If it weren't for bad luck--- take care of yourselves!!

I've written here before about being disabled in a high speed single car crash, 1969, age 30, when the driver, went scott-free. I became a partial paraplegic and survived about 40 years pain free.

My 5-6 year old daughter (now going on 50) for the year of my hospitalization, "gave up" on me at age 12--so she said--and swallowed a bottle of aspirin, because of my disabilities and the chores that were hers. In retrospect that is when I felt her pull away.

She married badly even against my wishes to put her through University (Canada), had 3 children, divorced and we still weren't relating well.

In March, 2009, in my wheelchair, I was hit by a car and this time the break was the upper femur causing me unending pain.

In 2010 I receive a snail mail letter from daughter from which I gathered she was gay. (She divorced the idiot male in 1996) She never admitted it outright, but using the term 'partner' clued me in. They are still together, but if Ellen and Portia are divorcing, then my daughter could end up alone.

The 2009 accident resulted in 3 surgeries, one to remove the femoral head, leaving me with "no hip" and less balance than before.

I have had a number of falls. some are amusing, like falling between my car seat and the wheelchair, landing on the garage floor, nothing broken, and 2 guys passing, each grabbing an armpit to hoist me up from the floor to my chair seat. My foot was on my long skirt, so they pulled me out of it and that left my skirt on the floor with a panty-hosed butt coming out of a 'casing' and we all laughed.

Well, I lost my balance on Dec 18/13 fell onto the living room floor and that broke the knee end of my femur and no surgery, just a GII brace that is causing me much heartache and shoulder pain in adjusting....after every move, even sneezing, let alone raising a hip to pass gas.

I am a physical mess and believe me, any monies received in personal injury suits DOES NOT take place of one's health.

I watch videos etc. on the computer of bad spills taken by adventuresome youngsters/ young adults and I cringe at what the outcome could be with a misstep!

I will be 75 in April and am slowly heading for Perpetual Care, and my hospital experiences have left very much to be desired. The future that lies ahead is very bleak.

My daughter and her partner no longer post to their accounts on Facebook, let alone to each other as they once did!

I hire 2 people to assist me in my own home, but.............

Take Care All

Sorry to hear of all the injuries. Sounds rough. Usually when someone hits 75 years of age I consider them as having "won". So many people never make it that far. My girlfriends daughter was murdered at 16 years old so when someone make it to 75 I consider them winners.

When and if I reach that age I have a plan. Before I get locked up into a home I will climb (or roll) up on the nearest high point and sit back with a bottle of tequilla and a bag of heroin.

reply to post by canadiansenior70


At the risk of seeming insensitive I will say life could be worse... but there is a purpose behind all of life's issues.

I wonder though, do you truly believe "bad luck" is the reason for everything that has happened?

Im sure you can think back on your life and find that there are probably people who have learned a lot from your experiences... Perhaps you may have even saved lives because of what you've been able to show others.

When I say life could be worse, I only mean that at the very least you still have your sanity...

You still have the ability to recognise and communicate with others around you...

Every day when I go to work I see people that do not have these abilities any longer... people that are so utterly confused, and terrified each and every day of their lives... they're completely alone in this world even though they have loved ones who can visit, yet even when they do happen to visit, these people can't even recognise their own family and friends...

Life can be very hard, but I assure you.... there is a reason behind everything

Much love

canadiansenior70
My foot was on my long skirt, so they pulled me out of it and that left my skirt on the floor with a panty-hosed butt coming out of a 'casing' and we all laughed.

You sound pretty amazing to me. How cool to have someone your age--er I mean experience--contributing on our forum/internet.

I've shown my ass before, too, and laughed about it...just not so literally as you!! Keep on keepin' on. You're obviously a tough cookie and a force to be reckoned with! Good sense of humor, as well, which actually translates to wisdom I think.

They told me id be parapalegic fifteen years ago.....im still walking, but I do know what the true meaning of pain is......
You obviously have been learning the same lessons.....but taking a more intense course.....
I wonder if you may have any conclusions as to exactly what is happening here......
Some days life seems to have meaning and purpose...other days it seems so arbitrary and random that it makes me want to cry with helplessness.....not so much loneliness but the feeling of being utterly alone inside your skull...with no connection to the world taking place around you.....maybe its the medicinals or psychologically predictable, and chartable or something, like the seven year itch or other human taits.....
after all of that I still just don't get the point of it...............

