Suffering is one of the greatest gift of life

I've experienced some deep sadness and sorrow in my life. The one you can feel through all of your bones right to the soul. Even though I had everything a normal person would aspire to, I had to endure situations that subjectively was the most painful experience of the universe. For someone else it could have been a grain of salt in the ocean, but for me it was just like the end of the world.
My world. The kind of pain that makes you wonder if it's ever gonna stop.

Without going too much into details, let's just say most of the suffering was caused by two hardful long-term relationship breakups that forced me to face the person I truly was in my heart. Being the kind of person I am, I isolated myself and went one vs. one against my own suffering. No rebound relationship just like we see so often nowadays, only me myself and I.

I must say that even if at first I'd hardly recognize and admit it, true suffering might be one of the greatest gift of all. I did everything to try and get out of this misery without having to really acknowledge its presence. Drugs, entertainment, consumption, etc, but in the end they would only darken what was hidden deep within. One way or another, the whale has to come back to the surface.
One day you just have to face the obvious. I am suffering. The ego has to take a nap at this precise moment.

Then questions arise. Why? Why me? What did I do to life to deserve this? Am I not a good person?
You look around yourself seeing happy couples everywhere. Why them? Even malovent people are being happy in life and in relationship, why's that? Why.................................................................................................................
Then you start to slowly accept it and works towards self-improvement. You try to truly understand what went wrong. You don't want to do the same mistakes anymore. You start to question everything. You look at reality with different eyes. Eyes of acceptation. You learn to cherish what you have while you have it. You realize just how stupid you were in the past for not having x or y when in fact you had everything. Life, love, health, wealth, family, friends.

Then one day it hits and you understand. That's the reason why it happened to me. So I could appreciate life for what it is and realize just how magnificent it is. A simple truth becomes obvious: When you lose everything you get to cherish everyhing. You learn to filter what's important and what's not. Even though most people know how important family is, how many will really take the time to put down their cellphones, or close their TVs, and say 'I love you'? We all know the answers to that, right? They will wait until their loved person pass away and say 'Oh my, I should have...'

That's where one of my most important realization in life comes from. When an individual has everything he aspires for, when he has everything he thinks makes him happy, there is a strong possibility he just stop cherishing it. He might fail to realize anymore just how lucky he is and how grateful he should be. Instead, he will always want more. What's the point of having more if you can't even take the proper time to appreciate what you already have? Furthermore, working on self-improvement might easily become meaningless. I've observed this a lot around myself. People will become (or has always been) simple minded because they didn't have the chance to actively work on themselves. And that's the secret. Suffering forces people to look in the mirror. It drives one towards a profound and powerful change. If they are willing to face it, that is.

In this instance, should I conclude many ATSers suffered in their lifetime since so many people here are open-minded and life-driven?

And please remember, when you suffer in life, this might be one of the greatest opportunity of all.

reply to post by St0rD

Very well put. The key to happiness is learning how to embrace the suffering. I believe its why we chose this life to begin with.

reply to post by Bone75


I'm with you on this one.

I believe we've come into this plane of existence to understand what is really important in life and how truly magnificient the whole creation is. It sucks but sometimes we have to suffer to acknowledge it. That's a mystery, I guess.

It is like I say to my wife If I am not in pain or suffering in some way shape or form I am probably dead in a ditch somewhere.

reply to post by freedomSlave


Heh I feel what you say. This reminds me, a couple of years ago I was going through a grey period in my life and at one time I said to myself 'What's going on? It's like I can't feel anything anymore, it feels just like I'm dead'. A couple of days afterwards, life sent an unpleasant event in my life that made me 'alive' again. Puts into perspective the importance of watching what's going on in our mind.

A point you make, indirectly, in your post is that it is not suffering that is good - but 'conscious suffering'. Would that be a correct assessment? If so, I wholeheartedly agree.

Suffering gets you (and those around you) nothing but more suffering unless it is understood and worked through.

With this 'conscious suffering' it could even be intentionally brought about in one's life as a means to a deeper understanding of something. The phrase: "put yourself in their shoes" comes to mind.

Good read, thanks for the thread!

Read Seneca. I think you will enjoy it.

Happiness and Joy is so much sweeter after experiencing extreme sorrow.
I know from experience. I have experienced a lot of tragedy in my life and to the point I was beyond sorrow and could feel nothing at all, just shock and completely numb.
But I have experienced pure joy as well.

reply to post by kalunom


You are right on it. Being conscious through suffering can bring salvation and huge improvement in many aspects of life. Thanks for pointing that out I was to subtle about it in the OP.

reply to post by St0rD


The happiest people I know are the ones who have been through stuff and came out the other side smiling. If not smiling then being able to learn and grow until they get to the point of smiling again.

The other ones come out bitter, but then they were like that before they went into suffering too.

