My lamest thread ever!

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Lose the earing? Shave?? The earring has been with me for over 20 years. The facial hair, well, it's who I am now. It gives me the edge defining who I am. If it's only about an earring and a mustache, well, I would have to respectfully disagree.

As for what "we say" in online profiles, let's cut to the chase. It's of my opinion that profile dialog is absolutely useless. Sure, some people may have the gift of the gab but let's face it, It comes down to personal attraction. Saying less is more. If you can't provide a photo that ensures your next level of contact, forget it, you're done.

It's those profiles that are rich with anecdotes and fancy dancy wordy stimulus are what you need to be wary of. It's fluff. It all comes down to picture first, talk later. And that's no bull. It's the absolute truth.

a reply to: FlySolo

Or....could it be the city I'm in? These are the things I'm trying to figure out. It's been 11 years already. Sad eh? lol

11 years on the Plenty of Fish website ?
Or 11 years trying all the different dating sites.

Trust me, there's a massive difference between the two.

I've known a couple of guys, both decent fellas, that have been chasing their tails on POF for over 7 years.

And why would you only be looking in Vancouver ? Broaden your horizons throughout BC, into Alberta, all up and down the west coast, maybe even into the USA, etc... just as an example. Don't limit yourself to just 50 or 100 kilometers.

You might also want to re-examine the type of women you're chasing after ?

If you're not being realistic about the type of woman that's going to be attracted to you (ie: your personal style, your interests, your position in life, etc) and match it to her personal style/life position/etc, then you've set yourself up for failure right from the get go.

To put it politely: "Joe the Middle-aged Plumber" is not going to land himself a "20 year old Pamela Anderson" just because that's what he fantasizes about.

Sorry fellas, but that's reality.




Just trying to give you some friendly food for thought, OP.

a reply to: FlySolo

You asked my opinion, I gave my opinion as a woman.

You aren't my type though I know plenty about how women perceive men and I know an 80's look is perceived as you just described yourself, not wanting to change, considering an earing part of you etc.

It isn't showing willingness to adapt, and women look for that in a relationship, that a man can adapt to her, to a new relationship.

If you want to be competitive then you have to think competitively.

As another poster said the ''Tom Selleck'' look doesn't work for most women, it isn't the 80's and on those sites appearance counts.

As for the things you say about yourself, it matters, I posted a link to the demographics that proves it influences people.

I would choose ''surfer'' over ''line dancer'' any day. It matters.

You asked for advice but refuse to take it. It now looks like you just are looking for compliments. I gave you an honest answer, if you don't want honesty then don't ask for it.

a reply to: CranialSponge

11 years on the Plenty of Fish website ?

No no hell no!!. 11 years in this city without any contact with a local. No kidding.

You might also want to re-examine the type of women you're chasing after ?

Oh trust me. I'm realistic. BTW, I don't chase anyone, I'm used to them coming to me. And not in a narcissistic way, I just don't go after women. (maybe that's the prob?)

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

The mustache is new. I'm 43 and have never bothered before. It's an "addition" so it doesn't have any baring, trust me, I know. But thanks for your input

originally posted by: FlySolo
a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Lose the earing? Shave?? The earring has been with me for over 20 years. The facial hair, well, it's who I am now. It gives me the edge defining who I am. If it's only about an earring and a mustache, well, I would have to respectfully disagree.

As for what "we say" in online profiles, let's cut to the chase. It's of my opinion that profile dialog is absolutely useless. Sure, some people may have the gift of the gab but let's face it, It comes down to personal attraction. Saying less is more. If you can't provide a photo that ensures your next level of contact, forget it, you're done.

It's those profiles that are rich with anecdotes and fancy dancy wordy stimulus are what you need to be wary of. It's fluff. It all comes down to picture first, talk later. And that's no bull. It's the absolute truth.

I agree, don't change your style.

It's who you are. And the only way you're going to land a lady that likes you just the way you are is to stick with who you really are.


But I have to disagree with you on the "no need for a lot of words on your profile, only the picture is important" thing.... WRONG.

Women absolutely want to get a feel for who and what you are as a person. The picture is important yes, it's the initial draw... BUT without some idea of what kind of person you are, they won't even bother digging any further.


Fact:

20 year old girls put looks first.
40 year old women put personality first.



So unless you're chasing the 20 year olds, you better get working on that introduction profile letting the ladies know a little bit about WHO Mr. FlySolo is before you even bother approaching them with an email saying "hello".

Remember: These women are getting 20 messages a day from guys... they WILL pick through the ones that don't provide them with a good grasp of what type of person you are AND what you look like. When you shoot them a "hello" message, the first thing they do is go to your profile and check it out. If there's next to nothing there, into the trash you go.