It's rather interesting to hear peoples stories, especially older peoples, I love to sit down and visit my grandma from time to time, she's alone, widowed, but she was left a lump sum of money from my grandfather and she goes on all sorts of adventures even to this day!

You seem like a strong person, and I hope you can keep that mentality. Just think tho, the internet is a whole new world out there! You always have people to talk to, interesting ideas, new subjects to get involved with. People who have been disabled should not feel alone with such technology.

Keep strong!

reply to post by stirling


I think you are amazing. An inspiration. The next time I start to whine and complain about the unfairness of my life, I will think of your amazing perseverance!

Mamatus, Akragon,The GUT, stirling, and strongfp

Thank you all for your responses.

I know I cannot get out of this life alive, and really don’t know the purpose of my having lived this long, injured physically and emotionally.

I try to keep laughing, smiling, grinning, hanging on, and as far as anyone benefiting from my misfortunes, I see only the ones who work directly for me who benefit financially while applying their trades. I have a physical therapist, a general housekeeper, and even a guy who sold my car for me.

Yes, there is the point of being alone inside one’s head…I feel that no one can actually understood what I have experienced over these years, and in this final?/present battle for freedom from pain, and to have peace once again, I realize that a toll has been taken and each new trauma, be it physical or emotional, brings me closer to the ‘unknown-as-yet” end of my life.

Maybe a Mack Truck out of nowhere????

Cheers
CS-70

reply to post by canadiansenior70


Hi!
That's a lot for any one person to handle!
Yet you still have a great sense of humor, awesome!!!

I have misdiagnosed, chronic Lyme disease, that resulted in me having Guillain-Barre,
& being paralyzed from the neck down. (I conquered it though!)

When I was being life flighted, an amazing sense of calm came over me.
I just decided to put everything in God's hands, wanted to be strong for my family,
& tried to live in the moment & not to think ahead or worry.

I was very lucky though, I had no real pain, that would be a game changer!
The people in the hospital & later in rehab, questioned my positive, upbeat attitude!
I have always enjoyed making people smile & brightening their day.
Since I was not going to be going anywhere soon, I decided to try to cheer up those around me.

I wear contacts, but since I couldn't take them in or out, I decided to wear my old glasses.
The only problem was, they had broken in half a few days before I went into the hospital!
I wore them anyway, the missing half was on my side that faced away from the door of my room.
Whenever a doctor or nurse came in, I would ask them to please push my glasses up for me,
& then turn my head to face them. It was hilarious to see the different reactions I got!
Some burst out laughing. (Even one stodgy neurologist!) Some tried to pretend they didn't notice!
One said he didn't know that I came in as a car accident patient!

I tried to be a patient they looked forward to seeing, instead of a whiny, complaining one they dreaded!
When I was transferred to rehab to learn to walk again, they asked how I could be so cheerful?
I told them, how could I complain? I have 3 meals a day served to me that I didn't have to cook,
didn't need to do dishes, could pick the channel on TV that I wanted to watch for a change,
had no responsibilities for right now, except to concentrate on getting better!

When I was brought into rehab I had a Foley. The nurse that processed me on admittance,
said they did not allow Foley's there, I would have to use the bathroom or a bedpan like everyone else!
I explained to her that I was paralyzed, but apparently she didn't know what G-B was!
Long story short, when I needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night,
she transferred me to a wheelchair & took me into the bathroom.
When she stood me up, of course I collapsed & was dead weight!
Beings that it was the middle of the night, nobody was around to help!
She ended up calling some security guards & a couple of nurses' aids!

Seven people grabbed a hold of me, one on each arm, legs, my head & one on each side in the middle!
There we all were, trying to shuffle me back to my bed, in my skimpy hospital gown!
It only occurred to me much later, why didn't they just put me back into the wheelchair?!
I guess they all panicked! She almost lost her job over it!
But like my great aunt said of her time in a nursing home...I'm teaching them a lot!!!

