Online Dating – Is it Worth it?

Glad to hear some people have had positive experiences, sadly for me this is not the case.

Tinder: All they want is a leg up, or the warm glowy feeling that you swiped to the right!

Free online dating: Pretty much the same thing....without the swipe!

In either case, I prefer the old fashioned approach, there's something you don't get by scouring these profiles....that feeling, the spark, the "Hmmm, yeah, I think I like you!"

Good to know it can work, just not for me

lol online dating.

"No one night stands!"
-This means that the member has had a lot of one night stands aka: promiscuous

No "A" holes!
-This means that the member has a knack for hanging out with "A" holes.

No Losers!

-ditto, maybe the member is a loser hence their being tired of dating them

No drunks!
-member has a drinking problem

Must not be looking for intimate encounter!

-wth is the point? Might as well take my dog for a walk. Men aren't supposed to think about sex I guess, and if they do then that's apparently "dirty"

Must own home and have full time job

-No renters? Gold digger alert!lol @ online dating,

If you're more interested in looks and want that 'Tony sees Maria across the danceroom floor' effect, then on line won't work for you, and neither will most real life dating.

If on the other hand, you want to know if the other person has half a brain, can put together coherent sentences, and has a bit of a wish list and activities/interest list that matches somewhat with your own, then online has its advantages.

After much online dating, I've met a few really good friends, dated a lot of frogs, and had the usual experiences where I was interested but they weren't or vice versa. Same as real life would have been. It simply enlarges your search parameters.

Any relationship takes more than a date or two to get the least little bit of a handle on a person; I've found the vast majority of people want some kind of undefined spark right at the start or they're not willing to give it any time. And years later, they're still looking for sparks... o_0 Men especially are so busy looking for certain looks that they fail to notice that a legion of relatively plain average looking women are out there who might be great mates for them; meanwhile, the guys aren't looking in the mirror and realizing they themselves are quite average, at least in the looks department... women meanwhile often default to an 'easy money' situation rather than personality, then wonder why they end up having to earn it after all, because they guy is a jerk or always away at work...

originally posted by: canucks555
lol online dating.

"No one night stands!"
-This means that the member has had a lot of one night stands aka: promiscuous

No "A" holes!
-This means that the member has a knack for hanging out with "A" holes.

No Losers!

-ditto, maybe the member is a loser hence their being tired of dating them

No drunks!
-member has a drinking problem

Must not be looking for intimate encounter!

-wth is the point? Might as well take my dog for a walk. Men aren't supposed to think about sex I guess, and if they do then that's apparently "dirty"

Must own home and have full time job

-No renters? Gold digger alert!lol @ online dating,

I read a great summary from somehwere about online dating...maybe Twitter. But I can still paraphrase it, but it wasnt mine. I hate plagiarism so I had to put that out there first...

Anyhow, when someone lists on their profile they are a moderate drinker, you know they've driven into someone's house after a night at the bar

That was what my girlfriend put down. And in her profile wrote..."I'm a drinker, coffee in the morning and wine at night." She was honest. I put down a pot by mid morning and enjoy a glass or two of wine or craft beer in the evening. Doesnt make us soaks. Just adults who know responsibility. We both have two kids, older boy younger girl all about two years apart. And she was holding a Boston Terrier puppy. I Was holding one of my two.
It ended up I stayed at her place the first night. Freak snowstorm prevented me from driving an hour home. I ended up ass ending her car on the way and she just laughed...so did I after we found out no one was hurt and it was my ex's vehicle.

As with any dating, just use your head as well as your heart. Know what you are seeking in a mate. And don't drive in snowstorms...

a reply to: Realtruth

It depends - I'm actively on a dating site myself, but I'm not looking too hard. The hardest thing about online dating is you don't have the "physical" type of contact. For example, I can tell if someone's lying if I'm with them in person - I can observe their behaviors, manners, how they respond to questions and the like, etc...Online, I'm at a disadvantage, because I have to trust their word.

In terms of success, it's more or less the same as meeting someone in person; I've gotten several "hits" with just a basic profile and two pictures. Obviously, if I put more effort into the profile, I could probably have a GF quicker, but I like to take my time. My ex was a long-term coming from one of these sites.

-fossilera

I've met a few girls from online dating sites... And usually (in my experience), there's something wrong with them that causes them to be rejected by everyone else.

