Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

reply to post by stormcell

One problem in the USA, that Conservatives know about, is that if you start giving out "Free Stuff" in one city or suburb, that ends up attracting people from all across the country, state or city. What money you do allocate to help your local poor, then has to be shared between a greater number of people.

And is paid for by - the working, not the corporations! - our own tax dollars are paying for the "Free Stuff" (hint, it isn't free - taxpayers are paying for it).

It's like when I worked for a 501c3 (Non-Profit agency that was partially funded by the United Way). There was a campaign asking for us to CONTRIBUTE TO UNITED WAY - which meant effectively paying our own salaries. I didn't contribute, on those grounds.

reply to post by Xtrozero


Get out of whatever city you're in.

D/FW here, and half or better will hold the door open for you. Greater than 80% will give their seat up for a woman, and almost everyone for an elderly woman.

I say please, thank you, yes ma'am, yes sir, but that is dwindling. Maybe 1/4 of the people say that at all times. You go out to the country and are the exception to not use that language.

I was just reading some sciency stuff on empathy, sparked by this thread... because there's obviously neurological basis for empathy. We wired for it, lack of it seems to be because of a disorder or brain lesion/injury. Anyway I came across this online magazine from University of California, Berkeley and I thought some people might be interested in it. It's science but in lay terms and puts things into applicable perspective, imo anyway.

Greater Good

Here's a little blurb on defining empathy:

The term “empathy” is used to describe a wide range of experiences. Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.
Contemporary researchers often differentiate between two types of empathy: “Affective empathy” refers to the sensations and feelings we get in response to others’ emotions; this can include mirroring what that person is feeling, or just feeling stressed when we detect another’s fear or anxiety. “Cognitive empathy,” sometimes called “perspective taking,” refers to our ability to identify and understand other peoples’ emotions. Studies suggest that people with autism spectrum disorders have a hard time empathizing.
Empathy seems to have deep roots in our brains and bodies, and in our evolutionary history. Elementary forms of empathy have been observed in our primate relatives, in dogs, and even in rats. Empathy has been associated with two different pathways in the brain, and scientists have speculated that some aspects of empathy can be traced to mirror neurons, cells in the brain that fire when we observe someone else perform an action in much the same way that they would fire if we performed that action ourselves. Research has also uncovered evidence of a genetic basis to empathy, though studies suggest that people can enhance (or restrict) their natural empathic abilities.
Having empathy doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll want to help someone in need, though it’s often a vital first step toward compassionate action.

Link

reply to post by Kali74


Thanks, Kali! Did you notice that your blurb you posted is from the same website as the OP article?



eta: Cool! I love those "tests". Fascinating.
I'ma go take some of them now.

reply to post by wildtimes


Nope, caffeine deficient atm! LOL
Silly Kali.

reply to post by Kali74


Hey Kali74,
Thank you...I'm off to read your link!
This topic seems to be a nature/nurture issue at times...I think both have an impact.

I would like to ask the participating members in this thread a question.
Are any of you partnered with another empath? (I'm not, and never have been...)
Even though my current partner also has back injuries (and pain), similar to myself...I find these past few days that while I am hunched over, unable to stand up straight, and basically writhing in pain...his attitude is more along the lines of stressed out, put out and completely UNAWARE to the point that I actually said, "Just be nice to me."
*sigh*
jacygirl

reply to post by Kali74


Wait, did I just hallucinate, or did you have a link to questionnaires up there for a moment that you added on as an edit?

cultureofempathy.com...

reply to post by wildtimes


I did but it wasn't quite what I was looking for. Just found what I was looking for here, it's an empathy quotient test. I thought it might be fun/informative.

...and doesn't seem to be working, getting a server error when I click to get score.

reply to post by Kali74


I just took the empathy quotient test, hit the 'Results' button...and got a page saying, "Execute Non Query requires an open and available connection. The connection's current state is closed".
?????
jacygirl

reply to post by wildtimes

Can you please show me where I did that?

Nope, it isn't. An empathic person feels the "vibes" regardless of the character of the person with whom one is interacting.

I can't help myself - psycho or martyr, child or adult, peasant or lord, I can't keep myself from "responding empathically."

You should try it.

I was wondering about that too - wildtimes - though I have no doubt you thought you were being playful. As you've mentioned here and there, it's much more difficult to pick up on someone's 'vibe' in print

It happens to me all the time - I so often go for the playful jab and don't realize that playful jabs don't always read well here at ATS :-)

If you knew me in real life - you would always assume I'm kidding. But it's not really possible to know someone that way here. You can't hear their voice or see their eyes - you really have to go by what they've written. And that requires a certain amount of self restraint - discipline

I think it's interesting that this discussion keeps skirting - or avoiding - any obvious attempt to really examine what we're talking about here. It's all very touchy feely, which is what you would pretty much expect in a thread about empathy :-)

I hear so many people in this thread talk about their skills at empathy as if they're a super power - and golden as compared to more logical, rational or fact based thinking

So, I have a question - do you feel that our gift of empathy is infallible?