The first day that I was able to eat in the dining room, I was horrified when they wheeled me in!
Complete silence except for the sound of forks & spoons on food trays! So depressing!!!
In their defense, most of them were knee & hip replacement patients & one from a car accident.
Almost all of them had bad pain & were on meds!
So, I made it my 'job' to talk to my tablemates, find out their stories & make meals fun!

I must have done a good job, because they asked me if I minded switching tables for every meal!
They wanted me to 'spread it around'! It wasn't long before it sounded like a school cafeteria!
The nurses said they used to dread meals, but now they looked forward to them!
People started remembering jokes & telling them,
& watching the news so we could talk about current events.

Of course dealing with sick people every day can get depressing for the nurses & therapists too!
I made sure I didn't leave anyone out!
One physical therapist that had beautiful red hair, wore a pink scrub outfit one day.
It was the perfect color on her, she looked beautiful! I made sure to compliment her on it.
She said her mother had always said that pink was her color!
Turns out her mother had passed away & she was especially missing her that day!
Just being able to talk about her as she did my therapy with me, made HER feel better!

We never know, how far the good ripples that we create, can travel on the 'pond' of life!!!
Wishing you all the best! If you ever need someone to talk to, PM me anytime!!!
WOQ

Good for you, WOQ,

What age were/are you?

You sound as I was when I was 30 in my first Rehab. I was a partial paraplegic, in no pain and 9 months in Rehab, entertaining the others, as only I could do (and sometimes still can.) I remained that way for 40 years, going about my business, until just short of age 70 the car ran me down.

In 1970, we traumatic paras and quads were prescribed Valium. I was still taking it in 2009.

The pain was so bad in 2009, that I was 'out' on morphine for 2 days before (the being-planned) surgery, and had none of my regular meds. I developed psychogenic tremors on the roadside, which knowledge was not relayed to surgery, and I was being treated for Tourette's and Schizophrenia (since there was a civil suit I was privy to all my medical records.) I had paranoid nightmares that dribbled over into the waking hours. I even escaped the hospital for fear I was going to be killed. I realized I was in the real world when the policeman intercepted me, in my gown with just my purse. In the night when I was hallucinating, my eyes were open and the hospital room became whatever location my paranoid mind made it, a houseboat, my brother's place, a psychiatric testing lab, a house taken over by aliens who were on Earth just to collect our atmosphere.... 12 days and I forced my discharge for fear of being killed. (Records show that they really were 'watching me' so my paranoia was legitimate!)

The painful experiences lingered on and I was quite isolated with a physical therapist only, who made house calls. It took me 2 years to get to doing my housework and to again drive a car, go shopping. My therapist and I had many a laugh.

So a few falls and then the present one in 2013, just after learning that the weakness as well as pain in my arms were not accident related but Polymyalgia Rheumatica. I was put on Prednisone, and developed a moon-face, a bull-neck and extra abdominal fat that made it even more for my poor arms to lift in a transfer.

Because my bones began de-mineralizing in 1969, they were obviously very chalky some 40 years later. The 2009 surgery, fell apart, titanium in bone? nail a custard pie to the wall? so the 2nd surgery removed the hardware and the third surgery removed my hip. I had far less balance. .... that led to the falls and this last.

I cannot weight-bear as yet, and hope to kick this brace in a few weeks, as I'll never bear weight on either leg again, now....when after the 1969 Rehab, I was ambulating on crutches. My shoulders and arm suffer for the PMR as well as adjusting the knee brace from every movement.

My car just sold, and it's wheelchair taxis from here on in.
My one girl does the grocery shopping, mailing letters, small to large purchase, laundry, cleaning etc.
My therapist is currently doing only passive therapy, as well as a few errands and I am alone this weekend.
I have Wound Care nurses who come to attend to bad pressure sores on my leg, under the brace, which I cannot see... they were not attended to properly in hospital and Rehab home.

Everything was far easier to take when I was 30, with my little girl, 5, brought to see me than now, going on 75 and she and I are incommunicado, as she learned she was a lesbian and was pulling away, age 19, to keep it from me (circa 2010 when she was 46, she wrote and told me.)

