Score one for the rednecks

Only a true good old redneck could think of this. From the part of the country where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.


Recently, a routine police patrol parked out side a bar in Bristol, TN. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar apparently so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys in five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

reply to post by ANNED


Drinking and driving is never funny. Ever. Alot of people, including myself, have had friends/family die in drinking and driving accidents.

Gave me a good chuckle, i appreciate the joke.
If we were to make off limits joking about anything
that has killed people, well stand up comedians simply
wouldn't exist.

reply to post by bloodreviara


OK I apologize. I'm game for some humor. Here's my joke:

What did the blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic boy get for Christmas?
Cancer!

reply to post by Holographicmeat


Is cancer the punch line?

reply to post by BlastedCaddy


Yes lol
2nd

This guy walks into a bar in Redneck county and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from England."

The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in England?"

The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"

The guy says, "I mount animals."

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"

reply to post by blupblup


A redneck who doesn't know what a taxidermist is? Also, homemade wine is big in redneck country. Other than that, your joke might've been funny, but I doubt it.

OT:
I remember when I was young and dumb, I was a good drunk/high driver. I was known for it!! Every weekend, dozens of us would go bumper to bumper through the mountains in lifted up 4 X4's and have incredible, good times. I'm not advocating drinking and driving, as it is a very stupid thing to do. Now, all those trails, roads, etc., are grown over. What the hell do kids these days do exactly??

@OP
That is one funny joke. It reminds me of the redneck who wanted to do something nice for his best friend's birthday;
His BF was sitting in his chair watching Duck Dynasty, when all of a sudden he heard a commotion outside. He looked out the winder and saw DEA agents chopping and splitting all of his firewood!!! After they left, the phone rang. His BF said "Happy Birthday buddy!!"

reply to post by Holographicmeat


That joke was offensive. At least no one has posted any blind jokes. Those are the worst, cause' I never see them coming.

Okay...a slightly better joke involving Cancer.

This 82 year old man had to go to the doctor to have a long series of mental and physical tests done.
Once completed, the doctor comes into his room with the results.

Doctor: I'm sorry, sir but I don't have great news. It's bad and worse news.

Old guy: Well give me the bad news first and the worse news to follow.

Doctor: Well the bad news...I'm afraid you have alzheimer's.

Old guy: And the worse news?

Doctor: You have a Cancer. I'm sorry to tell you.

Old guy: Well hell...at least I don't have alzheimer's.

reply to post by blupblup


dude

you owe me a keyboard

Keep it family friendly folks. You can do it.

reply to post by Fylgje


I don't get your duck dynasty DEA wood chopping joke... do you have to be familiar with duck dynasty to understand it? How did his friend got DEA agents to go chop his wood? I'm confused. I don't like being confused. So therefore I don't like you... just kidding!

Hmmm...did his friend call the DEA and say that he knows someone who is hiding drugs inside their wood rounds? Reminds me of a joke where a guy calls his wife from prison and she wants a rose garden planted or something and he says (knowing his calls are monitored) "whatever you do don't plant it in the south eastern corner of the backyard...that's where I have my stash of machine guns hidden" so the cops go out there and dig up the area and find nothing and leave. A few days later the guy is talking to his wife on the phone again and tells her "now is the time to plant the rose garden" (cause the cops dug it up and loosened the soil and removed the grass and stuff, doing all the back breaking work) anyway the joke goes something like that... is that the same type of joke you were trying to tell??

kx12x
reply to post by Holographicmeat

 

That joke was offensive. At least no one has posted any blind jokes. Those are the worst, cause' I never see them coming.

Ha, so this blind guy and a giraffe go into a bar... oh you've heard it?

OP I thought the joke was way funny. Forget the PC crowd. It.Was.Funny

Reminds my of my younger days when we'd have to actually spend time emptying beer cans out the back of our pickup trucks. No lie.

Did you know you can actually toss empty beer cans from the drivers window into the bed of a pick-up truck while doing 60mph on winding mountain dirt roads? You can.

reply to post by Bassago


Actually I was kidding. I didn't find it offensive at all, I'm just terrible at telling jokes.

3 Tomatos are walking down the street... mommy, daddy and little baby tomato.

Little baby tomato gets tired and starts falling behind, and momma tomato had to constantly go back and pick him up. After numerous times, he once again starts falling behind... momma tomato snaps and loses her mind and starts yelling at daddy tomato......" Your the boy's father, you need to man up and go get him this time... I am tired of always being the one to have to do it!"

Daddy tomato walks back to where baby tomato is.... looks at him and then stomps on him and yells...."Catch up"


Only clean joke I know

Did you hear the one about the intelligent redneck who thought drinking and driving is a sport?

In 2011 alone 266 kids in the US died because of his sport!

BAZINGA! WOKA WOKA!