I agree completely.

So did Katherine Hepburn.

"Not everyone is lucky enough to understand how delicious it is to suffer."

There are absolute limits to what anyone should ever endure. I don't agree with this universe for the end doesnt justify using any methods to bully and torture souls so they can grow their light. That is the sickest and most pathetic system and ideology. Sorrow no go for me. And the makers of this universe, and its police force/jailors, need to grow up themselves. They have no rights or authority over any souls/spirits/consciouness/intellects anywhere in existence. If you Love, you help and counsel and nurture. If you use anything that is not love, your practicing demonology 101. There is only Love and there is NO COMPROMISES. You can't do whatever you want to get whatever outcome you want.

I also find a planet where people are expected to become really good, calm, giving, faithful, people in the midst of pain and suffering and great loss, to be sick in the head as well. Who really benefits from that kind of thing? The Good Family or God? Or some kind universal dicatorship of evil?

When relationships go bad, its best to look inside ourselves and ask for the shells to removed that block us from seeing our own lessons and faults. Though some things may be from the distant past, in another life even. But its usually a sign we're being selfish, instead of giving. And if instead we choose a dysfunctional spouse or partner, then we need to look at what needs healing or strengthening inside us. Because quite often, what was the most damaging and harsh experiences in childhood form a kind of projection into another person. Its called imago, and 80% of relationships are imago. This is your inner self trying to force a win from childhood, or complete themselves, but when its subconsciously reacting to childhood buttons without thought, one walks into fighting and disagreements and pain, not love and healing and recovering.

Its also best to love and send healing and if its dangerous or toxic to self, from a distance.

personally and generally yes, but a lot of times there is no reason, nothing for it to answer to but the happenstance of power to see it out. I just hope whatever suffers isn't innocent for their own sake. It's just a shame that's not the kind of world we live in.

I'll tell you the bare bones. I don't like looking back at memories filled with more pain than hope, I'll tell the whole story when I feel comfortable about it.

For as long as I can remember I've been taken advantage of, lied to, stabbed in the back and left for dead by most people I cared about. I trusted my friends once and that trust too was broken. The people I lost and the ones I loved that went missing, got stuck in my mind like ghosts that linger in my past. I used to see them on the street out of reach most of the time. But I think and I hope those were just hallucination's.

Those that pretended to love and care for me abandoned me a long time ago for their own selfish desire's. These things were what had shattered my mind and personality eventually the betrayal, the death's, the people I cared about that went missing or ran from everything all these problems just made me snap. I Lost all sense of direction, avoided liquor as much as I could though, but when you're this messed up in the head it dull's the pain.

I got over the losses, sorrow and hate eventually. I just moved on time after time just rebuilding myself. I guess throughout it all the pain and anger gave me something to set my sights on.

Two days ago, I would have Amen-ed the hell out of this sentiment. And I do still agree. But I need input on something...
Suppose I've gotten to that point of embracing, and I'm growing and filled with hope and purpose, when out of the blue something new blows in with a vengeance. Something that rocks my resolve. How do I assimilate it into the mix? I'm still in the throws of it. It stole my happy. It rattled my trust. When I really thought I was onto something. Please I sincerely want to believe again. Where is the path?

reply to post by kalunom


Conscious suffering sounds like dwelling on it, which causes (for me) continued suffering for me and those around me. Please explain what you mean. I really want to understand.

the happenstance of power to see it out

reply to post by Jarring


I like this phrase. It resonates with me. Write a book and name it this. Thank you.

reply to post by new_here


I was thinking of a quote when I wrote it..

Destiny by sinner sought..
Tragedy by power wrought..

reply to post by new_here

You have to find the good in everything. No matter how hard your situation might be, there is always a bright side. When you're struggling to find the bright side, pay attention to who's there to witness your suffering and the effect it has on them.

new_here
reply to post by kalunom

 

Conscious suffering sounds like dwelling on it, which causes (for me) continued suffering for me and those around me. Please explain what you mean. I really want to understand.

Yes, the language is not perfect in describing these things. With the phrase 'conscious suffering' I'm trying to convey a difference between "just" suffering (as was the OP, I believe). Sitting and dwelling on suffering, for me, implies inaction or just a replaying of negative events that have occurred or experiences had.

If a person can be 'conscious' of their suffering (aware of why they are suffering), they can DO something about it to change it - not just sit and dwell on it.

The average person (I do this as well), when confronted with some form of suffering or other, will just do their best to distract themselves from it in some way or other. Until the suffering becomes too much and the distractions no longer work. This leads to dwelling-on, continued suffering/depression...trying and trying to distract from it, replacing it with something else, etc. Everything but becoming conscious of it - facing it squarely and working through it.

The only way out is through.

Hope that wasn't just more confusing...