Shoulders hurt when up and leg pains when lying down---- it's a matter of bearing up until more progress is made, so I finally posted here
again.

More power to you or your entertainment. My audience became much smaller as the years passed.

CS70

P.S.
The Valium (diazepam) was not given to me this last time, again, and I finally realized that I had become far too anxious and irritable and might be in drug withdrawal. I couldn't get to my doctor, so wrote a letter and have been back on it for the 3rd day today.

Seems that a lot of us here at ATS have been through a lot physically and emotionally. You are not alone in your suffering. HUGS!

In 2007, my Dad passed away, I was hit as a pedestrian by a minivan, 2010 or 2011 (?) I had cancer and survived that, two years ago my husband of then 32 years decided he didn't want to be married anymore. We are still living together for financial reasons for now. I am disabled with back problems and nerve damage in my leg, live in pain every day of my life. It's not easy and I find the older I get, the harder life becomes.

ATS and its' amazing people here have helped me more than words could ever express. We have laughed together, cried together, discussed everything under the sun and had lots of fun. Remember, you're never truly alone.

reply to post by canadiansenior70

I know I cannot get out of this life alive,

Who told you that?

Don't believe the hype my friend...

Well, I see Night Star has made it here, as well as some others, and now my presence, as well.
She is amazingly supportive to me of late.

As several have posted, we have, many of us, been through similar episodes. Some major event in life that makes it life-changing.

I have written about it before, so I will keep it short, but each time someone like us has an event, a setback, or whatever you wish to call it, we have something of a grief period. Just as if we have lost a loved one. We have. Ourselves.

You see, each time something happens, we must redefine ourselves. Just as we must after a divorce, loss of a life-long career job, or any other major life event, including accidents and illnesses.

Recognizing this early on helped me immensely, as I allowed myself to grieve the loss if the person I was, and to realize I now had to redevelop the new person I must now be.

It does not make it any less painful, it just helps, at least for me, to understand what's going on emotionally.

I too, suffered a serious car accident, and many, many set backs as things progressively worsen. I am currently facing a possible cancer diagnosis, awaiting the results of testing, and, will be having surgery, regardless. So, each time something comes along and I must deal, I recognize those stages of grieving.

They are the same ones we go through with the death of someone we love. Mourning, bargaining, denial, all of it. The emotions are all the same, and there is no shame in mourning yourself. Who you WERE is no longer. Who you are now to become, well, that's up to you! I have grown weary at times, felt like giving up, felt too tired inside to deal with yet another issue, but somehow, I come out on the other side.

What has it done for me? First, I like who I am. I don't like the bitterness I sometimes feel, I try hard to overcome that. I like the compassion and empathy I am able to find by being able to put myself in other peoples' shoes.

I like the sharing amongst others in like positions, reaching out, and possibly touching just one life, possibly making a difference to just one person.

If I knew that I helped in even any small way, my suffering would not be for naught. It would, believe it or not, make it worthwhile, and give my life some purpose. I don't feel worthless, in fact, I feel very worthwhile. Somerimes, I feel very alone. I dislike it when people say, "It could be worse...", of course it could! Point is, this is what it is, and what *I* am dealing with. When I am reaching out, don't minimalize me by telling me how much better I am than Billy Bob. Validate me and what I am dealing with. I will have compassion for Billy Bob tomorrow, but right now, I am reaching out because I need some of your strength today. I strongly dislike being minimalized, but I don't think people usually do it on purpose, but because they themselves lack compassion, or the ability to lend strength when it's needed. Sometimes, they just don't know what to say.

Sometimes, I just need to talk, to have someone listen. Not pity, not anything like that, just validate that I have the right to feel sad, angry, bitter, afraid, lonely, overwhelmed, or whatever it is I feel that day.

Above all, learn to have compassion for yourself, because usually, people like us spend a lot of energy reaching out to others to give our strength and what we have learned, that we forget to reach inwardly, and give to ourselves.

Allow yourself the right and time to grieve. And then, the time to rebuild the new you. Work on who the new you will be, and never give up or give in. We are many behind you to lift you up, many beside you to keep you there once lifted, and many in front to lean on when you feel you must.

