anyone else have experience with being unable to control their emotions?

Hello,

I come to ATS this time not to talk about conspiracies, but instead to ask if anyone has had a similar experience, and possibly could share some advice about what did, and did not, work for them?

I have for a long time been having problems controlling my emotions. I have recently made the decision to stop letting this happen, however it's still going on. What happens is usually just some regular event to everyone else, like a slightly off comment or remark or action, feels like this huge betrayal to me. I just feel this overwhelming feeling that I'm being attacked so I instantly attack instead, and I focus on the action, be it something someone said or did. In the moment I can't understand how no one else but me sees this, then if the other person calls me crazy or something there's no 'coming down from the ledge' for some time.

When I'm not like this I am very nice and considerate, calm giving and caring, but when betrayed I just want the world to burn. it takes hours for the wave of emotion to pass, and after words I feel horrible for my actions. It's destroyed so many relationships, friends and romantic, even family. it's been here almost all my life. Now that I am actively trying to stop as much as I can, I get way more embarrassed than I used to. This is all I really want help with at the moment. I'm mostly looking for advice of what to do next, be it meditation, hard work, drugs, or a marginal change of my habits. I'm afraid that drastic change I won't do, I know myself and I like change just in small, steady doses.

I need the gain control of my emotions so that I can be a good person all the time and be happy.

thank you!

reply to post by sstark


I hate telling everyone this is the cure for everything emotional, but it's always a good place to start and it can't cause any harm.

Try meditating.

Ever wonder why a Buddhist monk doesn't get angry? It's because he's controlled his emotions through meditation practices.

If you want some advice you can message me and I'll be happy to help.

reply to post by sstark


Hard to give advice with that tiny bit of info.

Male / Female?

How was your childhood.

From what little you have said I would be thinking undiagnosed PTSD.

Without knowing what causes you to act in this manner it is very difficult to find a control mechanism.

P

reply to post by iRoyalty


Thank you, meditation is one of the things I am highly considering right now. I tried as a teen, but didn't give it a fair shake. Do you have any good resources to help out a newbie? maybe some advice for while you're busy working?

reply to post by sstark


Sure, I'll U2U you some resources and some personal advice, I just need a cup of coffee first, just got to work after not enough sleep lol

reply to post by pheonix358


Hi there,

Yes I was a little vague.

I'm male, 32, white and a computer programmer. I have a disability ( charcott marie tooth 1A ) that restricts what I'm able to do, but you wouldn't know it by looking at me. Sure there have been some traumatic events in my past, but I don't really think about that at all unless I'm trying to pinpoint the root cause of some of these issues. Common things, like parent's divorce, deaths, and left alone a lot growing while my parents were working and things, losing all my things from trusting the wrong people a couple times, and legitimately crazy ex g/f's that lied about everything from where they were to being abused ( all lies. ). I guess it's all fairly common stuff, but most of it happened well over 10-25 years ago. .. well except the disability because that's just become so much worse. I'm unable to enjoy live in the same way.

Wow I opened up more than I expected to open up to on a forum to a stranger, but there it is.

reply to post by iRoyalty


Thanks!

I'm in no rush at all, take your time. enjoy your tea.

I know you what you mean. I am a male but sometimes it only takes a little pressure to overwhelm my feelings. When i was a teen it was worse i felt like jumping out of my body and and escaping through a hole in the floor or melting as my mind was racing and i left with crazy thoughts depression and madness. Usually though this its the same as you being considerate before this crap happens and its definitely being caused by other people you need to avoid these people.

reply to post by Parksie


but for me it's not those people's fault. those are the people I feel closest to, to the fake 'betrayal' I feel I when I take things to the extreme negative is my own fault, not theirs. they can't even understand it...

reply to post by sstark


Charcott marie tooth 1A does not seem to affect any emotional areas so we can rule that out unless you can indicate to the contrary.

I strongly suggest that you see a Psychologist and ask that they find a cause for your outbursts. I suspect PTSD or a similar problem. Your starting point is to find WHY you react this way and then how to CONTROL it. At this stage avoid medications, they will just as likely make things worse.

If all else fails, PM me and I will send you some instructions on using Imaginative Constructs, but that is a last resort!

P

I have the same problem. I get emotional and anyone telling me there's no need to be so upset only heightens my emotions.
I feel ganged up on. I've embarrassed myself in public places. It's utter madness. I cannot control it.

We probably have a mental illness.

It could be called abandonment issues.
Borderline Personality disorder ( BPD) where you destroy relationships.

People who haven't witnessed me acting out think I am the most wonderful person, kind, considerate, positive. I am . The others will say she's a total bitch, very negative. I get all worked over one insulting comment. It goes on for days. If I trace it back to when I started acting this way, I was about 14. I have no PTSD correlating to that age. I'll be honest though, I did acid around that age and wonder if that is to blame. I don' t know. I wasn't like that before.

Try improving communication. Which means actually listening to people. Right now you are hearing what you want to hear. The next step is not caring. People make snide remarks, innuendos, digs, and a lot of other stuff, sometimes subconsciously. Instead take that as your behaviour may be causing this, meaning you might be the problem. Once you stop taking things personally, you will do much better.