They can't be bothered with someone who can't be bothered to put a little effort into their profile.

No introductory profile with a pic.
No play for you.

Trust me, it's the biggest complaint I hear from friends that are out there looking on these dating websites.

a reply to: CranialSponge

Everybody puts looks first, it is human nature.

People are visually summarised, it is part of the assessment procedure for human interaction, even more so when people are assessing others for intimate interactions.

Physical attraction matters just as much to me as it did when I was 20. All of the women I know think physical attraction matters.

Also, people on dating sites look at the picture first before even reading anything about the person, it is a selection process that starts with the visual. Visual interface on such places is more than half the story.

20 year old girls put looks first.
40 year old women put personality first.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: CranialSponge

Everybody puts looks first, it is human nature.

People are visually summarised, it is part of the assessment procedure for human interaction, even more so when people are assessing others for intimate interactions.

Physical attraction matters just as much to me as it did when I was 20. All of the women I know think physical attraction matters.

Also, people on dating sites look at the picture first before even reading anything about the person, it is a selection process that starts with the visual. Visual interface on such places is more than half the story.

20 year old girls put looks first.
40 year old women put personality first.

Hence the reason why I specifically said:

The picture is important yes, it's the initial draw... BUT

No where in there did I say that looks don't matter "AT ALL" to a 40 year old woman.

You missed the entire context of the point I was getting at.

A 40 year old looks at the entire package. Not just whether the guy has an earring in his ear or not.

The looks draw you in, and the rest will either make or break the deal.


And by the way, advising someone to change their looks to be more appealing to what you personally are drawn to is not good advice, IMO. You're doing the OP a disservice.

What looks not-so-good to one person, looks good to someone else.

The OP needs to stay true to himself.

The OP asked if he was a "generally" decent looking guy. And the answer is that yes he is... based on his facial structure, eye shape, nose shape, etc.

You on the other hand, are nitpicking cosmetic "looks" that don't matter worth a damn because they're only based on your own personal tastes and not necessarily what someone else might be attracted to.

a reply to: FlySolo

I will say it as it is..... good looking. Not creepy like most.

a reply to: CranialSponge

Clearly you are wrong.

The original post showed a photo and asked for opinions on the impression it gives and on how it might be perceived, I gave and honest opinion and some advice on visual analysis and suggestions on how to improve competitiveness in a competitive place.

Visual appearance matters first to all ages, especially on things like dating websites, it's a fact. Women aren't going to read the personality part before even looking at a photo, whichever age they are.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Yes.

They look at the picture first.

And at that point, some women are going to say "Ewwww" and stop right there. And other women are going to say "Hey, not bad" and continue on to read what he has to say about himself.

Personal taste about somebody's looks is an individual thing.

You're attempting to put emphasis on something that's totally moot at the end of the day.

Again, you are emphasizing your own personal likes and dislikes onto the guy.


You don't tell someone to take off the earring so they can attract more people. Because he's going to eventually put that earring back on, and then what ?! The woman's going to scream from disgust and run ?

Do you dye your hair blond so that you can attract guys who like blonds ?! Only to turn around and dye your hair back to brunette after you've snagged him ?!

Please.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

It isn't showing willingness to adapt, and women look for that in a relationship, that a man can adapt to her, to a new relationship.

^^^^ To make my case in point.


What you said right there is so wrong on so many levels, it's not even funny.

"That a man can adapt to her"

Seriously ?!

Why the hell would a woman choose to be with a man that she feels the need to change the way he looks ?

You don't go into a relationship with the idea that you're going to change someone... the point is to go into a relationship liking someone just the way they are, as is... the whole package.

Would you like to be on a 5th date with some guy and he says to you "I'd like you to dye your hair blond and get a boob job. I'm not really attracted to brunettes with small boobs... but everything else about you I like."

Since you asked .... update a bit ...

I like Van Dikes on a guy .... but they have to look like this Photo Here . Trim it close in and neat.

The open shirt and the earring are outdated 1980 and say you are trying too hard. Try casual layers - Photo here .

But whatever you do ... don't go 'hipster'. No skinny jeans.

Ok FlySolo...read through the entire thread , especially your responses. So this reply is coming from a 43 year old woman who has had experience with POF, and even ATS dating, as well as real life...oh and I'm Canadian too.
First off...do not change how you look. Be yourself and exactly how you are comfortable dressing. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. I see you agree with that. Secondly, POF is crap. It's like putting yourself on a meat tray on a shelf, and if you aren't prime grade A, like a magazine cover, then forget it. Sad but true.And in my experience, that site is for players only, men and women. The odd one wants a relationship.
You stated 11 years in Vancouver, and don't know locals? Buddy, that right there, is your issue. Unplug, get offline...go out and meet people. Join a group, take a class...do anything but get offline!!!! Too many years have passed behind a computer screen, and if it ain't workin' why do you keep doing it?
I tried online...pffft...never again. Found true love literally in my own backyard. Real life is amazing when you disconnect from digital. I suggest you give that a go.
Good Luck!