Best wishess,

Lg

reply to post by canadiansenior70


I'll be 61 next month.
It will be 8 years ago that it happened.
On April Fool's Day! How's that for irony? Ha, ha, ha!
When oldest daughter was trying to get a hold of everyone to tell them,
they thought it was a bad April Fool's joke!!!

If only they could develop a pain killer without the awful side effects!
Or other medications without side effects for that matter!
When my great aunt was in extended care she was paranoid & hallucinating!
When I would go to visit, she didn't want me to leave because someone was waiting outside to kill me.
The closet in her room had a fake back that opened into an operating room,
where they took her at night to do experiments on her.
She dreamt she was on the roof of a house in a flood & then one on fire.

She was there to recover from pneumonia,
& we found out later she was being given Haldol, Remeron & Risperdal!!!
They would tell her she was imagining things & walk away!
It infuriates me to this day the amount of fear & panic she went through every day!!!
It was very real to her!

My sister & I after having gone through some things first hand...
decided anyone who wants to work in the health care field,
should have to spend at least a week in bed, in a care facility,
without being allowed to get up & do anything for themselves!
I'm sure they would look at things differently after that!
If not, they don't belong in that field!

Do you think you would be happier in an assisted living facility, if it was a good one?
Then you wouldn't be so isolated & maybe develop some good friendships?
If you are someone who doesn't like being alone, it could be something positive maybe?
And lets face it, the older we get, the more lonely it can be!

Just remember, we can't pick our relatives, but we can pick our friends!
Which can then become like family!!!
Wishing you better days ahead, hopefully less pain, & something to look forward to!!!
WOQ

reply to post by Libertygal


Oh, my gosh!
What I feel, but could never put into words, you said so eloquently!!!

Wishing you all the best in your 'journey' too!
WOQ

Bad luck we call it. But the truth behind bad luck actually comes from our head. What we think, we send out. I was a very depressed guy a few years ago. I had no place to stay, no job and bad friends. I began to shift my thinking to the positive, and that is precisely where the magic occurs us. That's the way nature is created. If you've experienced something not good for you, like holding on to anger, fear and general bad feelings, you can be drawn against this kind in reality. What you feel and think will become real. Many of us think negatively all the time and are not aware of this, so this is precisely what we get. After I began to think positive , things began to happen in my life. I got a job, a great girlfriend, new good friends and a steady economy. My advice to you people who is actually struggling with this, is to repeat the positive affirmations daily. For example: " I'm good enough" - " I am rich " - " everybody loves me " etc. Sooner or later this will become reality. It is only you who controls this. You are responsible for there own life.

wasobservingquietly
reply to post by Libertygal

 

Oh, my gosh!
What I feel, but could never put into words, you said so eloquently!!!

Wishing you all the best in your 'journey' too!
WOQ

Same goes here. Thank you

Thank you also to,
Night Star, Akragon, WOQ and Troyaner

I have been one to appreciate my solitude, then I appreciated my company even more. Right now I don't like my own company, because I am picking holes in the Health Care I receive. I ought to appreciate them, but...right, they have not spent 45 years in my shoes. If not for the negligence, these wounds wouldn't have happened, but then I could say if not for---- I wouldn't have broken my leg--- and go all the way back to 1969, when I could say that I ought not have gone to the dance with the maniac driver.

I know I am coming around, but when I see the brace slip, knocking the dressings at my ankle, on a Saturday and Wound Care cannot come until Tuesday, I wrapped the dressing with masking tape.

I even noticed that masking tape is not what it used to be. My 'cleaning lady' (terminology used to exaggerate the difference) was more caring about the previous slippage when she used the last of my older, stronger, stickier masking tape.

We have a BC Family Day holiday Monday= long weekend (and no family=Ontario) and WC nurses not here until Tuesday, and said 'cleaning lady' too. Therapist is off to Vancouver for a training session for a week.

I suspect I feel deserted but really am not.....................