I tried something of a little experiment one time. I decided to see what it was like being female on a dating site. I got a bunch of pictures of some random girl; just an average-looking, everyday girl. Then I set up a simple fake profile with those pictures. I didn't write much on the profile, just enough to not leave it completely blank.
And I was completely inundated with messages from guys of all ages. Hundreds of messages. And they're all the same too. "Hey baby, you look good, we should get together", "Hey, you're pretty hot, wanna meet up sometime?", "Hey, if you send me pics of your boobs, I'll show you my d**k".
So I was left wondering... Why the hell are women putting themselves out there on online dating sites, when this is the result? And then I get back to what I said at the beginning. There's usually something wrong with them. The last girl I met from a dating site seemed all fine and nice, but then I found out she was a drug addict. Another I met before her was perfectly normal... Until I found out she has to wear a wig because she rips her hair out, and also has a voracious appetite for sex (she now has sexually-transmitted diseases). Another girl I met online I'd only been talking to a short time when one night she texts me and tells me she's sitting outside my house. A huge portion of profiles I see on one particular site are women who have one or more children and demand that the male be ok with that and good with kids, ie "take care of my kids for me". Aside from that, half the profiles are generic, cookie-cutter things that don't even differentiate the person from anyone else. "I like music and going to the movies and sometimes I like to stay at home and relax".
I do have to clarify something though. I'm not necessarily judging anyone. I really could care less if someone is a drug addict, or a sex freak... whatever. I had a best friend who was mentally ill. I had friends who did drugs. I had friends who had kids. It doesn't bother me. I have my own problems like anyone else, so I'm not looking down on anyone. The point I'm making is there's a reason many women are on online dating sites.

But let's not generalize all these women, because that's ignorant. Let's say for example, maybe only 1% of them fit the above. The other 99% are perfectly rounded, normal individuals. So let's look at it from the guy's side.
You're a guy and you make a profile on a dating site. Be prepared to have a soaring-high self-confidence. You could be the nicest guy in the world, but the harsh reality is, every time you message a girl on a dating site, there's a hundred other guys trying to say whatever they can to hook up with her. You're going to get rejected... ALOT. You might be having long, awesome conversations with someone over the course of several days or weeks, and then *poof*, she stops talking to you. No more conversation. Now imagine this happening over and over and over again for months or even years. It's easy for any guy to start to wonder things... "Is something wrong with me? Am I not attractive enough? Did I say the wrong thing and scare her away? Is she ignoring me because she found someone more interesting? Was she just looking for someone to have sex with?" I've personally faced this dilemma many times. I'd be talking to some girl for quite some time, and she seems all excited to meet me and expresses her desire to get together and do something... And then suddenly, she's gone. Probably because she decided one of the hundreds of other guys messaging her was better.
So, to answer your question... No, it's not really worth it. Dating sites are the downfall of social interaction.

I suppose your question is really "Lonely heart ads - are they worth it?"

The fact that they are online is a detail.

Yes, they're worth it in as much as they get you dates. Whether anything worthwhile comes out of that is really in the lap of the gods.

I haven't tried 'online' dating, but I can't think that it's any different at all.

Years before the internet I tried Dateline out a few times...you paid £100 for a year's membership (don't know what that is in dollars) and they would send you a list of names and phone numbers.

That's it, nothing else.

You then had to phone these numbers of complete strangers you knew nothing about - just that they were female and up for a date.

Yes, I got dates - lots of them.

No, it didn't work out for me; but it could have.

The difference with online dating seems to be that you spend a few months emailing your prospective date before committing yourself to meet up.

I don't see the advantage over non-internet dating services; it sounds more time-consuming and long-winded.

You're not looking for a pen pal, just a date.

I think it is worth trying, especially if you are shy and don't socialise frequently. I know people that have had long-term success through dating sites. It's really just keeping up with technology and the times of today.

originally posted by: Scotscorps84
Ive never used a dating site, but I use the internet as well as phone and text to conduct my long distance relationship. I'm in scotland she is in LA. We are both working single parents, so money and time are at a premium so visits are long planned events. I agree it can be cold, and almost unreal at times, as well as very depressing especially when one of us is having a hard time or a family event that we would like the other to be at. However at times a simple text before bed, or work can light up my world. I thank god for Skype and whatsapp as well as being able to call each other for free. It's also good to know that our relationship is not based on sex, and instead over the last 3 years has been built on trust, patience and anticipation. We have only ever had one argument. It's tough though, really tough.

I guess i kind of hijacked your topic

That wasn't hijacking, that was adding depth. That was a very good post.

a reply to: Realtruth

My attitude, not to put down anyone who HAS used internet sites in this way, is that if I require the assistance of a machine algorithm to find someone worth being around, then I am probably not ready to have someone in my life.

The other thing, is that although I am not a man prone to obsessing over appearances, the idea that one can read what a person writes and know as much about them as listening to them when they SPEAK is in my opinion flawed. For example, you are reading my words now, but you cannot know me by them, you cannot know the resonance of my voice, or the confidence, or lack thereof that might be evident within its frequency. You cannot know whether I am the sort of person who meets a gaze full on, rather than shying away. No one could assert such things from written thoughts on the internet.

I think it really depends. Be very cautious though. I've got a friend who dated a girl online. When they met and decided to hit it, after a couple of weeks, the girl showed a fake pregnancy test (the site I think was www.fakeababy.com). He got the worst 2 nights of his life when the girl eventually texted him that everything was a joke. Bottom line, better to know someone on a more physical/personal level. Though it's great knowing that some couples do succeed from initially dating online.

a reply to: Realtruth

I think online dating sites are crap, a place for the lion's to gather and pounce upon unsuspecting gazelles. I wouldn't go and pay money on a dating site if you begged me to.