Earlier on I mentioned that it takes a village...I didn't actually use those words, because - well - c'mon. A thread can really only float so much inanity :-)

But - it's true. And in order for that village to function there needs to be a certain amount of balance. Empathy is an incredible tool, and it might well be the lion's share of what goes in to making us human. But - we are also creatures that depend on reason

There are times when being empathetic is a hindrance - or worse. I'll cop to that even if nobody else will - bad decisions are often made because of the way we feel

There are people who are better at certain things than the empaths - and we need those people

I read this a while back - no doubt there's a thread here at ATS - if there isn't there should be - fascinating:
The neuroscientist who discovered he was a psychopath
Psychology may not be an exact science - but it it asks such interesting questions - and gives us some pretty interesting theories as well:
Unconscious Reactions Separate Liberals and Conservatives
And then just the other day I found this - so relevant for those of us here at ATS :-)
Psychologists: Getting Liberals to Agree Really Is Like Herding Cats
There's so much more out there - I could do this all day :-)

So, what I'm wondering is - is empathy discriminatory? Do we not often pre-judge and then decide to which individuals or groups we're willing to dedicate our precious raw emotions - our sympathy - our empathy? I know what Buddha would say. I know what Jesus would say. I know what Gandhi, Dr. King, Papa Francis, Pete Seeger...well, you get where I'm going

Empathy isn't really empathy if it picks and chooses. It's the ability to understand what another is experiencing - to feel what they feel. Sometimes in order to do that you have to listen to what they're saying

Do our raw emotions always have a positive result? Does emotion always translate into real world solutions?

We all think we're empathetic - and we are. If some come off a little colder or more distant - that doesn't mean they don't feel - and feel very deeply. Being able to interpret, express and share those feelings is another thing entirely

Not being able to do it to others satisfaction can be a real handicap

reply to post by Kali74


Oh, MAN!! I just took it (the one you linked separately - excellent questions - but the "get score" function was a 'server error')
Boo!!

reply to post by Kali74


I got 15/20.

Your score means you're better than the average at reading expressions.

reply to post by wildtimes


Take it again

reply to post by wildtimes


Sucks cuz that's like the test. I'll leave it up there, hopefully the site will right itself soon.

ETA: Thanks Stormdancer.

reply to post by Spiramirabilis


All good questions.

If you knew me in real life - you would always assume I'm kidding.

My mom always said there was a grain of truth to things said in jest.

But I'll let you guys talk and I'll just pay close attention.

reply to post by Spiramirabilis


Wow, fantastic post. It really is interesting what we're skirting around here and there, whether we're meaning to or not. Ha!

reply to post by Spiramirabilis


Spira, thanks for the thoughtful, informative post.
I'm going to respond to it in sections, if you don't mind.

First of all, Aphorism has a history of interacting with me that you may not be aware of - I see through it, and that was my playful (subtle) way of paying him back. I'm aware of it, and I was prodding him when I suggested he should "try it". As I said in another post later, I'm not fooled by snide/subtle insults -and am capable of dishing them out as well as interpreting them for what they are. Others might not get it, but there's a certain "tone" that is both deceptive and condescending.

My impression of him is that he thinks he's superior and smarter than everyone else, and also is a materialist and pooh-poohs ideas of emotionality and paranormal and psychology as "pseudo-science" and "stupid." You're free to look back and see our exchanges if you like. If I'm mistaken about him, it's not my fault - it's his, as I've given him ample opportunity to straighten it out - but instead he chooses subtle double-speak "digs" rather than actual dialogue. Not the first time I've been round that block.

"Smartass" comes to mind - and I know how to be one when I choose.
(Touche, as they say) He knows what I meant, and I know he knows it.

Next:

There are times when being empathetic is a hindrance - or worse. I'll cop to that even if nobody else will - bad decisions are often made because of what way we feel

There are people who are better at certain things than the empaths - and we need those people

MOST of the people on this thread have acknowledged that it is sometimes a hindrance and causes us to make wrong choices.

I myself agreed with Advantage that we need both kinds of people -

Last night I was watching a show and an empath was described as someone with the ability to communicate with the dead.

reply to post by Stormdancer777


Thank you Stormdancer

:-)

I do more reading than talking myself - I love this place - and I've grown very fond of our community here

I've learned a lot from everybody - and I mean - everybody

Even when we don't see eye to eye

reply to post by Spiramirabilis

I hear so many people in this thread talk about their skills at empathy as if they're a super power - and golden as compared to more logical, rational or fact based thinking

Well, it is like a "super power" and as with all "super powers" they can be used for good or for evil.
Hence my use of the tv show Leverage as an example of empathic bad-guys turned good-guys who now use those "super powers" to trick real bad-guys - by being "better at their game" than the bad-guys are themselves.

So, I have a question - do you feel that our gift of empathy is infallible?

Infallible?

I don't know. Depends on how you use the word. Do I think I sometimes "misread" direct gestures and comments? Very rarely, and if I do - I expect the 'actor' to clear it up for me (you'll notice Aphorism hasn't bothered to answer my allegations if you look at our other exchanges. Speaks volumes.)

Do I sometimes get OVER-sensitive? Yes. I am aware of that. But I am put on my guard when it happens initially with someone, and I will ask them what they mean. If they can explain how they were being "playful", fine. If they can't - or WON'T - I stick with my initial impression.

Do I sometimes get fooled by psychos and socios who take advantage of me? You bet. It seems most everyone on here who claims they have this "super-power" (curse or blessing - it is what it is, and it's what we have to work with) has said they've been taken out to dry by people.

Yes, a balance helps. As I've said - my husband is a logic and rational guy - and he has helped me avoid some pain and likely suffering/consequences for being too 'empathic.'

I could give plenty of examples, but I think I've answered your questions.

In summary: Empaths are here among us - whether they use that 'trait' for good or evil is the question. Many use it for good - and so we are able to spot the wolves AND the sheep. We are capable of recognizing (and choosing to be) BOTH - if we wanted to. The difference between us 'bleeding heart sensitive emotional types' and 'narcissistic psycho/sociopaths' is that we CARE how the other is feeling. They don't.

This 'super-power' makes both uncomfortable: rational/logical people, and sociopathic people. As Advantage quipped: it freaks them out.