Relationships require space? Says who?

reply to post by nixie_nox

So you have been in a relationship with this guy for 7 months?

You can tout whatever experience you want, but sorry, a relationship as a teen doesn't count. You were with numero uno from 15 till now.

Doesn't count? Says who? You?

So anything I experience up until 21 doesn't count?

Am I not a human being until I reach a certain age?

So you basically went relationship hopping. Which means you can't handle being alone, which means you have major codependency issues.

No, my best friend and I were the reason for the split in the first place. And for the record, my ex ended it, not me. Not that its any of your business.

You are slobbering over the first guy who was nice to you and thinking he is the one.

You're sounding like a particularly disgusting human being.

No. I'm not.

guess what, everyone thinks that when they start a relationship. At the beginning of every relationship, everyone thinks that this is the one.

Really? Because I never felt like this in any previous relationship.

Everyone's not the same.

But I suppose if you say so, it must be so, huh.

Being best friends with someone in middle school, has no real bearing on real life. And being friends is nothing like being in a relationship with someone.

Total bs. It had a lot of impact on me to have a friend closer than family.

How does that not impact real life? Ridiculous.

You can call me whatever you want because you are angry that I am calling you on your crap because you come crawling in here going: I am in the most wonderful relationship! I don't know what everyone is saying about them!!

Nah, I'm a little angry that I'm being attacked for literally no reason. Feelings doesn't equate to "crap." Not to me, anyway. Its obviously very different to you, though. I broke down every little detail about why I feel the way I do, and I never claimed that all of life's troubles vanished from me when we got together. Its people like you who make me doubt this site, because all the props go to the first person to leech onto a thread and troll their loving asses off. I don't care how many stars you get, you're being a completely revolting human being right now, along with all the cowards giving you stars, who are too afraid to speak up themselves.

You really don't know how ridiculous you sound, like a little girl stamping her foot because we are not going: oh that is wonderful! you and prince charming are going to be together forever! I hope you release doves on your wedding day!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're pulling all that Disney-land wonder bs out of your head. A popular, level 1 psychology tactic when debating in an argument; Placing one's self on in imaginary pedestal in order to front like they're ahead of their opponent, like they're "above" them somehow. You sound like a little girl stamping her foot! I'm just calling you on your crap! You don't know what love is yet!

But the fact is those of us who do have experience know that you have no idea what you are doing, and to not lose yourself. But instead of pulling back and learning who you are, you think you know better and that everyone else is just tired and miserable.

I don't enjoy being alone. I grew up that way, and I don't need to go "finding myself" and detach from everyone around me in order to know who I am. I help the homeless, I draw, write, never partake in any arguments my loved ones get into (because I've made that mistake before, and I don't enjoy being roped into the drama), retaliate when I'm backed into a corner, and I lay my beliefs out there for people to see, or in some cases, ridicule. Beyond the basic stuff, I really don't care about "finding myself," because when the situations call for it, I find out who I am then and there.

People who act the way you are are tired and miserable.

I know quite a lot of them.

I hope I am wrong and that maybe you lucked out and found mr. right so easily, but methinks that since you immediately hopped out from an abusive relationship to another one and got engaged immediately, we all know you don't.

I hope you're wrong too.

And even if I turn out to be wrong, I'll figure it out later down the line.

But just keep convincing yourself that none of us know what we are talking about, and you go on with your bad self.

Will do.

Please don't have children for at least 10 years. You have to grow up yourself first before raising any.

Wow.

Cover that up, your personality is showing.

I'm not anywhere near ready to be a parent, but if I had a baby tomorrow, I think I'd be a lot better of a parent than a good deal of people I've seen. Not that I'm planning on that.

I truly hope you didn't intend to come across the way you did in your response to Nixie. It definitely reenforces my opinion that you are riding purely on emotion and not logic concerning your relationship.

BTW I am one of the cowards that gave her a star. And I did give my opinion. You lost any credibility you might have had in my eyes and and all the respect I used to have have you with that name calling.

I actually did respect you at one time.

calstorm
I truly hope you didn't intend to come across the way you did in your response to Nixie. It definitely reenforces my opinion that you are riding purely on emotion and not logic concerning your relationship.

BTW I am one of the cowards that gave her a star. And I did give my opinion. You lost any credibility you might have had in my eyes and and all the respect I used to have have you with that name calling.

I actually did respect you at one time.

You lost respect for me because I'm defending myself here?

Then I don't want your respect.

You didn't need space OP you wanted to break it off. When a female says "I need space" it means "There's someone else" or "I want to be with someone else". In the case of "It's not you it's me" it means "There's someone else". It's not real hard to translate these sayings. Even if you didn't know it at the time, you were with someone you didn't plan on staying with. Him being overbearing was his way of keeping you from finding someone else. You should have broke it off and then went and found someone else.