Just going to toss my 2 cents in...being I had spent 2 years on an online dating site...until I met my current husband online. I can only speak from my own experience, that yes, just pics and standard abbreviated generalizations in profile...I would pass up. There were too many men responding with more details, that I could compare with my own likes/dislikes. Give a woman a reason to contact you, as well as something you can talk about! A favorite hobby, interest, or talent on your profile. It is alot easier to contact and talk to a stranger when the woman knows you can talk about what you have in common. Believe me, attractiveness is subjective to individual perceptions and on this scale, you go up and down...depending on what you communicate to each individual. You don't have to change who you are...but you definitely need to describe who you are, especially since so many online individuals use old, doctored or even fake photos!

I have been married almost 18 years. I think I may be around the same age as you. I like a MAN. A man's man. Like the bounty paper towel big callous hands man. lol

Keep the facial hair IMO. I hate it when my husband shaves. I like rustic. Most women (granted I am from the country YMMV) that I know personally like a manly man.... facial hair and all.

If you have to lose the earring and the facial hair to find someone... then they are the wrong someone for you. You shouldn't have to change you to find a mate. Unless you're an arse, then you might want to change.

Saying that, if I just had to judge by your picture, I probably wouldn't kick you out of bed for eating crackers. But I have no clue about how your personality is on those sites and we all know personality can make anyone ugly pretty quickly.

If your personality is on the up and up, I would suggest fishing in different waters for a bit.

Whatever you do, don't change who you are (beard, earring, etc,) to get someone as it will leave you miserable in the end.

originally posted by: FlyersFan
Since you asked .... update a bit ...

I like Van Dikes on a guy .... but they have to look like this Photo Here . Trim it close in and neat.

The open shirt and the earring are outdated 1980 and say you are trying too hard. Try casual layers - Photo here .

But whatever you do ... don't go 'hipster'. No skinny jeans.

I absolutely agree with FF on this as well OP.... NO SKINNY JEANS EVER! Never ever ever. If you happen to consider it for even a millisecond... STOP IT. NEVER. EVER.

This has been a public service announcement.

Your problem isn't your looks, cause you're good looking. In fact there is no problem but the method of which you are trying to find women, online. Forget about online dating sites, it's a false marketplace. Don't change anything about yourself too meet the standards of some lady who's isn't guaranteed to be your other half.

I myself have tried these dating sites and I get messages from all the wrong chicks : I believe in live communication and no I don't mean skyping, I mean going out and meeting women who enjoy the same activities as you do. I love the outdoors, especially hiking. I meet women all the time on my hiking path and sometimes we introduce ourselves and converse and continue together on our hiking path. It's a healthy way to meet people good luck on your journey sir.

originally posted by: Kangaruex4Ewe
I like a MAN. A man's man. Like the bounty paper towel big callous hands man. lol

Keep the facial hair IMO. I hate it when my husband shaves. I like rustic. Most women (granted I am from the country YMMV) that I know personally like a manly man.... facial hair and all.

AMEN TO THAT! My hubby likes to tease that he will shave off his goatee but he knows full well I wouldn't kiss him till it grew back! Here's to men who look like men. Well, imho anyway.

OP, if I'm not prying too much...how does one live in one of the largest cities in Canada, and not meet anyone? Not through work, or even a casual trip to the grocery store...Gosh some couples meet in line at Timmies! You gotta really put yourself out there. Physically. Chances are, if you are just out doing what you love to do...the right person will find you.

a reply to: AccessDenied

In the beginning years I had my fun, met people but I soon learned that everyone turned out to be "situational" friends and extremely closed here. It's pathetic really. Never in my life have I found it so hard to know people beyond the surface of their "shiny happy" faces. People here pretend to be nice but in reality, they're too busy with their lives. Then 40 hits and that adds to a whole new dynamic of complications. So, I gave up. I spend 95-99% of my free time by myself. It's only when I've got a contract job to do that I interact with people, but only on a professional level. I've got one friend since 2006 but he's got a kid and works 6 days a week, we have a beer about once a year now. I haven't had a phone call on a personal level from anyone in Vancouver for about 5 years now I think...possibly more. I think my life can be summed up as something like a "house arrest" cut off from all social interaction. It's weird.