A confession of gratitude to "Her".

reply to post by tadaman

you had an affair?

and yet you still love your wife?

? you were unfaithful.

reply to post by tadaman


Reading your post hurt. I heard almost the same "reasoning" for his behavior. What you're doing/did is cheating. Period. You shared or are sharing a strong connection, whether it be mental and/or physical with another, who is not the one you supposedly care so much about. I'm sorry, I can't say anymore.

self edited. I'm not going there ....

reply to post by FlyersFan


My affair?

Spare me your assumptions. Just because I can relate to his words doesn't mean I had an affair or was unfaithfull.

Perhaps others who have committed adultery will think the post was wonderful ...

I specifically said I liked his post becaue it was sincere and real, you know, the exact opposite of most of yours.........

SkeetFighter
My affair?

No genius ... I was addressing the OP .. OPENING POSTER.

I specifically said I liked his post becaue it was sincere and real, you know, the exact opposite of most of yours.........

Um ... no.

He admits to playing house with a woman not his wife. He admits to falling in love. He admits to kissing her. Yet he claims not to be a cheater and to take his vow seriously. Obviously he doesn't. THAT is what is real. Not his excuse or justification attempt for an affair. Deal with it.

reply to post by FlyersFan


FlyersFan....Don't feed the trolls.



The offensive post has been removed so just ignore anything else attacking you.... there was no reason for it.

Thurisaz
FlyersFan....Don't feed the trolls.

Thank you for the reminder. You are right.
I'll just hit the alert button on trolls like I"m supposed to and let the mods deal with it.
I've edited my posts out so that I won't get sucked down ....

reply to post by FlyersFan

No genius ... I was addressing the OP .. OPENING POSTER.

See this is what I mean with sincerety.

Your post was aimed at me and now you edited it.

He admits to playing house with a woman not his wife. He admits to falling in love. He admits to kissing her. Yet he claims not to be a cheater and to take his vow seriously. Obviously he doesn't. THAT is what is real. Not his excuse or justification attempt for an affair. Deal with it.

The way he catagorizes this affair does not make his post less real or less sincere. He can be wrong but that does not make it less sincere.

reply to post by Thurisaz

there was no reason for it.

Yes there was,

Why are you blaming the US gov't for your situation? Did they screw up paperwork ... or is your and your families immigration status of your own doing?

Why judge him on matters she has no clue about?

reply to post by FlyersFan

I'll just hit the alert button on trolls like I"m supposed to and let the mods deal with it. I've edited my posts out so that I won't get sucked down ....

Why would you get sucked down if you didn't edit your posts, if there wasn't anything wrong with them?

Wow.

The hell happened here?

I will just take this time to thank those who didnt judge me, though I completely understand if you dont condone my behavior. I know I cheated. There is no doubt of that. Thank you for hearing me out and I hoped this helped somehow.

To everyone else: Eat me. Your judgements are only reflections of yourself and your inability to see other human beings as they are. Human. I am a mirror.

I hope you guys brought your windex for that nice glass house.

tadaman
To everyone else: Eat me. Your judgements are only reflections of yourself and your inability to see other human beings as they are. Human. I am a mirror.

I hope you guys brought your windex for that nice glass house.

You know, you have to look at these threads humorously. This OP is no different. Here he comes on ATS with a confessional, tells us all how he takes his vows seriously, then tells us how he cheated on his wife. In other words, he contradicts himself from the very first. He says he's honorable when he's obviously not. He says he takes his vows seriously, then cheats.

And somehow he wants people on here to say, "I share your pain!" and tell him what a good person he REALLY is. And when people point out how he contradicts himself, his reaction is what? "Eat me!"

Look. ATS is not a 12-step self-help program, not a place where you can come and be all cozy and free from criticism while you puke your guts to the membership. ATS is not here to get you over an addiction, or to tell you how sweet you really are even though you've just told the membership what a complete jerk you are. It's not a place to come if you want stars and flags and kudos and be told that cheating on your wife really wasn't your fault because you were justifiably lonely and just couldn't help yourself and after all, everybody does it.

Aww, poor baby! What you've done here is show your character to us, first with your self-serving story of cheating on your wife, then with your reaction to people here who disagree with you. You are really making the same point with both of us. I really feel sorry for your spouse.

tadaman
To everyone else: Eat me. Your judgements are only reflections of yourself and your inability to see other human beings as they are.