There is no need for these sayings. I am so glad I am not in the dating scene. So much drama and tension. All it does is age you. Relationships are not healthy or unhealthy. They are what people make of them. Being healthy is a misconception. You just didn't like the guy so you were not happy. I have had far more experience then I care to admit. The ones where someone is not satisfied with the person end up being the ones that argue all the time. The ones that have chemistry are the ones where you never argue.

One of my past relationships we went for 4 years without so much as a disagreement. Once someone else entered the picture it exploded into non stop arguing and I didn't know about the other person. That's just how it works. I have seen those around me do the same thing. If it's not another person then one person isn't satisfied at the level they are at. They want to upgrade. Remember that when you upgrade that person might be thinking they downgraded and they could be on a continual hunt to replace you. Human psychology when it comes to love / relationships is not very complex.

XxNightAngelusxX

calstorm
I truly hope you didn't intend to come across the way you did in your response to Nixie. It definitely reenforces my opinion that you are riding purely on emotion and not logic concerning your relationship.

BTW I am one of the cowards that gave her a star. And I did give my opinion. You lost any credibility you might have had in my eyes and and all the respect I used to have have you with that name calling.

I actually did respect you at one time.

You lost respect for me because I'm defending myself here?

Then I don't want your respect.

Not because you were defending your self, but because of the name calling.

I don't care how many stars you get, you're being a completely revolting human being right now, along with all the cowards giving you stars, who are too afraid to speak up themselves.

That right there. That isn't defending yourself.

That right there. That isn't defending yourself.

I was just stating what I was observing of the person.

I don't appreciate being talked down to.

calstorm

XxNightAngelusxX

calstorm
I truly hope you didn't intend to come across the way you did in your response to Nixie. It definitely reenforces my opinion that you are riding purely on emotion and not logic concerning your relationship.

BTW I am one of the cowards that gave her a star. And I did give my opinion. You lost any credibility you might have had in my eyes and and all the respect I used to have have you with that name calling.

I actually did respect you at one time.

You lost respect for me because I'm defending myself here?

Then I don't want your respect.

Not because you were defending your self, but because of the name calling.

I don't care how many stars you get, you're being a completely revolting human being right now, along with all the cowards giving you stars, who are too afraid to speak up themselves.

That right there. That isn't defending yourself.

edit on 6-2-2014 by calstorm because: (no reason given)

Thank you Cal, but I think my 8 year old son has more maturity and sense than this chick.

I am actually feeling sorry for the boyfriend. I wonder if she throws him a tantrum whenever she doesn't get her way?

I suck at quotes.

nixie_nox

calstorm

XxNightAngelusxX

calstorm
I truly hope you didn't intend to come across the way you did in your response to Nixie. It definitely reenforces my opinion that you are riding purely on emotion and not logic concerning your relationship.

BTW I am one of the cowards that gave her a star. And I did give my opinion. You lost any credibility you might have had in my eyes and and all the respect I used to have have you with that name calling.

I actually did respect you at one time.

You lost respect for me because I'm defending myself here?

Then I don't want your respect.

Not because you were defending your self, but because of the name calling.

I don't care how many stars you get, you're being a completely revolting human being right now, along with all the cowards giving you stars, who are too afraid to speak up themselves.

That right there. That isn't defending yourself.

edit on 6-2-2014 by calstorm because: (no reason given)

Thank you Cal, but I think my 8 year old son has more maturity and sense than this chick.

I am actually feeling sorry for the boyfriend. I wonder if she throws him a tantrum whenever she doesn't get her way?

Quite the contrary, not that you'd believe me, and not that I give a damn.

And while you're making low blows like that, I'll take the opportunity to say I feel equally sorry for your son. But at least this anonymous forum thread made you feel large, that's what matters.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


I've had some time to think more about this and you seem to me like my brothers girlfriend.

She has him so wrapped around her fingers he will do anything she says. He is convinced it is the perfect relationship too. She gets waited on hand and foot, never have seen her do one thing for him. He isn't who he used to be.


I'd be interested to hear what kind of relationships this friend of yours was in prior to you. I'm guessing you want to spend all your time with him, so he goes along with it just to make you happy. You say you want something, he jumps.

WOW what a bunch of unhappy cynics we have here

To the OP, I think we may be extremely similar in many ways, , I'm just a bit older than yourself ( maybe 15 yrs) .im an introvert through and through. I don't like the socialising scene but even more I don't like the thought of being alone, not physically alone , but emotionally alone, if that makes sense. As an introvert I love quiet time.
I met my husband on the night that my first BF ditched me. I was 17. When I first saw him I got the 'slow motion ,glowing lights, this is the one impression' immediately needless to say I was still heartbroken from the previous douche so the relationship started off slow,we were just great friends at first with lots of kissing he then left to travel the world. We didn't mKe promises to wait for each other but kept in touch all the same. He came home early to surprise me and we have been joined at the hips ever since. Apart from the obvious times of being at work and the very rare occasion he took up a sport we have been together. I think we have spent two separate occasions of 2 weeks apart when one or the other had to attend family funerals.
I fell pregnant at 18, oh boy that is when the real opinions started to fly , about the huge mistake, I've ruined my life, these types of relationships just don't work.. WRONG . I had another child at 21, we have been married 15 years in July , still LOVE him with my whole being, the thought of him not being here kills me. Still choose to spend time with him over almost anyone else , even if we are just at home doing nothing. Sure he likes to escape to fish, I got bored of feeding the fishies so he mostly goes alone now, he always asks if we wanna tag along though, so I know he isn't wanting to be alone necessarily . On occasion I do a happy dance in my head because I get to catch up on tv series he hates ;0) I would prefer it more if he watched with me but hey I can't stand to watch all the sports

