived in a new town or city here in the UK I'd find my nearest local pub/bar with a pool table, put my 50 pence in line and get networking over a pint and a game. Then I'd become a member of the local rugby club, go watch their next home game then get chatting to the locals at the clubhouse bar.
Your situation is obviously unique to yourself, but honestly, as someone who only has dependent family (my son) living closer than a couple of hundred miles, my friends are very important in my life so I make sure I work hard at those friendships above any other relationship considerations.

I wish you the best of luck though fella, I can't offer much advice on the digital dating thing really as I prefer face to face and all it's subtle nuances combined with obvious features such as looks, smell, even the way a woman carries herself in the shared environment...digital didn't cut it for me.

Oh, and for the record (and back on-topic) You're a good looking guy, in the sense that if I had a horrible accident and brain transplants were possible, I certainly wouldn't be bitching if you had donated your head/body, well, the bits we can see at least lol, and I'd have a grade 0 hairclip and shave my face before I presented my new self to the worlds women. Style issue though means nothing, pity we'll never bump into each other in a bar here, I know a few fit and fun late mid 30/early 40's women in my social circle who would probably shag you judging from your pic.

It is not your looks putting women off if you ask me, it is lack of exposure in the real world and/or the cattlemarket that POF is with women getting overwhelmed/bombarded by the attention of competing males on the site.
Women almost hold the position of cats carefully choosing who they go with on POF, while us blokes are more like packs of dogs all chasing the few bones lol

Do you find yourself energetic ?
Are you 80% (or more) happy about who you are ?
Are you being honest to yourself ?

If you think there are something you could change in you, in a way you like it yourself, then you should do it. "im been like this for some time now" doesnt really answer the question viewers here and elsewhere might have. Energy is big player in law of attraction, by showing no intrest in yourself the message is clear.. i must say.
If you have stayed inside for years without really trying other things than online fishing, you don´t have the energy. As you wrote it has not always been like this.. so you have lost the real you in some point of life ( propably internet related), internet has not served you well its vice versa.
Go out for hobbies.. forget about females totally and try to find yourself again. When you are ok with yourself and have found once again the energy ( i believe you are missing ) things will work out fine.

We are all energy, keep your energy levels up and be happy about yourself.
( BTW.. if you keep up online fishing at least try to make your pic more energetic.. nothing is more boring than simple portrait which lacks of expression and movement.. im sure real fishing pictures would make better impact )

( this comes from person who has no experience of online dating .. )

You're hoping to pick up one of the Women in this thread...aren't you...

Honestly, you are getting the cream of the crop advice here. You are a manly man in looks.

Just take to heart some of the excellent advice you are getting...and you'll not be single for long.

Des

a reply to: FlySolo

Im not qualified to answer you directly...but I will say. Listen to the women members here. Outstanding and astute group of ladies. I think they would know best and is your best choice for direct and honest critiquing and criticizm...and advice.

All I can say is to be yourself and dont try to throw everything about you out there all at once. There are a lot of people for everyone in the world.

The best place to start is where you are :ATS. Where else can you get such quality and diversity from fellow female members?! Ill tell you: Flatout...they are the best.... Good Luck

I'd also recommend smiling in your pic and take time thinking about how you present yourself in the profile statement.

Only speaking from a skinhead haircut male point of view but I love wrongfooting people face to face when they have made a judgement on my looks but then are clearly surprised by my smiling face speaking eloquently with a genuine warmth and deep with feelings. I grew up on a rough council housing estate so I can easily slip into that character if necessary but how I look does not equate to the stereotype related to it, however a smiling face is always what people want to see if we're face to face.

Regarding the profile statement, I had loads of different unsolicited messages in my short month on POF and I didn't even post a picture. My profile statement however was a good A4 page+ or two of carefully crafted words which took multiple hours over a few nights before I was happy with it. I wrote the absolute truth about my hobbies/interests/current activities/employment status, but then I threw emotion into it, spoke of my primary role being an involved dad of one son (3/4 nights a week with me) looking to share adventures with someone who understands and supports me having an excellent stable parenting relationship with the mother of my child, and that it would take a good long time before they ever meet my lad because I passionately make a distinction between me chasing options for myself, and me chasing options for my son.
The vast majority of messages were from single parent women who felt the same as me for their own kids, but my absolute up-front honesty about feelings that are important to me seemed to appeal even without a pic.

...I ended up sacking it off though, got a few needy stalker types (in my opinion) and it took a few exchanged messages over a couple of weeks before I realised it, in face-to-face I could have just made polite excuses after an assessment of such interaction that my real-life senses would have picked up in minutes.
Whatever, I'm rambling so best wishes and good luck with finding more friends...and a special companion.

Your a guy. An average guy. You look trustworthy if that's worth anything...? From the perspective of a truly hideous guy, I'd be plenty happy to work with what your offering. Up for a body swap?

Anyways, what you need to find is something to divide opinion. Take a look at this video for some tips.

originally posted by: FlySolo
Let me first say that I'm not the type to search for affirmations but damn....am I unattractive or something? If I think I'm better looking than I really am, someone should just put me out of my misery. Whenever I try online dating and send a pic on CL or POF, I get nothing. In fact, I seem to be scaring people away. I've never considered myself any more than average so if I can't even find equal reciprocation in potentials, wth? Yes, I guess I'm fishing. But for truth. These online dating sites really throw a wrench into how we perceive ourselves...damn right humbling I must say.

So what gives? Do I come off looking like a player? A wise guy? Or what I really am. A stable mentally sound and reliable guy. Who am I ???

Thanks.

You didn't add 70ts pornstar..
Naaw man you good but if that's the pic you sent out then it's kinda dark,throw on a suit and tie tame the hair and stach lil bit or sport a fedora ,look as if you are ready to go out on a first date.