That said, I enjoy getting online and discussing many topics, some are conspiracies and yes, ATS is where I met my husband, he doing what he loved and myself doing what I enjoyed.

We are nerds, of the cool variety.

We have so much in common, which is weird because when I first met him we were arguing on different sides of a topic... which is when and where he caught my initial interest. Later, as time went on we found we have more in common than not, and our differences were complimentary.

From across the country we met one another, and because we were absolutely 100% both completely honest about ourselves, we fell in love - and its a love that has lasted.

We have been married almost two years now... and I am still so happy. Actually - I have never been happier in my life. I would give anything for him, and he for me.

Honesty is why it worked, and having commonalities - and respecting differences. It is a marriage that I see standing the test of time, and I plan on being with him til the day I die. I have no regrets, and no second thoughts. This is it, this is what I spent my life thinking was a fairy tale.

It's not. It's real. And it's awesome.

Anyhoo... that is my experience. Any questions?

a reply to: TrueBrit

Sometimes qualities are more important than looks. I was so in love with Nenothtu when we decided to meet (and he said he was with me too) that I did not care what he looked like.

Not even a little bit did I care. It was what was inside of him that I loved.... that was what mattered to me, especially after being with a handsome yet seriously abusive husband in my past.

After that handsome means nothing to me...that handsome grew ugly to me.

And you know what was funny - when I met Nenothtu in person? He was MORE handsome than I thought he would be, and he grows more handsome every single day I lay eyes on him!

It's so weird that is too... that he keeps getting sexier, but I think some of it is that the eyes see beauty - from the inside out.

a reply to: OpinionatedB

That is diabetes inducingly sweet, and I know I do not speak only for myself, when I wish you every success in that continuing adventure!

However, my point still stands. You see, you folks happened upon one another, on a conspiracy board, not on a dating site. Dating sites, by definition, are lonely hearts adds with graphics and your choice of font, and an algorithm that helps one sort through potential candidates. It is everything I hate about nightclubs and being "out on the pull" (tried it once, thought the whole affair was ghastly, never again), without the opportunity to also get drunk. It is a meat market, and nothing more.

You guys have a special thing here, that was not born of some drunken interlude in a nightclub toilet, nor indeed was it the unholy issuance of some computerised cupid. You found one another in spirit, and then in everything else, and that is the way it is meant to be.

But dating sites are lacking in spirit, and what they lack in that regard they make up for in abject lonliness, misery, and a sea of expectations that human beings are never meant to meet.

I met the love of my life online. We've been together for two years now and we're planning to get married.

Dude, don't believe the hype. Love is wherever you can find it. Just watch out for shady hoes.

I've gotten my kicks a few times by posting the most absurdly kinky things I could think of on the "casual encounters" section of craigslist. I was amazed at how many responses I got. There are some weirdos out there.

a reply to: TrueBrit

I must have been tired when I responded to you, I thought for some reason you said something that you never said.

Anyhoo, forgive me for that...

I do agree with you about the online dating sites, mostly because I honestly believe that some computer, and probably still to this day, would not say that my match would be Nenothtu - yet, he really is.

I don't think a computer can take in two people's information and know anything about chemistry between two people. Not even a little bit... lol

originally posted by: Realtruth
Who has taken the plunge and what are your experiences? Good or Bad

Taking into consideration people don’t have lots of time these days to find a partner internet dating seems like the perfect solution. Right?

As people flip through profiles they see exactly what the other person wants them to see, is this really a good way to start off?

Personally I don’t get it. Online dating appears so cold, plastic, scripted, and almost narcissistic, but I could be way off base here and not know what I am talking about.

I like meeting people the old fashion way by doing things I love and enjoy, this way we already have something in common.

Please share with us why online dating works, or doesn’t work.

Regards,

RT

This coming spring I will celebrate my tenth wedding anniversary with my husband. Where did we meet? Believe it or not, through eHarmony.

If I remember the process correctly, when you signed up you had to answer a LOT of questions about yourself. Likes, dislikes, long term goals, what attracts you, etc.

I was on the website about three months before they matched me with Justin. We started by talking on IM board there. After a few weeks we'd exchanged pics and phone numbers. We talked on the phone three more months, everyday marathon phone sessions.

Then he drove to my hometown, which was five hours away. I showed him around for a weekend and we were having the time of our lives. I knew I wanted to know a lot more about him and it was time step things up.

I moved that summer to his home town, got a job, and settled I to my apartment. From that July through Sept we dated in a more traditional manner. He proposed in Oct, we were married the following March, and it's been almost perfect ever since.

So, to answer your question, yes. It CAN work.

a reply to: smyleegrl

Thank you for the input to the thread. And congrats to you both.

And he even married you regardless of being a smellygirl.


Hugs,

RT

a reply to: Realtruth

LOL, I really should have put more thought into how I spelled things, huh.