Wrong.

YOU came on a public chat site with a story of adultry.
YOU contradicted yourself ... I don't cheat/I cheated
YOU invited comment by coming on. So you got it.

I'm sure you were fishing for sympathy so you'd feel better about what you did.
Good luck finding it.

reply to post by tadaman

Try understanding human nature more so as to understand one more person.

Sadly I think you still do not understand human nature. For instance, you THINK you could now forgive if your wife had "fallen in love" AND had sex with another man while you are parted...I don't believe this to be true.

The falling in love with another is a betrayal far beyond sex. It would not happen unless pursued, when feelings are sparked faithful mature spouses remove themselves from temptation and danger by NOt going out for a drink.

tadaman

Your judgements are only reflections of yourself and your inability to see other human beings as they are.

On the contrary ... I think most have seen you exactly for what you are

weak, self serving, attention seeing . . . . . .

chelsdh
reply to post by tadaman

 

Having been a wife that was told, I would say it's better to not volunteer the information. To tell her, and try to stay together- she would have a lot of doubts to battle for a very long time. My mind goes crazy at times, because of my doubts. It's a kind of hell, if that makes any sense.

I am glad to hear that you picked your wife over this new love. I believe that too many people walk away when their heart feels something for someone new.

I disagree entirely. He should tell his wife. As for your own experience, if you stayed with your spouse after learning they were unfaithful, the mental hell you endure is on you. I did it once after I was cheated on. I stayed with my gf and thought we could work things out. HUGE mistake and I wasted another year of my life and caused myself that much more heartache and anguish by staying. I deserved better, and I could have had better. But I chose the opposite. Live and learn, but after that experience, I would NEVER stay with an unfaithful partner, and I sure as hell would want my partner to tell me if they had been unfaithful.

Being cheated on (be it emotionally or otherwise) is extremely painful. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. But it's much worse to disrespect yourself and stay with someone who has disrespected you so much. You might feel at the time like you will never heal, but you are a better person in the end for walking away from an unfaithful person. Provided you yourself are a faithful partner, you deserve to be with someone who will offer you the same loyalty. Sticking around will just leave you with doubts and paranoia, and that will eventually turn into a jaded sense of apathy. Value yourself when someone else sends you the message that they don't.

To the OP:

Make it right. Don't worry about what you have to lose right now, because you have far more to lose later by being dishonest.

reply to post by DeadSeraph

Sticking around will just leave you with doubts and paranoia

This is true, forgiveness does nothing for the fact that trust is gone. Trust simply cannot be glued and reused. if someone did cheat you will always be aware that they would do so again as they did not have what it takes to say no under temptation.

Another thing is how life oddly has ways of bringing truth out. Weird things happen, two strangers maybe meet in a grocery store one day and talk a few minutes and next thing you know, the wife knows about the affair, the ex girlfriend finally decides to get even, sends a letter to the wife, someone saw the two together and now knows the wife and tells...things don't like to stay hidden, so the cheater will always be on edge unless the whole family is in a different town.

reply to post by schuyler


well that was unecesarily bitter.

Listen you can spit on me, applaud my behavior, what ever. I am flattered either way.

The point is,

This thread is about something I experienced and I wanted to share. Your reactions are entirely your own. Have at them. I get nothing out of you anyways.

You also take ATS way too seriously. No one cares. Try being an adult and not insult someone sharing an experience, just because you dont approve of the person or what they have to say. Who do you think you are...all of you.

Also, cheer up. or eat me. I did nothing to you.

reply to post by DeadSeraph

Text
To the OP:

Make it right. Don't worry about what you have to lose right now, because you have far more to lose later by being dishonest.

Well, I have been cheated on before. A couple times. I also lived through a VERY bitter divorce as a child.

I always would prefer the person broke up with me and just not tell me about another taking my place. I wish my parents would have just left each other, but without succombing to their passions which led them to hurt each other. It was terrible.

Had they and every person who cheated on me, had a little consideration for others, Most would not have been so hurt.

I know what I have. I dont think many are understanding that I am not unhappy at home. I never wanted to replace my wife. I never wanted to hurt her. This woman is not worth it. My wife deserves for me to just deal with it.

I will simply man up and take this one. I will live with the guilt of it, the pain of it, and the consequences of it. I will just own this one. ALONE.

I cant ask her for help with this. My honesty will have to take a back seat to consideration for her.