Then there are you wonderful people who respond with kindness that is much appreciated. 3-day weekends have never been my strong suit and here came one, the first after Rehab release.

reply to post by canadiansenior70

Yep, I can do it too. All the way back to the maniac that pulled out in front of me. She was young, irresponsible, and uninsured. I have paid the price, financially, but especially physically and emotionally. I used to spend time daydreaming about what I would do if I could find her. How I would tell her how she ruined my life, changed my life with my then small children who didn't deserve that.

I dreamed that she would eventually find some suffering, too. I felt guilty about that. In the end, I realized that the only person that was truly hurting was me, and that all that daydreaming was doing was keeping me feeling a lot of negativity and anger at life and the situation.

I also realized that she would never understand the true gravity of what her carelessness had caused, even if I sat her down and made her listen to every detail. She didn't care enough then, to be responsible, so she likely would not care enough now. I came to terms with that.

Then, I somehow found it within me to forgive her, and actually took pity on her ignorance. I realized that her shallowness had likely cost her more in life than anything I could ever inflict upon her, besides literally physicaly beating her up.

I did even fantasize about that. About beating her up, and breaking her back, so she would know some semblance of the pain I had experienced. Once again, I felt guilty. Again, I realized, even if she were to have any suffering, she would be so wrapped up in herself, it would never occur to her that, compassionately, this is what she had caused someone else.

So, I let go. It was a relief, too. I forgave, I let go, and all that anger and bitterness towards her just washed away. It was a load off my mind and back. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I still get angry, but at the situation, not at her anymore.

Just as I did when I was raped, I learned that instead of feeling like a victim, I would change my perspective, and feel like a survivor. I have always tried, since then, to think of it that way.

Unlike the poster above that believes we bring things upon ourselves by thinking negatively, I just believe that negative thinking brings us down and holds us back from blossoming again. It keeps you stuck in the victim mentality, instead of the survivor mentality. The difference being, a survivor will forge ahead, and blossom again, become a new, better person. A victim will stagnate, and stay in a puddle of blame, guilt, and shame, among other things.

I became determined to be a forger, to pull ahead, and that no one, no person, was going to keep me mired down where I did not deserve to be. I deserve better, and I will BE better, because that is what I want. I refused to be a victim anymore.

It changed a lot about who I am, because it empowers me. It gave me my voice back, and with that voice, I am able to say yes and no, I can give and take, I can receive and lend a helping hand. Everything changes, and that's a good thing, change for the better is good.

I'm sorry that your brace slipped, and the tape thing happened. I'm even more sorry that the wounds got there, to begin with. It should never have happened. They should have paid more attention, that's their JOB.

Now, since you find yourself in this predicament, and you say the new tape isn't so good, is there a tape that would be better? If there is, and you need help in getting it, send me a U2U, and I will get you the tape that you need. The last thing we need is your wounds getting worse.

If there is anything I can do, I am in Ga., please let me know. I can have something shipped to you from Amazon, or other places, if need be.

Please don't be afraid to ask. I am here to help.

reply to post by Libertygal


A great post, LG, once again. Thank you.

I have been rid of the catheter since 1970, and have managed my own personal care.

This time I was catheterized for 2 weeks in Hospital, and then relegated to being diapered in Rehab
(as there were two of us in the room, and short-staffed meant they didn't have the time to assist me and a straight-leg, plus a paralyzed leg, to a commode, while the roomie had the toilet) to return home to just 2 panty Depends that I used overnight for 'suspicious ' times....what I ate and drank.

When I bought some new ones once, in the presence of my therapist, I accidentally picked up tabbed diapers. I cannot manage them as I can pull-ups. I tried the pads just by 'sitting on them' overnight, but finally got into the panty, over the huge brace, for a panty-leg hole with her as she accompanied me to hospital for an x-ray.

I asked my therapist to pick me up a pkg. of Depends. She didn't notice and I am stuck with her choice of another bunch of 'diapers' and she is going away tomorrow. Unfortunately, the packaging is so similar between the two that both were opened and cannot be returned.

I have two days to wait until my other helper comes and can go for the proper ones.

With the proper 'materials' I've always done quite well on my own.

While ironing out these issues, when I cannot get out, or a store doesn't deliver, I am 'marooned'.

Thanks for your helpful posts.

CS70