A real true loving relationship is NOT hard, does NOT need to be worked at and does not need time apart in order for it to work.


Sorry it's a bit of a rambling mess, I just wanted to point out that there every possibility you are in the perfect relationship , perhaps that annoys people who aren't? I can't understand why some here would want to burst your bubble for no reason and quite frankly should be ashamed of themselves . How people can make such assumptions is beyond me, I'll be the first to admit that the majority of society makes no sense to me though hence the reason I try to stay out of it as much as possible.

So please ignore the pessimists, although they have a point which may or may not apply to you specifically because they have no idea who you are , nothing refers to EVERYONE, there's always an exception to the rule and there is nothing to say you guys are not the exception.
Enjoy this glorious relationship, congratulations on finding him so soon, long may it last!
X

15 years ago I was saying the same thing as the OP, I wanted to be with him at every possible opportunity . People were saying the same things as seen here. Even to the point of my god be careful don't fall pregnant ! So although it won't get to the nay Sayers of my day I will still put it out there on the OPs behalf to apply to those nay Sayers here.

He WAS THE ONE! Our lives have been practically perfect , we spent the majority of our time TOGETHER and we STILL do.
You were all WRONG, so neh f*ing neh neh

secret titan
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

I've had some time to think more about this and you seem to me like my brothers girlfriend.

She has him so wrapped around her fingers he will do anything she says. He is convinced it is the perfect relationship too. She gets waited on hand and foot, never have seen her do one thing for him. He isn't who he used to be.


I'd be interested to hear what kind of relationships this friend of yours was in prior to you. I'm guessing you want to spend all your time with him, so he goes along with it just to make you happy. You say you want something, he jumps.

Lol

Jesus, you have it so backwards its damn befoggling...

Well... seeing as how I am the only one keeping our home clean, I spent every cent of my money on him on Christmas, and I cook every single meal he eats, then I guess you're right. He's my slave.

I swear, man... the ignorant assumptions made on this site never get old.

And while they're extremely annoying, they're also quite humorous sometimes.

Like... WOW.

reply to post by LoopyLou


That's amazing!

You have an incredibly inspiring story...

No joke, I LOVED reading that rambling. It was wonderful.

I'm incredibly happy for you!

chiefsmom

If you love someone enough, you never want to give them space, especially not when they're upset about something. That is the time to act, to tell them what they need to hear, to show them how much they're loved, and hug them through it.

Talk to me when you've been together for 19 years.
I love my husband. I believe he is my soul mate. He still gets me excited when he takes his shirt off.

But when he comes home, and says "Honey, I'm going up snowmobiling at the cabin, do you want to go?"

I do a little dance in my head. I get a quiet weekend, at home alone, watching all the sappy movies I want. Doing whatever I want. Even letting the dogs sleep in bed with me.
And I never leave the house all weekend!!!

So, No offense OP, I get it. In the beginning I felt that way too.
But Heck yeah! I like my space.

I almost stood up in my living room to applaud this. In March, my husband and I will have been married for 17 years. I am a firm believer that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

He and his father take a week long fishing trip once a year together. They were doing this long before we met and married. When we were fist married I didn't want him to go and leave me alone though I let him go anyway without a fuss. These many years later....... I make some "ME PLANS" every year while he is gone. I can't wait for him to leave (not as bad as it sounds) and after about 3 days, I really start missing him.

It gives us time alone, and always ends up with us showing more appreciation for each other when he returns.

Having separate interests and spending some time apart is a good thing IMO. Obviously not everyone feels the same.

Love like anything can be used for good and evil. The good side of 'space' is everyone needs it to manifest something, anything, and it's there for everyone, a gift of life.

The evil version is people handing out space to others and others having to compete over space or to get it acknowledged by others all for a price. Which makes it more valuable and can strengthen bonds but well does this make sense to you the reader because then you are on the evil side of life.

And the good side of life might appear to work but because it's all dependent one needs evil around in order for it to work, to understand space is a given to any lifeform and only when those two are in balance and you are still there to experience it in good health, that's because of life and love, without one wouldn't be able to know what one has got. Like 'you don't know what you've got until it's gone' but without it having to be gone to realize what space is in this case.