Also find people you do like. Up and down. Ask yourself what you like about them, why do you get along, why do you make them happy and they make you happy? If you can't think of anyone, you have a major problem. And it might be you.

Best of luck. Recognizing your issues is the first step to solving them.

My advice...

Seek some counseling, don't expect them to tell you what is wrong, or what have to do though.
All the answers lie within you, a good counselor will only listen and guide you through, by asking questions, and only tell you to start talking.

Emotional or mental disorders can be a diagnose, or ptsd from traumatic experience... Maybe something as small as a basic skill you simply never learned for some reason.

Once you've told enough about yourself to get a diagnose, only then, treatment or therapy can be used to tackle the symptoms, and maybe even solve the underlying problem entirely.

Talking or writing about your problems is a start of course, but it's only the first step imo.
You won't be able to figure out any hidden issue by your self, or from any ATS members good advice.

Write down your issues or problems, try to learn what exactly is creating the issues, or what triggers them.
Seek help, start with what you know, and one step at the time you will learn more about you, about what, about a possible cause, and all of these steps will eventually give some answers and explanations that you need, before you can try and solve anything, or learn to live with anything in the best possible way.

I've learned that there aren't people around, who will answer to your needs, and solve your problems.
I needed to do everything imaginable myself first, before I was able to ask the right questions, explain my issues to others, showing my needs, for reaching my goals.

If you want to change you need to work hard, and find the help or people that can guide you on your quest.

Anyway....

I wish you good luck, although you don't need luck. You will find your way, and that is a good way, cause there aren't any wrong ones around, no matter what they say. It's what you can make of it on the long run.

ps
Any advice I give is based on personal experience. I do not want to tell you what to do, or how to act. I don't want to point out or blame anyone or thing with what I've said.
Maybe my experience might offer you some help, regarding your problems.

reply to post by violet


wow yea that does sound the same. For doing acid, I'd have to assume that's a symptom of this, not the cause.

If it has to do with my past, it's no one thing, it's a lot of smaller things that I ignore and don't really ever come back to, I just move on. If it's a death, I only remember the good. maybe this is a poor approach.

I do need more sleep, that helps a lot

acknowledging the problem immediately let's me make a choice to react or not, but if I don't notice or identify immediately it's like I lose my chance to stop it.

reply to post by sstark

...then if the other person calls me crazy or something there's no 'coming down from the ledge' for some time.

This is a red flag here. How secure are you in your sanity? You may have deep seeded feelings that you are "off" but you may be completely fine. Accepting this though is important. If someone calls you crazy and you act more crazy you are letting an outside influence control you.

Take control of yourself.

Try using humour. Make an effort to smile, crack jokes and add some levity. Don't take things seriously. If someone calls you crazy, stop… chuckle and say, "No you're crazy."

Not in the way a serial killer would. The way a hapless teen would arguing with their best friend.

Stop taking things personal.

Now that I am actively trying to stop as much as I can, I get way more embarrassed than I used to. This is all I really want help with at the moment. I'm mostly looking for advice of what to do next, be it meditation, hard work, drugs, or a marginal change of my habits. I'm afraid that drastic change I won't do, I know myself and I like change just in small, steady doses.

Try making fun of yourself. "Remember when I did XYZ?" HAHA

Once you can laugh at yourself people laughing at you has no effect. You may feel like people are laughing at you when you go off. The feeling of "betrayal". In other words, insulting your intelligence. Laughing at you. Laugh at yourself instead. And 1st rule, you're not that intelligent! (Goes for all of us)

reply to post by boncho


thank you. I Have a really amazing group of friends, this only comes out in the ones I get close enough to open up, then I get these crazy expectations from them that just can't be met. You're right, all I need is a way to choose not to react

reply to post by violet

I have no PTSD correlating to that age.

PTSD does not work with that type of correlation. The origin event can be years or even decades earlier. The trigger event can be tiny, almost inconsequential but it is powerful in its effect. Perhaps for your own well being you could perhaps research PTSD. There is lots of good info available from reputable sources.

P

reply to post by sstark

...acknowledging the problem immediately let's me make a choice to react or not, but if I don't notice or identify immediately it's like I lose my chance to stop it.

A group of friends or at least one mentor helps with this. We all have our flaws and weaknesses. Among the ones I have in my inner circle, we constantly give all details of daily happenings in our lives.

Person 1 always things their wife is cheating. "Uh, yeah man, I think you are going off again, she probably left the phone in the car."
Person 2 thinks his girlfriend is going to leave him. "Stop whining and do something with her, you never take her out. She should leave you."
Person 3 gets into trouble at his job. "You really think that's a good idea after what happened last time with the secretary?"

It's sometimes hard to develop these relationships, but people that are honest with you are the best people you can find. Even if you don't like hearing it. Key is that you have to stop lying to yourself before you can hear the truth.

(Not sure how well this applies in this case but food for thought.)

reply to post by sstark


I agree with what people are saying about counselling also, the reason meditation changed my life around was because I was already on a path to doing so, meditation was the help and the motivator which made it a reality.

reply to post by boncho


that's exactly what I want to do. I have a hard time even seeing that I'm doing it until hours later, so it's hard for me to identify... well I do 'know' I'm doing it, but it's like I can't acknowledge that thought. I need to reprogram my reactions.

thanks, all of you, your words help